Pretty Little Recaps

Alice Cooper serves a great breakfast the morning after a murder in her living room. Archie realizes Agent Adams wasn't dating him for his mind. Hermione leans in (to organized crime). Rose insists Riverdale is current events. 

Archie and Hiram make their subtext maintext and just roll around on the floor together. Chic instructs Betty on the finer points of being a cam girl. Josie is glad she didn't get upstaged by the Serpents getting everyone woke on Riverdale's founding mythology. Penelope and Hal get messy with some maple syrup snacks. 

Betty finds a creepy new brother, the Serpents transfer schools, Cheryl kills it as always and Polly had her babies but no one cares. 

Tis the season for a murderer to leave a severed finger on your doorstep! 

This triptych is a trip. Crime, craziness and creepin, just another day in the life of Riverdale teens. 

Mayor McCoy makes a very casual entrance into South Side High, Archie pulls a parking break, Cheryl wears shorts before a roaring fire. Ahh....Octobruary?? in Riverdale. 

The Black Hood keeps ringing Betty up to tell dad jokes and that's uncomfortable for everyone. But our eyes are on the Pussycats this episode, as they stop a sexual assault in progress and stomp a slimy dude. HEART EYES. (also cheryl and josie forever, rose will never stop with that).

Archie's Red Circle causes trouble in town, but Veronica has no trouble getting Red Circle couture tanks designed, printed and delivered in a day. Also, is solving a cipher without your girlfriend cheating?