We often treat love as a single emotion. But simple questions like “how much do you love me?” can be misleading. Love is not a single dimension. It is a multitude. To really understand romantic bonds, a more nuanced vocabulary is needed.

Robert Sternberg is famous for creating such vocabulary.

Sternberg is a professor at Cornell University, where he teaches legendary classes on topics like intelligence (beyond IQ), wisdom, creativity, and of course, love and hate. But he is more than your average psychology professor: he is the 2nd most cited psychologist alive.*

In this discussion, Sternberg joins Ilari and his co-host, Blake Robertson, to discuss the elements of love and hate, and how to use these insights to create a better world.

Names & technical terms mentioned

• John Bowlby’s attachment theory
• Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences
  • Alison Gopnik (quoted from conversation with Ezra Klein)
  • Agatha Christie
• Joan Crawford
• Anthony Ray Hinton, the author of The Sun Does Shine
  • Henry Hays, the only KKK member in the 20th Century to suffer capital punishment due to lynchings by the KKK.

References

• The Triangular Theory of Love (1986 paper)
• Triangular Theory Tested in 25 Countries (2021 paper)
• LoveMultiverse.com (website by Karin & Robert Sternberg)
• Dutton & Aron high bridge -experiment (1974 paper)
• Nature of Hate (book by Robert Sternberg & Karin Sternberg)

* After Martin Seligman, excluding neuroscientists and behavioural economists. Based on Google Scholar profiles in November 2022.