Parenting in the Trenches with Karen Peters

Dear parents,

I'm not going to say much about today's episode other than to say I am here to learn and to facilitate a conversation that is meant to be transformative in your perspectives on what it means to parent or support Autistic children and youth. Today's guest will blow your mind. Trust me. Nuff said. Just join us and spread the word in the neurodivergent community.

Let's do this! Together.

Karen

P.S. We are continuing to offer the 10 Strategies for Co-Regulation online intensive webinar for 20% off until the end of 2021. If you are finding this series on neurodiverse families meaningful, and are struggling with supporting regulation for your child, register for the webinar here using coupon code COREG2021.

Please follow Kristy and the amazing work she's doing to support neurodivergent families. You can find her on Facebook, or on IG @_kristyforbes, or on her inTune Pathways site.

Sometimes I just want to crawl inside my kid's ADHD brain and wade through all the things going on in there. To my neurotypical brain, hers seems very busy, chaotic, chronically hungry, and sort of like a 24/7 fireworks show. Like other parents of neuro-diverse kids, we work overtime to keep up with them, to stay ahead of the curve, to keep them safe, to figure out what motivates them and what helps them navigate a world built to suit neurotypical ones. The journey (thus far) has been full of extreme highs and lows for both of us. She has taught me over the years to appreciate the gifts that come with having ADHD and to constantly stay curious about what's going to work and what won't.

After months of discussing with her what parts of her story she wanted to share and why, we landed at today's conversation where I ask her questions that lead the rest of us a little bit closer to being able to crawl inside that spectacular and complex ADHD brain. I'm beyond proud of her for how carefully she thought her intentions for participating and for all the learning she's done in her 10.5 years.

What we don't talk about today, is how much of her lived out ADHDness has affected us as parents - that's an interview for another day. What I can share here for context, with her permission, is that you might find what she shares to feel not that difficult, but where we've come from has not been easy. ADHD in her earlier, undiagnosed years, looked more like daily 4 hour full-on dysregulated meltdowns, attempting to jump out of moving vehicles when she was 2, bystanders calling security about the toddler in the swimming pool changeroom, and a epically long sleep disorder with night terrors to boot. She rarely responded to soothing attempts, was predictably unpredictable, and too fast and risky to stay ahead of. She made our hearts race on the regular. And we love her just as passionately as we struggled to find effective ways to parent her.  In the struggle, it can be hard to feel like we're effective and that we're on the same team as our kids. I'm grateful to be on a leg of the journey now where I can see there was no easier way to get to where we're at and I'm so proud of her.

If you're a parent whose child has those intense meltdowns where their emotions have literally hijacked their thinking brains, you aren't alone and there are some practical things you can do to help them regulate and get their (and your) feet back on the ground. I've compiled them in this 45 min webinar so you don't have to do weeks of research to figure out what works. AND....during our series on Neurodiverse Families, you can access this webinar here at 20% off with this Coupon Code: COREG2021

My daughter and I wish you and your kids strong connection building and ways of navigating the bumps and bruises together,
Karen

Letter from the Trenches

Dear parents & grandparents,

Some of the more "regular" relationships in our lives get overlooked, under-appreciated or just not reflected upon out loud. I don't know about you, but when a child offers their heartfelt impressions about their relationships with parents, sibs or grandparents, it melts me instantly. 

As with all relationships, there are healthy parts and unhealthy ones, conflicted ones and absent ones. Those can bring about real hurt and tender aching, longing for something more. Today we're honouring the parts that work - those dynamics between grandkids and grandparents that are nurturing, present and meaningful. The ones that bring smiles, good memories and form traditions. I hope it brings light to what is and what can be. Enjoy!

Karen

Dear Parents,
Holy noodles, you ask some great questions! I'm so grateful to all the listeners out there who sent in their mental health and family life related questions. Today we get into the struggles surrounding emotional dysregulation, family dynamics and rejection sensitivity. It's been fun to reflect on these and share some of my thoughts. If you missed part 1, you can go back and catch {S7.E1}, and today we tackle part 2.

I've built some tools for your toolkit that apply to some of the questions submitted, so if you think those might be helpful for you, you can find them HERE. Check them out and pass them along!

If the topics I cover inspire you to throw yours in the mix, it's not too late. I love hearing from parents and carer of kids about questions they want covered in the podcast. You can email me at [email protected] or shoot me a PM on SM @karen peters, rcc.

Hope you're having a great week!
Karen

Hey parents,
So I was planning to take the summer months off in terms of podcast episodes, but then got a little carried away with topics I wanted to cover. I quickly filled up most of the summer weeks but had 2 vacant ones and thought, wouldn't it be great to get YOU to tell me what I should cover? And "ask me anything" was born. So....today is part 1 of 2 and I'm going to speak to the questions parents have thrown my way over the past 2 months - spoiler alert - there are some amazingly crafted questions from listeners you don't wanna miss. I ended up with so many good ones that I need both this and next episode to cover them all. Have a listen and don't forget to come back for part 2 next week.

Here are some resources I think would help you out further if the question topics covered today resonate:

If you are blending your family, check out Rules & Boundaries in your Blended Family and Bond with your Stepchild.

If you are adoptive or waiting parents, and you want some help along your journey, check out Adoption: What to do while you wait, an online course for couples, or related blog articles in our resource library. Also, stay tuned for adoption related episodes in Parenting in the Trenches coming out this fall!

In the mud with you,
Karen

Dear parents,

When children and youth grieve, they can express loss in ways that aren't always so clear to adults, making it challenging to know how to identify when they are processing loss and how to support them through it. Elsje Hannah is an experienced grief and loss therapist who has joined us today to offer some insight into what our kids might be experiencing after a significant loss.

It's so hard to watch our babies hurt, no matter what age they are. If you have a child who has lost a loved one, a pet, or has walked through a significant life loss such as divorce, a change in communities or schools, or anything else that meant the world to them, we see you and want to offer some support. I hope you find our conversation helpful.

For further resources, you can check out the Canadian Virtual Hospice or read more about Elsje's counselling and retreat services in Salt Spring, Cloverdale and Fort Langley, BC here.

If you haven't already subscribed to the podcast page, I'd encourage you to do so - it will allow me to send along relevant resources connected to our discussions in the episodes. In particular, this episode's resources include a pdf list of grief related books recommended by our guest. You won't want to miss out on these valuable, vetted tools. Subscribe here.

Dear Parents,
Words for when you've lost your baby? Your tiny one or your grown one? There are none, so you won't find me trying to offer you any. What we can do, is witness your pain, your own meaning-making and your journey through unimaginable grief. My heart is with you, wherever you're at in this moment and regardless of how many years or anniversaries have passed. 

Today's conversation is happening with a therapist who specializes in grief and loss processing, who understands trauma and who has walked in the trenches of having lost her own child. Join us today in the quiet spaces of honoring loss & love, grappling with the heartache and finding our own anchors for growing life around the devastating holes left behind.

Beside you,
Karen

Dear Parents who have lost or are losing their own parents,

I've been there and am still there. I want you to have permission to grieve the way you need to, and to have a safe witness to your pain, your memories, your love and every single emotion that flows through you in the wake of your loss. 

The conversation between Jill and I meant so much to me - I value her approach so much and the tender but real work she does with clients who have experienced trauma and loss. She's gold and if you have a listen today, I believe you'll find her that way too. If you missed last week's episode, consider adding that to your listen-list because we talk about some foundational ideas connected to everyday losses and the grieving that comes with it. 

May you feel understood and valued. May you feel your own permission to grieve come through.

In this together,
Karen

Dear Parents, and in this case, all fellow humans,

This trench applies to us all. With life, comes loss. And while that can be tough to face or accept, life losses demand things of us. They demand that we feel a reaction to them, that we stretch ourselves to find meaning in them, and learn to adapt or grow around them in ways we hadn't anticipated needing to grow. Today Jill and I talk about the layers of grief, the mess of the process, the ways of witnessing and how to support one another well. I truly hope you'll join us because it's a lived experience we've all had, and for many of us, we've experienced more life losses in this past year, requiring us to pivot and face unexpected change.

Jillian Hart is a therapist at ThriveLife Counselling & Wellness. She also is the co-founder and supervisor for Soul Matters Counselling, a not-for-profit agency offering reduced-cost counselling to remove barriers to accessing support for better mental health.

Jill shared this list of books for further reading and support through our grief. The last three are great for both kids and adults alike:
A Grief Observed- C. S. Lewis

Tear Soup - Pat Schiebert & Chuck DeKlyen

Grief is Like a Snowflake - Julia Cook

The Invisible String - Patrice Karst 

Sit with us and let's witness one another's grief in the face of loss,
Karen

Letter from the Trenches

Dear Parents,

HOLY CONVERSATION, BATMAN! Michelle's got the goods on what it truly looks like to raise a family with the village mentality. I really hope you'll join us for this beautiful window into community care - its ups and downs, its challenges and strengths. How does one even create this in a culture that is so individualistic and self-dependent? Is it all worth the effort?

I'm not even going to attempt to summarize this - just click 'play' and you'll see why. All I can say is it'll be well worth your time.

Coffee in hand, pen to paper, soaking it all in with you,

Karen