In his best-selling book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey describes an experience he had on a subway in New York. A man and his children boarded the train, and the children were so loud and rambunctious, they disrupted the entire car. The man sat down beside Covey, seemingly oblivious to the situation. Covey finally said, ‘Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?’ The man looked startled. Then he said, ‘Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.’ Covey’s attitude instantly changed. Looking back on it later, he admitted that he learned a valuable lesson: seek to understand before seeking to be understood. Sometimes the people who irritate and hurt us do so because they themselves are in pain. They’re dealing with issues we don’t know about. And when they lash out, it’s just the burst dam of personal frustration. And it calls for looking beyond their words and actions and trying to see their hearts. And that’s hard to do when you’re self-absorbed. The Bible addresses this: ‘Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you’ (vv. 31-32 NKJV). If you have been grumpy towards those you live with and work with, the word for today is – practise being tender-hearted.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.