Permission To Desire: Relationships, Sex, Love, and Liberation

Is fighting a sign of a failing relationship? Not necessarily!

Conflict is a natural and normal part of every relationship, what matters is how you approach conflict and how you feel during it.

If you find yourself battling with your partner--you know the feeling: butting heads, making arguments, poking holes, getting defensive, or if you find yourself making "compromises" that feel more like surrendering, then this episode is for you.

In this episode, you'll how to spot if conflict is turning into an unproductive and unhealthy fight and then Brian will walk you through a powerful way to reframe your fighting.

You are going to want different things than your partner, or have different opinions, or otherwise bump into each other, but after listening to this episode, you'll be able to do that in a way that brings you closer together rather than pushes your further apart.

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

Do you have rules for your open relationship or are you looking to set some? If so, you probably want open relationship rules to protect your relationship, keep yourselves safe, and to avoid any uncomfortable feelings like jealousy or insecurity. Makes sense!

A lot of couples in open relationships reach for a rulebook — no sleepovers, no feelings, always get permission first. And there's a reason: rules feel like a promise that jealousy and insecurity won't happen.

But here's what I see time and again: rules work... until they stop working.

Whether you're thinking about how to setup rules in your open relationship or have some rules that stopped working, this episode is for you.

I'm pulling back the curtain on what I've learned from working with nearly 100 couples, triads, and quads on what does work so that you can structure your relationship in a way that is safe, secure, and still sexy.

In this episode, you'll learn.

• why couples set rules for their open relationship in the first place. 
• Some examples of common, but ultimately unhelpful rules for you to avoid. 
• Some examples of starter rules that you can use as you begin to open your relationship
• How to craft your own relationship rules—what works and what doesn't
• 3 tools to take your rules to the next level. (I've got something else that you can try instead or in addition.)

Mentioned in the episode:

How to set personal boundaries

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

"Boundaries" pack a lot of promise: from personal protection to being the key to a successful relationship.

Personal boundaries are important in a relationship. But sometimes saying that is either than setting them. Or maybe you've had the language of boundaries weaponized against you when trying to advocate for yourself or your own needs.

In this episode, Brian breaks down what a boundary actually is (and what it isn't), why some people are accidentally using boundaries as a tool for control, and how getting clear on your own real, personal limits puts you back in control no matter what your partner does.

You'll learn how to tell the difference between a boundary, a preference, and a request — and why knowing the difference is key actually getting what you want and need in a relationship.

At the end of the day, whether you call them boundaries, rules, guidelines, requests, or needs... we want you to have all the tools you need for a healthy and thriving relationship.

This episode will be another tool in your relationship toolbox.

And if you want support getting clear on your limits, improving communication, and getting more of what you actually want in your relationship, apply for coaching with Brian at thisisbgm.com/apply.

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

In this episode, Brian G. Murphy explores the importance of embracing uncomfortable feelings in open and polyamorous relationships.

If you're in an open or polyamorous relationship and you feel overwhelmed, jealous, frustrated, or insecure, there's nothing wrong with you. And you aren't "bad" for feeling that way.

So where do you go from there?

Push down those feelings and try to make them go away?

Abandon non-monogamy and try to go back to monogamy? (or end the relationship?!)

There's another path. One that doesn't ask you to ignore your feelings nor to drastically change a relationship structure that has the potential to be meaningful (and fun) for everyone involved.

In this episode, you'll get some practical advice on how to acknowledge and work uncomfortable feelings to build stronger, more authentic connections.

These feelings you're most afraid of?

They are doorways to even more strength, commitment, and confidence in your relationship if you learn how to listen to them and take care of each other.

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

If you try hard to communicate well in your relationship,

and you care deeply about your partner,

and so you try really hard to fix any problems in your relationship right when they come up...

... that's understandable. It's even a loving and helpful impulse.

BUT you might be skipping one important step and making a mistake that actually makes your conflict harder than it needs to be.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• a big conflict mistake Brian sees in his coaching clients (and has dealt with himself, too)
• how Brian approached conflict in the past—and why that didn't serve him well
• how to spot this conflict mistake in your own relationship
• tools to approach conflict differently so you can handle conflict more productively (and with less frustration!)

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

In between "monogamy" and an "open relationship," there’s a grey area… you’re technically monogamous anymore but “open” isn’t really accurate either.

This ish space can be fun and fulfilling or it can be stressful and unsatisfying. It depends on which ish you’re in.

In this episode you'll learn

• the difference between monogamish (a term coined by Dan Savage) and open-ish — a term Brian uses to describe couples who are in transition, in a blurry in between, or not-quite-monogamous circumstances you've sorta sumbled into
• who a monogamish relationship is right for
• how to spot if you're in an open-ish relationship
• What makes an open-ish relationship work well (vs wha will make it feel miserable)
• 4 steps you need to get unstuck from an open-ish relationship that isn't serving you

Whether monogamish is your happy place or you're ready to move toward something more open (or back toward monogamy entirely), our goal is the same: helping you stop gritting your teeth in your relationship and get back to enjoying it even more.

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

Whether you're considering opening up your relationship, already in an open relationship and wondering "maybe this is just how its supposed to be?," or new dating match say he's polyamorous... you may or may not have some ideas about what it means to be open or polyamorous and they may or may not be accurate.

In this episode, Brian G Murphy busts many of the common nonmonogamy myths and shares with you what it's really like to be in an open relationship.

If your open relationship isn't working the way you'd like—or you're considering opening up and want to make sure do it well—Relationshift private coaching is your guide to a right-fit relationship and satisfying sex life. Apply at thisisbgm.com/apply

Links to resources referenced in this episode:

• "Good" vs "Bad" Feelings In A Relationship - YouTube
• 7 Tips for Dealing With Uncomfortable Feelings In A Relationship - YouTube
• The Ethical Slut - Bookshop
• Do you know what "cheating" means in your relationship? - podcast
• The State of Affairs - Amazon | Bookshop

Have a question about non-monogamy for Brian? Ask him by sending a message on Instagram (@ThisIsBGM) or by email to [email protected].

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

Is watching porn cheating? What about dancing with a stranger? or sexting with a friend? Whatever your answer is, I know that there is someone out there equally confident that the opposite is true.

In my work as a relationship coach, nearly every person I talk to has a different idea about what would "count" as cheating—and sometimes partners even have different definitions!

In this episode, I want to help you avoid the accidental cheating trap, get clear on what commitment means to you, and build a thriving relationship on your own terms.

Whether you're monogamous, open, polyamorous, or in the process of figuring that out right now, it's important that you and your partner are on the same page about what the structure of your relationship and what everyone involved is comfortable with.

This is especially important if you're considering opening up or in the process of opening up! I know you may be excited to jump into the fun, but breaches of trust based on misunderstands will only complicate the process. So let's get you some clarity!

If you want a short, simple guide to walk you through the process of clarifying what the agreements of your relationship are right now, download the free Commitment Clarity Checklist at thisisbgm.com/clarity

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

If you're thinking about opening up your relationship—or have opened it partway already—you may think that if you just go slow enough, everything will work out. While it's important to go at a slow and steady pace, there are 3 major pitfalls I see when partners are starting to open their relationship. In this episode, Brian shares what those are so you can avoid unnecessary stress, conflict, fear, or resentment as well as changes you can make to the process to make opening up (or deciding not to open up) smoother.

Opening up can bring you closer together if you do it well. This episode will help you do just that.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Commitment Clarity Checklist - thisisbbm.com/clarity
• Weekly Sync Session workbook and training - thisisbgm.com/sync
• Private support to make opening up feel smooth, safe, and secure: thisisbgm.com/apply

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)

What if your sex life wasn't a distraction from everything going on in the world right now but actually one of your most powerful responses to it?

In this episode, Brian shares how your sex life is political. He breaks down how sex shame has been used as a tool of control, why it's important to feed your own sexual pleasure as a way to tend to your relationship (even when doing so feels scary), and what it actually means to claim sex and pleasure as an act of defiance in a political moment designed to make you feel small.

This one is equal parts liberation theory and practical invitation. We need you fully alive and sex is part of that.

If you're ready to stop putting your desire on hold and build a fuller, more alive erotic life, Relationshift private coaching with Brian will get you there. Your next step is to schedule a free Next Steps Call. Apply at thisisbgm.com/apply.

Grab a time for a free next steps call to get a custom plan on what to focus on in your relationship & learn about coaching support options. Apply here.

Relationshift waitlist: https://thisisbgm.com/group/

Connect with Brian on Instagram: @ThisIsBGM (Feel free to DM with any questions you have!)