The Imperfects

Have we ruined the art of being a beginner?

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With guest host Hamish Blake, we welcome back friend (family?) of the show James van Cuylenburg to expertly guide us through beginners’ mindset: what is it, how can we harness it, and what is the best way to model it for our kids?

In a time where kids are wanting to be the GOAT of a sport they learnt about yesterday, we’re winding back the clock to reframe the anger and frustration of trying a new skill, and to learn just how great persistence is for our identity.

James leads us through why we avoid discomfort, the role of dopamine and reward, and when to allow ourselves to quit something.

This episode contains lots of helpful advice for anyone wanting to adopt a beginners’ mindset, and embrace ‘friction maxing’ as their next expedition into embracing discomfort.

• 00:00:00 The Beginner's Mindset
• 00:01:32 Childhood Choir Days & The Pressure to Be the GOAT
• 00:10:32 Frictionless Society: The Dopamine Problem
• 00:22:08 Friction Maxxing: Inviting Discomfort Back In
• 00:27:49 Process Over Product: Finding Joy in the Journey
• 00:33:51 Persistence vs Endurance: The Art of Sticking With It
• 00:49:20 The Zone of Proximal Development: The 5% Rule
• 00:53:03 When Kids Get Angry: Co-Regulation & Small Wins
• 00:56:22 Shame vs Motivation: The Choir Director's Mistake
• 00:59:13 James Van Cuylenburg's New TV Show & Final Thoughts

🫖If you liked this episode, you might also love

• James van Cuylenburg - Love Your Wonky Bricks - https://bit.ly/3VZ1O26
• James van Cuylenburg - What’s Your Relationship Status - https://bit.ly/4jFdIrF
• Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/4jKDwCQ
• Dr Emily - You’re Full of Grit - https://bit.ly/3ULXe6W
• Nedd Brockman - The Man, The Myth, The Neddgend - https://bit.ly/4ilxYvX
• The Academy of Imperfection - Dr Billy Garvey, Paediatrician - https://bit.ly/4Bpwmdn
• Dr Billy Garvey - From Boyz II Men - https://bit.ly/4zpm6QQ

📺 Things to watch

• Unskilled Adult - https://bit.ly/4dYgJQi

🎧 Things to listen to

• You’re A Good Kid - https://bit.ly/4z9u1Sp

📚Research to research

• Gretchen Rubin’s work on process over product - https://bit.ly/4z6UTCu
• Angela Duckworth’s work on grit - https://bit.ly/3WAhuJf

🚲 Things to check out

• Blue Derby Pods Ride - https://bit.ly/4irThwd
• Engage 1 on 1 Psychology - https://bit.ly/3Wev2dg

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again.

💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship.

Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining.

Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout.

We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with.

• 00:00:00 – TRAILER
• 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships
• 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work
• 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load
• 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget
• 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship
• 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation
• 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support
• 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene
• 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building
• 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making
• 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep
• 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety
• 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load)
• 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner
• 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals
• 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load
• 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business
• 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth
• 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it?
• 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged
• 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough”
• 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples
• 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters
• 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage
• 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities
• 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4

📚Things to read

• Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5
• Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0
• Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq
• Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo

📺 Things to watch

• Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4

🂱 Things to do

• Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK

💝 Breast Cancer Support

• Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj
• McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338
• Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

In the end, Matt Nable wished his brother would give in.

Motor neurone disease had taken everything, except his brother’s will to live.

💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,000+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Joining us in the studio today is writer, actor, boxer, and former rugby league player, Matt Nable.

Recognisable for playing infamous tough guys on screen (Arrow, Underbelly, The Dry), Matt’s experience of loss and mental ill health has starkly redefined what he believes it is to ‘be a man’.

Using the analogy of a ‘double edged sword’, Matt explains his experience with bipolar and hypomania, and how those periods have lead to the best, and worst, decisions of his life.

Matt is incredibly generous in sharing his experience of biological melancholia depression, and explores with Josh just how quickly everything can seem to unravel.

Matt speaks about the immense grief he carries for his brother who passed away MND, and how he was able to move through this grief to find purpose and compassion.

*Content Warning: today's episode includes a discussion about psilocybin. In Australia, psilocybin is a controlled substance. Outside of authorised clinical settings, its use, possession and supply are illegal. This episode is not medical advice, and we're not encouraging or endorsing illegal drug use. Psilocybin can carry serious risks, particularly when taken without professional screening and supervision. Our guest's experience is their own and won't be typical of everyone's. This episode also mentions suicide. If you're struggling with grief or your mental health, please speak with your GP or a mental health professional.

🚨If you, or someone you know, are experiencing suicidal thoughts call lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000.

• 00:00:00 – TRAILER
• 00:02:48 – Childhood shapes who we are
• 00:03:40 – What does it really mean to be tough?
• 00:07:38 – Why Matt doesn’t think he is a tough man
• 00:09:21 – Redefining Masculinity, and Rejecting the Manosphere
• 00:12:00 – Letting Go of Ego
• 00:13:34 – Losing his brother to MND
• 00:20:40 – A Psilocybin Retreat for Grief: Matt’s Experience
• 00:23:08 – Meeting his younger self
• 00:24:09 – Reaching Acceptance
• 00:28:34 – Figuring out what really matters
• 00:35:12 – A brother’s love: Hugh & Josh reflect
• 00:38:55 – Finding humour in grief
• 00:40:34 – A Parent’s Grief vs a Sibling’s Grief
• 00:41:30 – The Meaning of Matt’s Tattoos
• 00:42:10 – Bipolar II + Melancholic Depression Diagnosis
• 00:43:46 – Hypomania: The Double-Edged Sword
• 00:46:52 – Matt’s rise to fame
• 00:51:10 – Bipolar vs Depression: The Crash, Exhaustion + Regret
• 00:52:34 – Sitting with someone in the dark
• 00:54:08 – The Quicksand of Men’s Mental Health
• 00:56:02 – Standing on the Edge: Josh’s Story
• 00:58:01 – Finding Joy in the Small Moments
• 01:01:29 – Writing as an Anchor Point
• 01:07:29 – Why men need to be vulnerable
• 01:07:59 – Journaling Club “How would you like to be remembered?”

Some other great resources are below

• Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
• Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au

📚Things to read

• Mire, by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4hYglT0
• Other books by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4dI1uut

📺 Things to watch

• The Final Winter - https://bit.ly/4s3EYSC

Things to donate to

• Fight MND - https://fightmnd.org.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Trailer footage sourced from Mr Inbetween.

This is not your mother’s perimenopause.

💌 To join our journaling club, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Joined by guest host Zoë Foster Blake, and Dr Fatima Khan, we’re diving head first into perimenopause: the what, the why, and the how-the-f**k to deal with it.

Typically beginning in your late 30’s, and in your brain of all places, perimenopause symptoms include heightened anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbances, brain fog … all things that make you feel further and further away from your best self.

Beginning 5 -7 years BEFORE your last menstrual period, perimenopause can coincide with postpartum, the most important presentation of your career to date, and the uncovering of neurodivergence, which may have been painstakingly masked until this shift in hormones.

With the expertise of Dr Fatima, and the lived experience of Zoë, we hope this episode makes you feel seen, less alone, and ready to have THAT conversation with your GP.

• 00:00:00 The Truth of Perimenopause [TRAILER]
• 00:01:09 The Meet Cute of Zoe Foster Blake and Dr Fatima Khan
• 00:06:55 Is this Perimenopause? Early Signs + Symptoms
• 00:07:41 Zoe’s Perimenopause Journey: No Sleep, Anxiety, Rage, Repeat.
• 00:09:56 Volcanic Rage, Explained
• 00:14:59 What Doctor’s Miss: Misdiagnosis + Antidepressants
• 00:15:57 Why Your Husband Is Breathing Too Loud
• 00:20:18 Perimenopause Mental Health Screening
• 00:21:25 Debunking the “You’re Too Young” Myth
• 00:23:43 Is it Anxiety? Depression? Perimenopause?
• 00:25:26 The Pill, The Mirena + The Modern Woman in Peri
• 00:30:44 Loosing Yourself in Peri: Brain Fog + Dementia Fears
• 00:32:10 The Importance of Testosterone
• 00:36:00 HRT Myths: Re-educating a generation
• 00:39:04 A Script for a Script: What to say to your GP
• 00:41:12 Perimenopause Is a Multi-Organ Syndrome
• 00:46:09 High Achieving Women + Peri = Shame
• 00:46:47 When Perimenopause Unmasks Your ADHD
• 00:54:26 Trauma Reactivation in Perimenopause
• 00:57:17 Pills + Skills: Why HRT Alone Isn’t Enough
• 00:58:41 The Longevity of It All
• 01:00:30 Nutrition

📚Things to read

• Group Chat, by Zoë Foster Blake - https://bit.ly/4efqR70
• Hormone Health is Mental Health, by Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4j6G2Ts

💻Things to check out

• Australasian Menopause Society - menopause.org.au
• Meno-D questionnaire - https://bit.ly/3Toj3sN
• Zela Wellbeing - https://bit.ly/4ARGFXu

🎧Imperfects episodes for MORE on hormones

• Zoë Foster Blake - Zero Lucks Given - https://bit.ly/4y8xwHx
• Dr Louise Newson - Maybe it’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4i7xM3F
• Dr Louise Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/47ya9w2

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Angie’s OCD obsessions are that she has committed her worst, most insidious, fears.

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Officially diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) when she was 19, some of Angie’s earliest memories are of obsessions, compulsions and seeking reassurance.

Joining us in the studio, Angie talks to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the reality of living with OCD, how she navigates particularly bad episodes with her partner, and why she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy

Angie explains false memories, and the lengths she has gone to seek reassurance, and finally, why it is so important to her to create something that helps people feel less alone.

In amongst all of the OCD chat, Hugh asks Angie about her anti-discrimination work and the beautiful story of where that passion came from.

• 00:00:00 – Trailer
• 00:01:27 – Angie + Hugh don’t do small talk
• 00:03:46 – Why Angie accepted an ARIA on behalf of Sia
• 00:05:45 – Growing Up in Sporting Royalty
• 00:07:45 – Why Angie’s Brother Came Out To Her
• 00:10:41 – “I’m Crying Because I Could Have Helped”
• 00:13:21 – Why Feeling Safe To Be Yourself Matters
• 00:15:02 – Angie’s Moral Compass: Where Does It Come From?
• 00:18:17 – OCD: Obsessions, Compulsions + Reassurance
• 00:20:45 – OCD Stereotypes vs Reality
• 00:22:52 – Feeling Like A Bad Kid
• 00:24:52 – Why OCD Makes Your Excruciatingly Self-Aware
• 00:28:02 – Examples of Intrusive Thoughts
• 00:30:23 – Invisible Compulsions: Kissing, Hugging, Incest
• 00:32:19 – Relationship OCD: Constant Fear of Cheating On Your Partner
• 00:34:37 – OCD False Memories: How The Brain Builds ‘Evidence’
• 00:36:10 – Why Reassurance Seeking Never Brings Relief
• 00:39:13 – What It’s Like Loving Someone With OCD
• 00:41:40 – What OCD Has Cost Angie: Peace, Presence + Precious Moments
• 00:50:08 – Why Getting The Right Treatment Was Lifechanging
• 00:54:52 – What Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) Actually Looks Like
• 00:57:02 – How To Support Someone With OCD
• 00:59:01 – How Angie and Her Husband Manage OCD Episodes
• 01:02:53 – Finding Your People Through OCD
• 01:05:15 – How To Respond When Someone Tells You They Have OCD
• 01:08:24 – Tips for Supporting Someone Who Has OCD

🧠If you, or someone you know, has been diagnosed with or thinks they may have OCD, these are some great resources. In an emergency, always call 000.

• OCD BOUNCE - https://ocd.org.au
• OCD WA - https://www.ocdwa.com.au
• International OCD Foundation - https://iocdf.org
• The Joy Thief, by Penny Moodie - https://bit.ly/3VJaKZ4
• It’s Not What You Think podcast - https://bit.ly/4iZppcj
• LifeLine - 13 11 14

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Penny Moodie - Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - https://bit.ly/4jxTPTd
• Penny Moodie’s New Book - OCD & Finding Joy Again - https://bit.ly/4rGXkJa
• Rick Davies - Living with OCD - https://bit.ly/4hxuLZY
• Issac Humphries - Coming Out On Court - https://bit.ly/3VZDHQA

💻Things to check out

• Andrea Wallace’s Website - https://wonderpsychology.com
• Angie Greene’s Website - angiegreene.com.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Mid 20's and $250,000 in debt. Gripped by a gambling addiction. How do you recover?

💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

From the outside, it looked like Luke Bateman was living the dream: a professional NRL career with ludicrous pay checks and sponsorship deals.

On the inside, Luke was battling a crippling gambling addiction, deepening depression and a widening chasm between the character he was playing, and his true authentic self.

With immense courage, honesty and vulnerability, Luke takes Hugh, Ryan and Josh through the ups and downs of his recovery journey. Luke unpicks the difference between unconditional love and conditional help from his parents, and why his time in rehab was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Luke speaks about how his journey with addiction impacted his relationship with his mum, and the gratitude he feels for her now, and how learning about internal family systems changed his life forever.

Luke, you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for joining us today.

This episode discusses gambling addiction and suicidal ideation. Please take care when listening.

This episode is part of the BE HOPE Podcast Takeover, bringing podcasts around the world together to explore the themes of hope and how we can continue to make progress in a rapidly changing world - https://globalgoals.org/behope/

🚨If you, or someone you know is struggling with a gambling addiction

• Call LifeLine - 13 11 14
• Register at BetStop - betstop.gov.au
• Gamblers Anonymous - https://bit.ly/3TJ1C6d
• Gambling Help Online - gamblinghelponline.org.au
• In an emergency, always call 000

🩵To hear our chat with Luke about The Manosphere and to join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

0:00 – Trailer: $250K of Gambling Debt
1:26 – Be Hope Podcast Takeover Announcement
4:15 – Luke Bateman doesn’t fit in a box
6:06 – Growing up ‘soft’ in Rural Queensland
10:03 – Hiding Books from the Boys
17:11 – The Shame of Reading
19:22 – Chasing a Dream to Fill the Void
22:26 – Money, Drugs & Alcohol in Professional Sport
27:40 – Lies, Debt & Betting Company ‘VIP’ Treatment
30:26 – Should Gambling Sponsorship Be Banned?
31:11 – Rock Bottom
33:18 – The Phone Call That Saved His Life
39:45 – Rehab, Recovery + Relinquishing Control
43:40 – Inside Rehab “Get a Real Addiction”
47:21 – Recovery Is Not Linear
50:21 – Internal Family Systems: Healing the exiled child
56:05 – Generational Masculinity: Why Men Struggle to Connect
58:19 – Denial + Corporate Greed
1:03:13 – Luke’s Honesty Policy
1:06:08 – Unconditional Love vs Conditional Help
1:10:18 – Sharing Shame with Teammates
1:11:37 – Luke’s Message to Anyone Struggling Right Now
1:13:03 – Finding Your Way Back

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Jack’s Gambling Addiction Story - https://bit.ly/4hFQmk1

📚Things to read

• The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo - https://bit.ly/46FkS7v
• Keys to the Kingdom, by Garth Nix - https://bit.ly/4AnBxKB
• The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig - https://bit.ly/4d2Ozmx
• No Bad Parts, by Richard C Scharwtz - https://bit.ly/46FSGkU
• You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, by Richard C Schwartz - https://bit.ly/3Tp0gx8

🎧Things to listen to

• In The Good Books with Luke Bateman I Matt Haig: Writing What You Need to Hear - https://bit.ly/4jjvBvK

📱Things to check out

• Luke’s Instagram (and his thoughts on male silence) - https://bit.ly/46AnIuy

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you live in fear of being found out as a fraud? That despite your years of competency, achievement and high performance someone will uncover the truth?

Well, you’re in the right place. Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is here to tell you that your imposter syndrome is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it’s not even a syndrome.

💌 Get practical take-aways from this episode, and join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

To get a little bit meta, Dr Emily explains that knowing that you don’t know everything, is a good thing. Especially if you’re starting a new role, or trying something for the first time.

HOWEVER, the long-term consequences of the imposter cycle such as perfectionism, overcompensation, burnout, or even avoidance and procrastination, may impact your willingness to say yes to new opportunities, such as going for that promotion or asking for support.

In this episode, Dr Emily asks Hugh, Ryan and Josh to think about the balance of their competence and confidence, and provides them (and you!) with four practical strategies for combatting this pesky phenomenon.

And then, a weird amount of chat about Vlad the Impaler.

0:00 – An Emisode!
2:41 – Adam Grant is not an imposter
5:11 – Origins of Imposter Syndrome
6:45 – ‘Syndrome’ is the wrong word
8:19 – It all comes back to belonging
10:39 – How common is imposter syndrome?
12:20 – Fear of being found out as a fraud
15:16 – The evolutionary psychology of belonging and self-doubt
16:35 – Is self-doubt actually healthy?
17:42 – Is your confidence a mask?
18:57 – The Dunning-Kruger Effect
23:15 – The more you know ….
25:12 – Competence vs confidence
26:29 – The Imposter Cycle: anxiety, perfectionism, luck
32:09 – Becoming your own favourite artist
35:55 – Avoidance, procrastination + self-fulfilling prophecies
38:29 – Long term consequences ft. Hugh’s anus
45:26 – Authenticity as the antidote
46:22 – Less growth, less promotions
48:52 – Strategy 1: write down your skills
49:53 – Strategy 2: name your shame
51:40 – Supporting a friend with imposter phenomenon
52:29 – Self-doubt in a new role is a good sign
57:12 – Strategy 3: mentor a near peer
1:00:38 – Strategy 4: celebrate your success
1:02:57 – Creating a good workplace culture
1:04:06 – Belonging is good for business
1:06:25 – Want more on belonging?

Dr Em, thanks for joining us.

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Adam Grant - The Potential of Your Potential - https://bit.ly/4jc0DFM
• Dr Emily - We’re Longing for Belonging - https://bit.ly/4yElLJp
• Rana Hussain - Belonging for Connection - http://bit.ly/4odhGY8
• Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You - https://bit.ly/4yxgljs

🎧Things to listen to

• The Curiosity Shop with Brene Brown and Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4gT05mW

📖Things to read

• Hidden Potential, by Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4AemQcv
• Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson - https://bit.ly/3T6IhM0

📺 Things to watch

• Mad Men - https://bit.ly/4cLB6zx

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

When he was 15, Andy Lee’s mum forgot who he was.

💌 Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Given only two weeks to live, Andy tells Hugh, Ryan and Josh how this news impacted his family, impacted his childhood, and continues to impact his sense of self.

And then, we’re going all the way back to the early days of Radio Karate, and Hamish & Andy.

In a long overdue conversation (recorded, of course), Ryan and Andy chat about their own friendship dynamic and why they both felt like the odd one out.

Getting down to business, Andy and Ryan discuss how a bunch of 20 year old guys made tough financial decisions while trying to remain mates, how they learnt to give constructive criticism to each other, and with the blessing of hindsight, how they feel about that time now.

Andy, we’ve been waiting for this episode longer than a baker with his oven off.

0:00 – 2 years of secret vocal coaching
4:35 – HOW long for one cartoon episode?
5:48 – When Andy met Hamish (and Ryan)
9:39 – The impact of getting cancelled after 5 episodes
10:08 – The best advice Andy received
14:07 – Jealousy, Jealousy
20:25 – The Four Way Split of Hamish & Andy
23:42 – Should we be recording this?
25:10 – Social media has replaced the paparazzo
26:11 – Andy’s nude photo scandal
30:23 – Inspiration and renegotiation
36:55 – The Vulnerabilitea House
38:02 – When your mum is given two weeks to live
40:30 – Rapid deterioration and rush to hospital
43:28 – Taking on the parent role at 15
46:04 – Furious at the new normal
49:09 – Why “Don’t Worry, It’ll Be Fine” is the worst thing to say
54:36 – Andy’s Dad’s incredible sacrifice
58:20 – The Lee Gazette
1:00:50 – Why we should talk about will’s

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4A230B5

📺 Things to watch

• Institute of Sayings from Real Stories - https://bit.ly/4xBJHgq
• Do Not Watch This Show! - https://bit.ly/4cAwlIZ
• New Zealand Spy - https://bit.ly/4hdjPBI

🎧Things to listen to

• Andy Lee on Falling Upwards with Kate Langbroek - https://bit.ly/4yucp30

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Have you ever watched the person you love most get everything you ever wanted? Did you harden around envy, or shrink with comparison? Were you able to find happiness for their success?

Philippa Northeast, Logie nominated and lead of Netflix’s My Brilliant Career, is a star quickly rising. Her most significant role? The little sister of our producer, Bridge.

💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Joining us as a guest host, Producer Bridge, alongside Hugh, Josh and Ryan, discuss the years of failure and rejection behind the scenes of Pip’s overnight success.

Constantly aware of the need to prove herself a success, Philippa is completely vulnerable about the obsession that came from certain rejections, and her anxiety which manifested itself as trichotillomania.

Offering a unique and intimate perspective, both Bridge and Josh reflect on their respective siblings’ success, and how that has shaped their own identity.

It’s sibling vs sibling, and only one will make it out alive (kidding, it has a happy ending).

0:00 – Meet Producer Bridge’s Little Sister
5:43 – Pip’s Brilliant Career: From Home & Away to Netflix Star
11:39 – Middle Child Syndrome
19:28 – Sibling Comparison: Cricket and Drama Solos
20:55 – Finding Success Straight Out of High School
22:56 – Self-belief vs Self-doubt: Why Pip Took The Leap and Bridget Didn’t
25:30 – Feeling Over-shadowed, and Under Pressure
28:00 – Becoming an Unemployed Clown
29:17 – The Sensational Potter Backup Plan
34:01 – Getting Undressed (Again)
35:46 – The Hollywood Grind
37:32 – Lockdown, Isolation and Growing Doubt
46:15 – Obsession born from Rejection
51:49 – What Loneliness in the Acting Industry Feels Like
52:46 – The Body Keeps Score: Trichotillomania
54:47 – Healing: Journalling, Yoga, Grounding
57:04 – The Hallmark Offer That Changed Everything
1:03:39 – The Downside of Growing Up Next To A Rising Star
1:07:29 – Choosing Pride Over Jealousy
1:09:49 – The Upside of Losing to Claudia Karvan

🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Claudia Karvan - Love, Her Way - https://bit.ly/3UNr9LC
• What’s Your ATAR? - https://bit.ly/4zQ4AG5

📺 Things to watch

• My Brilliant Career - https://bit.ly/4zPaW8L
• Family Next Door - https://bit.ly/4gEp0cw
• Newsreader - https://bit.ly/3UNr4ri
• A Royal Runaway Romance - https://bit.ly/3V8rGb2
• Standing Up For Sunny - https://bit.ly/4xyeASP

🎧 Things to listen to

• Undressed by Sombr - https://bit.ly/4wY9Ipf

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

What impact does sleep deprivation really have on your wellbeing? What about your parenting? What about your identity?

Matt D’Avella has amassed over 4 millions subscribers on YouTube undertaking 30-day wellness challenges, and promoting his minimalist lifestyle.

In life that was meticulously controlled, having kids changed everything.

💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Blessed with a baby who woke every 30 minutes for the first ten months of their life, Matt chats to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about how becoming a new parent impacted every facet of his life.

Hugh and Josh share just how lonely they have felt at different times during their parenting journey, and Ryan saves the day by holding a baby for a full 40 minutes (save the applause! please!)

Matt this was a dream come true.

To watch the full episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/foilZTRGXco

00:00 - I Tried Being Vulnerable for 30 Days
7:03 - Minimalism Maxxing
18:00 - The Vulnerabilitea House
20:25 - Becoming a father, losing sleep (and himself)
24:14 - Depression Diagnosis Wake-Up Call
32:56 - Hugh's Sleep Score
40:38 - SOS: Hiring Help, Expanding your Village
48:50 - Sleep Training: What Actually Works
52:02 - The Real Cost of Sleep Deprivation
58:29 - Being A Mum: The Additional Burden
1:01:32 - 'Do You Regret Having Kids?'
1:04:00 - The New and Improved Matt D'Ad-Avella

🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby… New Brain… Matrescence - https://bit.ly/4zVt9Si

📺 Things to watch

• Minimalism Documentary - https://bit.ly/3SSZb0t
• Why I disappeared - Matt D’Avella - https://bit.ly/3SwYA4g
• Matt D’Avella YouTube - https://bit.ly/4wOzFXW

💤 Things to sleep train

• Tresillian Sleep Organisation - https://bit.ly/4zAGTS5
• The Ferber Sleep method - https://bit.ly/4iCdqB4
• Masada Sleep School - https://bit.ly/4qNi7uc

📚Things to read

• Regretful Parents subreddit - https://bit.ly/4gx9W0b

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.