“Are You My First?”, a reality dating show that dropped on Hulu last week, was clearly designed to be provocative. Well before it premiered, it drew controversy for its choice of hosts: reality and podcast personality Kaitlyn Bristowe shares the honor with Colton Underwood, a public figure most famous for being a virgin when he starred on “The Bachelor” and second-most famous for allegedly stalking the winner of his season. The show itself, which we have now watched in full, never ceases reminding viewers that its castmembers are virgins, and their lack of experience is frequently played for awkward laughs. Their full humanity, indeed any part of their identities outside of not having had sex, is not explored in any meaningful depth. From beginning to end, everything from the eliminations (“Virgin Sacrifices”) to the contestants themselves (consistently identified as “virgins” in their chyrons) are chastity-branded. But the idea of what virginity actually represents — both as a heteronormative, patriarchal social construct and as a core part of the castmembers’ identities — is never challenged or even explored.

Perhaps it’s unfair to expect a trashy reality show to dismantle the patriarchy (though some girls can dream!). But we were also disappointed with the show’s sheer entertainment quotient, which was simply not high enough. Almost no relationships of any real interest develop, and we barely get to know the people in those relationships outside of learning exactly why each of them hasn’t had sex yet. The series is glued together with unfunny and stiff narration from the hosts (especially Underwood), apparently recorded using tin cans and a ball of string. By the finale, we could barely interest ourselves enough to watch.

But that’s not to say there isn’t plenty to discuss! In this episode, we break down the choice to cast Colton Underwood and review the performances of the hosts, offer some critiques of the format and production, dig into some of the standout characters and love triangles, and unpack how the show presents virginity and what it suggests about the cultural and political moment we’re in. Hope you enjoy! xo

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