Permission To Desire: Relationships, Sex, Love, and Liberation

f you want to be in a relationship that doesn't quite fit the monogamy mold, you've probably come across both the ideas of both "open relationship" and "polyamory" ... what's the difference between them and which one is right for you?

Polyamory and open relationship are two BIG umbrella terms in the ways folks structure their not-monogamous relationship lives. I explain the basics of each, how they overlap sometimes, and what you need to know to decide which — if any! — is right for you.

I also share a relationship idea that's somewhere between "monogamous" and "open relationship" ... what Dan Savage calls "mongamish"

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

A short and sweet one from my phone to yours today with a message that maybe you need to hear.

Are you approaching your open relationship like an edge... always almost but hardly ever going all the way?

If so, it's up to you to decide: do you actually want to get off? No wrong answer, just choose on purpose. And if you do want that's more comfortable to actually act on, what are you going to do about it?

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

When John first brought up opening their relationship, Keller's response was fear. He didn't feel like enough. He didn't have a framework. And after 8 years together, the whole idea felt like it could unravel everything they'd built.

Four years later, he and John are married and navigating non-monogamy with more confidence and intention than Keller ever thought possible. In this conversation, you'll hear how he moved from insecurity to clarity, what tools he's still using today, and how he went from cautiously open to fully embracing polyamory.

There were still some bumps along the way, and whenever they hit a bumpy patch, they brought it to coaching to be able to talk it through in a controlled, facilitated environment, and to walk away with specific suggestions to try.

That was 2021.

Today, Keller and John are still together, they got married a few years ago — and are navigating non-monogamy with more confidence and intention than Keller ever thought possible. When I caught up with Keller recently, he told me that even his grandmother knows about non-monogamy and met one of his other partners! Talk about progress!

Keller also shared that he and John return to some of the foundational exercises they learned in Relationshift at least once a year, pulling out old worksheets and cheatsheets and taking a look at what, if anything, they want to adjust or revisit.

If you want some of that for yourself and your relationship, join us in Relationshift. Enrollment is open through Friday August 21, 2016 - https://thisisbgm.com/group/

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

You know how new relationships come with a honeymoon period? The first few months to first few years after opening up have their own honeymoon period too.

If you hit a bumpy patch a year or two after opening up, you are not alone. There are a few common reasons and once you know what they are, you can know what to do about them.

In this episode, I'm going to talk you through through the most common pressure points that can turn an open relationship from fun to frustrating. Things like jealousy, time pressure, ineffective open relationship rules, and hurtful communication. Then, I share what it takes to move into a more sustainable, intentional phase. An open relationship can bring you closer together than ever before so if you're navigating some rough waters, this is your lifeline!

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

If you'd like to watch along with the video and slides, you can see the video replay at https://thisisbgm.com/workshop/replay/

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

As someone who talks about non-monogamy every week on this show, Brian has something to say in this episode that might surprise you: sometimes opening your relationship is a terrible idea. Or at least it won't do what you're hoping it will do.

In this episode, Brian breaks down the four reasons people sometimes have for opening up that are actually red flags — and what to do instead if you recognize yourself in one of them.

Opening up isn't a magic fix for any of these situations but the skills that make non-monogamy work are the same skills that make any relationship work whether yours is open, closed, or somewhere in between. So whether you see yourself in one of these 4 reasons or not, you'll learn important lessons about what it takes to build and sustain thriving relationships.

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

I hear the words "fair" and "even" tossed around constantly when it comes to relationships — open, poly, or monogamous. But here's my main thesis: fair and even are not the same thing.

In this episode, I break down all the sneaky ways I see clients and friends try to enforce "evenness" in their relationships, from matching hookup frequency, to keeping outside connections the same "type," splitting family time down the middle, and even trying to have the exact same hobbies. I'll share why chasing sameness reduces your relationship to a math equation you can't actually even solve, and the 3 areas to focus on instead.

If you're keeping score in your relationship and still feel uncomfortable no matter how "even" you make it, this one's for you.

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

In this episode, Brian shares his extensive 15-year experience in an open relationships, looking especially at how non-monogamy has enriched his life and partnership. Whether you're curious about opening up your relationship, looking for positive examples of non-monogamy, or seeking advice on how to "do" an open relationship well, you'll learn from Brian's personal story and professional insights.

Key Topics

• Brian’s personal story of a long-term open relationship and polyamory
• Motivations behind opening up a relationship
• The philosophical and ethical principles that underpin non-monogamous relationships
• Common challenges faced, such as navigating feelings of jealousy, setting boundaries, and dealing with societal judgments
• How non-monogamy fosters growth, deeper connection, and expanded definitions of family
• The impact of opening up on jealousy, anxiety, and insecurity
• The importance of intentional relationship building and ongoing honest conversations

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

If one of you wanted an open relationship and the other was hesitant so you compromised by being partway open—some things are allowed, some aren’t and it’s not quite as open as one of you would like while being frustrating or scary for the other… I got you.

In this episode, we’ll look at the (very understandable) reasons couples open up partway as well as the SPECIFIC challenges that come along with that arrangement and what to do about them (it’s different challenges than a more fully open one).

Partway open, open-ish, monogam-ish, monogamous with some exceptions, an occasional hall pass… whatever you call it, we’re diving into it.

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

We’re facing some common open relationship/polyamory fears head-on: what if he finds someone “better?” What if it’s all fun now, but our open relationship becomes a problem later?

We’ll confront worries about commitment, jealousy, and whether opening a relationship could get in the way of a deeper future together.

You’ll learn the unexpected REAL issue that most often comes up. As well as some key ways open relationships can actually deepen your relationship.

🔎 Want to shift something in your relationship? From communication, conflict, sex, desire, relationship structure, future planning and more, I coach clients to build right-fit relationships. Apply for a (free) next steps call: https://thisisbgm.com/private-coaching/

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)