If you’ve ever been told you’re ‘too soft’ or that your child just needs firmer discipline — this episode is for you.

Not because you need to learn how to parent better.

But because the judgement itself is the problem.

In this episode, Jane unpacks one of the most exhausting myths ADHD parents face:

that challenging behaviour is a discipline failure rather than a regulation issue.

When children melt down, struggle to comply, or can’t do today what they managed yesterday, the adult world often reads this as defiance, manipulation, or laziness. Parents are then pressured to punish harder — even when punishment clearly isn’t helping.

This episode stands between you and that pressure.

Jane explains why ADHD is not a behaviour to 'manage', why punishment backfires for dysregulated nervous systems, and why fluctuating capacity is not inconsistency or bad parenting. Most importantly, it names the quiet shame parents carry when they’re blamed for something that was never a moral failure to begin with.

This is not a debate about discipline styles.

It’s a defence of parents who are paying attention.

1. Why being told to ‘be firmer’ feels personal — and why it causes so much damage
2. The myth that punishment teaches self-regulation (and what it actually teaches instead)
3. Why ADHD is not a behaviour problem but a developmental delay in regulation
4. How shame undermines self-esteem and worsens behaviour over time
5. Why ‘they did it yesterday’ is a misunderstanding of fluctuating capacity
6. How inconsistent capacity gets misread as manipulation
7. Why punishment often increases defiance and emotional dysregulation
8. The difference between obedience and safety
9. Why connection builds skills in the long term — even when it’s harder in the short term
10. How to hold boundaries without turning distress into a moral failure

1. You’re constantly being judged for choosing understanding over punishment
2. Family members question your parenting or dismiss ADHD
3. You feel blamed when discipline doesn’t ‘work’
4. Your child copes one day and falls apart the next
5. You’re exhausted from explaining yourself over and over
6. You know punishment isn’t helping — but feel pressured anyway

These episodes deepen the themes discussed here and support the same values-driven approach.

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

Why pressure backfires, and how shame and guilt shape behaviour and self-esteem

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

Sibling Peace: Transform Rivalry into Relationship Building with Gen Muir

Supporting sibling relationships through regulation and connection, not punishment.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/sibling-peace-transform-rivalry-into-relationship-building/

The Truth About Time-Outs and What to Try Instead with Gen Muir

Why time-outs often fail for ADHD kids, and what helps instead.

🧠 Research Referenced in This Episode

Research referenced in this episode includes neuroscience and developmental studies showing structural and functional differences in ADHD brains, particularly in areas related to executive function, impulse control, and emotional regulation. This body of research includes findings from MRI and brain-imaging studies and supports ADHD as a neurodevelopmental difference rather than a behavioural issue.

Russell Barkley – ADHD and self-regulation

This episode draws on the work of Dr. Russell Barkley, whose research frames ADHD as a developmental delay in self-regulation and executive functioning. His work highlights why punishment does not teach missing skills, and why support, skill-building, and positive reinforcement are more effective for ADHD children.

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

And you’re not failing at life.

If you wake up already tired — before anything has even happened — this episode explains why.

Not in a ‘here’s what to do’ way.

In a ‘nothing is wrong with you’ way.

In this episode, Jane names the invisible thing that keeps so many mums feeling behind, rushed, and quietly panicked even on calm days: carrying responsibility before it’s required.

It’s why the phone ringing makes your body brace.

Why waiting doesn’t feel like rest.

Why you feel like you’re about to get in trouble — even when everything is fine.

This isn’t anxiety.

It isn’t disorganisation.

And it isn’t you being dramatic.

It’s what happens when your nervous system learned, very early on, that missing things had consequences — so it stayed alert just in case.

This episode is about the mum who feels behind before she’s started…

and the relief of realising she’s not behind at all — she just started carrying it too early.

1. Why you can feel exhausted even when nothing has gone wrong
2. The ‘I must have forgotten something’ feeling — and where it comes from
3. Why your body braces when the phone rings
4. What it means to live in ‘standby mode’
5. How responsibility can show up before it’s actually required
6. Why urgency feels real even when it isn’t
7. The difference between being behind and being early
8. The quiet permission to stop obeying the rush

1. You feel behind before the day even begins
2. Your body is always waiting for something to go wrong
3. You apologise or explain yourself before anyone asks
4. Quiet days still feel heavy and tense
5. Rest doesn’t feel like rest
6. You want relief — not another strategy

1. Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
3. Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/
5. Quick Reset: The hallway hook that saved my sanity
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/

This podcast is shaped by real mums, real moments, and real nervous systems.

1. Submit a listener question:
2. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
3. Share feedback or topic requests:
4. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Looking for support that’s neuro-affirming and community-recommended?

1. Free neuro-affirming provider list:
2. https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/768431/133168574745281842/share

You’re not bad at relaxing.

And you’re not doing rest wrong.

If you’ve ever noticed yourself cleaning, tidying, or “finding something to do” in the very moments you’re supposed to be enjoying — this episode explains why.

In this short but powerful conversation, Jane unpacks why so many mums feel restless, guilty, or half-revved when things finally go quiet, and why that response isn’t anxiety or a personal flaw. It’s learned usefulness — shaped by gendered conditioning and reinforced over time.

This episode is about the mum who steps out of the circle of joy to make sure the moment runs smoothly for everyone else… and then wonders why she can’t settle when nothing is required of her.

1. Why doing can feel safer than enjoying
2. How usefulness becomes tied to belonging
3. What’s actually happening when rest feels uncomfortable
4. Why this pattern runs through generations of women
5. How ADHD nervous systems stay alert when roles disappear
6. Why restlessness is role-consistent, not a failure
7. How to begin unlearning usefulness = worth (gently, slowly)

1. You feel uneasy when things finally go quiet
2. You clean or stay busy instead of enjoying moments
3. Rest makes you feel guilty, restless, or exposed
4. You’ve been told you’re “bad at relaxing”
5. You want to understand why your body stays alert — without blaming yourself

1. ADHD meds won’t fix everything — now what?
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/

1. Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
3. Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/
5. Quick Reset: The hallway hook that saved my sanity
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/

This podcast is shaped by real mums, real moments, and real nervous systems.

1. Submit a listener question:
2. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
3. Share feedback or topic requests:
4. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Looking for support that’s neuro-affirming and community-recommended?

1. Free neuro-affirming provider list:
2. https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/768431/133168574745281842/share

You didn’t fail your New Year’s resolutions.

You survived a year that was heavier than the plans you made for it.

I asked the ADHD Mums community how their New Year’s goals actually went last year — and the answers weren’t lazy, careless, or undisciplined. They were honest. Tender. Exhausted.

This episode is a collective exhale for every mum who promised she’d get organised, rest more, yell less, move her body… and then found herself just trying to keep everyone alive.

ADHD mums don’t fail goals because they don’t care enough.

They struggle because they’re already at capacity when they set them.

1. Why New Year’s resolutions collapse for ADHD mums — especially in January
2. How burnout and survival mode sabotage motivation and follow-through
3. The difference between ‘lack of discipline’ and lack of margin
4. Why long-term planning doesn’t work when your nervous system is cooked
5. A kinder, ADHD-friendly alternative to goal-setting

1. Listen: https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/the-resolutions-none-of-us-actually-did
2. Resource: Energy Accounting Guide → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

1. The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/good-enough-is-enough-year/
3. Why Most Planners Fail ADHD Mums (And How to Finally Make One Work)
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-why-most-planners-fail-adhd-mums-and-how-to-finally-make-one-work/
5. QUICK RESET: The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

If you feel like you’re failing at parenting because you’re constantly exhausted, flat, or shutting down — this episode is for you.

This isn’t about trying harder or fixing yourself. It’s about understanding why ADHD and neurodivergent mums don’t just get tired — we get depleted.

1. Why exhaustion can feel like numbness instead of emotion
2. What dopamine debt looks like in real life
3. How emotional labour quietly drains ADHD mums
4. Why rest alone doesn’t fix burnout
5. How to stop treating depletion like a personal failure

1. 🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download here

1. Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There
2. 👉 Click here to listen
3. Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?
4. 👉 Click here to listen
5. QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task
6. 👉 Click here to listen

Have a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?

👉 Send a listener question or story here:

Submit your question anonymously

What if the calm you felt last Christmas wasn’t a fluke — but a clue?

In this episode, Jane responds to a listener who accidentally lost her Christmas list… and felt calmer than she ever had in December. Not because she stopped caring — but because the mental load finally dropped.

This conversation explains why ADHD mums hit capacity faster at Christmas, why letting go feels terrifying, and why you’re allowed to be done even when the list never ends.

1. Why losing the list created instant calm
2. The difference between dropping tasks and dropping load
3. What allostatic load is — and why ADHD mums carry more of it
4. Why your body knows you’re done before your brain agrees
5. How to stop before you shatter, not after

1. 🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download here

1. Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There
2. 👉 Click here to listen
3. Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?
4. 👉 Click here to listen
5. QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task
6. 👉 Click here to listen

Have a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?

👉 Send a listener question or story here:

Submit your question anonymously

I thought I was being polite.

I thought I was keeping my options open.

But somewhere between exhaustion, people-pleasing, and old survival habits, I abandoned myself — again.

In this episode, I share the exact moment it clicked: my 'soft no’s' weren’t boundaries at all. They were apologies wearing polite outfits. And when everything finally caught up with me, my nervous system had already run out of fuel.

This is a deeply human conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, ADHD overwhelm, and why saying no can feel genuinely unsafe — even when you desperately need to.

• Why 'maybe' is not a neutral response when you’re exhausted
• How people-pleasing is a nervous-system survival strategy, not a personality flaw
• What the fawn response actually looks like in ADHD mums
• Why overwhelm makes boundaries collapse
• The hidden cost of keeping the peace

If this episode landed for you, these conversations explore the same patterns of people-pleasing, masking, self-sacrifice, and nervous-system survival:

• Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• 👉 Listen here
• You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
• 👉 Listen here
• High Camouflaging ADHD and ASD
• 👉 Listen here
• Self-Sacrifice Is Not Your Friend (And Here’s Why)
• 👉 Listen here
• QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality
• 👉 Listen here

🤍 FB Group:

If you want a space where you don’t have to explain yourself:

👉 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

December brings presents… and pressure. Family dynamics get loud, expectations get heavier, and suddenly you’re managing everyone’s feelings and your ADHD child’s reactions — all while trying not to implode.

This episode answers a powerful listener question: How do I handle gift-opening with my ADHD/PDA child without feeling ashamed, judged, or like I’m failing?

 It’s not just about presents. It’s about generational conditioning, people-pleasing, masking, and the old belief that ‘being liked = being good.’

What We Cover

• Why ADHD/PDA kids may not react the “expected” way to gifts
• The inherited ‘good girl’ conditioning mums carry into adulthood
• Fawning as a trauma response (and why it flares during Christmas)
• How masking is taught — and why many of us learned adult comfort > child honesty
• How to script boundaries with family without apologising
• What to do before, during and after gift-opening to reduce conflict
• Why guilt shows up (and why it doesn’t mean you’re wrong)

This Episode Is For You If…

• Your stomach drops any time someone comments on your child’s reactions
• You’re torn between protecting your child and appeasing adults
• You feel responsible for everyone’s comfort — except your own
• You want to break the ‘good girl’ cycle, but December makes it hard
• You need language, scripts, and validation for navigating family events

Resources & Links 

Related Podcast Episodes

• The Good Girl Episode
• The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else
• Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There

Relevant Tools & Programs

• Festive F* It Plan** — your calmer, kinder December blueprint
• ADHD Mums Guide to Boundaries & Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
• ADHD Mum’s Guide to Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons 
• Navigating Impulse Spending During the Holidays with ADHD

Community & Forms

• Listener Question Form 
•  ADHD Mums Facebook Community — collective wisdom + real-life scripts

Content Warning

This episode touches on masking, childhood invalidation, and trauma-related people-pleasing patterns.

Listen Now

Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

Silent rage at Christmas isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system collapse.

In this episode, we unpack why ADHD mums hit overwhelm earlier and harder during December, why the “tiny straw” moments feel massive, and how the invisible mental load of Christmas pushes your brain into shutdown mode long before anyone notices.

This is a compassionate, nervous-system-first explanation of why you’re so tired, so overstimulated, and so close to snapping… and why none of this is your fault.

• Silent rage = a responsibility overload response, not “being grumpy.”
• ADHD brains spend more effort on planning, remembering, switching tasks and emotional labour — Christmas multiplies all of these.
• The “tiny” trigger never is tiny — it’s the final task hitting a system already at capacity.
• Your body reads “too much responsibility” as danger, shifting into tension, heat, and shutdown.
• Sensory load + task load + emotional load = the perfect storm that makes Christmas feel impossible.
• You’re not the problem — the load is.
• Micro-shifts can interrupt the bracing response before it becomes collapse.

Listen: www.adhdmuns.com.au/magic-of-christmas-but-im-grumpy

Free resource: 

👉 Download the Energy Accounting Guide

‘The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else’

👉 Listen here

‘The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough’

👉 Listen here

‘Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There’

👉 Listen here

ADHD Mums Facebook Community

Post a #vent, get solidarity, and be witnessed by other mums who get it.

👉 Join the Facebook group

Listener Question Box

Send in your own ‘washing machine’ or ‘silent rage’ moment for future episodes.

👉 Submit a listener question

Christmas isn’t “cosy magic” for many ADHD mums — it’s a high-pressure, high-sensory, invisible-load marathon that no one else sees. In this episode, Jane breaks down why holiday overwhelm hits harder, why silent rage feels frightening and unfair, and what your nervous system is actually doing long before the wrapping-night meltdown. You’re not failing Christmas — you’ve been carrying it.

• Why ADHD mums hit Christmas overwhelm weeks before the day arrives
• The collapse moment: when invisible load becomes unmanageable
• Sensory + emotional overload during holiday tasks
• How ADHD brains burn dopamine faster under combined pressure
• The physiology behind “Christmas rage,” shutdown, and snapping
• Why joy disappears when you’re the one creating the magic
• How to shift the load, communicate earlier, and prevent holiday burnout

• You dread Christmas because you’re the one doing everything
• You crumble under the wrapping + fairness + noise + pressure
• You feel guilty for not loving the season
• You hit a snapping point you didn’t see coming
• You wonder why one small question can tip you over
• You want to understand what your body is actually trying to tell you

Your nervous system cannot enter joy while running executive load, sensory filtration, conflict prevention, and emotional labour. It’s not personal — it’s physiological.

• Energy Accounting Guide — A tool to reduce invisible load and prevent overwhelm
• Perimenopause Self-Check (because hormonal load amplifies Christmas overload)

✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner

🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF

• Stop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child