In this episode, Kristy dives into one of the most frequently asked questions: What is the difference between demand avoidance and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)? Through personal reflections and insights, Kristy highlights how PDA is far more than demand avoidance and explores the intersection of trauma, agency, and varying forms of associated neurodivergence.

Key Points Covered

The Nature of PDA

Demand Avoidance vs. PDA

The Role of Trauma

The Impact of Autonomy and Agency

Personal Experiences

  Key Takeaways

  Who Is This Episode For?

This episode is ideal for:

  Connect with Us:
- Website: ⁠www.kristyforbes.com.au⁠
- Instagram: ⁠instagram.com/_kristyforbes⁠
- Facebook: ⁠facebook.com/intunepathways⁠

In this episode, we tackle a topic that resonates deeply with many families: recognizing the difference between dysfunction and signs of recovery when transitioning children out of the school system, especially those with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) or those experiencing burnout.
We explore the stages of recovery and why what might seem like problematic behaviors—such as changes in sleep patterns, resistance to routine, or shifts in eating habits—can actually be part of a natural healing process.

Key Points Covered:
- The expectations we often hold when bringing children home from a high-stress school environment, and why those expectations may not match the reality of recovery.
- How the brain and body respond to prolonged stress, and why the shift out of survival mode may look like exhaustion, disrupted sleep, or changes in behavior.
- The role of neurobiology in the recovery process: why children may stay awake at night and sleep during the day, refuse basic tasks like brushing their teeth, or experience shifts in food intake.
- The wisdom of the body and brain in recovery—how survival instincts help children find safety in unexpected ways.
- Shifting our perspective from seeing these behaviors as dysfunctional to understanding them as steps in the healing process.
  
We also discuss how family members can hold space for children during these critical phases of recovery, understanding that their needs are being met in ways that may not align with societal expectations but are vital for their healing.

Key Takeaways:
- Recovery from school-related trauma is a process, and the behaviors that may seem dysfunctional could actually be signs of deep healing.
- The neurobiological response to chronic stress can lead to sleep and eating disruptions, as well as resistance to demands—this is part of the body’s way of recovering from trauma.
- It’s crucial for families to trust the recovery process and provide a safe, supportive environment where children can heal in their own time.

Who Is This Episode For?:
This episode is for parents, caregivers, and educators working with children who are recovering from school-related trauma or who have a PDA profile. It provides insights into understanding what recovery looks like and how to support children through it without pathologizing natural healing responses.

Connect with Us:
- Website: ⁠www.kristyforbes.com.au⁠
- Instagram: ⁠instagram.com/_kristyforbes⁠
- Facebook: ⁠facebook.com/intunepathways⁠

Thank You:
A special thanks to our listeners for engaging with these important discussions. Your experiences and stories continue to inspire and guide us. And to my lovely friend, Alli Davies of Music and the Brain, for sitting alongside me as I infodumped about this topic, close to my heart.

In this episode, we dive deep into the impact of school trauma on children, particularly those with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile. This episode answers a key question: what are the next steps in the healing journey, when living a low-demand, school-free life?

Join us as we unpack the concept of trauma, how it manifests in children, and why post-traumatic stress is a rational and orderly response to distress. We challenge the idea of pathologizing children's trauma responses and emphasize the importance of providing long-term, consistent trust, safety, and space.

Key points covered include:

-The origins of trauma in children, even before school begins.

-How society's demands for productivity and compliance create barriers for PDA children.

-The importance of holding space for children during recovery, honouring their individual needs, and understanding what low demand or no demand looks like for each family.

-Why recovery from trauma can take as long or longer than the time spent in survival mode.

-The impact of hypervigilance on PDA children during recovery and the importance of creating an environment that supports rest and connection.

The episode also touches on the importance of parallel living, finding connection through simple activities like screen time, and how parents must prioritize their own healing as an essential part of supporting their children.

Key Takeaways:

-Trauma can begin long before school starts, rooted in the expectations society places on children and families.

-Post-traumatic stress is a logical response to trauma, not a disorder, but a way the body and mind protect themselves.

-Recovery from trauma is a delicate, long-term process that requires individualized approaches.

-Families need to prioritize their own healing in order to help their children heal.

-Connection can look different in neurodivergent families and might involve non-traditional forms of bonding, such as parallel living.

Who is this episode for? 

This episode is for parents, caregivers, and professionals working with neurodivergent children, particularly those dealing with school-related trauma. It provides insights into the realities of trauma recovery, low-demand living, and how to navigate the complex needs of children with PDA.

Connect with Us:

Website: www.kristyforbes.com.au

Instagram: _kristyforbes

Facebook: intunepathways

Thank You:

A special thank you to our community member who generously shared their story and question about supporting their child through PTSD recovery. Your experience will resonate with many families on a similar journey. You are a phenomenal parent doing all the right things.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode (is there another way?!), Kristy shares her journey of navigating life with a PDA autistic profile and the profound impact of trauma and shame on her parenting.

We delve into the struggles of growing up without safety, the intergenerational trauma that shapes our lives, and the intense pressure of societal expectations. Through candid storytelling, Kristy reveals how she projected her unresolved trauma onto her children, perpetuating a cycle of shame and self-loathing. She discusses the transformative moment in her intensive therapy program for treatment-resistant PTSD, where she learned the crucial distinction between guilt and shame.

Join Kristy as she explores the path to liberation, self-acceptance, and the importance of modeling self-love and respect to our children. This episode is a testament to the resilience of the PDA spirit, though we are often told we are not resilient enough.. and the power of breaking free from the violent bricks of shame to become who we were always meant to be.

Key Topics:

- Living with a PDA autistic profile

- The impact of trauma and lack of safety in childhood

- Intergenerational trauma and its effects on parenting

- The difference between guilt and shame

- The journey to self-liberation and acceptance

- The importance of modeling self-love and respect to children

Resources Mentioned:

inTune Access Support: Family Collective http://www.kristyforbes.com.au/itas

Connect with Kristy:

Website: www.kristyforbes.com.au

Facebook: facebook.com/intunepathways

Instagram: instagram.com/_kristyforbes

In this episode, we explore the question posed by a popular Canadian physician: "Not why the addiction, but why the pain?" We'll unravel binary perspectives of behaviour and relationships with food, drugs, and interpersonal connections. Kristy shares personal insights on how neurodivergent individuals use various resources—both internally and externally—to navigate a world that isn't always accommodating. This episode challenges conventional views on addiction, trauma, and societal expectations, advocating for a more compassionate understanding of neurodivergent experiences.

Join us as we journey through the themes of radical acceptance, self-discovery, and the pursuit of being enough just as we are.

In this insightful episode, Kristy explores the complex interactions between declarative language and the nervous system in individuals with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). She delves into the often misunderstood dynamics of communication strategies and their unintended impacts on anxiety and trust.

The discussion begins by addressing the intuitive intelligence of children with PDA, who may perceive declarative language as a mere strategy, thus heightening their anxiety and resistance. Kristy emphasizes the importance of building trust and genuine connections rather than relying on direct or scripted communication, which can come across as inauthentic and exacerbate hypervigilance.

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the real-life implications of using declarative language, such as managing daily routines like nasal spray usage for hay fever. Kristy highlights how even well-intentioned suggestions can trigger defensive reactions, underscoring the need for transparency and honesty in interactions.

Moreover, Kristy thoughtfully examines the broader societal pressures that influence parental behaviour and the pursuit of "correct" methods. She encourages a shift towards more authentic, relationship-focused approaches that prioritize long-term trust over immediate compliance.

Listeners are left with a powerful message about the value of acknowledging efforts, both of themselves and their children, in navigating the delicate balance of support and independence. This episode not only provides practical advice but also offers a deep understanding of the emotional landscape of families dealing with PDA, promoting a compassionate and informed approach to parenting and interpersonal relationships.

In this episode of inTune Pathways - The Podcast, host Kristy Forbes delves into the challenging decisions parents face when choosing educational paths for their autistic children, particularly when the children's wishes clash with parental concerns. Kristy, a late-identified PDA autistic with ADHD, and educator with a focus on the social model of disability, explores the implications of mainstream schooling versus alternative education for teens experiencing burnout and anxiety. She discusses the concept of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), its impact on autistic individuals, and the deep internal conflicts they face, such as the desire to fit in with peers against the reality of their needs.

In This Thought-Provoking Episode:

We tackle a question many families face: Is our approach to supporting our PDA autistic children actually counterproductive? We navigate the fine line between respecting our children's autonomy and our natural parental instincts to guide and support them, particularly when they show reluctance to engage with the world outside their comfort zones. But is this what it truly is? A simple reluctance to leave one's comfort zones?

Key Highlights:

Delve into the delicate balance of respecting our children's choices while grappling with parental concerns about engagement and isolation. Explore the nuanced dynamics of autonomy and support in the context of PDA and autism.

Join Kristy as she shares her personal and professional insights on PDA, differentiating it from other forms of demand avoidance and discussing its profound impact on children's willingness to engage. Gain a deeper understanding of PDA and its implications for family life.

Take a look at the individualised nature of recovery and adaptation, acknowledging the uniqueness of each child's path to re-engagement. Learn about the stages of recovery and how to support your child through this transformative journey.

Emphasise the importance of community support and the pitfalls of comparing our journeys to those of others. Discover the value of a supportive community and learn how to navigate the challenges of comparison in the context of parenting and PDA.

Highlight the trial and error process in discovering effective supports and tools, learning more about our children's needs, and adapting our approaches accordingly. Understand the importance of flexibility and adaptability in finding what works best for your child.

Reflect on our fears and hopes for our children's futures, stressing the importance of staying present and responsive to their current needs. Explore the future implications of our parenting approaches and how we can best support our children in the long term.

In this profound podcast episode, Kristy unpacks the challenges faced by families raising and/or being Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) individuals, emphasizing the unique and complex nature of PDA and the necessity for understanding and tailored support.

Through a compelling analogy of a child struggling to swim, she highlights the often misunderstood and misjudged experiences of PDA individuals, stressing the importance of recognizing their inherent neurobiological responses and advocating for patience, acceptance, and out-of-the-box thinking in providing support.

This episode is a heartfelt call to action for empathy, understanding, and community solidarity in navigating the intricacies of PDA.

You can learn more about our Core Programs Here:

inTune Pathways Core Programs

To learn more about Kristy and her work:

Kristy Forbes, inTune Pathways

In this episode, Kristy shares her responses to questions put to her by participants of our Core Programs, inTune with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) and Critical Care & Recovery for anxious, demand avoidant children.

You can learn more about our Core Programs Here:

inTune Pathways Core Programs

To learn more about Kristy and her work:

Kristy Forbes, inTune Pathways