Some men want a license to kill, but Tyler doesn't need anything so grand.  He just wants to know how he can go whenever he needs to without the GD fuzz getting involved. 

Ever thought you could do a better job running the office than the bozos in charge?  Shaun and Brian are here this week because they feel the same way, only about the second largest city in New England.  Did someone say bloodless coup?  They did not.  

THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES, TWO AMAZING THINGS.  First off, we've got a special guest host.  The one, the only, she's got the Hope Diamond on her somewhere--it's El Kennedy.  SECOND, we've got a great episode for you.  Local favorite Frank Allen stops by to get advice on heisting.  Guess what?  He came to the right place.  

Talk about wish fulfillment.  Since she was young El has had a love/hate relationship with the largest diamond in the world, so it makes sense she would come to us to figure out how to steal it.  I just HOPE she does something productive with it, unlike that old lady in Titanic.  

THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES--CLOWN PEOPLE, BUTTS, AND INSURANCE FRAUD!  WE'VE GOT IT ALL!  Brieana Woodward and Al Christakis join us to figure out how get MAXIMUM VALUE for Al's derrière.  The secret ingredient to this scheme?  Crime. 

Our good friend Patrick has some interesting plans for Mars, let me tell you.  And if you give us an opportunity to yuck Elon's yum, Perfect Crimes Inc. is going to take it.  

Look, we know.  Trump beat him to it.  That doesn't mean we don't have a great episode this week.  And besides, when the president does it, it's not a crime.  Big shout out to Nixon for that one.  

What do you do with a bunch of gay men that haven't called you back?  Straight to jail.  What if they were kind of rude to you on that one date?  Believe it or not, jail.  We help Matt Hayden Gone Girl every man that's ever even sorta kinda wronged him right to--you guessed it--jail.  

I'm going to level with everyone--we were all going to a Christmas party after this and I had too many martinis to tell you exactly what happens during this episode.  I know we said funny stuff during this episode, probably, but god help me if I can remember any of it.  Adam Melvin definitely has a crime that involves pitting aquatic creatures together for sport, I think, and I'm as excited as all of you to find out what that means exactly.  Jesus do I have a drinking problem?  Zach Morin guest hosts for the first 15 minutes and I didn't know that until I went back to edit this episode.  Eh, it's fine.  It's the holidays.   

Who says Robin Hood can't look like Ron Jeremy?  We help JP Dexter plan out exactly how he'll use unguarded Door Dash orders to make the world a better place.  Still from the rich, give to the hungry, maybe make a few dollars along the way.  It's a Perfect Crime, people.