My colleagues Jules and Vickey and I just launched a new podcast and I am super excited to share it with you, so I'm sharing it here!!

In this trailer, we're sharing the story of how we met, how we've come to work together, how this podcast came to be, and what you can expect in future episodes. We're calling this podcast Why Does My Partner (or Why Doesn't My Partner, it's interchangeable) because these are the questions we hear over and over again in our offices. We believe these questions lead to the GOLD of relational healing and the answers under these questions will bring us deep into the skills at the heart of deeper relational intimacy, greater health, and fulfillment.

Share your questions with us at: whydoesmypartner.com!

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at WhyDoesMyPartner.com

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Hello Friends!  I've archived this show and have started a new podcast that I wanted to make sure you knew about. I'd love for you to check out the Connectfulness Practice podcast, now available on your favorite podcast platform. 

After you listen to a few episodes, I’d be grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review in iTunes of how the podcast supports your journey. 

Join the Connectfulness® Community for deeper discussions. And follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

GRATITUDES:

Christy Haussler and my behind the scenes podcasting team. Sarah and Chris Faris and Kidneystone Studio for our delicious soundtrack music. And our new cover-art design by Blue Rabbit Studios with photo by Craig Strahorn.

This is a special conversation about making a pivot in your business in order to get closer to what you’re meant to do. Annie and I each get personal about the pivots we’re each moving through and we talk about the retreat we’re hosting in 2019 for YOU.

Topics Discussed In This Episode:

• Owning the work you’re best at
• Revisioning your business
• Thinking about your body of work and what legacy you’re creating
• Mindset issues is that come up when you push the boundaries of your business
• The Signature Heart And Soul Business Retreat: A retreat for entrepreneurs who are expanding and stepping into bigger leadership: https://connectfulness.com/signature-retreat
• Letting go of what’s no longer working in your business
• The process of rebranding during a pivot (both Annie and Rebecca’s experiences)
• Rebecca’s pivot to Connectfulness (https://connectfulness.com/)
• Annie’s pivot to Rebel Therapist (https://rebeltherapist.me/)

Resources Discussed:

Join us for two FREE virtual retreats that offer a small taste of the kind of transformative work that will happen over the four days of our Signature Retreat: 

Change Your Relationship With Imposter Syndrome on 12/14/2018  https://connectfulness.com/events/imposter-syndrome

What's Your Most Powerful Leadership Style? on 2/20/2019 https://connectfulness.com/events/leadership-style

Listen above or on your favorite podcast platform.

There is something for all of us to take away and learn from this conversation. Every single one of us gets to pause and learn who we are in relationships with ourselves and who we are and how we show up in relationships with others and we also have to pause and learn our partners and loved ones. 

April Snow is an Associate Marriage & Family Therapist in downtown San Francisco. She believes thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) a matter of knowing yourself and making adjustments to care for your unique temperament. If you’ve been listening for some time, you may recall April joined us to open our Highly Sensitive Series back on episode 57. She’s returned to dive even deeper and answer listener questions and curiosities around the Highly Sensitive Trait. 

We’re talking about the ways the highly sensitive trait and trauma, especially in a dysregulated state, can overlay. We dive deeply into discussion around the development of one’s inner voice. We ask big questions like: “where do you shine?” and “what parts of yourself do you sacrifice in service of others?”

Resources:

expansiveheart.com  
Sensitivetherapist.com

HSP Adult Self-Test

The full HSP series on the #POBScast

Working With Rebecca:

Dive deeper with Rebecca while helping to support production of the #POBScast when you join our Wild Woman Discussion Groups; we meet online through September 2018. 

Learn more about Rebecca’s relationship therapy practice and intensive couples retreat in NY go to connectfulness.com

Join the #POBScast Community practiceofbeingseen.com/community

For more information and resources, visit the website at practiceofbeingseen.com.

To join the conversation on social media, use the hashtag #POBScast.

You can find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

If you have questions or inquiries, email us at [email protected]

Many people feel that they can’t be themselves in relationship, either because of society’s pressure on them to be and act a certain way, or the pressure they feel from a significant other who demands them to be something other than their true self. In this episode we’re talking about Releasing Shame & Reclaiming Desire with Arielle Brown so that our intimate relationships can allow for more alignment between our inner self and our outer reality.

Arielle is a Relationship Coach and Intimacy Educator based in the San Francisco Bay area. She helps visionaries craft intimate relationships with conscious design so they can truly bring their voice and their impact into the world. She says the key is connecting and communicating our desires in ways that release shame and self-doubt and transmit our gifts.

Gender conditioning is one of the obstacles all of us face. We can’t share our gifts when we live with the fear of losing love and having to fit ourselves into “boxes of appropriateness.” Often women believe they need shape themselves into something they’re not. Arielle asks the question, “Who am I and how do I release the fear of how other people perceive me?” She says that doing this kind of work is the only way we can change the current culture around relationships and intimacy.

Arielle shares her personal journey; filled with negative body image, sexual obsessions, an unhealthy relationship with food and emotionally abusive and toxic relationships with men. Her personal transformation journey has been filled with learning true intimacy and sexual healing practices. Her healing work centers on helping people figure out where they are carrying underlying beliefs that undermine the power we seek to embrace and cultivate; which leads to liberating what society teaches you to shut down and conform.

Our conversation also covers simple and practical ways to play with relationship in ways that allow for full expression of self. We discuss how to find balance between controlling desires and the art of being in command of them. Arielle shares her approach to communicate openly and shift dynamics around sexual intimacy. 

Connecting deeper and exploring intimacy requires self-love and compassion---

we all need more of that.

Resources:

www.ariellebrown.com

APPETITE is Arielle’s 6-Week Virtual Course for Women Reclaiming the Purity of their Desire, beginning on August 15th, 2018! 

Find Arielle on Facebook!

In this episode, we're focusing on the experiences of immigrants and people of a color in therapy.

My guest, John Edwards, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Gottman Method Couples’ Therapist in Oakland, CA, with over 28 years in practice. John’s an immigrant from the Caribbean and a gay black man, these personal experiences help him relate to clients who feel marginalized or unheard in society. He knows that there isn’t just ONE way for relationships to work and that everyone has a different story, no matter where they began. 

Couples and families of color have to face issues of racism, sexism, and complicated relationship issues in ways unknown to white people. John sees this in his practice and highlights why the majority of therapists don’t understand or relate to the experience of an immigrant or a racial minority. 

John shares how deep-seated wounds from childhood can play into relationship issues and how we perceive even the most innocuous words and actions. In his work as a Gottman Method therapist, he has learned skills needed to actually listen and hear what his clients say, and these same skills that are useful especially in couples’ work are what our world needs today. 

And do stay tuned for Rebecca’s news about the future direction of the POBScast at the end of the show. 

Have you ever thought of relationships as sacred and spiritual spaces? Join us for a conversation that takes a deep dive into concepts you’ve never considered before and open your eyes to new ways to think of yourself and your relationships to others. 

My guest, Tamara Powell, LMHC, is a colleague, and past guest of the show. Her favorite topic sacred psychology -the intersection between traditional psychology with a focus on the holistic self, including the spirituality of a person- honors the divine nature in all of us and the connection to a higher power. In her Pensacola, Florida practice Tamara works with clients about anxiety, identity exploration, relationships, LGBTQ issues, sexual issues, and spiritual abuse and trauma. She describes herself as “rebel and a visionary with the heart and soul of a gypsy.”

Relationships can be mirrors, revealing and polishing our growth edges. Tamara explains these spaces as “heavenly sandpaper,” or the spaces in life that rub us and cause us to grow and explore. Life is full of reflection points that grow our self-esteem as we learn how to more realistically see the world. And yet, sometimes we feel like misfits, or “a trapezoid in a world full of circles.” Tamara believes that suffering results when people don’t fit in. 

Tamara shares the concept of “radical autonomy” and what it entails. How do we connect with another person while remaining intact? There are numerous ways to apply this thinking to any human relationship. Relevant in today’s society is the question, “can I celebrate another’s culture while taking pride in my own?” Radical autonomy comes into play and is useful when we learn NOT to be triggered by things like social media posts. It’s what it means to fully embrace another person’s everything. We discuss what truth really is, how to honor your perception and the other person’s as well, and how to identify the “gremlins” in a relationship. 

Resources:

Tamara’s practice:  www.aryatherapy.com 

What kind of support exists for people who question their gender identity and the people who love them? Fortunately, there are therapists who specialize in offering support and safe spaces for the discussions and self-discovery in the face of the intense societal pressure trans folk experience. Today’s show tackles these issues and more.

Sarah Gilbert, LCSW, is the owner of Transitions Therapy, LLC, a private practice in Manchester, Connecticut. Her mission is to help people author their unique identities. She specializes in working with teens and adults who identify as transgender, as well as those who love them. A part of her practice also involves giving support and education to the family members of transgender people. Sarah believes that when people live in their true identities, they come alive and inspire others to do the same.

Sarah shares the metaphor of gender as water that surrounds fish as representative of the subtle gender reminders that surround people even before birth. We are socialized in the binary limits of gender identity, however, an increasing portion of our population are finding ways to live out their gender roles as other than strictly male or female. Sarah would like to see shifts in people opening up to this conversation and the wide range of gender identities, with many choices to empower people in the individual gender identity process. 

One important aspect of this conversation is to realize that gender identity and sexual orientation are NOT the same thing, even though they are related. There are deep layers of self-discovery and uncertainty in the identity process; there can also be intense grief, knowing that life is not going in the easy direction that someone expected and that others around them are affected and disrupted. 

A takeaway from this conversation: there is no ONE plan for transitioning that fits everybody. There is no set formula, but this journey is an individual one. As with each of us, the trans person wants to belong. They don’t want to be misgendered, misunderstood, or invalidated. What they need from others is respect, compassion, and awareness from friends and family as they figure out who they are and how they fit in the world. This is what each person deserves, regardless of how they factor into society’s norms. 

Resources: 

www.transitionstherapyllc.com

Find Sarah on Facebook: Transitions Therapy LLC

Learn more about Sarah’s upcoming events including The SPOT a FREE support group for spouses and partners of trans folk and her Introductory Training to Transgender Affirmative Care at: http://transitionstherapyllc.com/events/

The Radical Copyeditor's Style Guide For Writing About Transgender People: https://radicalcopyeditor.com/2017/08/31/transgender-style-guide/

Working With Rebecca:

Dive deeper with Rebecca while helping to support production of the #POBScast when you join our Wild Woman Discussion Groups. We meet online the last Thursday of the month through September 2018. 

Learn more about working with Rebecca's 1-on-1 integration coaching at: practiceofbeingseen.com/integration-coaching

Learn more about Rebecca’s relationship therapy practice and intensive couples retreat in NY go to connectfulness.com

Join the #POBScast Community

Chances are that you or someone you love dearly has been affected by childhood trauma. The

statistics are appalling as to the prevalence of childhood trauma, and unfortunately, we don’t

seem to be changing the trend. Today we’re talking about childhood trauma and trauma informed care. 

My guest, Laura Reagan is an expert on how childhood trauma affects our lives. She’s also the host of the Therapy Chat podcast (a highly recommended fave of mine). Laura is a clinical social worker in Maryland specializing in trauma, attachment, LGBTQ issues, mindfulness, and self-compassion. 

The CDC’s Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a great place to begin broadening our understanding of childhood trauma - it uncovered a link between childhood trauma and higher risk of health and social problems later in life. The overwhelming experiences that impact children can include physical assault, assault by one parent on another, alcoholic or imprisoned parent, death of a parent, feeling unwanted, and sexual abuse. Statistics suggest that nearly two-thirds of adults have experienced at least one. Physical and mental health effects can lead to anxiety, depression, suicide, substance abuse, relationship problems, and physical ailments. These physical effects can contribute to a shorter life span by up to 20 years. The study also shows that early intervention will lead to better outcomes. Laura shares about the types of interventions that work best and how traumatic memories are held in the body and how later-in-life relationships are affected.

On the therapy side are several key issues, including the aspects of boundaries and knowing what you need. It is common for childhood trauma survivors to use dissociation as an escape and a coping mechanism; it’s important for a therapist to get to the “why” of the triggers and teach mindfulness.  Our “unresolved stuff” affects relationships, and what children need most is the guidance to express their feelings and cope with them in order to develop healthy relationships. Laura explains the concept of “parentified” children and the challenges in working through that trauma. She says that the transformation effect is “like going from a black and white picture to technicolor with a full, rich range of opportunities and deeply connected relationships.” In our conversation, we also address the concepts of isolation vs. connection, the tie-in to the current immigrant crisis involving children, and overall dehumanizing behaviors that are common in today’s society.

Resources:

www.therapychatpodcast.com

more about ACES

We all have ideals, opinions, and expectations of our governing leaders---and sadly, often those ideals are not met because we elect “politicians.” Today’s show is about change---real change that can happen when the voice of the people is truly heard by community leaders and when the needs of every segment of the community are addressed and improved. This conversation is a breath of fresh air.  Brandy Brooks genuinely has the heart and the determination to make these changes into reality--for the good of ALL the people.

Brandy Brooks is an organizer and educator who has spent nearly 15 years working on social, environmental and economic justice. Her areas of focus include community organizing and empowerment, community-­based design, land use planning, food justice, and food sovereignty. She currently works as the Leadership Development Organizer for Progressive Maryland. Brandy has served on multiple nonprofit boards and planning committees locally and nationally. She continues to speak at local and national events on community design, community-­based food systems, and cooperative development. Brandy’s civic and professional leadership have been recognized through numerous awards and fellowships.

We are taught that we are powerless to change the systems that govern us, but Brandy strives to help people reclaim their power and break down false narratives that are used to divide, dehumanize, and control us. Her hope is to provide a “people-powered democracy” where the needs, hopes, and dreams of all are valued. In her words, “I want us to live into our boldest visions for a renewed, healed, and liberated world where we can all live in peace, love, and dignity.”

Brandy recently ran as a candidate for Montgomery County Council-At-Large in Maryland. Even though society tells her as a woman of color that she has a certain “place,” she says her life has a calling and she has a destiny to fulfill. Her goal is to “do politics” differently in a way that engages people in organizing them to tell their stories and experiences and build the vision they want in the world. Brandy’s theme is “relational politics,” based on how we build trust, protect each other, understand benefits and drawbacks, and make choices. When things in our society are broken, it ultimately comes down to fundamentally broken relationships. Unfortunately, some groups want to maintain power over others and keep groups of people “disconnected by design.”

You’ll be inspired by Brandy’s account of the moment when she realized she could not remain in the shadows any longer. She is open and transparent about her battle to maintain mental health in the face of depression. Brandy is an advocate for others who face mental health stigma and have been shamed and blamed. People need support in whatever their needs are, and they need to choose a space of freedom. Brandy’s other passions include improving “out-of-whack” relationships with farming, food, education, and community healing. Brandy dreams of building “a world that matches our values – a world where justice and love and dignity and care for one another are the bedrock for how we govern ourselves.”

Resources:

http://brandy4montgomery.com

Find Brandy on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram: @brandy4moco