Pshht Themes

Happy America Day! You wanna see some oiled-up men flying JETS in JEANS playing VOLLEYBALL, look no further than Top Gun, a movie for the straights that ended up being for the gays. Is the story good? No. Is the dialogue interesting? Absolutely not. But guys, nothing says America like toxic masculinity trying to cover up the homoerotic content of this military advertisement. Brennan explains dirty air and standardized tests, Erin sings "Take My Breath Away" twenty times, and both are confused with Tom Cruise's acting choices (somehow we still love you). In the end, the seeds have been planted for our hosts to return for Top Gun: Maverick. 

If we could end this with a sound, it would be Iceman biting his teeth at Maverick. Hawt. 

Make a cup of polyjuice potion and clear some space in your Pensieve, it's time to discuss bad movies. This time we are covering the sequel to our last bad movie review. Wait, a bad movie had a sequel?!?! Why yes my poor, innocent Void, The Crimes of Grindelwald are not only bad, they are certifiably worse than the first movie. As we have decided to call it, "Evil wizards and where to bone them. . . I mean, find them. . . ." We are once again stuck with heroes we don't care about, side plots that are more important than main plots, and the only saving grace is our villain. That villain being part of a compelling gay duo, the gay duo that the story was founded upon and fans were expecting to see. Shame on you J.K. Rowling for burying it like it doesn't exist. We question her commitment, if any, to the queer community for how she retroactively established that Dumbledor is gay, built a film series on said relationship, but refused to commit to any representation of that aspect of his character. 


Brennan would like to add that Theseus is extremely HAWT. 
Erin would like to add that Zoe Kravitz is underutilized. 

Let's be real, when the movie already has a great title, why try to come up with different one. TO THE OUTBACK!!!!!!!!!! We sashay in sequined gowns this week to discuss a small indie Australian film which has grown to be a near and dear film of the queer community. Three queens, one bus, endless Outback before them, what could possibly go wrong? For a film made in the 90's, the story of three queer people and their interactions with truly curious individuals is told with acceptance, love, and patience. So always remember, wherever you are there is always a Bob. 

This week, Brennan is breaking down closet doors and flipping his hair back in the sun with waves crashing around him, warbling on a rock as we talk about not THAT Disney movie, but instead Luca. Just like our Mousey overlords, we won't SAY this is a queer movie. . . but it is. SO! We dive into the story of young sea monsters looking for a place in the world; to be themselves. Erin herds her pastoral sheep-fish, while also criticizing cycling (as a whole), Italians (not as a whole), and Disney (THE WHOLE THING). Brennan, meanwhile, is watching this story of undeniable young queer love and blushing, thinking of all the Albertos he knew as a kid but never confessed to, while the "Alberto" he does know is his sister, the one he can't wait to shut up and leave him alone. "No, no matter what you say, I don't want to go to the gay bars tonight, Erin. Silencio Bruno!"

Happy Pride!!

Greeting, Void! We bring you this extra episode of Erin, Brennan, and Matt donning our Jedi robes for our council meeting on the overarching works of Star Wars. As the resident über nerds, we rank every Star Wars movie, including that solo movie, how the sequel trilogy could have been better (Gray Jedi), and how does it compare with the prequels? Overall, we agree that the lightsaber battles should have been better, character development and plot continuity, and how good characters were written off without reason. Really, we just discuss how much we love these movies, even when they let us down. Like rooting for an underdog team, maybe they'll get it right next season. 

It's here, the final edition of our Star Wars movie reviews (for NOW)! Erin, Brennan, and Matt intercept an encrypted message from THAT Sith, he's back!! To beat him, we need to jump in our ships and race to Exegol, but not before confronting story redactions, classic 3PO antics, and disturbing thoughts of Palpatine in bed. Ew!! Will the Knights of Ren cause problems or just stare like Bella in Twilight? Answer: stare. We get Jedi Master Leia (finally!), and our old friend Lando still being the coolest guy in the galaxy. It ends where it begins, Luke is finally able to raise an X-Wing from the water. 

So first, we apologize for the length of this episode, we give you a week off to fully process it. 

That being said, we are in part 2 of our Sequel Trilogy Special and that means talking "The Last Jedi", a story with so much that we speak for 3 hours. We discuss shirtless Skype calls with Kylo Ren, porgs weeping at Chewie's BBQ, and Laura Dern saying "pew, pew!" Matt dishes some quality quotes, Brennan talks, and Erin questions Salt Hoth. Shout out to our friend for pointing out Sassy Yoda, always willing to spill the tea to Luke. But really, we focus on the problems and there are SO many: cutting out characters, pointless story arcs, and the damn Holdo maneuver.

Erin's review: understood goal but it sucked.
Matt's review: Force Awakens left potential for the sequels, but Last Jedi killed it. "Let This Trilogy Die, Kill It if you Have To" -Matt to Rian Johnson
Brennan's review: better than Force Awakens, but bad writing sinks all ships. 

May the Fourth to you, Void! And also with you! We are back this week with Matt, of course, to break down our thoughts on the 2015 Star Wars revamp: The Force Awakens. It turns out there is little that all three hosts can agree on, except for Linkin Park is the soundtrack for Kylo Ren (queue Numb). With fun new characters comes new themes like "boys in space" energy, "stop holding my hand" energy, and "CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIN!!! THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEALLLL!!!!" energy. Jeez, he's such a wimp. Matt christens the Millenium Falcon as the Aluminum Peregrine, Erin gets excited for the return of PowerPoint screen wipes, and Brennan chuckles for a trash compactor. 

Erin review: Great.
Matt review: Best of the new ones.
Brennan review: hate. Almost as much as Anakin hates sand. 

Let's just get to it, this movie is bad. Erin and Brennan spend most of the podcast showcasing every possible way it could be better. Mainly, Jacob Kawalski should be the main character and the story should follow him learning of the magical world. Instead, we get extreme introvert Newt Scamander rolling nat ones on animal handling at every turn, a hot Colin Farrell with nothing to do but be bad and slap children, and He Who Must Not Be Named (child who is slapped). We spend way too much time looking up MACUSA (Is it a person? Is it a spell?), we love ourselves a niffler, and we decide whoever wrote this needs an editor. 

Next time, get us some hawt Dumbledor and Grindelwald action with a side dish of Theseus cause jeez is this dry. 

This week we dust off our vinyl and light some candles, we're about to go on tour; I sure hope we don't have tests or graduation we need to be back for. . . . We follow Still Water on their Almost Famous tour in 1973, starring Russel on guitar, Jeff on vocals, that guy there on the bass, and that other guy on the drums. Presenting the Baby-Faced Assassin, William Miller, portraying a fictionalized version of writer and director Cameron Crowe on his journey of growing up. We meet the transcendent Kate Hudson luring William into a world of rock and roll while the anchor of "MOM" (Frances McDormand) screams, "Don't Take Drugs!" But really we learn about the Tao of Lester Bangs: never make friends with the rock stars.