Project Studio Tea Break

In a spirit of RIPQ, this month we ask: who the hell do Mike & Jon think they are? Do they really expect us to believe they've just been swimming in cottage cheese doing guppy impressions for weeks? What about the rumours of equine stampedes, otter wave-machines, and biological lava lamps? What about the nauseatingly real sense-memories of proto-sub-SubKick, or the crowds of one-fact wonders helping Franz Ferdinand's bassist tie his tie? It all adds up to random squared. Not that this episode has no redeeming features: there's pioneering electronic wholemeal toast, the most ungoogleable show ever, an eerily calm spin cycle, and Donmar's antidote to cubicle nostalgia. But beware the onanistic yodelling of The Worst Record In The World, which may cause you to inflict double damage on your speakers with a pencil. And don't you dare call us offensively inoffensive, or we'll throw you out of Costa's!

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It's a flora and fauna special this month, so boil your mix-referencing kettle as PSTB's octogenarian park rangers play guitar to budgies at elevated sample rates, expose non-flamingos to Caravaggio, and politely ask small shrubs to switch off their blackberries. Mike, freshly unmasked as Martin Green of Venezuela, has been pwning Tiktok's algorithms in four-part harmony using the immense untapped potential of floppy-haired teenage angst. Jon, on the other hand, has registered a likeability rating of 1.237 microBiebers by beatboxing execrable brown noise like a ninja virtuoso from the passive-aggressive abyss. Yet they've still found time to answer some more of those deep philosophical questions. Can spot mics get spottier? Is Alex Bainter a shadow of the ideal platonic sausage? And might bass fire-hose be the ideal aesthetic palate-cleanser for a djembe that's eaten everything?

To catch Jon's performance in Babolin Theatre's lockdown-friendly production 'Bubu Killer King' (premiering July 31st), head over to https://babolintheatre.weebly.com! 

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Despite the cosy domestic scene here at PSTB headquarters, baking scones and sharing long involved stories about the British monarchy, there have been rumours of sedition in the ranks of #TeamNik on account of the artist formerly known as Einaudi. Nothing can keep Jon from the ongoing influencer battle, however, putting up his own musical carpet underlay against Mike's 30-year-old VHS instructional-video underscore. Plenty of other musical curios abound too: San Francisco's bridgeolian harpjo, some plausibly deniable Stravinsky and Bernstein quotations, and the joy of shouting "Encore!" when 840 repetitions just aren't quite enough. Even lower lowlights include a scroll full of joyful starfish, a nuclear kerchief, Joe DeGeorge's ruined MIDI keyboard, and the unmistakeable sound of falling Durex. Et tu, Nik?

(Oh, and if you'd like to follow our on-going TikTok challenge, Jon's @pstbtiks and Mike's @pstbtoks. Go teams!)

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak

It's a worrying time for your two intrepid tea-breakers. Mike's battling his Eurovision withdrawal symptoms by composing aleatorically with a dandelion, while precariously balancing a small bowl of kibbles. John's doing battle with a Sarlaac drum machine, underscoring the Queen's life with Korn, and whacking the 'make it bigger' button. Still, they're both knuckling down once more to investigate all the month's most pressing project-studio matters. For instance, it appears Ed Milliband may have been computer generated by training neural networks with Dutch folk music, Reddit threads, and Tasmanian Devil sounds. There's news too of Simon Cowell's shock-collar, manufactured by Jacob Marley Music Services to inspire late-flowering artistic integrity. Plus we extol the dramatic tension, cognitive dissonance, and passive-aggressive guitar solos of Andy Shauf, as well as unearthing the deep connections between podcasting split-personality disorder and the SOS hand-shot face. Yeah, verily, the Internet giveth, and the Internet taketh away...

(Oh, and if you'd like to follow our on-going TikTok challenge, Jon's @pstbtiks and Mike's @pstbtoks. Go teams!)

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak

It's mayhem in this month's crisis edition! Mike's singing at gerbil-threatening volumes while pioneering rehooker Maxo's 8-bit funk is exploding his brain. Jon's hamstering drum-sticks, training a rock-and-roll chicken, and spreading jam on ducks. Laura Marling's refusing to wash her baritone ukelele ever again. Neil Young's in a photo booth with a sleeping dog. Meduza and Einaudi are both suing themselves. King Louis XIV's inciting theatrical arson and (even worse!) mime. The Wolf of the tenor section is investigating the acoustic properties of airborne jacuzzis and the pentatonic drivel of icebergs. Is it too late to fix Gal Gadot's 'Imagine'? Will our PSTB TikTok challenge end in tears? And, most crucially, is there anything gaffer tape can't do?

(Oh, and if you'd like to follow our TikTok challenge, Jon's @pstbtiks and Mike's @pstbtoks. Go teams!)

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak

This month we challenge all you podfasters to brave our break-neck pace, as a puddlish Jon (or is it Geraldine eating crackers?) and the hollow shell of Mike reveal good news for the serious, intellectual thumpsy-thumpsy listener -- or anyone else directing their Marmite sneer at the weaponisation of Classic FM. Jon is dedicating his restocked facepalm bouquet to new best friend Rob, and doing a manual Iron Man at the intersection between acrobatics and too many percussion sticks. Mike's been treated like conservatively dressed cattle at auction, but consoles himself with the joyful noise of Adam Neely, Katy Perry, and their copyright ouroboros. Past, present, and future Jon explains his bullet-proof backup system, as well as the beauty of fastidious randomisation, all the while wearing an end-of-X-Files face. Plus there's a Madonna mic, an unwrenchlike daughter, and some extremely inconvenient pop-up ads.

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It's awards season this month at the NAMM show, where we're doling out those coveted PSTB gongs for Silly Name, 3D Poster, Dusty Controls, and (of course) Straight To Landfill! Veteran spam-wrangler Jon has been navigating impending Abmeldung from his throne of radical leftist literature, as well as waxing lyrical about nasty nonsense and twiddling his hand-forged toasting fork. Self-styled ball of smug Mike has been watching Thunderfinger Royale and Groundhog's Eve while suffering a Friday-sus-Wednesday and channelling the spirit of Tom Waits (as best a viola-playing tenor can). Hot topics this month include how to become a non-teen teen-pop sensation, what's so tragic about the trailer for Trolls World Tour, why it takes an idiot to know one, and where to bury the banjiola abomination. All accompanied by the dulcet tones of sneezing gnomes and flatulent drainpipes.

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak

As we head further into the official Year Of The Echo, we capture the cinematic Zeitgeist by sneaking through doors, picking up swords, and filling our cup of feline schadenfreude to the brim with grisly apolcalyptic visions of the Uncanny Valley. Blacksmith to the stars Jon Whitten warns of the dangers of hubris-powered Luthierism, while ruining his co-host with The Curse Of Happy Village. Mike fights back with electric-guitar birthday cards, sample-library parlour games, and multiple Mary Poppins references. Gene Pitney makes an appearance too, providing an object lesson in the importance of lyrical context (and teetering just one consonant from catastrophe). Plus, we're cherry-picking our favourite careers advice, including such gems as 'The man who pays the bill is God', and 'Never, ever, change your phone number". All in all, it's another episode packed full of loquacious cross-stitch, yellow snow, and scraps of Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak

On this month's virtual C60 we celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Walkman, as well as Sony's recent assault on the retro Goldilocks Zone. Mike, our human Frappuccino, has been airbrushing his own facepalms and rejoicing in the exquisite URL innuendos of Mole Station Nursery and Pen Island. Jon has drained his choir chalice, emboldening him to resist the thrall of ker-chunk and deliver an anarcho-feminist roar with deep mahogany sonorities. Your hosts join forces to investigate earworm antigens, delving into all the most crucial issues: Does Justin Bieber have plausible deniability? Is it ethical to expose human subjects to David Guetta and Maroon 5? And can you really Chew Yourself Fit? And there are plenty of other New Year's goodies besides, including Toastzilla, the Royal Prefix, and Caroline Shaw's 'The Joy Of Theft'.

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In this special festive edition, we settle down with a sackful of Maltesers, a bottle of Bublé's Irish Cream, and an emergency spatula to survey the best and worst of Christmas singlage. In-house feline support specialist Mike reveals that all Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is Jah, and also waxes non-lyrical about Selena Gomez's finest hour. Meanwhile, rhythm-murderer Jon discusses synth tax rebates, as well as raising the sons of earth with a rousing 'Hark the HAIR!' In other news, Jon's prophetic spirit animal flashes its boxers (although sadly without polka dots), and Softube deftly apply The Sucker Punch Of Derision in defence of their new fader bank's failure to go up to 11. Support the Sleighbell Tax!

Fancy more of this nonsense? Then please support the podcast at https://www.patreon.com/projectstudioteabreak