PseudoPod

Bells chime, I know I gotta get away

And I know if I don’t, I’ll go out of my mind

Accident Report by Jarod Anderson

“Accident Report” first appeared in Midnight Echo Issue #11.

Jarod K. Anderson is a fan of comic books, tattoos, pulp detective novels, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, video games, and all things sci-fi, fantasy, and horror. Jarod’s work has appeared in numerous online and print publications including Escape Pod, Daily Science Fiction, Apex Magazine, Fantasy Scroll, and elsewhere. His bestselling books of speculative fiction writing prompts (co-written with Leslie J. Anderson) include: Inklings: 300 Starts, Plots, and Challenges to Inspire Your Horror, Science Fiction and Fantasy and 100 Prompts for Science Fiction Writers. Find Jarod online at: jarodkanderson.com.   

Your narrator – Jeremy Moran is a writer, filmmaker, and actor based in Austin Tx. You can usually catch him doing improv around the city. Check out his writings and films at www.jeremymoran.com. Follow his happenings at @moranicjeremy on Twitter.

I remember being worried about the cost of another citation. That’s why I made a complete stop at the corner of Deer Run and Milner Roads. My last ticket was over $300, and I was fresh out of second chances. Not just from the DMV.

If I had skipped that stop sign altogether, like I used to, or even settled for a rolling stop, maybe I wouldn’t have given the Devil a chance to get into the car.

What the Dollhouse Said by Karen Bovenmyer

“What the Dollhouse Said” was originally published in Devilfish Review, Issue Ten, July 24, 2014 and it will be reprinted in a forthcoming issue of Jennifer Brozek’s Evil Girlfriend Media Shorts. This story was also accepted for illustration in Bonnie Stufflebeam’s 2015 Art & Words Show.

Karen Bovenmyer earned an MFA in Popular Fiction from the University of Southern Maine’s Stonecoast Program in 2013, and she was awarded the 2016 Mary Shelley Scholarship by the Horror Writers Association.

She spent many hours as a kid among beaten earth and bare roots avoiding predators and whispering to imaginary people of various moralities. She never had a pet rabbit, but she did have a hamster named Chucky Cheeks who wanted to be an astronaut. This story is dedicated to everyone who found animals and inanimate objects easier to communicate with than fellow homo sapiens. Karen is the Nonfiction Assistant Editor for Mothership Zeta, Escape Artists’ new e-zine and has been having a spectacular time helping set up the first issue. Check out book, short story, and movie reviews, a “Story Doctor” article from award-winning science fiction author James Patrick Kelly, and a science column from a real astronomer—as well as plenty of fabulous fresh stories from amazing authors both new and experienced.

Your narrator – Heather Simmons grew up in South Africa and has made her home in the United States. She is an active participant in community theatre with radio experience and can be reached for narration requests at heatheresimmons at gmail

She cries more than I think anyone can, at first, but she is the only kid who visits the dollhouse. I don’t know how it got there. It looks like it grew by accident in the root knuckles of a wide old apple tree on the edge of the playground. It smells strongly of cats, like my aunt’s house, and is white as antlers. It twists like grandma’s fingers, but the spines and knobs come together to make something that looks like a dollhouse just the same, with an open door, windows, and a steeple roof. There is always a small animal rotting there, tufts of fur missing.

MeetWorks Daycare by Michael M. Rader

This is a PseudoPod Original.

Michael M. Rader is an electrical engineer and busy father who writes horror and science fiction stories in the slivers of time found between those responsibilities. His other works can be found in Fiction Vortex magazine and World Weaver Press’ Corvida[...]

Author : Andrew Paul Narrator : Brian Lieberman Host : Alasdair Stuart Audio Producer : Graeme Dunlop Discuss on Forums PseudoPod 523: Kashrut, or, the Ortolan is a PseudoPod original. Kashrut, or, the Ortolan by Andrew Paul “Compassion is what’s most important here,” Schulman tells his son.   He shows him the sakin, turning it over […]

by Andrew Paul

 

Kashrut, or, the Ortolan is a Pseudopod Original.

Andrew Paul’s recent fiction work is included in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, as well as the anthologies, “Mississippi Noir,” published by Akashic Books, and “Thuglit: Last Writes.” His nonfiction has been featured in numerous online and print publications, including Virginia Quarterly Review, Oxford American, Hazlitt, VICE Media, The A.V. Club, and Tablet. He currently lives in New Orleans, Louisiana, and online at www.andrewpaulwrites.com and @anandypaul.

Your Narrator – Brian Lieberman is an associate editor of Pseudopod. By day, he’s a froody copywriter who always remembers his towel. By night, he fights various evils with his friends. He lives in Columbia, Maryland with his wife, a brooding rat, a roommate, a school of fish, and a cat with no patience for his tomfoolery. He asks that if you’re feeling particularly generous, you donate to a small project he’s quite fond of. You might have heard of it, it’s called Pseudopod.

Info on Anders Manga’s album (they do our theme music!) can be found here.

“Compassion is what’s most important here,” Schulman tells his son.  

He shows him the sakin, turning it over in his hand, highlighting each angle.  

“The blade is sharpened again and again. There cannot be a single imperfection. Do you see?” Schulman asks.  

He lightly guides his youngest’s fingers across the metal edge. Jacob’s hesitance ebbs when he sees in his father’s care that there is no room for error, no chance of injury.  

“The sakin‘s edge is straight, not serrated. There can be no unnecessary tearing, just one precise and deliberate cut.”

Schulman motions to the heifer’s neck, pausing at every essential location along the knife’s route.  

“Esophagus. Trachea. Jugular. Carotids. Vagus,” he lists.  

Jacob swallows instinctively. Schulman nods. 

“It may seem excessive. But this ensures the slaughter to be as painless as possible. Compassion. That’s what’s most important.”

Author : Grady Hendrix Narrator : Alasdair Stuart Host : Alex Hofelich Audio Producer : Graeme Dunlop Discuss on Forums The Christmas Spirits was first published in “Tales of the White Street Society” in December 2012. Another true horror story of the season mentioned in the intro can be found here. The Christmas Spirits by […]

by Grady Hendrix

The Christmas Spirits was first published in “Tales of the White Street Society” in December 2012.

Grady Hendrix writes fiction, also called “lies,” and he writes non-fiction, which people sometimes accidentally pay him for. This includes the Freaky Friday column at Tor.com, which is a must-read for horror fans looking for books to avoid. He is the author of Horrorstör, the only novel about a haunted Scandinavian furniture store you’ll ever need. It has been translated into 14 languages and is being turned into a television show by Gail Berman (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Charlie Kaufman (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), and Josh Schwartz (Gossip Girl). They have never met Grady, but that is their loss. His new novel is called My Best Friend’s Exorcism, about demonic possession, friendship, exorcism, and the Eighties. Take some of those gift cards you’re bound to get and pop over to Quirk Books and pick both novels up. Horrorstör is especially worthwhile in hard copy, because as ephemera, it brilliantly skewers the ubiquitous IKEA catalog.

While you’re perusing their shop, go download the coloring book for My Best Friend’s Exorcism.

Your narrator this week is the Supreme Mugwump and Keeper of the Big Red Button. He was briefly employed as a circus geek until an unfortunate mix-up involving a prize-winning fighting cock. Its owner had ties not only to the carnival, but also to the Russian mob, so now he writes supplements for role playing games, where he exercises his superpower to make you appreciate the Sixth Doctor. He has played for the national rugby team after defeating the monstrous four-horned sheep across his home island. He is a regular contributor to Tor.com, and he owns a bunch of awesome podcasts.

Another true horror story of the season mentioned in the intro can be found here.

Info on Anders Manga’s album (they do our theme music!) can be found here.

“You can have your Paris, your London, your Vienna, your Rome; for this good Christian there is no city more sublime than New York at Christmastime. As I walked to the White Street Society clubhouse I sucked in great gulps of cold Yuletide air until my lungs froze solid with Christmas cheer. My feet were numbed with holiday spirit as they tramped the icy streets. My face and whiskers were chapped with all the joy of the season. Six carolers raced past me in the opposite direction, screaming, their exposed skin red and blistered with burns, their wet clothes steaming, flesh hanging from one of their faces in sheets. I smiled to myself a secret Christmas smile, for this meant that my good friend Augustus Mortimer was home.

‘God rest you, merry gentleman!’ I shouted in gay spirits, as I pounded on his front door. ‘Augustus? It is William! Come a’wassailing this December eve! Augustus?’

I felt something poking me in the midsection and directed my gaze downwards to behold the blade of a saber protruding from the mail slot and halfheartedly prodding me. It was sharpened to a murderous gleam, but as I was wrapped in many cloaks, and carpets, and coats, and shawls to protect myself against the Christmas chill, I felt only a gentle massaging about my tummy.

‘Augustus!’ I smiled, squatting down and peering through the mail slot. ‘Is stabbing any way to greet a visitor on this fifth night of Advent?’ “

Author : Simon Bestwick Narrator : Lewis Davies Host : Alasdair Stuart Audio Producer : Graeme Dunlop Discuss on Forums “The Moraine” was first printed in The Best Horror of the Year: Volume 4 in 2012 The Moraine by Simon Bestwick “Hello?” I called into the mist. “Hello?” “Anybody down there?” Diane called. “Hello?” A […]

by Simon Bestwick

“The Moraine” was first printed in The Best Horror of the Year: Volume 4 in 2012

‘Simon Bestwick is brilliant,’ the Guardian says; he thinks they’re probably wrong, but being British, also thinks it would be very impolite to disagree with them. Originally from Manchester, he now lives on the Wirral with his long-suffering wife, the author Cate Gardner. By now he’s responsible for five novels, four short story collections, and a chapbook, Angels Of The Silences. A new collection is in the works.

He has two new novels out in December: The Feast Of All Souls, a supernatural/urban fantasy novel from Solaris Books, and Devil’s Highway, the second book in the post-apocalyptic Black Road quartet. It and the first book, Hell’s Ditch, are both available from Snowbooks.

Visit his Website, follow his Facebook Author Page or on Twitter @GevaudanShoal

Your narrator – Lewis Davies – is a history teacher who lives in the South West of Britain. This is his 2nd reading for Pseudopod. you can follow him @Lewiskernow on twitter..

Info on Anders Manga’s album (they do our theme music!) can be found here.

““Hello?” I called into the mist. “Hello?”

“Anybody down there?” Diane called.

“Hello?” A voice called back.

“Thank god for that,” Diane whispered.

We started along the rattling path, into the mist. “Hello?” called the voice. “Hello?””

Author : Simon Bestwick Narrator : Alasdair Stuart Host : Alasdair Stuart Audio Producer : Graeme Dunlop Discuss on Forums “Dermot” was first printed in Black Static, Issue 24 August-September 2011. Dermot by Simon Bestwick The bus turns left off Langworthy Road and onto the approach to the A6.  Just before it goes under the overpass, […]

by Simon Bestwick

“Dermot” was first printed in Black Static, Issue 24 August-September 2011.

‘Simon Bestwick is brilliant,’ the Guardian says; he thinks they’re probably wrong, but being British, also thinks it would be very impolite to disagree with them. Originally from Manchester, he now lives on the Wirral with his long-suffering wife, the author Cate Gardner. By now he’s responsible for five novels, four short story collections, and a chapbook, Angels Of The Silences. A new collection is in the works.

He has two new novels out in December: The Feast Of All Souls, a supernatural/urban fantasy novel from Solaris Books, and Devil’s Highway, the second book in the post-apocalyptic Black Road quartet. It and the first book, Hell’s Ditch, are both available from Snowbooks.

Visit his Website, follow his Facebook Author Page or on Twitter @GevaudanShoal

Your narrator is the Keeper of the Big Red Button – the Man of Words himself!

Info on Anders Manga’s album (they do our theme music!) can be found here.

The bus turns left off Langworthy Road and onto the approach to the A6.  Just before it goes under the overpass, past the old Jewish cemetery at the top of Brindleheath Road and on past Pendleton Church, it stops and Dermot gets on.

He gets a few funny looks, does Dermot, as he climbs aboard, but then he always does.  It’s hard for people to put their fingers on it.  Maybe it’s the way his bald head looks a bit too big.  Or the fishy largeness of his eyes behind the jar-thick spectacles.  The nervous quiver of his pale lips, perhaps.

Or perhaps it’s just how pale he is.  How smooth.  His skin- his face, his hands- are baby-smooth and baby-soft.  Like they’ve never known work, and hardly ever known light.  

All that and he’s in a suit, too.  Quite an old suit, and it’s not a perfect fit- maybe a size too large- but it’s neat and clean and well-maintained.  Pressed.  Smooth.

And of course, there’s the briefcase.

It’s old-fashioned, like something out of the ‘seventies, made out of plain brown leather.  He doesn’t carry it by the handle.  He hugs it close against his chest.  Like a child.

Author : Elizabeth Siedt Narrator : Dani Daly Host : Alasdair Stuart Audio Producer : Graeme Dunlop Discuss on Forums PseudoPod 519: Perfect Reflection is a PseudoPod original. Perfect Reflection by Elizabeth Siedt You hate mirrors. You use them, sure, begrudgingly checking your hair and doing your makeup and smiling into them after you’ve finished […]