Psychology of Habits (With Jane Smith)

You've probably picked up a journal at some point thinking it would help you make sense of things, and maybe it did, or maybe it mostly just gave your anxiety a place to pace. Journaling is one of the most recommended tools for building resilience, but the gap between what it promises and what it actually delivers is worth looking at honestly. What would you find if you read every journal you ever kept, and would that surprise you or make you wince? The line between genuine reflection and just rehearsing distress in nicer handwriting is thinner than most people realize.

This episode traces one person's complicated history with journaling from the teenage midnight entries nobody was supposed to see, through the early career spiral of morning pages that made anxiety worse, to the specific shifts that changed what the practice actually does. The psychology behind expressive writing and why it works under some conditions and backfires under others gets examined closely, along with what brain research on naming emotions tells us about why words matter. The focus is on lived experience alongside evidence, not a curated success story. What you take away is a more honest relationship with a tool you probably already own.

If you've ever felt like your journal was just talking you in circles, share your answer to the closing question, and follow along so you catch what's next.

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© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You have probably restarted the same habit more than once, telling yourself that this time you will finally make it past the three week mark. The twenty one day habit rule feels like settled science, something verified and reliable. But what if the number was never a finding at all, just a personal observation that lost a crucial word on its way to becoming a cultural fixture? The question worth sitting with is this: if the myth kept you starting over on day twenty two, what might you have built if you had just kept going anyway.

This episode traces the real origin of the twenty one day claim, from a plastic surgeon's clinical notes to the self help machine that stripped away every qualifier. It looks at the research that actually measured habit formation in everyday behavior, what the data found about how long change really takes, and why individual variation makes any single number almost meaningless as guidance. The history, the methodology, the gaps in the science, and the environmental factors that matter far more than a streak count are all on the table. What you take away is not a new number but a different relationship with the slow, uneven arc of becoming someone who does the thing.

If this episode made you rethink a habit you gave up on, share it with someone who has hit reset one too many times, and follow along for more of this.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You've probably heard that most people will blindly follow orders all the way to the edge of something terrible. It's one of the most cited findings in all of psychology, and it's also one of the most misunderstood. The real question isn't whether authority shapes behavior, it's how much the situation around you is quietly making the decision for you. If you had been in that basement, what do you think you actually would have done?

This episode digs into the original obedience research, what the baseline numbers actually showed and what the variation conditions revealed, why the ethics violations matter for how you read the findings, what later archival work uncovered about experimenter behavior, and what a partial replication decades later confirmed about the one decision point that predicts almost everything. The evidence here is historical, experimental, and archival, with a close look at what the data says versus what the textbook version repeats. You'll walk away with a sharper sense of when your environment is doing the moral work for you, and what it actually takes to change that.

What would you have done? Share your honest answer and follow along for more episodes like this one.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You tell yourself you just have high standards, but somewhere between the fourth revision and the lost evening, it stops feeling like excellence and starts feeling like a trap. This episode is about perfectionism, not as a personality quirk but as a fear response wearing very convincing clothes. If you let one thing be just good enough this week, what would you do with the energy you got back? And the harder question underneath that one: what exactly are you protecting when you refuse to call something done?

The episode traces where perfectionism comes from, how childhood environments and early rewards wire the habit in deep, and what happens when a system built for school and narrow jobs starts misfiring in real creative and professional life. It looks at what psychology calls contingent self worth and socially prescribed perfectionism, explores the difference between wanting good outcomes and tying your identity to flawless ones, and walks through three concrete shifts that change how the habit actually operates day to day. The evidence comes from decades of research on motivation, self worth and anxiety, woven into one person's honest and still unresolved experience of living with this. What you take away is a different relationship to the pull, not a cure, but enough distance to sometimes choose differently.

If this sounds like someone you know, share it with them. Follow along for more conversations like this one.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You set high standards because you care, but somewhere along the way caring started to feel like a threat. Perfectionism is one of the most misunderstood patterns in psychology, often mistaken for ambition when it's actually something closer to armor. If you dropped the fear of being seen as a failure, what would you actually try? The difference between high standards and perfectionism might be smaller than you think, and more revealing.

This episode explores where perfectionism hides across work, relationships, and creative life, what the research says about where it comes from, and why it feels less like a habit and more like your actual personality. The evidence draws on decades of psychological research into how early environments and temperament shape the way we respond to falling short. You'll walk away with a clearer sense of what's driving the exhaustion and a few concrete ways to start loosening its grip.

If this hit close to home, share your answer to the closing question and follow along for more.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

If the word networking makes you want to leave the room, you're not alone, and you're probably not wrong about the version you were taught. This episode is about why professional connection feels like a performance for so many people, and whether there's a way to do it that doesn't leave you lying on the floor staring at the ceiling afterward. The central question: if connection is the point and not the transaction, does networking stop feeling like a performance and start feeling like a life? The tension is that most of us were handed a ritual instead of a skill, and the ritual was never designed with everyone in mind.

The episode traces where the fake feeling actually comes from, including the psychology of self-presentation, attachment style, and social capital, then looks at the research that reframes the whole thing around a concept called Weak Ties. Along the way it examines the specific signs that something has gone wrong in how you're approaching it, and the contexts where it tends to go right. The evidence draws from decades of sociology and social psychology, explored for what it actually means on an ordinary Tuesday. What you take away is a shift in the goal itself, which changes everything that follows.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You've probably told yourself you're just lazy, or that you work better under pressure, or that you'll start when the time feels right. Procrastination is one of the most misunderstood habits in daily life, and the way most people try to fix it makes it worse. If you met your younger self in the middle of avoiding something, what would you actually say, not the wise version, but the honest one? The real problem might not be what you think it is.

This episode works through six lessons about why we delay, what's actually driving the avoidance, and whether guilt is helping or just adding to the pile. It explores the gap between knowing and doing, the role emotions play when a task sits unopened, and what happens when perfectionism is really just fear wearing a respectable name. The conversation draws on research into how we predict our own feelings, how self-criticism shapes future behavior, and why your environment is quietly making decisions for you. You'll come away with a different way of reading the signal underneath the delay, one that's more honest and more useful than a new planner.

If this episode surfaces something you've been sitting with, share it with someone who might need it, and follow along for more.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You have probably heard the five stages of grief so many times that you use them to check your own progress. The model is one of the most recognized ideas in psychology, but the question of whether it actually describes how people grieve has a more complicated answer than most of us know. If grief has no correct order, what does it mean to be doing it right?

The episode traces where the model came from, what it was originally built for, and how far it traveled from that origin. It examines what longitudinal research found when scientists actually tracked bereaved people over time, what emotion showed up most strongly and when, and why the expected sequence largely did not appear in the data. It also looks at the real costs of a model that turns loss into something people feel they can fail. The evidence here comes from decades of bereavement research and the clinical history behind the model itself, explored without shortcuts. What you take away is a different way of holding your own grief, and other people's, with less judgment and more honesty about what loss actually looks like.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You've probably felt it, that early rush where everything seems inevitable and slowing down feels like risking the whole thing. This episode is about telescoping intimacy, the pattern of compressing the normal stages of getting close into days or weeks, and why it's so much more common than anyone admits. The central question is this: if slowing down feels like losing momentum, what are you actually at risk of losing when you go fast, and what might you be running from?

The episode traces where the pattern shows up, from the first weeks of a new relationship to the rebound that immediately gets serious, and looks at five concrete signs you're inside it right now. It explores the psychological roots, including attachment history, cultural pressure, and the surprising way some people use speed to avoid vulnerability rather than pursue it. Then it works through four real strategies for breaking the cycle, grounded in research on attraction, bonding, and what actually sustains connection over time.

The evidence comes from decades of work on attachment, the neuroscience of early attraction, and what long-term relationship research says about what slow observable behavior actually predicts. What you walk away with isn't a formula but a shift in how you read your own urgency, and a question that might change what you do next time the pull to accelerate shows up.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.

You know that feeling when a season ends and your brain starts replaying every choice you didn't make? Regret has a way of showing up without permission, and most of us either push it down or let it run the show. This episode asks the question underneath all of it: if you sat with your regret instead of running from it, what would it actually be asking you to do next? The catch is that regret is usually misread as a verdict when it's really something else entirely.

This episode explores where regret shows up in everyday life, the signs you're already in it, where the emotion actually comes from in the brain, what it quietly costs you when you leave it unexamined, and four concrete ways to work with it instead of against it. Research on counterfactual thinking, emotional labeling and self distancing shapes the conversation, not as a lecture but as a way of understanding what your own mind is doing. The goal isn't to feel better about the past. It's to use what regret is pointing at to move differently going forward.

What would your regret ask you to do next? Share your answer and follow along for more conversations like this one.

To listen to this podcast ad-free and access premium episodes, try our subscription with a 14-day free trial at obomedia.com.

© 2026 OBOMEDIA. All rights reserved.
This episode and its content (audio, text, and related materials) are the exclusive property of OBOMEDIA and are protected by applicable copyright laws. Reproduction, distribution, editing, or commercial use, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from OBOMEDIA is prohibited. For permissions, licensing, and business inquiries: [email protected].

This episode includes AI-generated content.