The topic of the week is ‘Witch!’ Are you a witch? Better fucking not be. All accused shall have their feet cut off and thrown in a river for being naughty.

Quality Irrelevant celebrates the Purge! In this face-grinding spectacular the boys share their patented Purge Survival Tips, disclose the gory details of their Purge schemes, and decide to take back the Purge by uniting the disparate Purge gangs of Basingstoke. No Frank Grillos allowed.

It's the trial of the century! Phil is hauled zip-tied and ball-gagged before the law, Theo pretends to be a lawyer, and Patrick Fabian splits reality with an Infinite Earth Crisis Event. It's​ also the duck special for some reason.

The podcast gets religious! Uncle Jimmy has gone to hell and we’re definitely not wanking off priests this week. Theo and Phil crack down on the wrong sort with the Sesame Street Police.

The Quality Irrelevant boys are down to their last jar of scrapings! Theo educates the youth on Harvey Fierstein, Phil pitches the sequel to the runaway smash hit “Fuck Water”, and the Zodiac killer makes contact with the podcast definitely.

It's the Christmas Special. Quality Irrelevant is joined this week by their second guest ever, Elena. Theo attempts to fence his patented Hot Spicy Moled Wine, Elena extols the virtues of Fuckapple, and Phil is definitely the Scrooge of the podcast and gets haunted by three Christmas ghosts.

It's a threeway. Quality Irrelevant is joined by its first ever guest, Chris! Theo gets far too excited pitching his film about twins, Phil comes to terms with his position as a hostage, and Chris becomes Captain America (and then abandons the podcast).

Quality Irrelevant goes to the movies. We have a trailer for some reason, Phil introduces Phil's Phun Philm Phacts and Theo launches a new product with a brilliant movie tie-in: Fuck Water! Coming to cinemas and newsagents near you!

It's war! Quality Irrelevant is now the official Ministry of War Correspondence. The duo come up with a cross-media marketing scheme to recruit a child army for the war effort, and nobody gets prosecuted for war crimes.

The Quality Irrelevant boys spend far too long analyzing their own dynamic. Phil pitches another brilliant film for brilliant Patrick Fabian and Theo ponders who truly are the Gregory the House amongst us. No Homers.