Profit Party

When we are in a state of resistance we are missing what's easy and right in front of us. We don't open up to possibilities because we are sure what's in our head is the only way. It feels hard. You feel frustrated. You're not able to focus on anything else. 

Of course, we want the results. But when we are not clear on how to get to those results we push and struggle to find the answers. The harder you try the more frustrated you feel, which leads you to question yourself.

You are fighting the universe.

Recently, you've probably heard that I've pulled the plug on a few things because I had taken on too much. I was at my wit's end. I was in a state of chaos. My calendar was absolutely out of control and my inbox was overflowing. I knew something was wrong, but I just couldn't figure it out. Finally, I cracked. I had a breakdown and my husband said to me, "The answers will come to you when you stop looking for them. They always do." He totally gave my medicine back to me. But it worked.

I literally went through the Mindset Blueprint exercises. I decided to reassess and intentionally let go. When I did, the universe delivered.

Over the course of a few days, two unscheduled appointments popped up on my calendar that led to a mastermind partnership. Neither of these were scheduled by myself or the person, but they were exactly what I needed.

Assess your current expectations. Chances are you're already closer than you think. You need to redefine success for you.

Ask yourself, "What has to happen to feel truly successful? Are my expectations within my control?"

Most likely this is the problem: At the beginning when you set your expectation you gave yourself only two options, win or lose & you pinned success on factors you don't have control over.

Instead, of a specific income goal or a specific number of clients, go into your launch with the intention to serve, learn and grow. With this idea, you will win either way, whether or not you signed the 10 clients you decided you needed or "only" two. 

When you learn to detach and let go of the need, you open yourself up to a world of opportunities that you don't realize are there. It's not easy but it is transformational and truly manageable.

Head on over to the Facebook Group and let us know how you are letting go in your business and your life.

[bctt tweet="When you're not attached from your results, your entire vibe changes." username="tonyarineer"]

• 0:55 The answer you are seeking is actually right in front of you but you're so focused on the outcome, as you've planned it in your head, that you can't even see it.
• 6:25 What if it could be easier than that? What if business could be simple? What if you just relaxed and asked for guidance and direction and let the answers flow easily to you?
• 10:04 The universe delivers in mysterious ways.
• 10:10 Sometimes you have to stop seeking answers and let them find you. It's all about that final step we talk about in the Mindset Blueprint. It is the detachment step that is so crucial. It's detaching from the how and let abundance flow in. When you truly, truly let go, girl, the flow starts coming in full force like a fire hose.
• 15:24 What if you approached it differently? What if you detached from the outcome completely and defined success in a win no matter what kind of way.
• 16:13 I know this program will change lives. I'm beyond excited to learn and grow. I'm beyond and excited to expand what I'm capable of and learn new teaching methods. I'm excited to grow myself as a result of doing this program and learn something new in this process.
• 17:20 When you're not attached from your results, your entire vibe changes.

Get an advanced copy of the Mindset Switch book by joining our pre-list and we'll keep you updated on all of the goodies.

Grab your free seat in the Mindset Blueprint Masterclass to work on the exercises I used to find clarity and let go.

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Beliefs come from repeated "proof." When I say proof, I don't mean factual evidence but repeated events that become proof in our minds.  For example, a child will  Santa take at face value, but as they get older they examine and question it. They begin to feel out of alignment and look for honesty, truth or "proof" that Santa is real.

As aware adults, we get to analyze our beliefs and question if they are serving us. We get to ask if we like the way the belief is manifesting in our life and the results that we are getting.

We choose to think thoughts that cause emotion that, on repeat, create a belief.

I like to think of our mindset as layers. You start with the circumstance and the words surrounding it. Those thoughts become your emotions which lead toward a belief.

The words we use to describe a circumstance start the domino effect. The description you use is what gets you thinking about it and creates a series of thoughts in your mind. Our brains then create chemicals based on our thoughts. Those chemicals release into our body and nervous system. We cannot have emotion or feeling without first thinking a thought.

In the following example, you want to Immerse yourself into them and think of what you would think in this situation. 

Say that two people are shot and injured in a terrorist attack. The media and people around you are using words like "mass attack," "terrorist destruction," or "community in frenzy." Your thoughts are going to be negative around it. However, if it were described as "attempted destruction" and focused on the community members that rallied together and took the guy down before he was able to do any serious damage, you might have more of a positive outlook on it. 

If you continuously look for negative events, you will be fearful. That will be a belief. If you look for stories about people triumphing in these events or coming together, then you might have your faith in humanity restored. That is a belief.

Start with your words and you are in the driver seat.

Think of these series of events and how they could shape a limiting belief over time. 

As a 6-year-old, you want your parents to play with you but they are busy. You think they don't love you and you feel rejected. As a 12-year-old, at lunch on Monday, your friends are talking about a sleepover they had over the weekend that you didn't get invited to. You think your friends don't like you and you feel rejected. As an 18-year-old, you're in love and find out your boyfriend has cheated on you. You think you are not enough and you feel rejected. 

With all of that, you have accepted the belief that you are not enough. That belief shows up in your relationships, business and more.

Now think of it differently:

• What if, at 6-years-old, you understand the responsibilities of your parents & their overextension?
• What if, at 12-years-old, you thought that it was not personal?
• What if, at 18-years-old, you are thankful you found out the type of person your boyfriend was before you got married?

In the second scenario, you feel empowered, and not unworthy.

As a child, you are participating in an art show. Your parents have always said you were awesome, so you are confident. At the end, you don't even get a ribbon so you give up on art. As a pre-teen, you try out for basketball team and are pretty sure you are a shoe-in. You didn't make the team, so you give up on sports. As a senior in high school, you have all of the great test scores and extracurriculars and apply to your dream college. You don't get in, so you give up. As a college graduate, you have an interview at a top firm and toward the end of the interview you get a weird vibe. You don't get the interview. 

With all of that, you have accepted the belief that nothing ever goes the way you want so you might as well stop trying.

Now, think of it differently:

• What if, at the art show, you thought these people have awesome work, what can I create next time?
• What if, at the basketball  tryouts, you ask the coach about trying again next year and what to work on?
• What if, for your college application, you ask admissions for tips because you are going to reapply?
• What if, for the job interview, you follow up and ask what made the decision?

Your mindset is a muscle. It has cell memory, the more you repeat your thought patterns the stronger your connection is.

Head on over to the Facebook Group and let us know what your limiting beliefs are and, if you know, what events have stemmed those beliefs. 

[bctt tweet="We choose to think thoughts that cause emotion that, on repeat, create a belief." username="tonyarineer"]

• 1:24 [Limiting Beliefs are] repeated episodes that we perceive as true that make us believe that it is, that that's the way.
• 3:17 Belief is a choice. How does believing in this make you feel?
• 6:20 Your thoughts literally create your feelings. Your feelings, when repeated over and over and over again, create your beliefs.
• 12:05 You can't physically be everywhere trying to control the crazy. But what you can control is the way that you react to it, the way that you think and feel about it and therefore you can control your belief system.
• 30:03 You realize there is work to be done but you are willing to do it. That tells me you believe in yourself, that you believe in your abilities.
• 31:03 If you're always taking an experience that doesn't go your way and learning from it and growing from it and becoming a better person as a result of it, you are in control of your reality. You get to control the outcome. You're not giving the control to external people. You're not allowing other people to dictate how you think about yourself therefore how you feel about yourself therefore what you believe to be true. You're changing all of that just by thinking differently in the moment.

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What is your reason for spending so much money during the holidays? Is it because of status, guilt, wanting to fit in, how you tell your kids "I love you," or are you trying to outdo others?

It is important to know what is the logic and the mindset behind your spending habits. If you have no plan and act on impulse and emotion, you will spend too much.

You need to ask yourself, "what is the purpose of gift giving?" Do you like your gifts to be meaningful and heartfelt or do they need to be elaborate and expensive? Once you identify your purpose for gift giving and your reason for spending so much money, then you can create an accurate plan.

Before you begin spending for the holiday season create a budget for everything. You want to make sure you have a budget for food and entertaining in addition to your gift budget. 

Figure out alternatives for you and your family. These alternative options that benefit you, might benefit other people, too.  

If you are doing gifts for the whole family, set an amount for each gift or each person.

As a cash person, create an envelope for each person. It's okay to be that person at the register doing several different transactions to keep your budget in check.

For online shopping, set aside one day and do all of it at once. Open all of the different websites in their own tag and add everything into the shopping carts. Go through each shopping cart before purchase to make sure it all adds up.This totally saves you time and sanity and prevents accidental overspending. 

This is also a great time to have powerful conversations on the value of money & mindset like a boss with your older kids.

If you're looking into alternative gift options for your whole extended family, some great options are to do a White Elephant or Secret Santa instead of purchasing gifts for every person in the family. One of my clients does a fun Family Game Night Hop where each family prepares a game and appetizer at their house and the whole family goes from house to house.

For your immediate family and your children, do a "12 Months of Christmas" style gift. Wrap up 12 gifts that aren't really gifts but family fun days or plans to have focused quality time with your kids. Have the kids open one a month and each time it's a day together. Ideas include a special project, backyard camp out, adventure day, hike, or a day at the beach. For each of these days, shut off your phone and focus completely on them. If you don't want to wrap up a card or a piece of paper, you can purchase a small gift that goes along with the activity.

I polled kids about this and they are all excited about the idea. What kid wouldn't want this? You wanted this as a kid. You don't remember the gifts from childhood the way you remember the memories. 

Let's Chat More

If you're planning on shopping online on Black Friday like me, give me a shout out in the Facebook Group.

[bctt tweet="Why do you spend so much money during the holidays? What is your purpose for gift giving?" username="tonyarineer"]

• 9:00 This is a great time to bring your older kids in and to help them develop their mindset around gift giving.

• 12:46 Maybe the whole commercial aspect of Christmas, maybe it's just the perspective, maybe it's the way that we look at it and maybe there is a better way by just asking ourselves some key questions as to why we do things. Why do we spend? Why do we give these gifts? What is the motivator and is it really getting me the result that I want?

• 14:00 You can start your new year without a ton of debt, with a really positive peace of mind and a healthy mindset to get your business to where it needs to be in this next year.

Watch the "The Other Letter" Ikea Commercial

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For you to avoid these money mistakes, you need to have a strong healthy mindset and sense of discipline. It's going to be tempting to ignore these, especially as you are boot-strapping in the beginning.

I have seen seasoned business owners and 7-figure businesses make this mistake. Because of this mistake, many of them have lost their businesses.

You must pay yourself first. It completely changes your mindset and the way that you value yourself and the way that you show up every day.

If it seems difficult to pay yourself, ask yourself this: "Are all of the things that you are paying for in your business a necessity?" I know it hurts sometimes to have to make really tough choices and to scrimp and not splurge. Girl, let me tell you something, there is a time and a place.  You will have the time to spend money on business growth and  the impressive things.

Whenever a client comes to me and has splurged but isn't seeing results it is usually a hiccup in mindset. They're doing it in the wrong order and they're going out into the world feeling like they are not good enough. All because they aren't paying themselves.

Your Priority #1 is to get paid, not to pay for the expenses. With the skills and inner circle that you have, you can get paid even without all of the things like logos, business cards, websites, etc. People don't pay for business cards, they pay for the connection and for you.

Once you start to bring money in, start paying yourself. Have a budget or a spending limit to ensure that you can and give yourself your own minimum wage, even if it is something embarrassing. If you aren't yet bringing in any money, give yourself a probationary period in which you are willing to work without pay. This is your training period that you are allowed to work for free. When that time is up, start paying yourself no matter what. Start telling yourself, "I'm worth something and something is better than nothing." Set yourself a schedule for pay raises.

Taking money from your business and bringing into your personal life fulfills the need of contribution. This is really important and something we all need as humans.  

There will be low seasons. There will be lulls in your business. No matter the industry. Knowing your season and preparing for them can be a game changer for your business.

When you are prepared, you save yourself from being desperate for the client or the sale. Slipping into that mindset changes the way you operate and the way you think. It holds you back from the right clients and opportunities.

That is why you need to set aside money every month during your good season. That way you have confidence that you can afford a dip or a lull, even if it's self-imposed, is amazing.

With an emergency fund, you can start to take chances and risks and go after bigger opportunities. During your boot-strapping beginning, it is easy to get stuck without an emergency fund or a plan. You are only one person without a team so you are juggling.  You are both working on your business and in your business and wearing many hats. You are serving clients  and focused on client work. It's difficult to focus on business growth when you're still trying to bring the income in.

Set yourself a determined amount of time to be focused on client work exclusively. When you get to the time where you focus on your business, ask yourself "Where can I invest time to grow and scale and develop systems?" You can afford to work on your business for a short time because you now have cushion in the bank.

This is a big mistake that is often made when you are just becoming profitable. You have a good revenue and you are finally not in the red with your business at the end of the year. Then you get hit with taxes. It can be devastating when you think that you are rocking it and then Uncle Sam takes it all away because you didn't plan and prepare.

Put a little bit aside every month. You may choose to do this only on your good months, but put some aside. If you are crushing it, you might want to put aside 30%. if you are brand new and a lot of your revenue is being spent on actual tax deductible expenses, do less. Talk with a tax professional about this, because I am definitely not one. 

Set up a separate account or a separate place within your budget for your emergency fund and taxes. For many, creating another bank account, like a business savings account, is best. This way the money is out of sight out of mind and money you don't touch.

For your emergency fund, pick a number that you think would be safe and build your account up to that.

For your taxes, talk to a professional to find out how much you should set aside.

Take a moment and do a visualization of yourself in the future looking back on today and see what you did. Head on over to the Facebook Group and let us know what it looked like.

[bctt tweet="Avoid making these three money mistakes early on to ensure your business is successful." username="tonyarineer"]

• 0:51 These mistakes really boil down to two things: mindset and discipline. Notice I didn't say skill. Skill is something we can learn and grow.
• 2:17 If you are not paying yourself, you are basically telling yourself and the world and the universe that you are not worthy. You're not valuable enough to get paid. You come last.
• 4:36 You can make money with everything that you know and have right now.
• 11:23 When you have the money and you don't need clients and you don't need money coming in, it allows you to be picky, more confident. You will maintain that high vibe of confidence no matter what happens.
• 20:50 These are preventative measures you can take to step into the role of CFO of your business and take control and take charge and know without a shadow of a doubt that you are implementing the right financial systems and measures to ward off against any unforeseen negative crappy situations and emergencies. You're going to be able to handle it no matter what.
• 21:30 You are stepping into the right mindset into what it takes to really be the boss, to be a true entrepreneur and to be valuable, to be the #1 asset in your business.

Get an advanced copy of the Mindset Switch book by joining our pre-list and we'll keep you updated on all of the goodies.

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You want to be in a money mindset that is in line with your values, beliefs,  and alignment with current reality.  This is going to be the big shift. 

When you have the "put it on a credit card mentality," and spending more than you are bringing in, you are creating a deficit and, even, manifesting debt. Instead, you want to get into the driver's seat and tell your money what to do instead of allowing your money to manipulate your emotions. Here's how to do that.

Back in the day, it was the money (birthday, chores, holidays) you would put in a jar to save for something big. Back then your money wasn't allocated for the shoulds, it was all pleasure.

You can still do that now.

If you are a cash-based household, use an envelope or drawer for your blow off money. If you do online banking, open a separate bank account. Make sure you set aside a certain amount every week. Get disciplined about the only money you spend coming from your splurge fund until you are ridiculously rich. 

This is the detox to change your patterns and thinking process. Cash makes you consciously aware of what you are spending. It only takes one time at the register with $300 worth of stuff and only $250 on you to change your habit. It feels weird admitting that you have to put some items back. From that point forward your subconscious brain will do everything to avoid that feeling. It will make you bring a calculator or have you do the math.

Paying attention to cash only spending will lead you to have the excess for the splurge fund.

For me, I cut them up. It was painful for a minute but rewarding in the end. I actually cried.

If cutting them up is too scary, freeze them in the freezer. Take a tupperwear container and put them in there with water. You need to have an ice pick to get them out. Have someone hide them from you. Make it hard. 

This is a cash fund that is only tapped into for emergencies. You don't use your splurge money for emergencies, instead you use your petty cash fund. Like in a business, a petty cash fund relies on tracking that money. Anytime money needs to be used, even if it is something like lunch money for the kids, it has to be signed by all of the financial decision makers in the house. This way you are held accountable to replenish that money.  

Now that you've got these four tips for shifting your mindset and paying off debt, head on over to the Facebook Group and let us know how your mindset is shifting and how this is working for you on your debt repayment.

[bctt tweet="I'm going to tell my money what to do rather than letting my money manipulate my emotions and tell me what to do." username="tonyarineer"]

• 1:52 What's possible tomorrow definitely has everything to do with the choices you make today, the way you decide to show up, the thoughts that you think, the vibration you choose to live in - all of that creates your tomorrow. But today is a product of your past.
• 2:44 Although, you can pretend everything's good but that underlying emotion that that debt is creating is shame, guilt fear struggle scarcity. We don't want that in our life!
• 3:20 I'm going to tell my money what to do rather than letting my money manipulate my emotions and tell me what to do.

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Think of the decisions you have made in the past, whether you were really on board or maybe it wasn't such a good decision. Imagine how different things would have been if you hadn't made that decision. All of the time we say "I wish I had done this instead." But I'm a firm believer in no regrets. Instead, let's focus on what you can do today to ensure that you have the best future ever. 

For me, it's all thanks to Hal Elrold and his Best Year Ever Blueprint. I found my way at this event during a crucial pivot in my business life. I was pivoting from interior design to business coaching and I was feeling doubt, fear, shame, insecurity, uncertaintly and more. 

I started asking myself, "Can I really do this? Is this really possible for me?" Then I would argue with that voice and shortly after that the voice of fear would kick in. I was in a spiral. Not only was I struggling with all of these negative emotions within myself, but I was feeling alone because my local community didn't understand my big dreams. It was isolating.  

One day, I was listening to Hal Elrod Achieve Your Goals Podcast where he had Dana Malstaff as his guest. I had already read his book the Miracle Morning and connected with him, but this was my first introduction to Dana  from Boss Mom. I felt drawn to them like I knew these are my people. On this particular podcast episode they were talking about his 2nd event coming up and I just knew I had to go.

In a moment of just pure faith, I bought a ticket and booked a flight to San Diego. I had never been that far from Michigan or traveled alone before. 

With every person I connected with I felt accepted and safe, even in the connections made in the hotel before the event.  I had never been in a place where I felt so at home and like I could actually be my authentic self. Surrounded by hundreds of other successful business owners who were struggling with the same emotions that I was.

I had such a shift during that event and found the community that I didn't even know I needed. I don't know that I would be here without that. I am really not sure if I would have been able to show up on video or started this podcast without it. To this day, we still mastermind and collaborate. 

Start with empowering words. Listen to Episode 86 where we talk about 3 empowering statements that will boost your positivity.

Be present and mindful with yourself. Really evaluate what it is that you want to be doing and where you are.

Take a baby step in the direction of your dream.

Gamble on yourself. Take a risk.  

Go to the Best Year Ever event.

Head on over to the Facebook Group to get all of my support on anything that you're doing, especially if you need some mindset help. That's my jam! 

[bctt tweet="How do you have your best year ever? Empowering words., mindfulness, baby steps and taking risks." username="tonyarineer"]

• 1:01 I'm a big believer in no regrets and in not regretting the past because you can't change that. It is what it is and it has made you who you are today. But you can change your future.
• 2:58 You're not Oprah, you know? You're just this little person from Detroit Mi. Pipe down. Then I'd shut that voice down and I would feel uncertain. 
• 6:20 Never in my life had I been immersed in a community that accepted me for me in that way. Never before had I been able to show up without having to put on a mask or having to pretend that I had it all figured out becauseI was in a room of 300 people that were all insanely successful and were all also feeling fear. 
• 8:29 It was really breaking through some of my own blocks in that one event that helped me see my potential and to realize my strengths and tap into who I am.
• 10:28 When you've identified what's possible and you take one step, my bet is that you're going to win. I'd put all my money on you because those two things are key. Identify what's possible, take a step and as long as you are moving in that direction, nothing will fail you. 

Hal Elrod's Best Year Ever Blueprint

The Profit Party Episode 86

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Whenever it comes to doing something for ourselves, our default responses are that we don't have enough time or money or that your husband won't go for that. We don't even know that we are automatically disempowering ourselves and blaming it on everybody else. I bring it up so that you are aware. You are holding yourself back with these statements. Instead, I want you to replace your responses with one of these three statements. 

Instead of "I cant do it because" I want you to think to yourself: is it really can't? Is it really physically impossible for you to do this? Most likely, you actually can do these things, but you are using this phrase instead of saying no.

You can choose to say no. You can be capable of doing something but choose to say no to it. When we default to "I can't" we take that power away from ourselves. It implies that we have no choice or skill. It means that we are not in control.

But you are in control. Saying the words "I can" tells your mind that you are capable and that you are resourceful and you will find a way.  It doesn't mean you have to do something if you really don't want to, but it is empowering to know that you can do it if you wanted to.  

If we aren't saying that we can't do something, we're usually saying that "It just won't work out for me." We tell ourselves the timing isn't right or the stars are not aligned. When we do this we are taking away our power to choose. We are telling ourselves, once again, that we are not in control. 

"I will" says "I believe in myself no matter what. I deserve it. I might not do it this week, but I will." 

Even reading and listening to those words feels so empowering, doesn't it? You have the will power. You can find a way.  If you want something bad enough, you need to believe in the words "I will."

Guess what, girlfriend? You are in control of your life. There are choices everywhere that shape and alter the path that you are on. You can't change past events that have put you on this current path, but you can learn from it. You can make different choices in the future. 

Use "I choose" to empower yourself going forward. Choose something better for yourself.  I want you to step up, step out, take chances, and live fully.

I can hear at least a few of you saying, "But, Tonya, we make decisions as a family." Even if you make decisions as a couple, you can still make choices for yourself. You have their support. If they love you the way they should and the way you deserve to be loved, you will be supported in your choices to follow your dreams.

Loving yourself is such an important step and, even if you aren't fully there yet, you can start with these three empowering statements. Take them and apply them to the little decisions and questions in your life. This will set the pattern for big decisions down the line. 

If your default answers become "I can, I will, I choose" for the everyday moments like a girl's night out, then what do you think your default process will be when you start a biz or move forward within your business?

You will show up as yourself and get vulnerable.

What will be your default when you find yourself on a path that you weren't expecting? What does your future look like when you've programmed your responses to be positive? 

I have an upcoming book releasing in spring 2018 where we get really deep into this. We talk about the layers of mindset and how to change your beliefs. Beliefs are at your very core.

What is on the surface?  The easiest to recognize and change is this: your words.

Your words are your filter. It's how we perceive what is possible. Using empowering and appropriate words can help us to choose different thoughts. "I can" creates a different thought process than "I can't." "I will" creates different outcomes than "I won't." "I choose" gives you more power. 

Let's take a look at the different implications of empowered versus disempowered. Empowered means strong, confident, inspired, and motivated. Disempowered means that you feel doubtful, scared, intimidated, unsure, stuck overwhelmed, angry, and depressed. 

Which one of these do you want to feel? I'm willing to bet it's empowered. 

The next time you're faced with a decision I want you to ask yourself these questions: 

• Is this possible for humans? Is this possible for me?
• What is my level of belief in myself and my ability to do this?
• Who gets to decide? What does it look like when you decide to follow your desires?

I want you to bring this to the surface of your awareness. Concentrate on this in the next few days. Put these phrases on a post-it note where you will see it throughout the day. 

Try to use these in a sentence every day. Pay attention to the thoughts that you think and how you feel as a result

Head on over to the Facebook Group and let us know how is this helping in your life? How is this showing up? How have you experienced empowering or disempowering words in your life and what was the impact of that? How has changing your words changed your life? 

[bctt tweet="I can tells your mind that you are capable and you are resourceful and you will find a way." username="tonyarineer"]

• 0:45 I know that when you are asked to do something, whatever it may be, you have default responses. Go to gut reactions that are not the ones we are going to talk about today that leave you feeling powerless, stuck, without choices.
  
  
• 2:42 We disempower ourselves. We take our own choices away and blame it on everybody else. Do you see this?  
  
  
• 5:35 If you want something bad enough, if it means something to you and you connect to that meaning, I want you to instead practice "I will."
  
  
• 6:27 A choice is always available to you, no matter what. You have a choice. You are in control of your life. 
  
  
• 7:37 That person in your life loves you the way they're supposed to because you love you the way you're supposed to - meaning that you set the stage, you set the standard, you set your definition. This is the love that I deserve and I'm going to show you all how to love me by leading by example. 
  
  
• 10:45 It is all about empowering yourself and believe it or not, those beliefs of "I can do this, I believe in myself, I trust myself," they don't start by just choosing to believe them. It doesn't work like that. It starts with your words.  
  
  
• 13:41 Is the reward greater than the risk? When you decide that it is, anything, anything is possible. It all starts with words. Your words. 

Get an advanced copy of the Mindset Switch book by joining our pre-list and we'll keep you updated on all of the goodies.

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0:49 Last night, we cuddled up and watched Central Intelligence. That's with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Kevin Hart. Super funny. I love anything with Kevin Hart in it. Its destined to be good, isn't it. So we're watching this and there was a speech at the end of the movie that brought me to tears. 

1:09 So, let me give you a some context in case you have not seen the movie. It is based on their high school career. It starts off when they are in high school and The Rock is a chubby kid in the locker room. He's got the radio on, singing and dancing buck naked and a couple of the kids walk in, the grab him and carry him and throw him out into the gym buck naked and on his belly where there is the senior pep assembly going on for Homecoming. So insanely embarrassing moment for him and it kinda messes him up for the rest of his life. He has a hard time with these social situations and this inner fat kid always lives inside of him. Although he becomes absolutely gorgeous and buff and muscular and he has a great job, this part of his psyche is always there. He's always kind of afraid to show up as himself and put himself out there. 

2:13 I feel like it connected because we are all like that a little bit. We've all experienced embarrassment and ridicule or judgement in our past, especially when you're a little girl or teenager. Those wounds run deep and those scars are really hard to heal. They're always there and it doesn't take much for something in our world to trigger those thoughts about ourselves and those emotions.  

3:02 Whatever it was that happened, it prevents us from being the hero of our own story, from showing up fully and stepping into our true power, our authentic self. There is always a little piece of us being held back because we secretly, deep down inside, we are afraid to open up those wounds. We've buried them. We're afraid to feel those emotions again. So we will avoid growing ourselves, stepping out of our comfort zone, showing up, putting ourselves out there because we don't want to feel that pain again. It sucks, right?

3:43 The Rock gives a speech at their 20 year reunion. You need to hear it, it is so good. I'm going to play it right now, I hope it comes through okay. 

5:44 I love the speech especially after going through the entire movie, understanding the context, connecting to that inner kid inside of him, you can't help but be connected to those emotions. Our inner bullies are just as bad as the bullies that were around us that were the kids in high school. There were kids that were mean. Kids are awful, some of them, and we experience hell when we are going to school and in our whole childhood years. Wherever the hell may come from and whatever causes us to go through it, it is a treacherous time in our life.

6:28 What about now? Chances are there isn't anybody in the world that is bullying you. That bully comes from within. It's your inner bully that says mean things to you, that torments you, teases you, judges you, forces you to feel embarrassed. That all comes from within and it's stopping you to this day from showing up. I love, love, love that he says in there the most important thing of being the hero in your own journey is putting yourself out there for everyone to see.

7:08 The most important person you can be is yourself. When is the last time you put it all out there for everyone to see? When is the last time you showed up, 100% as yourself? Think of a time. 

7:44 How did that feel? Now this reunion in this movie, it was 20 years. 20 years later and it's funny because it really puts it into perspective. I don't know where you are at your life but if you think back 20 years ago, how different was life then? How differently did you view the world? You were a totally different person. Do you even know that person anymore? But yet, the things that happened way back then still have such a profound affect on us. 

8:20 What do you wish you would have done? Are there moments and memories that you look back and think "I wish I would have said something different."?

8:40 Why didn't you? What stopped you? It's an important thing to recognize because those things that stopped you then are still stopping you now. 

8:50 I want you to take that and think about your life in 20 years from now. Are you going to let it keep stopping you? If you do, what does your life look like in 20 years? Who is going to be in it? What is going to matter most? When you're looking back at your life - when you're looking back on today - 20 years from now and you're reliving some of these moments and these memories and you ask yourself what would have made the difference? What answer would you have had?

9:22 What can make the difference? What can change the trajectory of your life? A single moment. A single decision. A decision to show up, be yourself, put it out there and own the amazing person you are. If you do that, even for a moment, how will you feel? Allow yourself to immerse into that emotion. Let it overcome you and consume you completely. How will you feel if you do that for a whole day? A week?A whole month? A whole year? It will start to get easier, I know that.

10:01 It will start to feel better and it will change the direction of your life. I don't think it is even possible to change the direction of your life in a bad way by doing that. I don't know anybody who has said "I showed up, I've been myself and followed my true path and connected to my inner truth. It was awful." That doesn't happen. It is the greatest feeling ever to allow it to unfold.

10:34 If you're willing to shut that inner bully up - that bully that still lives inside you that is still trying to protect you from those really old emotions and fears. If you're willing to fight that bully for just a moment, what are you willing to do right now today immediately to step outside of your comfort zone, to show up as you. What have you been resisting?

11:01 Take a moment and think about that and say "How can I show up and be me today? How can I just live? How can I just connect to feelings of joy and of pure bliss and abundance." What does that mean for you?

11:16 "How can I impress myself today by simply being myself?" Because that's what it's all about. If you look back on your life, the best memories are always the ones where you pushed yourself, where you let go of resistance. You connected with who you are at the core. You showed up as the person you know you're capable of being. You felt uncomfortable, maybe, but proud, definitely. That felt amazing. You allowed yourself to be the hero of your own story.

11:51 I would love to know. What makes you the hero? It's the littlest things.

12:16 It's all about just letting go of the judgement, the resistance, the worry about what everybody else thinks and be yourself. Who do you know that does this like a rock star? Model them. Take notes. Pay attention. Then do something yourself that feels good and just own it. Don't apologize for it. Don't preface it. 

12:49 It's a choice and make it with power. So what is it that makes you the hero of your own story? What is the last crazy thing that you have done to push yourself outside of your comfort zone? I would love to know. Come over to the Facebook group and share it. Better yet, tweet me. I don't spend enough time on Twitter and this will be a good excuse to get conversation going. 

13:22 Tell me what is the last thing you did to push outside of your comfort zone? I would love to celebrate you. Do that. That is your homework for the week and I hope you rock it out. I hope you feel amazing. When you do, tweet me, too. I want to know every time you do something amazing. If you need somebody to cheer you on and celebrate with you, I am your girl. I will always, always be here to be your cheerleader. 

[bctt tweet="Being your own hero is about letting go of judgement, resistance, & the worry about what everybody else thinks & being yourself." username="tonyarineer"]

• Your inner bully is holding you back.
• Being the hero in your own journey is putting yourself out there for everyone to see.
• Impress yourself and show up as your authentic self, unapologeticly.

Central Intelligence
@tonyarineer on Twitter

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0:20 Fun fact for ya, did you know that in the 1800s people used to wipe their booties with corn husks and catalogs. I know, crazy right? There was no such thing as toilet paper? You know who thought that it would be a good idea to invent some? The Scott Brothers. The creators and inventors of Scott Tissue. I tell you this because I was watching the story of how they got their product into the marketplace and it was so fascinating.

1:10 It was way back when and bathroom conversations were considered obscene. Nobody talked about their bathroom habits. It was totally taboo.

2:10 The Scott Brothers are like "This is the most amazing thing ever. Everyone's going to love this, except how do you tell people about it when it's completely taboo?" They had to get creative. They had to invent ways to get their product in front of consumers without ever saying a word about it.

2:32 We talk about marketing our product, we talk about pitching ourselves, being able to sell savvy without feeling sleezy. All of that has to do with communication. But how do you communicate the effectiveness and the transformation - the benefits, the takeaways of your product or service - if you can't talk about it? The most powerful way ever. Allowing them to experience it for themselves.

3:00 That is exactly what the Scott Brothers did. They took their product  and distributed it and snuck it into bathrooms in hotels all over the country. So people were in there like "Oh! What is this fascinating stuff here?" They were able to try it discreetly without ever, ever having to talk about it, without ever having to be embarrassed and it took off, clearly. Because of their tactic and because of their ability to think outside of their box and to meet their customers where they were, and to circumvent the resistance and get creative with it, they now have - well even back then, I think it went up to something like multiple billions - because everybody in the world pretty much at the time started using their product and they were the only ones making it.

4:15 It was so fascinating to me because it was marketing. Even back in the 1800s there were people who had stuff to sell and marketing problems to solve. Which brings me to today and you with your product and your service and the way that you are marketing it. So I have 5 questions and I want you to think and reflect on as your thinking about your product or service and how you're gonna get it into the hands of your ideal clients so that you too can make money off of what it is that you're doing.

4:39 Number one,  what problem do you solve? And when I say what problem do you solve, is it a legit problem that needs solving? Is this something that your ideal client is aware of or is it like the Scott Brothers that they don't even realize it's a problem because they are so set in their ways. They have these mental patterns that have just conditioned them to keep doing it this way. They've never thought of an alternative option.

5:40 So when you think about the need that you solve, are they aware of their need? That is really, really important. So identify what it is and then on a scale of 1-10 how aware is your client of the problem?

5:53 Number two, why do they need it? Now this is not just because it will make life easier. No, get specific with the emotion. Why do they need this? What is it going to do for them? When you are able to not only communicate that but demonstrate that, which is more powerful, you are going to have a much easier time converting. You can tell me all day long how amazing your product or service is, but until I have experienced it myself and I have labeled it the way that my brain is trying to label things and I have felt with my emotions the transformation or experience, until that happens I am only semi-convinced. If you can show me and you can fully immerse me into what it is you do, I'm a believer baby!

7:05 Number three, what is the level of belief in the outcome? Now this is kinda a two-part question. It is partially for you and partially from the perspective of your ideal client. Number one - this is all mindset, sista, so pay attention to this one - what is the level of belief that you have in your results, in yourself and in your delivery method. So how is it that your client is receiving it? These are really questions to slow down for a minute and tune in.

7:43 Maybe put yourself in the position of your ideal client. Imagine immersing yourself in their situation and how are they going to receive your service or your product? How are they going to use it? What are the results that they are going to receive? What is their experience going to be like working with you? How are they going to use it? What is the delivery method? How are you going to get it into their hands? How are they going to full on immerse themselves into that experience.

8:19 When we're talking about results, are these always the results that they get? You know, all the time, definitely. It's systematic, it's tried and true. Is it like 50% of the time they get these results? This type of stuff will develop and affect your level of confidence and your belief in what you offer. There are a million conditions right? Take coaching for example.

9:02 The people that show up consistently, pay attention and do the work get the best results. Where people who show up but they're also multitasking - like they're kind of listening but they're kind of doing work and they're only 50% there or they only come to part of the classes and then they get upset at the end going "Well, that wasn't what I expected, I didn't get the results I wanted." Well, did you show up? Were you full on 100% giving your all? Did you do the work? I want you to think about that. That so often affects the mindset of my coaching clients - the ones that are coaches or teaches - because they get down on themselves and beat themselves up over the results that their clients are getting. That's the first question. What was their level of commitment? Eh, it's about 50%, well that's not on you. If their level of commitment was 100% and the transformation or the result wasn't there, that's logistics and stats and strategy and we can talk about that.

10:09 When you're asking about the results that you deliver to somebody, I want you to take it a set further and ask yourself  are these always the results and what are the variables? Now when you're asking what is your level of belief that you are capable - honey this is all mindset. You can go out there and find proof that you're not and you can find proof that you are.

10:32 You can find proof that you're a failure and you suck. You can find proof that you're amazing and you change lives and people need you. It's all on where you put your focus. So right here, if your level of belief on one to ten that you are capable of delivering these kind of results, if it's anything lower than an 8, we need to work on that. There's some decluttering work to be done. I want you to research your brain power and go into your path and say you know what? I'm not going to focus on the negatives and the failures. I hesitate to say failures because nothing is a failure if it's a learning experience. If you've tried something and it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted it and you learned something, that's growth. That is success. That is a win. You use that. That becomes part of your arsenal of knowledge moving forward and the way that you can show up and deliver next time and all of the times after that. You are continuing to show up and grow and that's human nature.

11:40 I really want you to answer that question on a one to ten. What is your level of belief that you are enough, that you are capable, that you can do this. Baby, I want you to get that to a ten.

11:53 Lastly, your level of belief that the delivery method is the right delivery method. Again i see this come up in the online space all the time. Everyone is trying to get their product or service into a box, a mold, a business model that someone else is using. You have to be like the Scott Brothers, you have to show up different. Maybe you don't. Maybe someone else's model is working.

12:47 That is one business model and if that is the right one for your clients and it feels good and in alignment with you, awesome, then you've nailed it and it's working. If it ain't broke then don't fix it. But if something feels off, if you're delivering your value in a way that isn't being received the way that you want, does the delivery method need tweaking?

13:40 You've got traction. You just immersed them. You've created essentially a low-risk offer, a way to try and experience the result without the risk. It's a beautiful thing. So what does that look like for you in your business?

13:56 Now the second part of that question, what is the level of belief that your clients have in the results that you deliver, in your level of expertise, in you being able to deliver it in the way that they need ait and the delivery method. The first part of the question where we are talking about mindset we are going inside.

14:27 The second part of that question may require you to go out, grow some cajones and ask for feedback. Yes, that feedback might not be what you want - it might not be sunshine and rainbows and sugar cookies - but it is going to be honest feedback and the kind taht you need. Constructive criticism perhaps. It's the fuel and the ammo that you need to make the changes that are going to grow your business and help you make money. Get out there and ask. Ask past clients, ask people that are potential ideal clients. Do your market research. You need to know what they think and how they are receiving your stuff.

15:05 Question number four, and we touched on this a little bit, how can you get clever with your offer and get it into the hands of your clients or your ideal client so that they can try it and experience it so that they can immerse themselves in the benefit? No talking. No let me just tell you about it. It's amazing trust me. No. Don't trust me. Don't take my word for it. You try it, you tell me what you think.

16:02 You have to bust through the 5 senses of your clients like the guard dog that says, "Nope i'm good, my life is exactly fine the way it is. I don't need to change. I don't need anything else in my life. I don't need to spend money on anything else. I'm spending money on enough things. Why should I spend money on you?" Here's why. Try this.

16:23 Number five, what is your definition of success? Now this is all about detaching from the outcome. This is about embracing that whole, "Hey I don't need your money. You can give it to me, I will take it because my stuff is freaking amazing. But I don't need it. So hey, there's plenty of fish in the sea. There's plenty of clients out there who need me and who value me and really, really want what I'm offering and if it's not for you, that's ok. Maybe another time." What we do instead is that we get all hung up. We go and talk to people about what we have and we say "You need this in your life!" And they're like "No I don't think so." And we're like "Is it me? Why don't you love me? Why don't you love my stuff? Why won't you buy it? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I shouldn't be doing this."

17:26 Maybe. Maybe. Maybe, right? Or, you could just not do any of those things and redefine your definition of success. If you talk to 10 people about what it is that you do, what is a good conversion rate? Is it 3?

18:15 We set these high expectations because we never actually lay down realistic success expectations for ourselves and our business. Instead, we get real emotion about it and we focus on the stuff that doesn't work.

18:50 So I invite you to ask yourself that question, what does success look like for you and what does it feel like? Allow yourself to feel it. Allow yourself to imagine stepping into that feeling of success and letting go of the rest. Detaching yourself from that high standard.

19:54 What is the problem that I'm solving? What is it that my clients need? What is my level of belief in my offer? What is their level of belief in the offer/ How can I get it into their hands so that they can try it and experience it before full on committing to it? How is it that I'm going to define success so that no matter what I always feel good about it? Super simple right? Hey, that's the framework. You can go and make money with that.

20:27 Take some time. Take some notes. Rock this exercise out and go do your thing. You are amazing at it. You are enough. You have everything in your already believe it or not. You can do this. I believe in you.

[bctt tweet="How can you market your product or service without TELLING people about it?" username="tonyarineer"]

• Don't tell your potential clients about your product, get them to experience it firsthand.
• Your level of belief in the outcome of your product is just as important as potential client's belief.
• We set high expectations for success because we do not have realistic expectations.
• Detach yourself from needing the money or this client and know that there are plenty of clients in the sea.

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0:28  Nicole Holland is the host of two podcasts - the Business Building Rockstar Show and Get Guest Ready. Nicole helps subject matter experts increase their visibility exponentially through podcast guesting to create greater impact, influence and income. We're all about that over here, right? We're about to find out why industry superstars consider her a genius at what she does. And legit I can vouch for that.

1:15 As you know, in the podcasting world, I'm gonna say it gently, you get a lot of pitches that you can tell that people don't even know who you are. Your approach to this industry is so different.

6:09 I think still that that background really is what makes you more effective in business especially with what you're doing now. You're connecting people. So you have a connection service and you connect guests to podcast hosts and the way that you do it Nicole, no one else does.

7:15 Let's just start with how you got into this space in the first place. I've always been a natural connector. I've always been sincerely interested in people and able to read people to adapt, like you, even as a troubled kid myself. I didn't get into trouble but I didn't come from a healthy household, let's put it that way. So being able to assess situations and manipulate. I started working with youth in the juvenile court system many years ago and I would always tell my boys you are master manipulators so let's turn that skill around and use it for good instead of evil, right? So I was always able to see a situation and figure out how to navigate it and always trying to do good with that. So when I became a podcaster and I would have people pitching me, I would feel so honored and excited especially if somebody who was a representative of somebody really important came to me and said "We love your show and we think this person would be a great guest for you." And I'm like "Wow! I'm so honored. For sure, let's book them." And they come on and they're in an airport or something and they couldn't even be bothered to get a proper space to record at. It's loud, they have an earbud mic that's going shh shh as it touches their face and they don't know who I am. They never heard my show. I'm being a bit dramatic here but all of these were real situations just not from one person.

9:10 What I quickly discovered is that this was just phony and it was not true. These people were pitching for their own interest. They weren't interested in collaboration. They weren't interested in my audience or my mission or my show or anything. They had no respect for me and that bothered me. Quickly, I stopped saying yes to cold pitches and I really focused on what makes a great guest and what makes a not-so great guest. I started sharing that. When I would have somebody come on the show that I really liked and thought it was a great delivery, I would invite them and say "Hey, would you like to be on more podcasts? Cause I know some great hosts who are always in the market for great guests and I would like to help you." So I did that from the very beginning and early 2016. Then podcasters that I would connect guests with would say you need to teach that.

10:26 I just kept speaking my mind, I guess, and eventually, by the end of 2016, I had been asked enough time to actually do bookings for people and I kept saying no until finally I said yes. When I said yes, it was a whole turn of events where I said if I'm going to be doing it for one person, I have to build out the systems, I might as well do it for more people. I let a few people know what I was doing and the rest was history. We're recording in the second half of 2017 and I haven't even fully launched. I talk about what I do and I share what I do but all of my marketing for telling people about the service I provide to get guests on podcasts is really word of mouth and through podcast guesting itself.

11:18 Can we dig into the pitch? Because it's a pet peeve of mine. I realize that it goes both ways. I've pitched and I've been pitched. Because it bothers me when people come on and do the same thing. We don't have men on our show and if I do have a man on it's going to be because I really feel that he can benefit my audience. Not that we're sexist or anything. I want to empower women and give them the space to grow and the support and encouragement that they need in a space that is safe enough to be vulnerable and I've had so many pitches that say "We have this great guest for you, I think you'll love him." I'm like "Alright, uhm nope!" and he sells commercial real estate and what? It's a pet peeve of mine. Because of having a podcast and because of experiencing this I am definitely more aware of the process and the little innuendos because you can tell when someone goes the extra mile and does care.

12:37 It really boils down to how do you want to be treated? I think that essentially is what it is that we forget in our world today. We forget basic human etiquette. One of the things is, I don't try to match my clients up with just anyone. I try to match my clients up with the show hosts that are going to love them, like actually have a relationship with and the potential of a great conversation with audiences that are my clients' ideal buyers and audiences that are going to love my guest because they love the host. I believe that my client and the host will have great chemistry on air and great synergy. I am really looking at it from a holistic standpoint. When I pitch it really is about first of all, nudging you and saying "Hey, are you looking for guests right now?" Because one of the things I cannot stand, even though it still comes to me every day, even though on my website I have a "Be on my show link" with an application people are just not taking the time to take a look, so I get unsolicited pitches all the time.

14:13 Because I have nothing better to do than to get an unsolicited spammy email from you and then to click around to learn about you, are you kidding me? I get so fired up. How rude! I don't know why people don't understand how rude that is, you know?

15:01 I am a big proponent of, first of all, giving value to the host. Second of all, paying attention to who is the host, what's their audience interested in, what are they interested in and do you actually like the host? Do you think you would want to sit down and have a coffee with the host if your pitching yourself or for me, my clients, if I think you would get along well. Then send a message to the host once you get their attention. Get their attention first, get them to nod at you and pay attention to you and then say are you currently looking for guests. Based on what they say, then you figure out your next move.

16:06 What is the best way that somebody has impressed you with getting your attention? I can't think of anything that really really stands out. Overall, I think social media is a fantastic way to do it and there's a fine line between being interesting and of value, and being a bug. You want to make sure that when you're trying to get somebody's attention you are complimenting them, sharing their stuff, liking their posts, stuff like that but subtle enough you don't seem crazy. There are so many people who are just doing these things to get attention. You don't want to be that person. You want to actually be sincerely interested. Comment on things if it's appropriate. Share their stuff if it's appropriate and maybe they'll like your comment or respond to your comment. Now you know that they have acknowledged you, even if it is a team member that is working for them. Then there is some two way interaction, it's not just one way.

17:20 I can tell if somebody is getting my attention specifically to pitch me or if they are getting my attention because they sincerely value what I'm putting out in the world. The people who sincerely value what I'm putting out into the world, or are good enough at pretending to, those are the people I will always value and give my time as long as they continue to prove that they are sincere. What i don't appreciate is when somebody is just doing it specifically to say I want to be on your show.

18:44 Be subtle until the person has acknowledged and said  Yes! I'm interested in you and then when they tell you what to do, do it.

19:40 Most people don't ask for a whole lot. It's helping to make the show good quality and put the information that needs to be there to help to promote and support you and give the audience what they need. I don't think that most hosts ask for a whole lot of crazy.

20:05 For me, my application consists of make a maximum of 3-minutes video telling me why you're the best guest for my show. I want to see your face. I want to know what you think. I want to hear you talk.

20:37 That's a great idea actually because you really get to experience their energy. I'm woo, I just want to know if I like your energy. Do you connect or is it gonna be like Bueller? Bueller?

21:23 What kind of tips can you give to somebody who is wanting to put themselves out there, they want to be a better guest but they are scared to death to be seen to be vulnerable or even to acknowledge to themselves that they are experts in their field?

21:52 If you don't think you're ready, don't do it. You're not. I don't think that there is any niche, or if people say oh well do I really have value to add to a podcast? Yeah you do as long as you know you do. If you don't know you do but you think you do and you can fake it, great, that's a good place to start. If you don't see your value, no, don't go on a podcast yet.

22:25 If you are insincere or inauthentic when you're on a podcast, people will feel that. When you're doing podcast interviews the listeners are using their ears to sense you. They're not seeing you, they're not reading you and putting it into their own voice in their head. They are hearing you. If you are telling fibs or you aren't believing what you are saying, there is a good chance that they won't either. It's really easy to make a bad name for yourself.

23:15 This is evergreen content. We're recording this in Sept 2017, but you listener can be listening to this in June of 2020. I mean who knows? By then, I'm sure my message would have changed and I may be doing something completely different, but you will still be able to hear my truth and connectedness the same way as someone listening in 2017. That's really really important.

24:09 You have to have the truth to back it up. You can't fake it. You can't say "I am an expert in my field because I am identifying that. There are a lot of marketing tactics where you can do that. You can say "I am declaring myself an expert and I am going to now build my momentum." You should not do that, in my opinion, in a podcast interview because people smell insincerity. They know when you're not being truthful. You don't want that content out there because years down the road or months down the road if you're ready to really be seen and be heard and you want to get on a great podcast and this icky stuff is out there when you're getting vetted when people are listening to say is this person a great guest, they're going to come across that stuff and judge you on it and it can hurt you in the future.

25:06 It's not like a bad interview will be the end of you, don't get me wrong. But I do say that if you are thinking of podcast guesting, don't jump in too quickly. That's why I created the podcast Get Guest Ready because I walk people through a process of before you pitch a show. Before you even identify a show you want to be on, let's do some deeper work and figure it out. Who are you? What is your value? What is the value that the host and the audience will appreciate from you? How do you find the right host? How do you find the right audience? All of that pre-work is essential in being a great guest.

25:53 What I come across all the time are people who are afraid to approach people, they are afraid of the interview format and the nerves because it is a bit on par with public speaking and what you're saying is that that is okay that is step 2 or 3 or 4. Step 1 is getting really comfortable with your message, your truth, and talk about it with everybody.

26:37 Get comfortable, get confident in your message yourself and then let's talk about getting on a podcast and then we can deal with the nerves.

26:47 The nerves are the third because the first is getting comfortable with yourself and your message and being vulnerable. Next is where do you search and what shows to be on.

27:11 Oftentimes, once people do dig into what they really want to get out of it and who they should be speaking really with and to and they  let ego subside, then they figure out often the shows that they wanted to be on are not the best use of their energy.

29:52 When you get on a podcast that is a perfect fit, magic happens.

30:18 I've been on small podcasts and seen tons of engagement and connection as a result and big podcasts crickets. It really boils down to your audience and what you have in common and what you're looking for, for sure.

30:42 You've gotten your message, you feel comfortable, you've gotten over the nerves and you've had a couple of good podcast recordings, you've a guest on a couple of things and then what? Do you hit it and quit it? Is it a one night stand?

31:08 I will say, I've guested on well over 100 shows by now and not all of them were marrying material. It's fine, you're on a show. I always think it's really important to appreciate the host regardless of whether or not you want to have a long-term relationship. Appreciate the host by doing little things like sending an email thanking them, sending  a tweet, sending a card, things like that. Letting them know you appreciate them. They put you on their platform. That's a big deal, they didn't have to. That's really honoring them, sharing their content still. Making sure to let your audience know, once it goes live, that you're there.

31:58 The only time I would say don't do that is if it's a really bad experience and in that case I would suck it up and go to the host. Say "Listen this wasn't a fit and I sincerely appreciate your effort. I sincerely appreciate your willingness to have me here. I just don't feel like this is a right fit for both of us and I would like you to not run this interview." I don't think I've ever had to go there.

33:09 The host will probably respect you for doing it and if not, that's okay because you didn't have a good experience anyhow. It can't get any worse. That's a rare occasion.

34:47 Show some support. Just little things. Sharing their stuff, being an ambassador a little bit, rating their show - leaving a review.

35:04 That's a nonnegotiable. I tell my students this, if you want to be on someone's podcast and you can't sincerely find something that you can write a 5-star review about, then you should not be on the podcast.

36:38 So you did mention your summit, and you have that coming up very quickly here. Let's talk about that. You have a very interesting approach, and I like the way that you're running it because you're doing it like a conference. I always say I love, love, love summits because it's like a crash course conference that you can do in your pjs.

37:42 This is the 3rd year I am doing the Business Building Rockstar Summit. It actually came before my podcast did. What I do is I pull together experts on different marketing strategies, how to build an online business like a rockstar. So I pull together rockstars in the different niches.

39:18 The last 2 years it was a pre-recorded so people could download for a specific period of time for free and if they wanted the content to refer back to they could upgrade to a paid pass. This year I'm doing it differently than I've ever done it before and it's actually going to be delivered live. It's 10 days. November 1st through the 10th and all of the sessions are going to be live. Super exciting! We are starting with foundational stuff on day 1 moving through different ways of selling from membership sites to creating digital programs to doing 1:1. We're going into social media for attracting new clients. We;re going into more advanced strategies like podcasting, podcast guesting, writing a book, all these other things.

40:40 As long as you have access to the internet - you can use your mobile or your computer - you can go to bbrsummit.com/profitparty you will see a special message from Tonya and myself and you can sign up there for a free ticket and come and play!

42:21 The way it is organized is so that you can pick and choose. So when you opt-in and you get your free ticket you'll also get the program or playbook where you can see the schedule and you can figure out what topics you;re interested in. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out or you're more advanced, if you've not started using Facebook messenger bots for growing your business, that could be a really amazing session for you. Whether you're just starting out or you're a wantrepreneur and haven't started out or you're already long-time in business but you haven't written a book yet and you want to explore that, awesome, pick that session. The way that we're connecting, the way that the sessions are run are that we are talking to people with a beginner's mind. It doesn't necessarily mean you're a beginner in business but it means that this topic is something that you haven't explored thoroughly yet. We're really coming from a place of here's how to get started with this. Here's how you try it on. You don't have to invest in it. You don't have to spend a thousand dollars to get in someone's program to teach you blah blah blah. I don't want people to leave feeling confused by these sessions, I want people to leave feeling empowered.

44:20 There's nothing you have to do. If it doesn't feel good to you, don't worry about it.

44:30 If you're in it for business and this is what you're doing and you want to do it, then YES it should be fun!

[bctt tweet="When you get on a podcast that is a perfect fit, magic happens. " username="tonyarineer"]

• Pay attention to all of the steps to take before pitching a podcast host.
• Make sure that you know your message and are ready to be vulnerable.
• Know your podcast host, their audience and how you can benefit them.
• It isn't about how big the podcast is, but how your connection is.
• Appreciate your host after you have been on a podcast.

BBRS Summit

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