Quaid In Full

We're back! And we're joined by John Ramos, JD (Juris Dennisor) for our discussion of 1987 legal thriller Suspect -- a formative Quaid property for John and SDB (and Jeb's mom?) that's greater than the sum of some awkward parts, including a martini served in a parfait glass; Quaid's character hailing from Wisconsin; a Schoolhouse Rock episode on lobbying; weird bald-cap choices by John Mahoney; and a Southern firehose of charm. How do you talk to an angel...or make out with an expensive candle? The rules of procedure state that you'll have to listen to find out.

Overall score: 7

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: John Ramos.

Both your co-hosts saw Innerspace about a squillion times as kids; does it hold up? Is director Joe Dante secretly a master? Why wasn't the film marketed as a thriller for tweens and teens? Where do '80s movies' ideas about nightclubs come from? And will this 1987 film about a nanoscopic test pilot journeying through Martin Short to greater maturity bring you the highest Quaidosity rating yet? ...Before we answer these questions, we'll finally confront less than half a minute of The Dennissance, so tell the band from Overboard to play "Hail To The Squeef" and settle in for S03E04 of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 8

SHOW NOTES

The Big Easy: where dancing is a way of life, allegedly -- and so, alas, is Epcot-Cajun exposition, sexist condescension to "uptight" ladies, and an ambient horniness that doesn't quite translate here in 2020. But it's not all bad, because Ned Beatty wears a crawdad hat, Jim Garrison plays himself, and we did NOT get recreationally upset about a podcast not our own. You'll love this episode like a pig loves corn; listen now! ("Onh honh honh honh honnnnh."

Overall score: 2.25

SHOW NOTES

Well, there's one excellent performance in Enemy Mine -- but it's not Dennis Quaid's, and it's not the script's. This clumsy Dennis Of Arabia In Space joint with the ending of A New Hope stapled onto the back sees DQ "overmatched in almost every way": lots of traipsing, LOTS of goo, a turgid voiceover, and...space-funeral processing. Grab a lint-anemone wig and have a listen!

Overall score: 3.5

SHOW NOTES

QIF returns for what is probably the ur-Quaidiest season in the line-up, and we kick off the mid-to-late-'80s portion of Dennis Quaid's c.v. with Dreamscape, featuring a roguish semi-retired clairvoyant's journey into political dream disinformation. ...Look, it was the Reagan era; nightmares looked different back then. But is this thriller actually thrilling? Or are we too easily distracted by Val Kilmer vehicles of the same era; the melancholy death of Norm; "well meaning" special effects; and saxophones posing as character traits? Slap some 'trodes on your forehead; it's Quaid In Full's season premiere.

Overall score: 6

SHOW NOTES

Bill manipulated us pretty effectively back in Episode 7 of this season; how well did the sequel do? This superfluous -- and anticlimactically un-Quaidish -- follow-up relies a great deal on how much viewers enjoy mid-'80s Helen Hunt; the harmonica; the redemption of some guy named Doug; and investigating early inspirations for the This Is Us killer crockpot. Join us for hot zoning action as we wrap up QIF's second season.

Overall score: 4.5

SHOW NOTES

The Right Stuff launches our scoring into the stratosphere along with the Mercury 7, and our conversation orbits our late grandfathers, poppy-fields movies, witty takedowns of bureaucracy, Mrs. Grissom agonistes, flaming wienies, when critics willfully miss the point, and actors playing non-actors who are bad at acting. This is the best and the Quaidiest film we've contemplated yet, so supply your own helmets and have a listen.

Overall score: 9

SHOW NOTES

Finally, one you've heard of! ...Unfortunately. 1983's third sequel to the classic Jaws features a mother/baby murder team, shark science a third-grader could debunk, dubious canoodling, the Texan-est Red Sox fan in film history, and 17 different arts-and-crafts dorsal fins, each shittier than the last. Why is Dennis Quaid hurling a golf-cart driver to the ground? Why are we talking about Celebration, FL? Should we have watched the movie with 3D glasses? Send a kid out for some SeaCorn(tm) and settle in for the latest Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3

SHOW NOTES

No, not the Fabulous T-Birds song -- it's a 1983 cornpone Rocky featuring Dennis Quaid's cartoonishly bad boxing, not nearly enough Pam Grier, and the rare Warren Oates character we wanted to see more of. Why didn't we see the Battling Burger Chefs? Was the late Wilford Brimley even old enough to order a beer in this joint? Is this a Quaidy outing for our hero, or is that just gas? And why the hell did the studio dump this on the same weekend as Return Of The Jedi? Turn off that Manson Family Zoom reunion and find out.

Overall score: 4.5

SHOW NOTES

Peevish social-services pinko John-Boy Walton befriends a young Deaf woman in Ruraltania...but doesn't fall in love with her until she's home-invaded by her rapist, Dennis Quaid, whose biological clock gets his head blown off. This was a TV movie, you guys. We couldn't find any contemporary reviews of it; we kept calling it Hannah Montana and Johnny Dangerously; we have a lot of questions about WHEN the movie thinks it is...but we weren't bored! Shove your other commitments off a railroad trestle, kick back with an L.A. Beer, and have a listen.

Overall score: 6

SHOW NOTES