Probably Poly

In this episode we discuss, well basically every facet of effort and reviving effort, or gratitude. We look at why we might be resentful of how our effort is received, how receiving too much effort might be difficult, how it’s likely that everyone in the relationship is working much harder than you realize and much more. So join us for a deep dive and if you have any questions left over throw them up on the facebook page or send them in via email.

In this episode we use the holidays as a framing device to do a pretty deep dive into when and how it is morally acceptable to lie. We hit the whole range from big potentially life saving lies down to little white lies and even if lies meant to improve the wonder of children like Santa Clause are really super helpful. We hope you are having a wonderful holiday with your families and we hope you enjoy.

This week Angel Kalafatis-Russell aka Professor Sex of ProfessorSex.com joins us to discuss the ethics of STI testing, treatment, and disclosure. As well as best safe practices for safer sex and STi testing. This super long pre-holiday episode features our new sound software made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. Thank you so much all those who have donated.

Links:

Professor Sex: https://professorsex.com

PolyPages Guest Episode: https://anchor.fm/polypages/episodes/BONUS---Polyamory-as-Identity--Sexual-Orientation--or-Intimate-Practice-e9c5om

Recommended Books Page: https://www.probablypoly.com/resources

However, I finished this episode after working at 15 hour shift installing tile, that is how much I love all of you. But if there are any mistakes or glitches please let me know and I will fix them ASAP because I need sleep far more than I need to review this episode right now. This week one of the other cofounders of Young Poly Carolina’s drops by and we discuss our organizational structures, why they are the way they are, how the infamous dating rule is working out one year later, and the rewards of working in your community.

One of the questions we get the most is what books we’d suggest for new listeners and for further reading. This week Mandee, Sarah and I bring our best book recommendations and discuss what we recommend and why.

Later this week we will be posting this link and updating it in the future to be an ongoing reading resource. If we missed your favorite book lets us know, we’ll read it and it we think it works we’ll add it.

Citations:

books- link coming soon

Unabridged The Second Sex: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Sex-Simone-Beauvoir/dp/030727778X/ref=asc_df_030727778X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312128284741&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5717330611466804171&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009991&hvtargid=pla-451002768223&psc=1

This week Sarah Neal drops by again to help us tackle our first stab at the topic of cheating. We look at why people might cheat and how that might be different in a non-monogamous setting. We also look at how to handle cheating if it happens to you or you are engaged in cheating. And as usual Sarah and I tend to disagree at first but find some consensus by the end.

This week we respond to a listener question about how to work with neurodivergent members of our communities in a way that benefits everyone. We are particularly excited to have my friend Louis who identifies as having Aspergers stops by to give some guidance and react to our suggestions. After we published this episode we were contacted by a concerned listener. This version includes a forwards and afterwords intended to address those concerns.

Forward: 00:00 - 04:26

Original Episode: 04:27 - 42:24

Afterword: 42:25 - 57:46

Citations:

Respectful Disability Language Guide: http://www.aucd.org/docs/add/sa_summits/Language%20Doc.pdf

MTV’s Decode Episode on African American Vernacular Dialect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-VnitbeS6w&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3XSX7w0cZYOFWVUwGknTWpUGe8B3njuIiphUqJZAa2jNcuVBX__9SY7XQ

Obsidian Tea: https://obsidiantea.com

Black and White Styles in Conflict: https://www.press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/B/bo5960984.html

Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race: http://renieddolodge.co.uk/books/

So You Want to Talk About Race: http://www.ijeomaoluo.com/

The Racial Contract by Charles W. Mills https://www.amazon.com/Racial-Contract-Charles-W-Mills/dp/0801484634

“Hey, Beautiful”: On the Racist and Classist Implications of the Catcalling Video: http://www.bkmag.com/2014/10/29/hey-beautiful-on-the-racist-and-classist-implications-of-the-catcalling-video/

ost people say they have it, but have you ever asked yourself what you mean when you say you have free will, what it means, or why it might matter? These questions are extremely important and we hope you’ll join us in exploring them.

Citations:

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on Free Will: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/freewill/

This week we talk in depth about the origins and functions of moral language, words like “good” and “evil”, “bad” and “good”. These sorts of questions are very important when thinking about how to judge others, how to forgive ourselves, and how to understand the burgeoning transformative justice movement.

Citations:

Article about the issues of believing in meritocracy: https://www.fastcompany.com/40510522/meritocracy-doesnt-exist-and-believing-it-does-is-bad-for-you

Short version: We’ve got a survivor pod update and we talk about the seemingly ever present one eggplant policy.

Long Version: Its way past my bedtime and I can’t think of a teaser. So I’m gonna try something new and let the first person in our community who sends me a reasonable teaser text get their teaser used (with attribution and thanks listed or anonymously their choice).

Citations:

Survivor Stories: https://polyamory-metoo.com/intro-part-2/?fbclid=IwAR07BZcoG90qy3W2rayOkx68Ks4Y22EVxcfRoYHy05DRZBmD1rBoiM1IFTQ

Pod Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/life-rewards-courage-more-survivor-stories-released-today-d796ebfb747c