Birds, reptiles, bugs molt... mammals shed.

Molting is a tool. You outgrow who you were, and shed the old size.

Humans are mammals and they don't molt. Culling is the design to cause evolution for mammals. More about that in another article...

Humans haven't changed, inside, the who hasn't changed for 100,000 years.

In this article I teach you how to molt, even if other humans don't. How to use molting to become better and better version of yourself. So you can build a better and better life for yourself.

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen ~ Hemingway

But how do you listen completely?

Let's use the inversion method that aka the strait and narrow method.

So what we are looking for are the ways you listen, the ways to listen not completely.

When you think, you don't hear.

Thinking is like talking in your head.

So stop thinking. Thinking about anything, including thinking about what you hear... or you won't listen completely.

Listening completely means hearing completely, even if you don't understand, you heard it.

My students all hear the same thing... physically. So hearing and listening is not the same thing.

When the tree falls in the forest it doesn't make a noise, even if your ears hear it. Unless you listen you didn't hear it.

So the problem is: you are somewhere else in your mind...

So we are ultimately find in this inversion exercise where the mind goes when you don't listen completely. OK?

Just one more thing: The best listeners are also the best and fastest learners. They become the most successful people on the planet. Successful in life...

I don't have, have never had a client who is a good listener. Ultimately, people come to me because they don't listen well. So addressing your listening is probably the most important issue I haven't done successfully.

I can measure (muscletesting while connected to Source) to what degree what was said/written gets through to you.

My students have numbers between 1 and 10%. My number is 91%. Alex Hormozi's also 91%. Ben, one of my marketing teachers: 30%. Troy? 10%.

The more completely hear what was said without bastardizing the more you are interacting with reality.

What is said, what is written is reality. Not necessarily true. Reality doesn't mean it is true.

What you say about it in your head is NOT reality, it is meaning, commentary, interpretation.

When you don't listen completely, you replace, seamlessly, what was said with your commentary... And this is exactly what most people do: they never hear what YOU are saying. Counselors, teachers, coaches, priests, pastors, mothers, lovers.

They cannot hear you because their own voice is louder than yours. In their heads.

So what are the kinds of things you say in your head?

I agree/I don't agree

I like it/I don't like it

That is true/that is b.s.

I don't believe it

What's in it for me? WIIFM

I don't understand

It's boring

Why do I have to listen to this?

What am I going to say when they finally shut up?

It is a skill to listen well... but if your self-concern is too high, then the main issue is your self-concern.

Self is always invented. You are not born with a self.

We invent our self in the aftermath of some traumatic event. We invent it so we can survive.

Humans need a family for a long long time, because human brain develops so slowly. So the threat of losing that support is at the root of that invention... It is designed to help you survive, not the thrive.

But it is a figment of your imagination... not real. It is what we call 'precious I',

You can have two kinds of attitude in life, and which one you have will decide what kind of life you'll live.

And no, it is not innate. You are not born with it, you assumed that attitude, for reasons of your own.

The two attitudes are

1. coming from

2. going to

I measure this in the Starting Point Measurements as outcome dependence.

I measure to what degree you hope, expect, effort, work, pretend, lie, cheat so that you get what you want. Security, health, wealth, love, fulfillment, happiness...

You want Life, people, society to give you that you want... And your happiness, fulfillment, etc. depend on what you get.

As an empath I get more than my share of what people give me... unwanted... People give me their emotions, their attitudes.

So here I am sitting feeling someone's sadness. The attitude is 'not enough'. What is not enough I don't know, but the emotion is weepy. It being Christmas, it may have to do something with the holiday, but I don't know. I actually get this 'not enough' attitude given to me quite often lately.

Reality, the distinction

A person who has that attitude doesn't know that reality is meaning-less... i.e. in reality you have what you have. And it is always enough. What isn't there only exists in YOUR imagination, not in reality. There is nothing that should be there, could be there... What is there is what is reality.

The moment this person would get the distinction 'reality' they would stop grieving about what isn't, and start addressing what is.

They would be in their power: in the driving seat... instead of being a passenger in life who can only complain, cry, grieve.

People draw a blank when they look to see what it would take to drive their lives.

They can't see that both what you consciously do and what you consciously don't do will either drive your life or put you in the passenger seat. And doing includes speaking... even speaking inside your head.

Speaking is action for the powerful, and is part of driving your life...

The person whose feelings I feel right now, the 'not enough' is a passenger.

One of the predictable things over Christmas is: people get dehydrated.

Dehydrated through talking too much, through drinking too much coffee, tea, whatever... Or miscalculating how much coherent water they need for their trip visiting friends.

Yesterday I made myself some burned sugar. And I added some almond flour.

I asked myself the question. Am I driving my life, or will I allow my rules to drive my life?

I chose driving. I took some Copper with my burned sugar. And I enjoyed it. It was my holiday treat to myself. It was about one ounce of sugar. And it hit the spot. And I am well.

I have the same relationship to getting up in the morning: I take it always to 'what or who is driving my life?' and then I do what driving would mean.

Until you get clear about what it is like and what it takes to drive your life, you are not coachable, you are not guidable.

You'll remain spiritually on a 3-year old's level who, when offered to teach him to tie his shoe laces, he defiantly answers: 'I already know how to do it!!!' while he doesn't.

It's always a good idea to ask the question: what is driving my life right now? Frequently.

Is it the need to appease Sophie? lol. Is it your rules? Your self-concern to be blameless? Blameless in everything! It's not me, it's my water! It's not me, it is my fear!

Until you learn and start driving your life, you are unteachable, untrainable, uncoachable, unguidable.

One thing you 'delegate' driving to is your self-concern, protecting your 'precious I'.

The method I have been successful at is the inversion method.

Summary: from the comments and email I am getting it is clear that the concept of starting with HAPPY is totally inconceivable to most of you. In my response to a comment I managed to express the essence of it: It is like the skin color you have, it is part of you.

In the 'HAPPY' I advocate, where you start with HAPPY, stay HAPPY, end HAPPY.

It's not a result. It is who you are.

You do what needs to get done to grow, and you are HAPPY while doing it. You are not 'happy' to do it, that would be something else again. You are HAPPY, just like you don't change your skin color according to the type of task you do in life. You stay white, or pink, or yellow, or black... whatever you started with.

It is as if you said 'I am white' if you were born white. And then you live according to that.'

The goal is to come from happy. To start with happy. To have happy be your true nature. And to change what happy means to:

Happy is a function of accepting what is with no resistance. Maybe even intending it to be the way it is.

That happy is an expanded state, as opposed to a narrowed, restricted state. That expanded state is where you can see things for what they are; you don't close your eyes even if what you say is ugly; and you stay there with power and grace and ease. We'll call THAT happy.

And any resistance to 'what is' takes one out of happy...

The happy that you are talking about is a result of some circumstance, fickle, and makes us all 'prostitutes', whores for happy. In a 'I'll screw you for money...' kind of way. You sell your values, you sell your life for the experience of happy. You'll smile for happy, you'll work for, beg for, read for, learn for, eat for, lose weight for, win for happy. and you sold out your life.

The path to that kind of happy is narrow and shallow; there is no need to be a human being, it's OK to be this superficial, shallow, wanting thing.

No need to grow, no need to do anything... actually, for that kind of happy you'll shy away from every effort, every hardship, every serious undertaking, because who wants to go for something like happy at the end of an arduous struggle. Right?

In the HAPPY I advocate, where you start with happy, stay happy, end happy, you do what needs to get done to grow, and you are happy while you are doing it. And not 'I am happy to do it!', that would be something else again. You are happy, just like you don't change your skin color according to the type of task you do in life. You stay white, or pink, or yellow, or black... whatever skin color you started with.

I have been using a distinction in my last articles when talking about who vs. what, but I've never quite explained what I mean.

The distinction of 'coming from'  vs. going to

'Do you know where I'm coming from?'

I have heard conversations similar to this:

'I am an Indian and I don't like racial slurs, do you know where I'm coming from?'

'Yes sir, I understand where you are coming from.'

I am quite familiar with the phrase 'where one is coming from' since that is used a lot where I live. It simply means,

'I understand your point of view' or

'I can see why you think that' or

'Oh, I can see that your experiences lead you to that conclusion'.

I would like to know if this phrase is acceptable to native speakers of English because I should be careful not to annoy anyone or commit a faux pas. I hope you know where I'm coming from.

Going to is easy: that is where most of humanity lives: always trying to go someplace, fix something, follow some agenda, some goal... Activities that almost 100% sure to make you unhappy and unfulfilled.

In essence 'coming from' could be said to be the same as context...

...

If, and when you manage to get out from behind your own eyeballs, you make someone happy... what just happened?

I have been alive for 75 years. I have experienced being made happy, made proud, only a few times.

What makes anyone happy is when what they do is acknowledged as useful. When they find that they were instrumental is someone else's success, or happiness.

Not what you thought?

Humans by design are a lot like dogs. They are happiest when they are useful. When their companionship is appreciated... somehow shown.

Guide dogs are incredibly helpful, making their human get around, like a somewhat complete life. But they are not happy. Because, for some reason, they are taken for granted.

I have observed guide dogs and their owners. Poor homeless people and their dogs.

Night and day... between blind and homeless...

When you take anything or anyone granted, the other is not getting the feedback that they are a person and you appreciate what they are giving you.

My mother's last words to my brother were: 'I am done. I am not needed any more'. And then she died.

I am the same age as my mother was when she said that... and have been feeling just like her, not needed.

But this morning something happened that has a chance to change my mind about that.

Two of my clients wrote to me to 'report'.

Also I wanted to thank you for today's article- I had been engulfed in frustration for a long time, and I completely see that it was from expecting something I had no right to expect. And how many assumptions I made… there was a lot of clarity from todays article. But I also really appreciate the last part, about there being 2 ways to look at our self-image… as a resignation, or as a REMINDER… that was so helpful, I can really wrap my head around seeing ‘I am hasty & eager’ as a REMINDER… I needed that clarity, that was so helpful.

Thanks again so much,

And then the other.

Backtrack a bit - to last Friday's call when I realized there was a gap and that gap existed between where I was and where I wanted to be. In anything.

And that you told me to ask for coaching. (Well - I hated that too).

But I spent most of Friday trying to think of how to ask for coaching and found it really difficult. I could ask how to lose 40 pounds, I could ask how to get caught up on my rent. But these didn't seem to be specific enough or maybe too wide of a gap.

So the next morning when I woke up - I finally saw 'steps'. Bam. Just saw them - for the first time. Steps.

Huh. Steps are required. Nice. Which steps? For which thing(s) was I trying to close the gap on? What could I ask for coaching on to even get on the first step?

The 'steps' revelation was huge.

But I was still grumbling about having to do the 67 steps. I knew I could only do maybe one a week. Maybe.

Then your article on Wednesday had a meme and I'd seem it a million times but finally saw it for the first time. "To go where you haven't been you have to do something you've never done" Holy Sh!t that hit me like a ton of bricks too. Of course!

I then WANTED to do the 67 steps program. As soon as I had some time - I began the first session. I had time for 20 minutes and I found that I was able to listen and then look. I finished the rest last night - took notes and will listen again before I report on it.

Even after the first half of the first step, I was seeing many things - putting them together and then seeing them differently. For example - I saw the straight and narrow differently. I saw that with regards to my health - I need to eliminate the foods that aren't working to help slim down. Instead of using the idea of restriction, or specific diet, I was able to think of the idea of 'dropping it'. Just drop it - so much easier to say and do than I s...

Assumptions, assuming... the not seeing beyond the cover

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life...

The biggest, I say, were the result of this cognitive bias we all have. Making assumptions based on insufficient data.

Assumption is jumping from seeing something and its meaning... without looking further, or looking again.

Given that astuteness is the exact opposite: making the correct interpretation of phenomena or data, assumption is the sign of stupidity.

And I have been guilty of that.

I am not stupid in everything, but I make stupid mistakes that cost me way too much...

The biggest mistake I have been making is assuming that people are like me. That they will be able and willing to use what I give them.

And some assumptions are inflexible. In spite of lots of proofs I am still assuming, for example, that if I activate someone's The Sight capacity, they will actually see.

They already see! See what they have seen before. They look in the mind, not in reality! Not at what's in front of them!

As you see, I am frustrated.

Frustration is a symptom of expecting something that you have no right to expect.

So if you are often frustrated, what is underneath the frustration is assumptions.

Assume you can do something you never learned to do.

Assume that you can live successfully without building any skills.

That you'll get the results of 30 years of work in one listening.

That you are as smart as the other person...

Based on what data?

Remember the pie chart of all knowledge? Where you have a tiny slice we call 'what you know that you know'... We should have called it 'what you ASSUME that you know'.

This is why what Mark Twain said: it ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It is what you know for sure but that just ain't so.

That is the definition of assumption... and that is the source of my troubles, and your troubles.

And the more of these you have, unexamined, the more frustrated you are in life.

And, of course, some clever operators take advantage of you, because you are too stupid to know better.

So, you could ask if you understood what I have said so far, you could ask: so looking in the mind is stupid? The answer is a resounding 'yes'.

I am not saying you are unable to  look where outside of the mind where what there is to see can be seen... You are able, even if you never tried. But it is easier to look where you have always looked, and see what you have always seen.

The 67 step coaching program is a 'come with me and see' training program.

The more you look in the mind, the more you use it to parrot what you hear in the audios, the less useful the program is.

Unless you follow the speaker down the rabbit hole, you'll remain unchanged by what you hear, and that is a complete waste...

Can you hear? I am frustrated AGAIN.

240 thousand people bought those audios. don't get too excited, they didn't buy the audios from me. Roughly 90% gave up after listening to the first long audio. That left 24K.

Ten of those people listened to all of the audios. And none used it to be taken on a world tour...

Why? Mainly because people discount learning from other people's experience. Discount learning from other people's mistakes.

They assume that other people are just like them. Everyone. Just like them. Nothing to see, nothing to learn.

The more completely assume that, the less teachable, the less coachable you are. And the more stuck you are in your assumptions, and in your frustration.

Even after reading this article, you won't get that unless you look in reality. Reality is outside of your mind.

I assume that the Bible is talking about strait and narrow spiritually.

And then there are sermons, and teachings, and mimes about it, because it's not working. people don't know what to do with it.

But strait and narrow is a very potent medicine. It could heal a lot of the ills that anyone can experience.

So what are the ills of people, what are the ills of society that strait and narrow, and its brother strait and deep could reverse?

Inversion is a great tool to start with.

We are going to look what activities, what kind of thinking, what kind of behavior, what kind of attitudes would prevent you from achieving what every living thing wants: fulfilling on your potential. You physical, cognitive (intellectual) and spiritual potential.

Every single such item you find when you look at your own life, meaning the activities, the thinking, the behavior, the attitude that fit this list are what the strait and narrow is talking about chucking.

And for most people that is almost everything they do, think.

So instead of asking: what is useful, the inversion makes you ask: what is taking you to not getting what you want.

Many of the ways you are, the ways you are most proud of, are almost always part of that list...

When I look at the people I know intimately, my clients, I know what keeps them from living a successful life. It is first and foremost the behaviors they invented for themselves to win.

The activities, behaviors to make them look bigger, more important, smarter than they are.

If B. didn't have to look important and already smart, maybe he could actually DO something with his life. But as long as he has to look important, he cannot risk anything that has a downside of failing, or being a beginner.

If H. didn't have to look so darn smart, and special, maybe she could actually DO something with her life. But as long as she needs to maintain her mystique of smart and special, she can't. And she won't.

If B. a different B. didn't have to only use her guile to seduce people, maybe she could sit her ass down and get things done. But no, she can't. She has to play do the seductive bit.

If A. didn't have to pretend that she is smart, didn't have to pretend that she is good, then maybe, just maybe she could go deeper than just the surface. Maybe she could actually do something longer than a few minutes before she would claim: I am done! Yaaay!

If J. didn't have to pretend that she is a crackerjack. A go-getter, an 'I can handle it' person, maybe she could actually become a person who gets done what she gets done. And it would be done, for once. She is getting it...

So J. is getting it, but how?

Because between you and me, seeing all the ways you invented to be, behave in life is rarely visible to you. You don't want to see your lying, cheating, less than honorable self, do you?

But unless you are willing to see it AND own it, you are going to be CHAINED to where you are. Chained no matter what you add, or what other behaviors you change or chuck.

The most important thing about those behaviors is to understand that originally they had a purpose, even if they never quite worked as you hoped they would.

I, for example, invented to be independent. But it devolved me into being a lone ranger. I have been paying the price for that forever. No one can reach their real potential working alone.

I also invented to be smart. But it turns out that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And being smart and caring are mutually exclusive futures. You'll have to choose. And as long as I chose to be smart, many decades, I remained poor...

So J. spent a few really painful months working with me to find out that everything she thought had ...

...or how you are a one-legged person trying to win an ass-kicking contest

I have been experimenting.

I have run two experiments among the many that have brought results I did not expect. Results that told me that I have been one of these one-legged people.

One of the experiments was to wear a kitchen timer around my neck, set it to one hour and of course reset it when it ran off. Every hour.

I used the timer to remind myself to take my supplements. I won't talk about supplements in this article. Instead I will talk about the side-effect.

You take supplements with water... at least I do.

So what this arrangement did is that I reliably drank 2-3 ounces of water hourly, so my cell hydration remained high during the day.

#image_title

The second experiment was not wearing socks in the cold weather. Sandals, no socks.

The temperature in my apartment is about 37 Fahrenheit on the floor, which is about 2-3 degrees Celsius.

It's Tuesday, garbage day, so I took out the garbage in the fresh snow. Still no socks, no shoe.

Felt the cold, felt the snow melting on my skin. Pleasant feeling.

And now, after I got back up, my feet are wet, and OK. I am OK.

So I muscletested and found some surprising results, muscletest says these new experiments actually caused or contributed to the results:

My heart health number went up to 7 (from 3).

My circulation number went up to 10 (from 7).

It's the result of the two new habits. Cell hydration and non-babying myself.

WE HUMANS are a one-legged species in an ass kicking contest?

We forgot our animal roots.

The number one killer, surprisingly, is cell dehydration... I say.

The cell is where your energy gets generated... or not. In the mitochondria.

And coffee, tea, juices do not, are not able to enter into the cell... or just barely.

And our water, even if it comes from a spring, won't get into our cells. Does not hydrate our cells.

So our mitochondria suffers, barely coughs up enough energy to survive.

So we drink energy drinks. Coffee. Tea. Alcohol. Drugs. All that to feel, FEEL some energy, not to HAVE energy.

As I have said before, when your cell hydration is above 10%, you feel more solid. You feel as if before you had been standing on one foot, balancing, precariously. And suddenly you are standing on both feet... stable.

You have more room for things to be 'off', off-kilter, frustrating or irritating. You are a lot less in a fixing mode, knee jerk reaction mode.

Once you stabilize that cell hydration. Once you stabilize that level of well-being, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, you should be able to notice when you are, again, in the standing on one foot again, in survival, in scarcity mode.

You may not think it's your cell-hydration... but you should.

I am going to use the thinking method, the inversion method which is exactly the same as distinguishing.

So the question, using inversion to see more, is:

What do you need to do to get yourself out of cell-hydration, out of stability, out of abundance, out of intelligence?

1. your water may not be coherent, if you are using my water energizer system.

suddenly the water you use to energize is not energizable... Not all water is energizable, unfortunately. And suddenly even brands of bottled water that used to be energizable... aren't.

your filter needs to be replaced

the manufacturer changed the water, without making it public

your bottle is dirty. Or your glass is dirty

you added something, anything to your water.

your setup reset or changed...

Yesterday I had a huge whatever it is you call when you end up with cream on your face... cream from a cream pie.

I had been dismayed that my clients aren't getting the gap, and therefore they don't present me with real coaching opportunities.

I am intentionally writing this in a self-deprecating way, because I am, I have been humbled.

How? I said: it is easy...

...and then wanted to think of an example, and could not.

WTF?

So it is not just them?

OK, that means it is time for me to practice what I am teaching. lol. funny, but not THAT funny.

OK, let's see. Step 1: find an area that is not where you would like it to be.

OK, that is not as difficult yet as it may get later.

So here is one of my areas:

The percentage of people who are responsive to my emails, to my articles.

Point A, how it is: 44% of people open my emails, but only every third person of those actually click through to my article of the day.

Point B, how I'd like it to be: More of the openers to click through and read my article... Or do something on my site, or buy something.

Ultimately what makes a person responsive from my vantage point, is that they buy something that can train them, teach them. That is what I'd like.

OK, I now have one gap... and someone could coach me through it, so I'd get to B... however they think that can be done.

Here is a gap, not mine.

Point A: the person is using the coherent water. It is set up correctly, and yet their cell hydration is very low... and that makes them not just not healthy, but literally moronic. When the cells are not hydrated enough, the whole organism is in scarcity, survival mode, and it has no interest in the person's intellectual endeavors.

Point B: the person's cell hydration would be always above 7%.

You see, that there is a gap... and there is a solution... but they don't know it, or wouldn't be where they are at: survival, and being moronic.

Let me see another example.

Point A: the person signed up to the 67 step coaching program. Their reports are not reflecting that she even heard the audios, she writes about herself and what she thinks, while she is supposed to report on what she sees, what is shown to her. After all the 67 steps coaching program is like a sight activation...

Here is an analogy that is maybe easier to grasp: she went to watch a movie in the movie theater. She comes back and writes a report on the movie she supposedly saw, but all she is saying is how she feels, what she thinks, not even about the movie, independently.

Point B: she starts documenting what she sees as a result of hearing the audio.

I am going to take you roughly how the coaching would be.

The issue is that her self-concern, her self occupies 91% of her cone of vision. so that is, herself, her opinions, her feelings is all she is seeing. Being a student requires that it's not about you. None of it. So you need to take yourself out of the picture... as unimportant, so you can actually hear and see everything else.

How do you do that?

My theory is that you put yourself into the picture because you are concerned about yourself. About how others think of you. They don't. How others see you. They don't care. Whether you sound smart or stupid, would be my guess here.

And that concern is what puts you in the picture... whereas nothing is about you in those audios... Not a thing.

You cannot learn anything if your self-concern is strong. So the job is to reduce your self concern.

The self-concern is the result of another gap: the gap between how you are, and how you want to be seen, how you would like to be.

Introducing The bridge building process to get from where you are to where you want to be

One of the hardest thing for people, as I see, is to come up with the bridge between a dream and actions.

You can have the most amazing dream for the future, for a business, if you don't know what actions to take to get there the dream will remain a dream... unfulfilled.

In my participation in Landmark Education courses and programs I always volunteered to be group leader or coach...

The biggest issue people faced, even if they didn't talk about it, is the unbridgeable gap between where they were and where they wanted to be.

It is painful for everyone, but if you are in a program that 'forces you' to create a vision, then it is even more painful. It is discouraging, damaging to your self-image: you feel like the odd man out, the only loser.

But please know: this is totally normal. What is missing is not your fault: what is missing is a process. A process to get to the core of things... so you can build some legs...

What do I mean by legs?

If you look at an old bridge, like an aqueduct, you'll see that every maybe ten meters there is a 'leg'... a pier, whatever you want to call it.

And to get to the other side of a valley or a river, you may need ten-twelve 'legs'...

In project management they have milestones, but that is a whole other way to get a project done: not my favorite, and I don't recommend it.

Let's see a real life example:

a client of mine, William, wants to be able to work from anywhere in the world...

He is a rehabilitative trainer... He has a brick and mortar business, a gym, and there he trains weight lifters... but he is starting to really distinguish himself as an expert in overcoming bodily weak points, or previous injuries effectively, so the person can be and can stay active and strong and pain free.

If we look at his dream end point, the other side of the valley. We see him in New Zealand, or some other far away location. He is having a laptop, video equipment, and a business. A business that makes him enough money to continue traveling, without a permanent location.

He most certainly has a way to make money without being present... so he has online home study courses. And most certainly he has an email list of people who want to buy his stuff.

So when we go back to the starting point, what we need to decide what are the major pillars... and we see: it is online courses and an email list.

But how do you start?

You have options. I would start with online courses. Why? because he would prefer building a buyers' list. meaning he would offer courses, inexpensive mixed with expensive to take people who have some issue, injury or weakness, that they need to address.

So, at this point the distance between point A and point B has three spans...

But the spans are still too wide... so next he would look: what do he need to do to fill his courses?

And he would see articles, podcasts, guest articles, guest podcasts, and referrals.

That is an additional five legs... are you catching on?

Superman delusion

Somehow we, humans, the smartest things on this planet, think that we can jump over to the other side. Or alternatively we can do a hodge podge of actions and magically find ourselves there...

Not. Going. To. Happen.

You could have a point B in business, like William's project. Or you could have a point B in health, relationships, social causes, your job, anywhere.

The methodology is the same... you look and look from the accomplishment. Look from point B, what must have you already have there to be there. And from that you start seeing the elements of success as a bridge that needs many piers.

If you want to get the most: focus on one thing in a program

In my Friday Podcast with Bonnie this past Friday it became clear that the methodology of using courses, coaching calls, programs is not taught anywhere, so each person feels that they need to make up their own method. Each coach, each participant.

By methodology I mean: how to get the most out of a course, a coaching call, a program.

In this article I'll teach the most effective way to get the most out of anything. Literally anything you do.

The current state of affairs in this arena: Depending on what you think will have the most value, the most benefit to you, you make up something that will actually more likely to hinder you than not.

Most people don't have any 'what's important', 'what is even more important' set. I.e. no priorities, no focus statement. None of that.

How you do anything is how you do everything. So like in a Swedish buffet where the table is packed with all kinds of goodies, in a course, in a coaching call they will try to get everything that is said... and the result is getting next to nothing. The get so little, it is normally less than 1% of what is being taught.

My method is: I listen and hear everything... make sure I am not distracted. But I aim to get one thing from a course, a lecture, a coaching call... one thing.

I don't know ahead of time what that is... I'll decide what that one thing was way way way later.

So I allow everything in, undigested.

I don't filter the incoming avalanche of information. Instead I spend days regurgitating and chewing it... until I choose the one thing that is worth having gotten. By MY criteria.

Often I use the one thing I got on Monday to organize what I got on Thursday as its focus... and often that one thing, if I decide that it is significant, I use it as the focus of everything for a month, maybe even longer.

My current focus is 'vision'. I distilled it from a long webinar I took on Monday. So now I look for vision in everything, and that is my one thing right now.

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I looked and I saw that the 67 steps coaching is most transformative if your one thing is SEEING. Not looking or looking for... The program takes you to places and shows you stuff that you can see.

But you can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink, unless it is thirsty.

So the one thing is seeing. Not thinking. Not remembering. Also not understanding. Not using it. None of that. It is SEEING. Seeing what is shown to you in the program. If you see more, good. But the focus is to SEE.

See with fresh eyes... I can add.

Many of my other programs, the one thing is feeling.

The gap

The way to grow yourself or anything...

Most businesses, most lives would benefit if the owner took on bridging 'the gap'.

That is what I asked Bonnie, a business owner, to find and address to grow her business where it starts serving her.

I asked Bonnie to take on a daily task: to find gaps in her business and in her life, so she can be coached. So she can see her activity as building a bridge to span between the two shores of a valley or a river.

A gap is a tad more complex than just one thing, and yet every gap is one thing with two sides: how it is now, and how it could be... the vision.

Most people are not intellectually ready for taking on the gap as the one thing... You know if you are...

That assignment: finding gaps and formulating them in a way that coaching can happen, can be a godsend to you if you take the one thing seriously.

Most people, even if they claim that they want to grow, they want more, better, different, won't do it. Or will find such big gaps that no one can jump f...