Parenting Understood

Dr. Ronald Mah and Michelle discuss how a parent with narcissistic tendencies can impact a child and their development of self. He discusses entitlement, grandiosity, and righteousness, which create a mindset where rules don't apply. Parenting styles are examined, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries with sensitivity for healthy child development. Problematic parenting styles include permissiveness (too sensitive, no boundaries) and neglect (no sensitivity, no boundaries). The discussion ties into attachment theory, highlighting secure attachment as fostering availability, attunement, and sensitivity.

This week we are re-airing a previous episode with Dr Clancy Blair on self-regulation in honor of his life and legacy. Sadly Clancy passed away on Dec. 19th. Clancy was a groundbreaking professor of child development at New York University, died December 19, 2024 in Nashville, TN. He was 63. The author of over 200 scientific articles, Blair was one of the most influential developmental psychologists of his generation. His research fundamentally changed how scientists understand the ways that children are shaped by family, neighborhood, and schools; Professor Blair has had a lasting effect on both scientific research and public policy.

Clancy was born December 27, 1960, in Birmingham, Alabama. He earned a BA from McGill University in 1983, and returned home to Birmingham to earn MA, MPH, and PhD degrees from the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

From 1998 to 2022, Clancy was a professor of developmental psychology, first at Penn State University, and then at New York University. He was known as a brilliant, generous scholar and loving husband and father. With friends, colleagues and family, Blair shared his brilliant wit, his seemingly limitless embrace of life and his confidence in the world's goodness. He wore Converse high-tops and an irrepressible smile. His students remember him as kind and supportive, a mentor as excited by their ideas as his own.

Shortly after moving to Nashville in 2021 with his wife, Cybele, Clancy was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia and primary progressive aphasia. He retired from NYU in 2022. Clancy continued to give back to his community in vibrant, creative ways including through advocacy for people living with dementia, songwriting, ceramics, and volunteering at Nashville's Room in the Inn until a few weeks before he died.

In this episode, we chat with Amanda DeLuca, founder and CEO of Riley, a platform designed to support new parents with evidence-based information and technology. Amanda shares her journey from a career in technology to becoming a parent and the challenges she faced, including postpartum depression and anxiety. Despite meticulous planning, she and her husband found themselves unprepared for the realities of parenthood. This experience led them to create Riley, an app that provides parents with access to reliable data and personalized advice, alleviating the overwhelming cognitive load. The app personalizes user experiences by integrating data, such as family demographics and calendar events, to provide relevant advice and support. With features like developmental milestone tracking and practical tips, Riley seeks to empower parents, helping them focus on what truly matters: loving and supporting their children.

To learn more about Riley and sign up for the beta program, visit https://rileyapp.com/ or follow along on LinkedIn and Instagram. Also for a free 30 day subscription to Riley use code RILEYUNDERSTOOD30 at checkout.

In this episode, we are joined by my colleague, Dr. Robin Neuhaus, to discuss recent research of ours on Perinatal Mood Disorders (PMADs) and parenting supports. We highlight the stigma associated with PMADs, leading to underreporting and inadequate support. We emphasize the need for improved screening methods, increased awareness among healthcare providers, and accessible resources for parents. The conversation also touches on the impact of parental leave policies and the importance of support networks. We conclude by advocating for greater inclusivity in research and resources, recognizing the diverse experiences of caregivers.

For information on the study featured and this episode please visit Nested and @nested.institute on instagram.

In this episode, we catch up after a short break, and chat about strategies for easing school transitions, particularly for children experiencing separation anxiety. We discuss the special importance of parental support through acceptance, validation, and confidence-building. We also emphasize establishing routines to provide children with a sense of security and familiarity. We finish up by discussing our personal and professional goals for 2025.

This episode of Parenting Understood features Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, author of the upcoming book "Post Traumatic Parenting". Dr. Koslowitz, an expert in child development and trauma, discusses the often-overlooked impact of past trauma on parenting. Robyn explains how common coping mechanisms developed in childhood, like people-pleasing, dissociation, and perfectionism, can become obstacles in parenting. These ingrained responses, once helpful, can lead to stress, anger, and disengagement when raising children. Dr. Koslowitz identifies five distinct "post traumatic parenting types". She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and recognizing these patterns. By acknowledging their trauma and its influence, parents can begin to heal and break the cycle. Dr. Koslowitz shares practical strategies like journaling, inner child work, and personifying emotions to manage triggers and respond more effectively to challenging situations. The conversation highlights the potential for parenting to be a catalyst for personal growth and healing. By confronting their own past traumas, parents can develop healthier coping mechanisms and create a more positive environment for their children.

Find Dr. Koslowitz:

• Book: "Post Traumatic Parenting" (available for pre-order)

• Podcast & YouTube: Post Traumatic Parenting

• Instagram: @doctorKoslowitzpsychology

This episode of Parenting Understood explores the crucial topic of emotional regulation for both parents and children. Dr. Cindy Hovington, a neuroscientist and parenting expert, explains that emotional regulation is about responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. She emphasizes that parents' emotional states deeply impact their children, highlighting the importance of modeling healthy emotional responses. The discussion delves into the difference between suppression and true calm, advocating for cognitive reappraisal as a tool to manage emotions effectively. Practical advice includes daily reflection to identify emotional patterns and revisiting challenging situations with children to foster their understanding and growth. Hovington also encourages parents to embrace their own emotional journeys and create a supportive environment for their children to develop essential emotional regulation skills.

In episode 145, Erin and Michelle delve into the concepts of attachment and self-regulation, highlighting their significance in parenting and child development. The hosts discuss how attachment forms a secure base, allowing children to regulate stress and explore their environment. Attachment theory categorizes relationships as either secure, which supports effective self-regulation, or insecure, where stress regulation can be more challenging. Brain research reveals that secure attachments foster more integrated neural activity between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for emotional regulation.

The conversation touches on the potential effects of having mixed attachment styles with different caregivers and how secure attachments can mitigate the impact of insecure ones. As children grow, they develop social referencing skills, using their caregivers to navigate and interpret social and emotional contexts. Co-regulation—where caregivers model emotional regulation and validate children's emotions—is emphasized as a key supportive strategy. Emotional awareness and using natural, age-appropriate language to describe emotions help children understand and articulate their feelings. Practical techniques like deep breathing are also explored as essential tools to support self-regulation, even if results take time and consistency.

In this latest episode, we discuss with Professor Selcuk Sirin the potential influences of our expanding digital world on parenting and child development. We speak about both preparing children for entering the digital world, as well as supporting them once they are in it. We also touch upon the development of technology, and the various generational responses to it.

As an applied psychologist, Dr. Sirin uses empirical research methods to better understand the needs of children and families, and to arm professionals and policy makers with this knowledge so as to better address the needs of the most vulnerable. The goal that unites all of his work is to enhance the lives of marginalized children using development in context as a general framework. He focuses on immigrant children in New York, Muslim youth in the US, refugees in Turkey and Norway, and students at risk in US schools.

He has published his work in top journals, such as Child Development, Developmental Psychology, Review of Educational Research, and Pediatrics, in an effort to inform scholars, practitioners, and policy makers about marginalized children. He has also made a concerted effort to get his work to a wider audience both locally and globally, as he believes strongly in "giving scientific knowledge away." He has served on several policy committees such as the National Academy of Sciences, the Urban Institute, and the Migration Policy Institute. He has also collaborated with UNESCO and Save the Children, in their efforts to improve the lives of refugee children.

Please visit his lab's web page for most recent work and volunteering opportunities. Sirin Lab

For those from Turkey here is his Turkish web page: http://www.selcuksirin.com/

Turkçe web sayfam için lütfen şu sayfayı ziyaret edin: http://www.selcuksirin.com/

In this episode, we are joined by Dr. Diana Turk to discuss civic engagement and supporting children in their engagement. We explore traditional and critical civic engagement. Diana provides a definition of civic engagement that includes community building, empathy, and understanding diverse perspectives. She emphasizes the importance of involving children in civic activities from a young age, modeling thoughtful discussions, and explaining the "why" behind our actions. Diana provides practical examples, like discussing the reasoning behind supporting a particular cause or candidate, and involving children in community service. She also highlights the importance of empowering neurodivergent children to participate in civic life and provides resources for families to support their children's civic engagement. For more information on Dr. Turk and her work please visit her website

Diana Turk is the Director of Teacher Education at NYU Steinhardt's School of Culture Education, and Human Development and an associate professor of Teaching and Learning. Diana received her MA and PhD in American Studies from the University of Maryland at College Park. She brings to her work in teacher education a passion for civic engagement, a commitment to teaching for democratic change, and a dedication to the fundamental belief that all teachers must be prepared to reach and teach all learners. Actively committed to an ongoing anti-racist journey, Diana recognizes the need for all students to have teachers who see, know, and understand them, as well as look like them, Diana is passionate about building a highly diverse and effective teacher corps that is anti-racist, culturally sustaining, and rigorously dedicated to teaching and guiding the nation's children.