ADHD Mums

Have you ever been on medication, done all the things, prepped, pre-scheduled, and still lost the plot completely — and then spent the drive home wondering if the medication is even working? Have you ever gone back to your GP and said 'I'm still losing it' and walked out with a higher dose, a different script, or a referral — and none of it touched the actual problem? Have you ever thought maybe I'm just broken in a way that medication can't reach?

You're not. But nobody told you there were two layers — and this episode is the one that explains why no dose adjustment has ever closed that gap.

What we cover

• The layer that medication actually works on — and the layer it was never built to touch
• Why you can be on the right dose of the right stimulant and still slam the car door for forty-five minutes
• What happens in a 10-minute GP appointment when you say 'I'm still struggling' — and why the answer you keep getting might be solving the wrong problem
• Why chasing this gap with more medication can mean you end up on too much of the right thing because you're asking it to do the wrong job
• The question to sit with for a week before you go back to your specialist
• Who actually benefits from the story that medication is the whole answer — and who doesn't

Quick note — I share my own experience here, not medical advice. For anything about your medication or dose, your GP or specialist is the right person to ask

Free resources

• Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Paid resources

• ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/

Related episodes

This is Part 4 of the Mum Rage series. Start at Part 1.

• Mum Rage EP1 — 3 Reasons ADHD Mum Rage Feels Like It Came Out of Nowhere — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/3-reasons-adhd-mum-rage-feels-like-it-came-out-of-nowhere-it-didnt/
• Mum Rage EP2 — Why the advice doesn't work — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-2/
• Mum Rage EP3 — The delayed version (sunburn/interoception) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-3/
• S2 EP84 — Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/
• S2 EP85 — Mum Rage Part 2: Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/
• EP23 — ADHD Meds Won't Fix Everything — Now What? — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/
• EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

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References

Rösler, M., Retz, W., Fischer, R., Ose, C., Alm, B., Deckert, J., Philipsen, A., Herpertz, S., & Ammer, R. (2010). Twenty-four-week treatment with extended release methylphenidate improves emotional symptoms in adult ADHD. World Journal of Biological Psychiatry, 11(5), 709–718. https://doi.org/10.3109/15622975.2010.482986

Moukhtarian, T. R., Cooper, R. E., Vassos, E., Moran, P., & Asherson, P. (2017). Effects of stimulants and atomoxetine on emotional lability in adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Psychiatry, 44, 198–207. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eurpsy.2017.05.021

Garfinkel, S. N., Seth, A. K., Barrett, A. B., Suzuki, K., & Critchley, H. D. (2015). Knowing your own heart: Distinguishing interoceptive accuracy from interoceptive awareness. Biological Psychology, 104, 65–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2014.11.004

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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Have you ever told yourself you'll finally do the thing when it's quiet — and then the quiet came and you reorganised a drawer? Have you ever promised yourself the school holidays would be different, stacked up everything you were going to get done, and then spent the first Monday back staring at the wall and doing everyone's admin except your own? Have you ever been the most productive you've been all year on the last week of term, and then wondered why that woman never shows up any other time?

What we cover

• Why your brain flies at the end of term and falls off a cliff the second the kids go back — and what's actually happening underneath it
• The list in your phone called 'Monday' and the woman you've been promising people is coming — who has never once turned up
• Why avoidance on a quiet day isn't laziness — and what your brain is actually doing when it picks the wrong task on purpose
• What happens when high arousal creates a debt — and why the free day might be the worst time to do the hard thing
• Why 'I just need a quiet day with no interruptions' might be the trap you've been apologising for your whole life
• The one thing that actually works — and why it involves finding a human and making them mildly expect something from you

Free resources

• Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Related episodes

• S3 — Sorry I'm Late, I Have ADHD. My Friend Has ADHD Too. She's Never Late — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/sorry-im-late-i-have-adhd-my-friend-has-adhd-too-shes-never-late/
• EP93 — When You Remove the Stress — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/
• EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
• EP24 — QUICK RESET: The ADHD Myth of 'Just Try Harder'https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/
• EP49 — QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

References

Barkley, R. A. (1997). Behavioral inhibition, sustained attention, and executive functions: Constructing a unifying theory of ADHD. Psychological Bulletin, 121(1), 65–94. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.121.1.65

Volkow, N. D., Wang, G.-J., Newcorn, J. H., Kollins, S. H., Wigal, T. L., Telang, F., Fowler, J. S., Goldstein, R. Z., Klein, N., Logan, J., Wong, C., & Swanson, J. M. (2011). Motivation deficit in ADHD is associated with dysfunction of the dopamine reward pathway. Molecular Psychiatry, 16(11), 1147–1154. https://doi.org/10.1038/mp.2010.97

Sonuga-Barke, E. J. S. (2003). The dual pathway model of AD/HD: An elaboration of neuro-developmental characteristics. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 27(7), 593–604. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2003.08.005

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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It's 11:00 PM. You sit up in bed with your chest tight and your heart going. Nothing happened. You went to sleep fine. You lie there trying to work out what's wrong with you, and the answer is nothing — except your body has been running a two-hour delayed reaction to a school email you read, closed, and forgot about at 9:02 PM.

• The 9:02 PM email, the 11:00 PM panic, and why the two never show up in the same room at the same time
• Why a neurotypical mum who gets the same email feels it right then — and what that looks like when Jane asks one about it directly
• The five stages your body moves through between the trigger and the moment you finally register it — and how long you can spend in each one without knowing
• Why the quiet moment you've been waiting for all day is exactly when the queue decides it's your turn
• The misdiagnosis cost: when a doctor treats the reaction as the whole story, what gets written on your medical file — and what keeps walking through the door every day unmanaged
• Why both can be true — the SSRI doing real work, and an interoceptive delay nobody's ever named for you

Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Start with the rest of this series:

MUM RAGE #1: 3 Reasons It Feels Like It Came Out of Nowhere. (It Didn't.) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/3-reasons-adhd-mum-rage-feels-like-it-came-out-of-nowhere-it-didnt/

MUM RAGE #2: 3 Reasons 'Just Breathe' Has Never Worked for ADHD Mums. (And What Actually Does.) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-2/

Also from the archive:

S2 EP84 — I Love My Family But I'm So F*cking Angry: Mum Rage Part 1 (with Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/

EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

EP93 — When You Remove the Stress — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/

S3 — I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes. Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment. — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/

EP81 — The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

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Seli, P., Risko, E. F., Smilek, D., & Schacter, D. L. (2016). Mind-wandering with and without intention. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(8), 605–617. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2016.05.010

Smallwood, J., & Schooler, J. W. (2015). The science of mind wandering: Empirically navigating the stream of consciousness. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 487–518. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010814-015331

Murphy, J., Brewer, R., Catmur, C., & Bird, G. (2017). Interoception and psychopathology: A developmental neuroscience perspective. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 23, 45–56. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dcn.2016.12.006

Taylor, G. J., Bagby, R. M., & Parker, J. D. A. (1997). Disorders of affect regulation: Alexithymia in medical and psychiatric illness. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511526831

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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📬 Listener Questions & Community

It's 5:45 PM. I'm cooking three separate dinners on not enough burners. My six-year-old is crying about the green spoon. My eight-year-old is in a Minecraft cave with a dog that needs a bone. My ten-year-old has found paint.

'Find a good stopping place' is good advice.

It just assumes conditions that don't exist in this house.

What We Cover

• The 5:45 PM scenario in full — three kids, three meals, three headphones, zero spare burners, and what it actually costs to transition one child off a screen while managing the rest
• Compliance depletion — why your child has run out of yeses by dinner time, and why that's not defiance or addiction
• Self-determination theory and autonomy — why the iPad might be the only thing your child got to choose all day, and what happens when you take it
• Why 'find a good stopping place' works on Saturday morning and collapses on Wednesday night — and what's actually different between those two moments
• The working memory piece — why your child isn't defying the boundary, they just can't hold it without you standing there
• Task-switching costs for the ADHD brain — what every transition actually costs you at the end of the day
• Why you're not managing the transitions. You are the transition.
• The Saturday morning benchmark — why one good morning doesn't set the standard, and why comparing Wednesday night to it is destroying you
• What the parenting advice doesn't account for: one adult, multiple kids, depleted executive function, and no support

Free Resources

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year (Free)

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-year-mental-load-kit/

Household Family Meeting Template (Free)

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/

Paid Resource

Meltdown & Shutdown Guide for Mums & Children

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/

Related Episodes

• When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — And You Wonder if You've Damaged Your Kids | Listen here
• S3 EP44 — Why Bad Behaviour Is Rarely Bad at All (and How to Respond Instead) | Listen here
• S3 EP12 — Quick Reset: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This One Thing | Listen here
• S2 EP84 — I Love My Family… But I'm So F**king Angry (Mum Rage Part 1) | Listen here
• S2 EP27 — Quick Tip: I Have an Antagonist in My House | Listen here

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

References

Arnsten, A. F. T., & Li, B.-M. (2005). Neurobiology of executive functions: Catecholamine influences on prefrontal cortical functions. Biological Psychiatry, 57(11), 1377–1384. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2004.08.019

Arnsten, A. F. T. (2011). Catecholamine influences on dorsolateral prefrontal cortical networks. Biological Psychiatry, 69(12), e89–e99. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2011.01.027

Barkley, R. A. (1997). Behavioral inhibition, sustained attention, and executive functions: Constructing a unifying theory of ADHD. Psychological Bulletin, 121(1), 65–94. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.121.1.65

Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M., & Tice, D. M. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1252–1265. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1252

Hagger, M. S., Chatzisarantis, N. L. D., Alberts, H., Anggono, C. O., Batailler, C., Birt, A. R., Brand, R., Brandt, M. J., Brewer, G., Bruyneel, S., Calvillo, D. P., Campbell, W. K., Cannon, P. R., Carlucci, M., Carruth, N. P., Cheung, T., Crowell, A., De Ridder, D. T. D., Dewitte, S., . . . Zwienenberg, M. (2016). A multilab preregistered replication of the ego-depletion effect. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 11(4), 546–573. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691616652873

Herwig, U., Bräuer, K., Connemann, B., Spitzer, M., & Jakobs, O. (2018). Selective impairment of attentional set shifting in adults with ADHD. BMC Psychiatry, 18, Article 334. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-018-1912-5

Monsell, S. (2003). Task switching. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 7(3), 134–140. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1364-6613(03)00028-7

Rubinstein, J. S., Meyer, D. E., & Evans, J. E. (2001). Executive control of cognitive processes in task switching. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 27(4), 763–797. https://doi.org/10.1037/0096-1523.27.4.763

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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A psychologist told me to do a body scan. I was lying on hard yellow grass in 38-degree heat with three kids screaming inside and ants on my arms, trying to feel my body. I felt nothing. Or I felt everything and couldn't name any of it.

She concluded the problem was me.

It wasn't.

What We Cover

• Why 'just breathe' and body scans keep failing ADHD mums — and why that failure isn't yours
• The difference between early and late emotional intervention, and why the tools you've been given are timed wrong for your brain
• What alexithymia and interoceptive gaps actually mean when you're trying to regulate — and why you can't feel the water warming until the lid's already blown
• Why some of us start every single day with near-boiling water, and what that does to a nervous system that's been running like that for years
• The scheduled check-in — not a mindfulness practice, just a moment to know where you are before the day makes that impossible
• What to say to your partner when they ask if you're okay and you genuinely don't know
• The James Gross emotional regulation model — 40 years of research — and what it says about the moment you're being told to intervene
• What's coming next episode: delayed mum rage, the lid that blows after the stove's already off, and why 11pm panic isn't coming from nowhere

Free Resources

Energy Accounting Guide — mentioned in the episode. Helps you see your actual baseline and where the energy is going before you hit empty.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

ADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit (Free)

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/

Related Episodes

• S2 EP84 — I Love My Family… But I'm So F**king Angry (Mum Rage Part 1)
• S2 EP85 — Real Tools for Real Rage (Mum Rage Part 2)
• S3 EP52 — When HRT Isn't Enough: Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained

References

Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. https://doi.org/10.1186/2047-783X-15-9-403

Fischer, D., Messner, M., & Pollatos, O. (2017). Improvement of interoceptive processes after an 8-week body scan intervention. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 11, 452. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00452

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781

Quadt, L., Garfinkel, S. N., Mulcahy, J. S., Larsson, D. E. O., Silva, M., Jones, A.-M., Strauss, C., & Critchley, H. D. (2021). Interoceptive training to target anxiety in autistic adults (ADIE): A single-center, superiority randomized controlled trial. EClinicalMedicine, 39, 101042. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2021.101042

Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276–293. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.13070966

Webb, T. L., Miles, E., & Sheeran, P. (2012). Dealing with feeling: A meta-analysis of the effectiveness of strategies derived from the process model of emotion regulation. Psychological Bulletin, 138(4), 775–808. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027600

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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The principal told you to contact region. Region told you to contact the principal. You're sitting in your car wondering if you're going quietly insane. You're not — and neither is the principal. The system is built to do exactly this, to everyone inside it. Sara Hocking is back to map a way out, and the news isn't what you think.

What We Cover

• The one subject line that forces an official response — and why most schools have been waiting for someone to send it
• The institutional rule that makes principals back their staff publicly even when they're moving things behind the scenes — and how to read the quiet changes
• The escalation pathway nobody hands you, and the exact point where 95% of parents tap out
• The strategic reason to keep going past that point even when it feels pointless
• Why teachers aren't ignoring you — Sara's frame for what's actually happening in the staffroom, and what they're being asked to triage every day
• The paper-trail trick you can do in 30 seconds on your phone after every conversation
• Why you arrive at every school meeting already at a ten, and what the other parents in the room don't realise about themselves
• What restraint, expulsion and catchment actually mean — and the policy vacuum that hands one principal the call when there should be a system holding it
• Stop waiting for an apology. Sara explains why it isn't coming from individuals, and what to watch for from the structure instead.

Free Resources

School Complaint & Escalation Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/

Quiet Exclusion Kit: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/

More from Sara

Sara Hocking runs See Beyond — neuroaffirming, nervous-system-informed resources for parents and schools, including free printables you can send straight to your child's teacher: https://seebeyondau.org/

Paid Resources

Making School Work — Parent Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/

School Burnout — When School Can't Cope: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-burnout-when-school-cant-cope/

Related Episodes

• Sara's Part 1 — When You Stay Calm at School and Leave Feeling Like You Didn't Do Enough — Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6LrYWX3eDU3LeoC12kMw4A?si=5OwOPF0oQcGjiXhwzL69zQ | Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/adhd-mums/id1686843092?i=1000753099488
• S3 EP8: Advocating for Your Child Shouldn't Break You — But It Often Does — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-8-quick-reset-advocating-for-your-child-shouldnt-break-you-but-it-often-does/
• S3 EP7: The Great Gaslighting — When Schools Say 'We Don't See It' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/
• S3 EP9: When the IEP Meeting Feels Like a Battle You Didn't Ask For — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-9-when-the-iep-meeting-feels-like-a-battle-you-didnt-ask-for/
• S3: When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/
• S3: Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan? — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/is-the-problem-the-child-or-the-learning-plan/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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A friend came over the other day. She'd just done a week on the Sunshine Coast with her three kids, the whole pack-up by herself. We were sitting at my kitchen table doing that thing where you're laughing and crying at the same time. She couldn't get her kids to put the bins out because they were glued to their iPads. I said yep, same. The deeper problem isn't just the iPad. It's that someone pulled every single support structure out from under us, handed us a screen, and then put the guilt on top.

What We Cover

• The Sunshine Coast kitchen table moment — the bins, the iPads, the laughing-crying
• The Christmas holidays Minecraft trap — how the rules got relaxed in December and what's still happening in May
• Three things that have completely changed about parenting in the last 40 years that nobody updated us on
• Why mums in 1990 weren't negotiating screen time — and what they had for free that we just don't
• The anticipatory regulation load — why parenting an ADHD child is three jobs stacked on top of each other, not one
• The dopamine input the world used to supply — and what happens when you take the iPad without replacing it
• Why every screen time recommendation contradicts every other one, and the researchers fight each other publicly
• We are the first generation parenting through this. There is no generational wisdom on iPads. Nobody knows the right amount. Not the paediatricians, not your mother-in-law, not the friend down the road.

Free Resources

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-year-mental-load-kit/

Household Family Meeting Template: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/

Related Episodes

• S3 EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This One Thing — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
• S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — And You Wonder if You've Damaged Your Kids — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/
• S2 EP22: Is It ADHD or Motherhood? — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-is-it-adhd-or-motherhood-solo-episode/
• S3 EP22 QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*cking Task — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/
• S3 EP45 QUICK RESET: The Biggest Lie Parents Believe During School Holidays — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-45-quick-reset-the-biggest-lie-parents-believe-during-school-holidays-this-is-what-everyone-does/

References & Further Reading

• Parent–child interaction load in ADHD households: Barkley, R. A., Anastopoulos, A. D., Guevremont, D. C., & Fletcher, K. E. (1992). Adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: Mother–adolescent interactions, family beliefs and conflicts, and maternal psychopathology. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 20(3), 263–288. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00916692
• The collapse of unsupervised childhood: Skenazy, L. (2021). Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass. Movement: https://letgrow.org
• The case that screens are driving a youth mental health crisis: Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation. Penguin Press.
• The case that the panic is overblown: Etchells, P. (2024). Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time. Piatkus. (Named alongside Haidt because the two contradict each other — which is the point.)
• No strong causal evidence that screens cause ADHD: Levelink, B., et al. (2021). Association between recreational screen time and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. JAMA Pediatrics. Via: https://www.adhdevidence.org/blog/pair-of-large-u-s-cohort-studies-find-little-to-no-evidence-of-association-between-child-and-adolescent-adhd-and-digital-media-screen-time
• Insufficient evidence for hard screen-time limits (2019 guidance): Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health. (2019). The health impacts of screen time: A guide for clinicians and parents. (Note: this guidance was withdrawn in February 2024 — the position above is as of their 2019 publication.)

📬 Listener Questions & Community

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Free Resouces

I picked up the kids in my husband's car the other day. The youngest said something. The next one waited until they finished, then said something back. There was a pause. I turned around and looked at three kids not even fighting and thought, is this how pickup goes? In my car, it's on the second they get in. Someone's interrupting, someone's yelling, I'm turning the music up to drown them out, ready to throw myself onto the driveway while it's moving. Same kids. Same school. Different mum.

What We Cover

• The hubby-car pickup vs my-car pickup — same kids, same school, completely different ride
• What happens to your nervous system when you're already at a rolling boil before the kids even get in the car
• Interoception — why the signals your body's been sending all afternoon don't land in real time for an ADHD brain
• Alexithymia — the clinical inability to name a feeling in the moment, and the 42–51% of ADHD adults living inside it
• Why mum rage feels like it came out of nowhere when it didn't, and why 'try harder, breathe more, be more like other mums at pickup' was never the answer
• The dinner-time cheese moment — the fan, the dog, the kid in the shower, the TV, the iPad — and why it was never about the cheese
• Who actually benefits when the rage gets called your temperament instead of your load — and why the lavender oil keeps not working
• Part 1 of 2 — what's happening underneath. Part 2 is what to do about it.

Related Episodes

• S2 EP84: Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/
• S2 EP85: Mum Rage Part 2 — Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/
• EP52 HORMONES: When HRT Isn't Enough — Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/
• EP82: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/
• EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
• S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/

References:

Bruton, M., Hall, S. S., & Pollock, M. (2025). Diminished interoceptive accuracy in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A systematic review. Psychophysiology, 62(2), e14750. https://doi.org/10.1111/psyp.14750

Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. — Found 22% of ADHD adults met TAS-20 cutoff (≥61).

Donfrancesco, R., Di Trani, M., Gregori, P., Auguanno, G., Melegari, M. G., Zaninotto, S., & Luby, J. (2013). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and alexithymia: A pilot study. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 5(4), 361–367.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

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You're at the dinner table you fought to make happen. Your phone lights up — school app, swimming's been moved, the bag has to be packed tonight. You know in your bones that if you don't write it down right now, it's gone by morning. You pick up your phone. Your kid says, you said no phones at dinner, I'm getting my iPad then. The parenting advice has told you you've just damaged everyone. The research says you've just used the exact tool your brain needs.

What We Cover

• The dinner table, the school app, the swimming change, the kid line — and the impossible decision in the middle of it
• Why 'phones down at dinner' advice was written for a woman who doesn't need the advice
• Cognitive offloading — the research-backed reason your phone is your external hard drive, not your hobby
• The 11:40pm password reset window — the unpaid admin job nobody sees, and the morning question from your kid (why were you up so late?) you can't answer
• The co-regulation gap — what happens when the advice assumes a regulated parent and a regulated child, and neither one is in your house at 5pm
• The flip — your daughter isn't watching you on a phone. She's watching you teach her how to externalise her working memory before her brain needs to do it too.
• Why the most important thing she sees you do is recover from being overwhelmed, not put down a device

Related Episodes

• EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
• S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/
• EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
• S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/
• EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

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References

Risko, E. F., & Gilbert, S. J. (2016). Cognitive offloading. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(9), 676–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2016.07.002

Alderson, R. M., Kasper, L. J., Hudec, K. L., & Patros, C. H. G. (2013). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and working memory in adults: A meta-analytic review. Neuropsychology, 27(3), 287–302. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032371

Feldman, R. (2007). Parent–infant synchrony and the construction of shared timing; physiological precursors, developmental outcomes, and risk conditions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 48(3–4), 329–354. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2006.01701.x

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

Free Resouces

Listener Question Episode: Bec drops the kids at school, the kitchen's a mess, and she can't let herself eat breakfast until it's clean. Loads the washing on too — wouldn't want to waste time. She finally sits down at 11am. She's wondering if it's an ADHD thing or if she's just weird. She's not weird. She's been trying the wrong strategy on the wrong problem for years.

What We Cover

• Bec's voicemail, the kitchen, the load of washing on while she eats, 11am breakfast
• Why "you deserve rest, mama" advice slides right off — and why feeling worse after reading it isn't a personal failure
• The four different drivers underneath one behaviour — same cry on the surface, completely different things going on inside
• A four-question audio quiz to figure out which one is the loudest in you
• Why every behaviour you're stuck in is meeting a need — and you can't change it until you know which one
• Why my dad and my 80-year-old grandma chainsawing down a tree while telling each other to sit down haunts me — and why I'm watching my daughter start to do it too
• The advice isn't wrong. It's just for the wrong problem.

Free Resources

Facebook Group — come tell me and join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Breaking Free from Unhealthy Habits Kit — for the loops you can't seem to break: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/breaking-unhealthy-habits-adhd-mums-kit/

Paid Resource

ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/

Related Episodes

• S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
• EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy, My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
• EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
• S3 EP59: The Red Pen Christmas — Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-59-stop-editing-yourself-red-pen-christmas/
• EP72: You're Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-behind-you-learned-to-carry-responsibility-too-early
• EP81: The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/
• EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
• EP93: When You Remove the Stress and Start Wondering What's Wrong With You — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/
• EP53 QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

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References

Volkow et al. — Deficits in the brain's reward system in ADHD. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090908193432.htm

Furukawa et al. — Abnormal striatal BOLD responses to reward anticipation and reward delivery in ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935853/

Aarts et al. — Reward modulation of cognitive function in adult ADHD: the role of striatal dopamine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25485641/

Panagiotidi et al. — Altered somatosensory processing in adult ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11323665/

Neurodivergent Insights — Sensory Overload in ADHD (cites Miller et al. 2017). https://neurodivergentinsights.com/sensory-overload-in-adhd/

Attachment Project — Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness Schema. https://www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/unrealiting-standards/

Bay Area CBT Center — Unpacking the Unrelenting Standards Schema. https://bayareacbtcenter.com/unpacking-the-unrelenting-standards-schema/

IFS Institute — Internal Family Systems Model Outline. https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline

Positive Psychology — Internal Family Systems Therapy: 8 Worksheets and Exercises. https://positivepsychology.com/internal-family-systems-therapy/

Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

Free Resouces