Purpose Without Apology

A lot of women, especially mothers, struggle with the feeling that we're never quite good enough. In this episode, you'll learn that no matter how many mistakes you make, God always gives “grace for the gaps.”

What is grace?

• In many church traditions, grace is defined as “getting the good things that you don’t deserve,” while mercy is “not getting the bad things that you do deserve.”
• My favorite definition comes from a former pastor of mine. He defined grace as “God doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves.”
• Reference Scriptures:

1. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9
2. Ephesians 2:8-9
3. Romans 5:15

What is “the gap”?

• “The gap” is the place where your best efforts fail. You can only get so far in your own strength before you either burn out or give up or both. 
• This could be anything from losing patience with your toddler to juggling the needs of a blended family to struggling with chronic illness. 
• The gap is where you realize your need for God. It doesn’t have to be rock bottom, but it often is. 

Fortunately, God makes His grace available to us in a variety of ways (Hebrews 4:16):

1. It helps us to endure things that are uniquely hard (2 Corinthians 12:8-9). 
2. It empowers us to serve and do other good things we normally couldn’t (1 Peter 4:10).
3. It literally makes salvation possible (Ephesians 2:8-9).

What does this mean?

1. We don’t have to be afraid of experiencing hardship, because God promises that He will sustain us.
2. We also don’t have to be afraid to take a “leap of faith” and try something new, because God will equip us. 
3. He did all the work to help us “get” saved and “keep” our salvation.

What inspired this episode:

• Recently, my son was sick with pneumonia, and of course, I put a lot of things on the back burner so I could take care of him. One of those things was this podcast. I fell behind and didn't release an episode last week.
• At first, I felt guilty about failing to keep my commitment, but then I realized the importance of giving myself grace and receiving grace from a God who loves me. As women, we don't have to be perfect; God gives us the grace to be human, and we should do the same for ourselves.

Action Step: What are some areas of your life where you need an extra measure of grace right now? List them and pray about them in detail over the next 7 days.

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, therapist or licensed counselor. The details of this episode are shared for informational purposes only and are no substitute for professional counseling. If you suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts or any other form of mental illness, please seek professional help immediately.

5 Common Myths About Depression

1. Myth 1: You just need to be positive, eat healthy, exercise, etc. Reality: Depression kills your willpower, so you literally can’t do the things you know you should do to take care of yourself.
2. Myth 2: Depression is “weakness,” so people who are depressed are weak. Reality: Depression can affect anyone under the right circumstances, even people who have lived years or decades without it.
3. Myth 3: Only people who have been through serious trauma are depressed. Reality: Although depression is often triggered by trauma, it can affect anyone of any background, race, religion, etc.
4. Myth 4: People who are depressed/commit suicide are “selfish.” Reality: Depression breaks your perspective so you think you’re helping your loved ones by ending your life. (Ex. broken glasses)
5. Myth 5: Christians just need to pray away depression. Reality: Just like Christians go to the doctor for physical ailments, it’s okay for them to seek professional help for mental illness.

The Do's and Don'ts of Helping Someone with Depression

1. Do educate yourself about the signs and symptoms of depression. 
2. Don’t be fooled by the “strong friend” or “happy friend”
3. Don’t lecture or offer advice about how to “fix" depression if you've never experienced it.
4. Do offer practical resources and support (for ex., research to find a good counselor and give them the number, or offer to take them to the appointment).
5. Do call/text regularly to “check in” and let your loved one know you’re thinking about them. This is especially helpful for people who have words of affirmation as a love language.
6. Do be willing to be inconvenienced for awhile, at least until the initial crisis period is over. Recovery takes time.

Resources if You (or Someone You Know) is Suffering from Depression

1. World Health Organization
2. National Suicide Prevention Hotline
3. Mental Health America
4. The National Network of Depression Centers
5. The National Alliance on Mental Illness
6. Mental Health Grace Alliance
7. If you're a Christian, consider reaching out to your local church for Christian-specific resources. Christian counselors can give advice and insight about the spiritual aspects of depression.

Action Steps:

• If someone you love is struggling with depression, check out the resources listed here and brainstorm some ways you can help them.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed counselor or therapist. The details of this episode are shared for informational purposes only and are no substitute for professional counseling. If you suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts or any other form of mental illness, please seek professional help immediately.

My History with Depression 

• My depression began when I was a teenager, probably triggered by conflict with my parents. I ran away from home at 16, which only made my symptoms worse.
• Things came to a head during my junior year in college. I got into a heated argument with my roommate, which triggered deeper levels of depression and thoughts of suicide. I began to see a counselor, learned some coping mechanisms and got married later that year.
• A year into my marriage, I graduated college. I struggled to find work and soon got pregnant with my son, which increased my depression and suicidal thoughts even more (they never really went away). I returned to counseling and started taking medication. At this point, I was healthy enough to be functional, but I hadn't fully recovered yet.
• A few years later, my family moved back to Texas to be closer to my parents. I became active in a church and found support from other women like me. Over the next five years, I began to heal and to feel like myself again.

How I Overcame My Depression

1. Medication: This isn’t the right option for everyone, but it was for me. Make sure you discuss side effects in detail with your doctor before you start on medication.
2. Counseling: I have met with both Christian counselors and pastors, which helped me in different ways.
3. Mentorship/Discipleship: Older women who had similar experiences poured into me and gave me a healthier perspective on life.
4. Building Support Systems: My husband, friends and family are there for me during dark episodes and know how to support me through them.
5. Prayer/Bible study: My relationship with God was pretty erratic for a long time, but once I got healthier, it became strong.
6. Self-Care: Diet, exercise, healthy amounts of sleep, etc.

Resources if You're Suffering from Depression

1. World Health Organization
2. National Suicide Prevention Hotline
3. Mental Health America
4. The National Network of Depression Centers
5. The National Alliance on Mental Illness
6. Mental Health Grace Alliance
7. If you're a Christian, consider reaching out to your local church for Christian-specific resources. Christian counselors can give advice and insight about the spiritual aspects of depression.

Action Steps:

1. If you're suffering from depression or another form of mental illness, check out at least one of the resources listed here as soon as possible.
2. If you know someone who is suffering, share this episode of the podcast with them.

A lot of personal finance advice is geared toward married couples, but single women have their own struggles with money that need to be addressed. This episode is designed to do just that, and in a way that doesn't have to be intimidating or overwhelming.
Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor or CPA. The details of this podcast are shared for informational purposes only. Please seek assistance from a certified finance professional who can help you with your unique situation.

1. Set a monthly budget and stick to it.

• There are a lot of excellent budgeting apps out there, but I personally recommend the following: 

1. Every Dollar
2. YNAB
3. Mint

• All of these apps link to your bank account and encourage you to assign a job to every dollar that comes into it. They also make it easy for you to set and reach short-term financial goals.

2. Find a reliable accountability partner.

• This should be someone you can trust with your sensitive financial information (income, debt, financial goals, etc.)
• This person must be someone who makes wise choices with money.
• Ideally, this person should also be your financial opposite, meaning they are a spender if you are a saver. Spenders and savers both have their strengths and weaknesses and need each other for balance.

3. Make an effort to develop friendships with financially responsible people.

• “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” - Motivational speaker Jim Rohn

4. Avoid "H.A.L.T." spending (spending when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired) and emotional spending in general.

• For example, you should avoid going to the grocery store when you’re hungry.
• At the same time, "loneliness spending" could be going out and spending money just to avoid staying at home alone.
• Be aware of your personal spending triggers. (i.e., “treat yourself syndrome”)

5. Set and pursue financial goals for your future, regardless of whether or not you get into a relationship. 

• In other words, don’t attach your financial future to a hypothetical relationship that may or may not happen.

Action Steps:

1. Choose a budgeting app, download it and begin to familiarize yourself with it.
2. Identify at least one person in your life who could serve as your accountability partner.
3. Identify your spending triggers and brainstorm ways to avoid giving into them.
4. Create a list of financial goals for the future and set dates for when you would like to achieve them.

References:

• Episode 4 - "5 Personal Finance Books That Changed My Life"

Everyone needs a Student. This is someone you can pour into and who is behind you in a certain area of life.

• Many people underestimate the value of the student role because they are self-centered, and it doesn't seem to benefit them. 
• However, having a student in your life can strengthen your own knowledge in a certain area and give you a fresh perspective on it.

Everyone needs a Teacher. This is someone who is ahead of you in some area and can pour into you.

• A teacher can be either a mentor or a coach. Make sure you know the difference and are very intentional about which one you bring into your life.
• A coach is typically someone you pay to help you develop skills in a specific area over time. This relationship is typically hands on and professional in tone.
• A mentor is usually someone you do not pay to help you grow and develop as a person. This relationship is much more informal and tends to be more personal in nature.
• You can approach most coaches at any time (as long as they're taking on clients), but with mentors, you must be more sensitive to their schedules.
• Coaches and mentors are not the same as therapists or surrogate parents. They are often extremely busy and do not have time for coddling or intense emotional support.

Everyone needs a Friend. This is someone who is basically on the same level as you, so the two of you can encourage each other.

• Age may or may not be a factor. In other words, you can be a teacher to someone older than you or a student to someone younger than you, depending on the context.
• Different seasons of your life may require an imbalance of these relationships. In general, you should expect to have more teachers when you’re younger and more students as you get older, while friends are necessary at every stage of life. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
• Use your network to connect with people in each of these categories. This can include church and other social organizations, your workplace or online groups/masterminds.
• One resource I have used for years is Meetup.com. This website allows you to search for people who have similar interests to yours and meet in your area. I've used it to find several great writing groups that have greatly enriched my social life.

Action Steps:

1. Take 5-10 minutes to identify which people in your life fall into each of the three categories of relationships described in this episode (student, teacher, friend).
2. If you don’t know anyone who meets the criteria for one or more of these categories, jot down some ideas for how you can meet people who might fill these roles. 

If you ask most people what their "calling" in life is, you're likely to get either their job title or a blank stare. But what if your calling isn't meant to be a mystery? What if it's closer than you think? In this episode, we'll discuss the 5 questions that can help you discover your God-given calling, so that you can walk into your destiny with confidence. 

1. What am I better at than most people?
   • It’s not enough for you to do something well. Something you’re good at is a gift, but something you’re exceptional at is more likely to be your calling.
   • For example, I think I'm a good cook, but I'm not good enough to become a chef. I am, however, better than most people at writing.
   • Thinking about your gifts in general terms will keep you confused. You need to drill down and focus if you want clarity. 
2. What do I love to do?
   • There is a lot of debate online about whether you should pursue "passion or profit." I think that misses the point. Your passion is an important part of who you are, and it needs to be acknowledged, even if you don't make a living pursuing it.
   • Your passions can change over time. Some passions are only for a season, and that’s okay.
   • It’s also fine to have more than one passion. 
3. What makes you angry and keeps you up at night?
   • For example, I have a friend who loves animals and hates when they're abused, which led to her taking a job as a veterinarian assistant.
4. What problems are you uniquely equipped to solve?
   • As queen of Persia, Esther was able to use her royal position and her connection to the Jewish people to save them from destruction.
   • As a wealthy German businessman, Oskar Schindler was able to save over 1,200 Jewish people from being sent to concentration camps during World War II. 
   • Look at your upbringing, culture, personality and personal history to help you identify what problems you can solve that few others can.
5. Who are your people?
   • I like to call this your “belong group.” In other words, these are the people who speak your language and respond to your ideas with enthusiasm and support.
   • In business, this is your audience. In church, it may be your area of ministry.
   • No one is called to everyone. Even Jesus was limited in his area of ministry (See Matthew 15:24).

Use these questions to help you decide whether a job, project or volunteer opportunity is the right fit for you. Each individual task you complete won’t check all of these boxes, but the combination of your life experiences (work, family, community, etc.) should.

Action Step:
Take 30 minutes to answer the 5 questions outlined in this episode. Did any of your answers surprise you? If so, how?

References:

• Episode 2: "Purpose, Calling, Assignment: What's the Difference?"

In this week's episode, I talk about my favorite personal finance books and how they improved my life. If you need help getting your money right, these books are a great place to start!
Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor or CPA. The details of this podcast are shared for informational purposes only. Please seek assistance from a certified finance professional who can help you with your unique situation.
Show Notes:

1. Financial Peace Revisited/The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey 
   • Dave Ramsey is one of the most well-known personal finance experts in our generation. I took his Financial Peace University course and read his book, Financial Peace Revisited, when I was in my early 20's.
   • I haven't read The Total Money Makeover, but since that's his most popular book and most of the principles overlap with Financial Peace Revisited, I included both here.
   • Dave Ramsey is best known for creating the Baby Steps to help people get out of debt and build wealth.
   • I don't agree with all of Dave Ramsey's teachings (particularly about eliminating debt), but his materials provide a solid foundation in personal finance overall.
2. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
   • Robert Kiyosaki is another well-known personal finance expert whose teachings are on the opposite end of the spectrum as Dave Ramsey. 
   • One of the major takeaways for me in this book was the idea that "the poor work for money, while the rich make money work for them". 
   • Kiyosaki is also known for his argument that "your house is not an asset." Assets, according to him, are things that put money in your pocket, while liabilities take money out. Therefore, the fastest way to build wealth is to buy as many assets as possible. 
3. The Cashflow Quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki
   • In this book, Robert Kiyosaki takes a lot of the ideas he explained in Rich Dad, Poor Dad and expands on them. The Cashflow Quadrant is a helpful visual for these new ideas.
   • In summary, the "E Quadrant" (which stands for "Employee") and the "S Quadrant" (which stands for "Small Business") are on the left side of the quadrant. It is generally more difficult to build wealth from these quadrants.
   • The "B Quadrant" (which stands for "Business Owner") and the "I Quadrant" (which stands for "Investor") are on the right side of the quadrant. Most wealth is built from these quadrants.
4. The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley
   • Here in the U.S., we associate wealthy people with lavish lifestyles, like actors, musicians and athletes. I love the way Thomas Stanley turns this notion on its head.
   • Based on detailed research, Stanley describes how the "average" American millionaire  looks, thinks and behaves, and the results are often quite surprising.
5. Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family by James E. Hughes, Jr.
   • Hughes describes how families keep their wealth from one generation to the next.
   • He also explains the details of trusts, intergenerational family meetings and limiting taxes.
6. Action Step: Read or listen to the audio version of one of the books on this list.

Women today have more responsibilities and demands on their time than ever. Many of us juggle work, family obligations, household tasks, social obligations and more. And society expects us to do it all flawlessly. Is that even possible? Can women really "have it all" at the end of the day? The short answer is yes...and no. It depends. Let's look at both sides of this discussion and see what we can discover:

Show Notes:

3 Reasons It Can Be Difficult to “Have it All”

1. Life is full of limitations. There are only so many hours in the day, and there is an opportunity cost to every choice you make. This is especially challenging for women because in addition to working, we still do the majority of domestic tasks in our household. We have more juggling to do than men overall.
2. "Having it all" looks different in every season (Ecclesiastes 3:1). What works in one season won't work in another. For example, "having it all" when you're single looks different from "having it all" once you're married. 
3. Life is defined by change. Even if you achieve perfect balance, it won’t last. 

3 Reasons You Can “Have it All”

1. Since “having it all” looks different for different people, you can identify what version of it works for you.
2. You can learn to embrace whatever season of life you’re in and be content.
3. Since life is defined by change, you can always change your mind if things aren't working. It's never too late to position yourself to have a more meaningful and purpose-filled life.

3 Ways to “Have it All” Right Where You Are

1. Get brutally honest about the season you’re in right now.
2. Recognize the consequences of the choices you’ve made.
3. Identify what resources and systems you need to get the most enjoyment out of your current season.

Action Steps:

1. Write a paragraph that describes what “having it all” looks like for you in this season of your life. What do your relationships, career and finances look like? How much time are you devoting to each one?
2. Write another paragraph in which you identify at least 3 obstacles that are currently keeping you from “having it all.” What systems and resources do you need to put in place in order to overcome these obstacles?
3. Write a third paragraph brainstorming how you might obtain the tools and resources necessary to meet the goals listed above.

Welcome to another episode of Purpose Without Apology! In this episode, I explain the difference between purpose, calling and assignment. These words are used interchangeably all the time in church settings, but how many of us really understand what they mean? Here, I break it all down into simple terms that you can easily apply to your everyday life.

Show Notes:
What is purpose?

• According to Collins Dictionary, purpose is known as "the reason for which something is made or done"
• Our purpose as Christ followers boils down into 3 parts:

1. We exist to glorify God. (1 Peter 2:9)
2. We exist to do good. (Ephesians 2:10)
3. We exist to expand the kingdom of God by way of the Great Commission. (Matthew 28:18-20)

What is calling?

• According to Webster-Merriam, a calling is "a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action, especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence." It is also defined as "the vocation or profession in which one customarily engages."
• While purpose is a broader, more overarching term for why we exist, calling is more specific. It refers to your gifts, talents and abilities. (Ephesians 2:10)
• Calling can include what you do either professionally or personally. (Romans 8:28) For example, being gifted at graphic design and mentoring women in a weekly bible study can both be examples of your calling in action.
• Calling can be a role or status in society. (ex. You can be called to foster or adopt children, or to have a large family)

What is assignment?

• According to Webster-Merriam, an assignment is "a specified task or amount of work assigned or undertaken as if assigned by authority"
• While purpose and calling remain unchanged, an assignment is usually temporary, often limited to a certain season of time. (1 Corinthians 7:17)
• If your calling refers to your gifts, your assignment refers to the specific tasks you do with those gifts. (ex. Being gifted at graphic design/artwork is a calling; working as a graphic designer is an assignment.)
• You do not choose your purpose, calling or assignments. However, you can choose how to partner with God in order to manifest them on Earth.
• Purpose is not a tightrope. It’s not a prison. It’s a wide open field with a fence around it. In other words, God does give us some boundaries, but we also have more than enough room to explore and try new things.
• You are meant to be empowered by your purpose, calling and assignment, not burdened by them.

Action Step:
Using the definitions given in this episode, take 30 minutes and define your purpose, calling and assignment as best you can.

Resources:
"The Truth About Finding Your Passion" - The Courtney Sanders Show, Episode 79

Welcome to the very first episode of Purpose Without Apology! In this episode, I lay the groundwork for what this podcast is all about so you know what to expect. Be prepared to get motivated, challenged and pushed beyond the limits of your thinking.

Show Notes:
What is this podcast about?
This is a podcast about topics that interest me and that I believe will interest you. Here are the main topics we'll be diving into on Purpose Without Apology:

• Relationships: We'll discuss how to have healthy, life-giving relationships, particularly in marriage, family and parenthood.
• Personal Finance: Wealth building is extremely important to me, so we will learn how to leave a legacy of wealth and righteousness for future generations.
• Purpose: We'll discover how to walk out our God-given purpose in our personal and professional lives.

Who is this podcast for?
Obviously, anyone is welcome to listen and learn from Purpose Without Apology, but I believe there are 4 groups of women in particular who will get the most out of it:

• Millennial women: I think the topics we discuss will be especially helpful for young women between the ages of 20-40 who are seeking to discover why God put them on the planet and what they are called to do.
• Black women: As an African-American woman, I'm passionate about issues that affect the Black community. This is not a podcast that is strictly about race, but my race does influence my perspective of the world, and I'm not afraid to embrace that here.
• Multifaceted women: All women are multifaceted on some level, but this podcast is geared toward women who have a variety of interests and passions and are struggling to decide which ones they should pursue.
• Women who want to change the world: 'Nuff said. 

What can you expect when you listen?

• You will be challenged and/or offended. We'll be discussing a lot of ideas about God, Christianity, the church, race and women that may make you uncomfortable. I have a gift for that kind of thing. Don't say I didn't warn you!
• I am unapologetically a Christ follower. You will hear about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in most, if not every episode. I'm not a pastor or a theologian, so I'm not here to preach at you, but I have been walking with the Lord for most of my life. And I'm not afraid to tackle the hard questions about Him.
• I am unapologetically Black. I don't hide my race or apologize for it. I don't think everything is "about race," so to speak, but I do believe in confronting racial issues and injustice when it's appropriate. 
• I am also unapologetically in favor of women's empowerment. I would call myself a feminist, but that word seems to trigger a lot of believers. So, let's just say I'm here to create a safe place where women can thrive.
• You’ll get detailed, practical solutions to everyday problems. I love big, abstract ideas, but I prefer to-do lists. I also love to research, so you’ll get a lot of resources from people who are smarter than me.
• You’ll get truth spoken in love. We live in a society where truth and love exist everywhere but rarely at the same time. My goal is to combine the truth of God's word with His unfailing love for us here every week.

Action Steps:

1. Subscribe to the podcast, listen to the first few episodes and write a review on iTunes. 
2. Follow me at @lisacgant on Instagram and leave a comment. I'd love to know what YOU want to hear about next.