Happy holidays, y’all! Here are the presents you didn’t ask for: two staggeringly bad seasons of scripted TV.

First, “Emily in Paris” is back, and this time she’s Emily in Rome, Emily Back in Paris, Emily in an American Embassy, Emily in Venice, and Emily Back in Paris Forever This Time. Emily is madly in love with Marcello — her new Handsome Boyfriend, Italian Edition — but Emily also misses her family of origin, Pabst Blue Ribbon and Pop-Tarts. Emily and her glamorous French mentor, Sylvie, are kissing their way across Europe, too boy-crazy to notice that Agence Grateau is on life support. Mindy is singing in every episode, sometimes in a giant martini glass. Alfie is just there to be toyed with by beautiful women, and Gabriel lives on a yacht now. Somehow, this is still not the last season of “Emily in Paris.” Send this girl back to the greater Chicago area already!

Next, the so-bad-it-must-be-camp Hulu drama “All’s Fair” has crash-landed into its season finale. (Don’t worry: season 2 is coming.) Allura is in divorce mediation with her sociopathic sex-addict NFL-star husband, during which he suddenly falls madly in love with her again and begs her to start over. Immediately afterward, he begins fucking her nemesis. Carrington Lane commits a series of ethical and conduct violations so profound that disbarment seems like the only reasonable consequence, but instead her long-time enemies begin to court her as a possible partner for their lady lawyer firm. Liberty becomes insecure that her best friends are judging her for being a posh blonde Brit who eats scones. And the law firm’s matriarch, Dina, is arrested for the murder of Emerald’s assailant — was she framed??

These two shows each offer us a heightened reality — one bubblegum Technicolor, the other raunchy and lurid — that, despite their differences in aesthetic and tone, both bend towards a nightmarish sense of wrongness. We discuss all the problems, and all the unhinged details we could remember, in this two-part episode. Hope you enjoy! xo

Timestamps for easy listening:

0:00 — “Emily in Paris,” season 5

1:04:08 — “All’s Fair,” end of season 1

Share Rich Text

If you liked reading this, click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can discover it on Patreon!

Give us feedback or suggest a topic for the pod • Subscribe • Request a free subscription