This question follows on the idea that you have to understand why rules in an industry are in place to break them well or safely.

Stewart Wiggins started us off by asking what makes something outside the box and suggesting that if all previous knowledge is inside the box than any new or different solution is going to be outside the box.

Simon Coles thought that maybe not knowing what is inside the box might keep you from being trapped in there and allow you to think bigger. But then also added that outside the box thinking might not always be safe.

Chelle Shapiro believes that outside the box thinking is very safe because it is less restrictive and gives you the freedom to think about things in a away you might not have before.

If you don’t know what is “in the box” you might spend time trying things that have already been proven to not work or making mistakes that others have already made.

When I work with graduate students, I will often share the mistakes I’ve made, things that haven’t worked, so they can go make different mistakes and learn from them.

What do you think, do you have to understand what is in a box to think outside of it?

Connect with the panelists:

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Chelle Shapiro: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chelleshapiro/

Marketing Strategist for Wellness Coaches & Consultants and recognized as one of the top 15 LinkedIn experts in New York city as well as the author of the book, Loving Yourself isn’t Selfish.

Simon Coles: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sjcoles/

CEO at Amphora Research Systems where they free scientists from the tyranny of paper. He is also the founder of the Better Conversations Foundation.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Dr Bob Choat started this conversation off strong by introducing the Competence Model. If someone has competence, they tend to be confident but if someone is pretending to be competent, they are more likely to be arrogant. 

Dawn Gagye summed up her thoughts succinctly, “Confidence as quiet and arrogance, as loud.” I think that is spot on. She went on to talk about how the energy feels different and how body language even comes into it (watch her part of the video. She does a great job of explaining it.)

Judy Musa agreed saying that arrogance comes from a boastful and insecure place. She went on to share an example from the movie Polar Express.

For me the difference has to do with being boastful – I know and you don’t or sharing – I know and let me show you.

How do you decide if someone is arrogant or confident? Do you think gender plays a role in what you decide?

Founder and managing partner at MoJJo Collaborative Communications where she does Strategic Communications and is a story teller, a Content Creator and Social Connector

Dr. Bob Choat: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobchoat/

He has eight years military experience, worked with the LA PD , he is now the founder of the Integrated Mind Institute  and is going back to school for another PhD. This time in physics 

Dawn Gagye: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawngagye/

She is a Strategic Marketing Guide and does Done for you marketing strategies that eliminate the stress and confusion

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

This topic came out of the conversation where I asked “How do you deal with difficult people? (https://youtu.be/q83cXRIYkBI)

Karen Loomis and I have both been called difficult on more than one occasion. Interestingly, Frank Galindo and Jim Tam never have.

Karen started this conversation off by saying she has been called difficult when she doesn’t go along and just accept what someone else is saying or demanding. Challenging someone or pushing back on something will cause her to get labeled.

Jim agreed and said there is also something about intention. You wouldn’t call someone difficult who is pushing you to help you become better (you might use the word “tough” – which is interesting to think about).

Frank brought up the word “compromise.” If you are trying to negotiate with someone and they simply aren’t willing to work with you, you might call them difficult. 

I shared that medical professionals have called me difficult (I’m pretty sure it’s on my chart) for asking questions. Is that because they are so overly confident that they don’t think I should be asking them questions (Just do what I’m told) or are they so not confident that they are afraid that they can’t answer my questions?

Interestingly, when a doctor has labeled me difficult, I usually think they are being difficult too.

Near the end of the conversation, I asked the panel what they do when they realize they are being difficult. How do they back out of that?

What would cause you to label someone difficult and/or when have you been given that label?

Connect with the panelists:

Jim Tam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimtam/

Is a Principal Client Director with Korn Ferry’s Digital group where he advises organizations on how to improve their sales effectiveness through using world-class sales methodology and technology.

Francisco "Frank" Galindo: https://www.linkedin.com/in/frankgalindo-mba/

He has 20 years of experience working in PR where he enjoys bringing people together and creating partnership relationships. He is in the US.

Karen Loomis: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kloomis/

Founder at No Moss Brands. 20 years as a marketing and branding professional. Adjunct professor at Grand Canyon University.  She is passionate about social change.    

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

When I was in high school and college other students would often shame me for doing well because I was “ruining the curve.” I have similar stories from working production jobs. “Don’t work so fast. You make the rest of us look bad.”

Tim Hawkes pointed out that the average performers don’t have any motivation to work harder. It’s much easier to tear someone down.

Dr Cole Galloway agreed that the only angle into the problem is from leadership. But that often there is a leadership vacuum. The idea that you can just let people “fight it out” themselves.

Tim then suggested that perhaps a common goal for the whole team was the way to go. But I pointed out that people who are happy with “C” level work will sit back and do nothing because they know the people who want an “A” will easily do enough work for the group to get a “C” (Tim rightly pointed out that I have personal history with this problem).

Do you think it is about leadership creating a mission that everyone on the team can get behind or do you think that top performers are just always going to have a target on their back from some people?

Connect with the panelists:

Tim Hawkes: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timhawkes/

Managing Director of Unlimited Potential. Mental engineer and executive coach focusing on logical and practical solutions to challenging problems.  He is in the UK

Dr Cole Galloway: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cole-galloway-1ba715107/

Recovering academic working in social justice and disability, primarily with babies as the Founder at Go Baby Go

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Dave Roberts started this conversation off by talking about feeling drained, having someone come to you for everything all of the time and needing boundaries.

Fallon Siniscarco acknowledged that it’s normal to go to your friends for advice (never mind that they likely don’t have much more life experience than you do). But if there isn’t balance over time in the friendship, you get to talk about your stuff too, that might be time to start to wonder if you are being taken advantage of.

I then shared a story from when I was in high school and a girl who was always mean to me asked for a quarter. I gave her one thinking maybe if I was nice to her, she would be nicer to me. Nope. But you can bet the next day she asked me for a quarter again. There is something about being naïve and nice and having your empathy used against you.

I also wanted to know what do you do when you realize you’re being taken advantage of so we talked about that for a bit.

How do you notice if your empathy is being abused and what do you do about it?

Connect with the panelists:

Student Utica university studying occupational therapy. She will be going to grad school in the fall to study the same.

Dave Roberts: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-roberts-56690513/

Teacher, co-author of the book When the Psychology Professor Met the Minister and a bereavement support specialist

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Victor Fralof started this conversation with a straightforward answer – fear.

Brandon Mahoney and Stewart Wiggins agreed and I thought we were going to have the first Quick Hits ever that was over in less than three minutes.

But then we started talking about why it makes sense to align yourself with rather than against a bully. Why bullies become bullies. How people used to be more likely to “mind their own business” but now it seems like people might step in (is that true?)

We talked about how we have been bullied and times we have stood up to bullies.

I asked about what advice we had for people being bullied.

This conversation ended up being long so there were some good ideas that got left on the editing room floor. Thank you to the amazing panelists for jumping into this heavy topic and sharing their experience.

What do you think? Why do people side with a bully?

Side note – be safe out there. Don’t stand up to bullies in dangerous situations.

Connect with the panelists:

Co-Founder of Launch Point Labs, National venture firm where he is the expert in creating sales departments. He is known as Dr Startup

Stewart Wiggins: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewart-wiggins/  

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Victor Fralof: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victor-fralof/

Personal and professional coaching for mindset, leadership and direct sales scaling.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Every sales training I’ve seen talks about building trust. If you are a good human and selling something someone actually needs or wants and you are engaging in good faith – that’s not manipulation - - right?

But, if you're sleazy and trying to get them to buy regardless of their needs or wants – tapping into their emotions and building trust to sway them – that is manipulation and that’s not cool - - yes?

Joey Robert Parks shared a story about how he used to lie – a lot. And then an idea attributed to Mark Twain. What is the difference between a lie and fiction? A lie is told for the benefit of the teller. Fiction is told for the benefit of the listener. (I can get on board with that.)

Expanded – manipulation is for the benefit of the seller. Building trust is for the benefit of the buyer.

The idea of lies didn’t come up for Todd Karges. Instead, Is the relationship being built to sell or just for the sake of the relationship?

Kaitlyn Niechwiadowicz jumped in next. The word manipulation has such a negative connotation – the expectation of dishonesty or someone trying to be sly or sneaky. Which is the exact opposite of building trust (even if trust is created?) She believes the answer to the original question lies in the intention of the seller.

Near the end we played with the idea that manipulation is not negative if you have permission to do it. As in – if you read a book or go to the movies you are giving the author permission to draw you in, to create emotions in you based on a story.

But without that consent manipulation, building trust for sinister reasons, is evil.

What do you think – is building trust on purpose to gain something manipulation?

Connect with the panelists:

He is a ghost writer and the Da Vince of Wordsmithing. He’s written 32 books fiction and nonfiction for successful entrepreneurs.

Todd Karges: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkarges/

Has a background in project management and building agile development mindsets.  He is a transformation and change management practitioner and a leadership development coach. Based outside of Toronto.

Kaitlyn Niechwiadowicz: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kniechwiadowicz/

Senior Manager of Talent at Alkegen where she leads their global learning and talent management initiatives. She is passionate about helping individuals make an impact and exceed their potential.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

This was an interesting discussion to have with three people who don’t mind conflict and will jump right into or even invite a challenging conversation.

Gary Fredericks tries to start by finding common ground, something that can be agreed upon, to show he is as interested in their success as they are.

Inga Hebdon added that it depends on what you are trying to address. It is different if you have to deal directly with them versus helping them deal with a conflict within their team. But regardless, people who want to avoid conflict often are just looking for peace and avoidance is an easy way to achieve that, at least for a little longer (until it grows and explodes).

Bill Haase brought in the word empathy and then took it in a direction I didn’t expect by adding that narcissistic people will use avoidance and your empathy against you. Adding that HR protocols that require everyone be treated the same can make it even more challenging because everyone is different.

You have heard me talk about the volcano method to conflict resolution – push it down until it explodes.

Do you think that warning someone – “I know you don’t love these kinds of conversations” is a good idea?

What tips do you have if someone else is avoidant? Or if you are conflict avoidant, how do you like to have people interact with you?

Connect with the panelists:

Leadership & Personal Impact Coach helping people increase their impact, their ability to lead, influence, and act strategically.

Gary Fredericks: https://www.linkedin.com/in/garyfredericks/

CEO of On Point Partners where they provide back-office services for small businesses. They make business easy.

Bill Haase: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bill-haase-a506299/

Co-Founder/CEO MetaEd Partners. He is developing global virtual and live conferences to support the underprivileged and building programs in the US to help high school students understand how money works.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

As one would expect Rabbi Yonason Goldson started us off with the biblical idea of “love your neighbor as yourself.” The idea being that you have to love yourself before you can love others. But what does it mean to love something or someone?  He even gave us a quick lesson on Ahavah, the Hebrew word for love.

Lori Donofrio-Galley agreed that you do need to love yourself to love others saying, “If you're able to care and nurture and grow yourself and develop yourself, you'll have a much greater capacity to love others and to understand how to love other people.”

Bonnie Sussman-Versace commented on how once you learn self-love it just happens and you don’t have to think about it anymore.

Listening back to this conversation I wondered if that was true. But in the moment that wasn’t the question I asked.

Instead, I wondered if you can’t look in the mirror and say “I love you” it is not possible to love someone else.

And, if I don't love myself, how do I accept love from someone else?

What do you think? Is self-love a prerequisite to loving others?

Connect with the panelists:

aka the Ethics Ninja and the Hitchhiking Rabbi, works with leaders to create a culture of ethics that earns trust, sparks initiative, and limits liability.  He is the award-winning podcast host of Grappling with the Gray and author of the book of the same name, as well as Executive Vice President of the Missouri Chapter of the Coalition for Jewish Values. 

Lori Donofrio-Galley: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lori-donofrio-galley-9a970046/

I am a first-born, Type A personality who is loyal and visionary and always finishes! Clients hire me to uncover “angles” and communicate value to produce earned media for growth.

Bonnie Sussman-Versace: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bversace/

Re-imaginer at FOCUSED. Where she specializes in developing leaders, building positive and productive workplace cultures, and improving individual, team and enterprise-wide performance

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

This question came up because I have a friend in the UK who has commented on several occasions how we (North Americans) use “how are you” as a greeting rather than a question. But when he asks me, he is actually asking the question and wants an answer other than “fine.”

I asked Atif Agha to start this conversation off and he talked about being aware. It is the right friend and the right time to actually get into the true answer of how you are. Some people don’t need or want more detail than “I’m fine.”

Glady Baradaran says she has tried to teach herself not to ask “how are you?” She doesn’t like it when people ask that as a greeting and believes there are so many other, better questions you can ask someone.

Lisa Howard made the observation that if things aren’t great and a friend asks, she might say something like “going okay” or “hanging in there.” If the friend picks up from her tone that things aren’t great and stops to ask for more details or to listen, then she knows she can share a bit more. But if they must brush over it, she just keeps the details to herself.

What do you think of the question “how are you” and how do you answer it?

Connect with the panelists:

Atif Agha: https://www.linkedin.com/in/atifagha/

Technology specialist doing data analytics and avid runner, based in Chicago

Glady Baradaran: https://www.linkedin.com/in/glady-baradaran-6238071a/

15 years of HR experience and a love for organizational development. Based in Canada.

Lisa Howard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lhoward2/

Founder of People Core Strategies, an HR consulting company. She is a trusted fractional HR Advisor - Helping Companies Grow through Effective People Strategies

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com