Pod Sematary

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Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1559333171828641795

CW: Homophobia, Harm to Animals

It’s Predator vs. Prey Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey get to the choppah!

The Classic Film: Predator (1987)

"A team of commandos on a mission in a Central American jungle find themselves hunted by an extraterrestrial warrior” (IMDb.com). Crossover classic Predator is the best of both worlds: 80s Action and Killer Monster Horror. If you like both of these things, you'll enjoy Predator. If you don't like either... you'll still enjoy Predator.

The Modern Film: Prey (2022)

"Naru, a skilled warrior, fights to protect her tribe against one of the first highly-evolved Predators to land on Earth” (IMDb.com). Prey may lay... it on thick, but isn't that was Predator movies are for? Either way, it's still the best entry since the original.

Audio Sources:

"The Beginning: Making Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace" produced by Lucasfilm Ltd.

"Coneheads" produced by Paramount Pictures

"Hackers" produced by United Artists & Suftley

"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" produced by Warner Bros., et al.

"Predator" (1987) produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Prey" (2022) produced by 20th Century Studios & Davis Entertainment

"Showdown" written by Jeff Lynne and performed by the Electric Light Orchestra

"Terminator 2: Judgment Day" produced by Carolco Pictures, et al.

"Voice of Optimus Prime is also The Predator (vocalizations by Peter Cullen)" via TFcon @ https://youtu.be/gpjhI-eRE6c

Get more at patreon.com/podsematary! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1556480922513391616

CW: Rape

It’s Matrimony Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey went to a wedding this weekend, so they're in the mood... for wedding-themed horror!

The Classic Film: Hatchet for the Honeymoon [Il rosso segno della follia] (1970)

"A cleaver-wielding bridal designer murders various young brides-to-be in an attempt to unlock a repressed childhood trauma” (IMDb.com). Hatchet for the Honeymoon may not be Bava's best-known work, but if you're a fan of giallo (or American Psycho), you might not want to miss it.

The Modern Film: Ready or Not (2019)

"A bride's wedding night takes a sinister turn when her eccentric new in-laws force her to take part in a terrifying game” (IMDb.com). Ready or Not asks a lot of the viewer, but if you can put up with the silliness, there's a lot to love about it.

Audio Sources:

"Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" produced by De Laurentiis Entertainment Group, et al.

"Cabin in the Woods" produced by Lionsgate, et al.

"Double Team" written and performed by Tenacious D

"Dumb and Dumber To" produced by Universal Pictures, et al.

"Hatchet for the Honeymoon" produced by Pan Latina Films, et al.

"Ready or Not" (2019) produced by Fox Searchlight Pictures, et al.

"Ready or Not" written by Nel Ust Wyclef Jean, et al., and performed by Fugees

"Run Rabbit Run" written by Ralph T. Butler & Noel Gay and performed by Flanagan and Allen

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1554240987651665920

CW: Suicide, Rape, Homophobia, Child Abuse

It’s Serial-Kidnappers-in-Masks Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey talk to strangers... and dead kids!

The Classic Film: Kiss the Girls (1997)

"Police hunting for a serial kidnapper are helped when a victim manages to escape for the first time” (IMDb.com). Despite its status as the first film appearance of Doctor/Detective Alex Cross, Kiss the Girls is still just one of a slew of mediocre, serial-killer thrillers churned out by the 90s.

The Modern Film: The Black Phone (2021)

"After being abducted and locked in a soundproof basement, a 13-year-old boy starts receiving calls on a disconnected phone from the killer's previous victims” (IMDb.com). A recent critical darling of the genre, Joe Hill and Scott Derrickson's The Black Phone is pretty compelling... if a tad overrated.

Audio Sources:

"American History X" produced by New Line Cinema, et al.

"The Black Phone" produced by Blumhouse Productions, et al.

"Boombastic" written by Orville Burrell, et al., and performed by Shaggy

"Deadpool" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Kiss the Girls" produced by Paramount Pictures & Rysher Entertainment

"Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has an Important Decision to Make" (Clerks S01E01) produced by View Askew Productions, et al.

"The Little Mermaid" produced by Walt Disney Pictures, et al.

"Robin Hood: Men in Tights" produced by Brooksfilms & Gaumont

"The Sixth Sense" produced by Spyglass Entertainment, et al.

Get more at patreon.com/podsematary! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1552106330491461634

CW: Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault

It’s Undying Ladies Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey go on a hike, meet some dead celebrities, and learn to flamingo dance.

The Classic Film: Death Becomes Her (1992)

"When a fading actress learns of an immortality treatment, she sees it as a way to outdo her long-time rival” (IMDb.com). Death Becomes Her was unfairly maligned in its day, despite including three fantastically comic performances and a darkness that isn't depressing.

The Modern Film: Life After Beth (2014)

"A young man's recently deceased girlfriend mysteriously returns from the dead, but he slowly realizes she is not the way he remembered her” (IMDb.com). Life After Beth is a weird one—it's very clever and has a stacked cast, but it's somehow also difficult to recommend?

Audio Sources:

"Death Becomes Her" produced by Universal Pictures

"Forrest Gump" produced by Paramount Pictures, et al.

"Forever Young" written by Jim Cregan, et al., and performed by Rod Stewart

"Life After Beth" produced by Abbolita Productions, et al.

"The Stand" (1994 TV Miniseries) produced by Greengrass Productions & Laurel Entertainment Inc.

"Spaceballs" (The Movie) produced by Brooksfilms & Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1549195416930885632

CW: Suicide, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Homophobia

It’s Meta Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey are self-referential and silly. Don't think too hard about it.

The Classic Film: Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)

"The Gremlins are back, and this time, they've taken control of a New York City media mogul's high-tech skyscraper” (IMDb.com). Gremlins 2 was a too-late sequel to a pop culture phenomenon that didn't feel like the original at all. But if you can get over that, it sure is a lot of stupid fun.

The Modern Film: The Final Girls (2015)

"A young woman grieving the loss of her mother, a famous scream queen from the 1980s, finds herself pulled into the world of her mom's most famous movie. Reunited, the women must fight off the film's maniacal killer” (IMDb.com). The Final Girls is a love letter to—not a takedown of—slasher films from the 80s. The logic may not work, but who cares, really?

Audio Sources:

"Bette Davis Eyes" written by Donna Weiss & Jackie DeShannon and performed by Kim Carnes

"Cherry Pie" written by Jani Lane and performed by Warrant

"The Final Girls" (2015) produced by Groundswell Productions

"Gremlins" produced by Warner Bros. & Amblin Entertainment

"Gremlins 2: The New Batch" produced by Warner Bros. & Amblin Entertainment

"Hollywood Sequel Doctor" (Key and Peele S05E08) produced by Monkeypaw Productions, et al.

"Joker" (2019) produced by Warner Bros., et al.

"Looper" (2012) produced by TriStar Pictures, et al.

"My Name is Bruce" produced by Dark Horse Entertainment & Image Entertainment

"Spaceballs" produced by Brooksfilms & Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1546314325794508800

CW: Child Abuse, Harm to Animals

It’s Firestarter Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey try a double helping of the Stephen King adaptation and start bleeding from all sorts of places.

The Original: Firestarter (1984)

"A couple who participated in a potent medical experiment gain telepathic ability and then have a child who is pyrokinetic” (IMDb.com). Some wonky bits aside, an absolutely stacked cast turns out one of (in our minds) the actually good Stephen King adaptations.

The Remake: Firestarter (2022)

"A young girl tries to understand how she mysteriously gained the power to set things on fire with her mind” (IMDb.com). Compared to the book and the original film, this remake just doesn't stand up. But if you watch it first, you may think it's alright.

Audio Sources:

"Firestarter" (1984) produced by Dino De Laurentiis Company & Universal Pictures

"Firestarter" (2022) produced by Blumhouse Productions, et al.

"Firestarter" written by Liam Howlett, et al., and performed by The Prodigy

"Hot Cold Sodas and Cold Hot Popcorn" by Nuthacker

"The Langoliers" (1995 TV Miniseries) produced by Laurel Entertainment Inc., et al.

"Old School" produced by Dreamworks Pictures & The Montecito Picture Company

"Science Fiction/Double Feature" written by Richard O'Brien & Richard Hartley and performed by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

"Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" produced by Lucasfilm, et al.

"Stephen King's IT" (1990 TV Miniseries) produced by Green/Epstein Productions, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com!

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Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1543801002284838912

CW: Spousal Abuse, Rape

It’s American Independence Day on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey celebrate the 4th respectfully and neither kick the tires nor light the fires.

The Classic Film: Uncle Sam (1996)

"Desert Storm vet who was killed in combat rises from the grave on July Fourth, to kill the unpatriotic citizens of his hometown, after some teens burn an American flag over his burial site” (IMDb.com). It's better than we ever could have expected, but that can't hide its most egregious sin: Uncle Sam is mostly a boring movie.

The Modern Film: Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

"Two decades after the first Independence Day invasion, Earth is faced with a new extra-Solar threat. But will mankind's new space defenses be enough?” (IMDb.com). The original is by no means a masterpiece, but it made up for it in charisma. This sequel is just catastrophically bad and there's no amount of well-that-was-kinda-neat-I-guess that can make up for it.

Audio Sources:

"Firestarter" written by Liam Howlett, et al., and performed by The Prodigy

"Independence Day" produced by Twentieth Century Fox & Centropolis Entertainment

"Independence Day: Resurgence" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Science Fiction/Double Feature" written by Richard O'Brien & Richard Hartley and performed by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

"South Park" produced by Braniff, et al.

"Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi" produced by Lucasfilm

"Thank You for Being a Friend" written by Andrew Gold and Performed by Cynthia Fee

"That's My Bush!" produced by Comedy Central, et al.

"Theme from Shaft" composed and performed by Isaac Hayes

"Uncle Sam" produced by A-Pix Entertainment, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1541216980711067648

CW: Rape, Suicide, Transmisogyny

It’s Urban Legends Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey round out the trilogy in a two-for-one episode to surprising results!

The Classic Film: Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

"A film school is the center of a fresh spate of killings based on urban legends” (IMDb.com). It may not be a great movie, but is Final Cut our favorite UL? Actually...

The Modern Film: Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)

"...a trio of high school friends chant an incantation, unleashing an evil spirit from the past with deadly consequences” (IMDb.com). While there are one or two things that are moderately cool about this final (for now) installment of the franchise, the fact that we have to say that should tell you everything you need to know. Hard to believe that this is the same director as Pet Sematary and Pet Sematary Two.

Audio Sources:

"Blossom" produced by Touchstone Television, et al.

"Die Hard" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence!" written and performed by Charlie Brissette, et al.

"A Goofy Movie" produced by Walt Disney Pictures, et al.

"Half Baked" produced by Robert Simonds Productions & Universal Pictures

"Hook" produced by Amblin Entertainment & TriStar Pictures

"Labyrinth" produced by The Jim Henson Company, et al.

"Pet Sematary" produced by Paramount Pictures & Laurel Productions

"Scream" produced by Dimension Films & Woods Entertainment

"Urban Legend" produced by Phoenix Pictures, et al.

"Urban Legends: Bloody Mary" produced by NPP Productions Inc. & Screen Gems

"Urban Legends: Final Cut" produced by Phoenix Pictures, et al.

"You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" written by Vicki Wickham, et al., and performed by Dusty Springfield

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1538690146630979589

CW: Rape

It’s Monster Investigations Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey don't blame the actors for this very ranty episode of listener recommendations (Thanks, Aaron & Will!).

The Classic Film: The Night Flier (1997)

"A reporter is on the trail of a vampiric murderer who travels by plane” (IMDb.com). Believe it or not, this Stephen King adaptation starring Miguel Ferrer WASN'T made for TV.

The Modern Film: Digging Up the Marrow (2014)

"A documentary exploring genre-based monster art takes an odd turn when the filmmakers are contacted by a man who claims he can prove that monsters are indeed real” (IMDb.com). Surprisingly, Adam Green's acting isn't all that bad (neither is Ray Wise's), and almost all of the monster effects are really cool. Unfortunately, that's about where the praise for this mockumentary-cum-advertisement stops.

Audio Sources:

"Digging Up the Marrow" produced by ArieScope Pictures

"The Night Flier" produced by Night Flier Productions, et al.

"Thinner" produced by Paramount Pictures & Spelling Films

"Vampire's Kiss" produced by Hemdale & Magellan Pictures

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1536176582443732992

CW: Rape, Abuse of a Child with Disabilities, Harm to Animals

It’s Father's Day on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey get back-alley plastic surgery and second families. Look, it's all very confusing.

The Classic Film: Stepfather 3: Father's Day (1992)

"That psycho stepfather has escaped from the insane asylum and had his face surgically altered. Now he's married again, this time to a woman with a child in a wheelchair. He goes on a killing spree once again” (IMDb.com). It's Stepfather again, only cringier and even more prudish, and this time we don't even get Terry O'Quinn. It's the epitome of the unnecessary sequel.

The Modern Film: The Wailing (2016)

"Soon after a stranger arrives in a little village, a mysterious sickness starts spreading. A policeman, drawn into the incident, is forced to solve the mystery in order to save his daughter” (IMDb.com). The Wailing is a beautiful and very well-made but entirely too long movie with, ultimately, not a lot to say of substance about its subjects of choice.

Audio Sources:

"Eat Like an American" (from "Beyond the Pale") written and performed by Jim Gaffigan

"Happy Together" written by Gary Bonner & Alan Gordon and performed by the Turtles

"Hellraiser" (1987) produced by New World Pictures, et al.

"Jacob's Ladder" (1990) produced by Carolco Pictures

"Skyfire Cycle" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine S04E08) produced by Fremulon, et al.

"Stepfather" (1987) produced by Incorporated Television Company

"Stepfather 3" produced by Incorporated Television Company & Trimark Pictures

"The Wailing" produced by Fox International Production, et al.

"Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" produced by Wolper Pictures