Quit Dieting for Good

Recently some of my clients have been going through the process of grieving their dream body. I understand that process, because I've had to do it to! When you start a new diet, you usually have an idea about what you're trying to create, right? And no matter what that looked like for you, the reality of intuitive eating (and saying NO to diets) usually means letting go of that dream. That's hard, and it's okay to notice and allow yourself to grieve what you're releasing!

Have you heard about my latest training? It's called How to Ditch Food Guilt + Body Shame to Gain Confidence + Feel Free, and it is on-demand, FREE, and available now! You can learn more by clicking here! (And don't miss the BONUS options for my Quit Dieting For Good Program!)

Are Your Dreams Holding You Back?

Sometimes we have dreams that feel amazing…but they hold us back from what we really want. For example, say you've had a dream of owning a second home for vacations. You might be working hard, saving your money, and even preparing to go home shopping! But if you dig a little deeper, you might realize that what you actually desire is to take more vacations.

The concept of owning a vacation home was a placeholder for your true desire – taking the time to vacation.

Once you realize that, you might take that second home off your vision board. Instead of working extra hours and saving all their extra money for that house, you might realize you could use more time off and invest in dream vacations right now.

Maybe a time share would be a better fit for fulfilling your true dream.

Maybe just giving yourself freedom to vacation now would allow you to live out your dreams in a way you never imagined.

What Is the Dream Behind Your "Perfect" Body?

Your dream body works the same way. You might have imagined the perfect number on the scale, all of your clothes fitting like a glove, or some other picture of what your dream body would mean to you.

But in reality…

Having that dream body often isn't even about your physical body. Instead, the real dream is often about finding the perfect partner, achieving a certain fete, having a specific career, or feeling confident and comfortable. We tell ourselves that our dream body is going to be the catalyst for all of those things (and more!), but in reality….it's not.

The good news is, you DON'T need to change anything about your body to go after your real dreams. Your ideal partner, salary, career, and life can be lived in the body you inhabit right now – no changes (or dieting) required!

Giving yourself permission to give up one dream is what allows you to embrace reality and experience joy right here and now, in the present.

Giving Up On My Own Dream

I've always dreamt of my children being a boy and a girl. One of each. I grew up with a brother, and it seemed perfect. Plus, I loved doing "girl" things with my mom – baking, drawing, crafts, and more!

So when I had Cooper, I was super excited to have a boy. And when I got pregnant again, I was ready for a girl. My pregnancy seemed different, and I was mentally convinced I was having a girl. Since so many people seemed to also think it was going to be a girl, it felt like my dream was confirmed. I was so excited!

And then we got the results back — it's a boy!

That was really, really hard for me. I had a beautiful dream for my future, and in one moment I suddenly realized that it's not a dream that would ever come to be. No little girl to do girl things with in the kitchen, or get our nails done, or any of the other things I had pictured. (I know that we might have a boy we wants to do those things with me! But I also know that it's okay to grieve the loss of what I had expected and hoped for.)

Now that I've had a chance to adjust, I'm getting excited to think about having two little boys running around the house. Cooper will have another bother, and we get to bring another little baby into this world. There are so many people who want a baby, and of course I recognize our privilege in having children at all. I also want to be sensitive to those who may be grieving other dreams related to conception, fertility, or losing a child.

No matter what your dream is, though, it's okay to recognize it and allow yourself to grieve for everything that will never become a reality.

Grieving Your Dream Body

With intuitive eating, your body will settle into a set-point weight that is right for you. (After all, it's based on your DNA!) However, your set-point weight may not be at all like your dream body.

Many women are hoping that intuitive eating might be the answer that allows them to lose the weight and finally keep it off. And for many women, embracing intuitive eating DOES lead to losing some weight. However, it's unlikely that your set-point is going to be as low as your "dream" weight.

That's where the first stage of grieving comes in: Denial.

Often this means you still have a hope or desire that intuitive eating is going to naturally lead to having the weight you've been dreaming of. You're not quite willing to release that dream body you've been working towards for years….even though you DO know you want to be done with diets!

Eventually, you start to understand that the diet industry sold you a terrible dream to begin with. You realize your dream was never realistic or good for you in the first place.

That brings us to the next stage: Anger.

This comes when you start to realize that you've held yourself to unrealistic expectations. You might be angry at friends or family you encouraged you. You might be angry at an industry that took advantage of your hopes for years. And you might simply be angry at yourself.

Eventually, you'll end up in stage three: Bargaining.

At this point, you start to think about dieting again. Maybe if you could diet with a new mindset, right? You could intuitive eat AND lose weight AND still get your dream body! Or so you think…

Going back to dieting will not help you move forward in the long run. By avoiding the temptation, you can move forward more quickly. Unfortunately, however, there tends to be one more hard stage of grieving to pass through…

The fourth stage is: Depression

This tends to happen once you've been working through intuitive eating for a few months. At some point, you realize that your body intutively wants to be a different size than you had dreamt of.

Often you find yourself asking if intuitive eating is even worth it. You might also start to realize how you used dieting to exert control in your life. What ever you were using diets to cover up (as a band-aid cure) starts to rear up. The bigger issues in your life, the issues dieting was helping you deal with, start to reveal themselves. This can be a hard stage! Not only are you releasing the ideal dream body you've expected, but you're also coming face to face with other hard things in you're life that you used dieting to avoid.

You can do this! You can release that old dream body, you can accept and love yourself the way you are, and you can face your life without using diets as a form of control. Don't forget to show yourself love and plenty of self-care as you pass through this stage!

And finally, you'll reach the fifth stage: Acceptance

When you're here, you start to accept that you have a body that wants to be a certain size. You are able to let it be the size it desires to be, because you realize how much you'll GAIN by doing so! You can experience freedom, self-love, and body confidence as you begin to accept yourself and your body in ways you never have before.

Finally, you understand that your dream body is what's really getting in the way of your true desires.

Rather than chasing after a fictional dream body that keeps you in a constant pattern of restricting, binging, and dieting, what would happen if you allowed yourself to grieve your dream body….and finally release it?

You can!

This week's amazing guest is Julie Newbry, the Intuitive Personal Trainer. As we discuss how to stop over-exercising, I hope you're inspired to release exercise-related guilt and give your body grace and love!

Also — I have a NEW offer for you! It's a free on-demand training that walks you through how to ditch food guilt and body shame so you can gain confidence and feel free! You can register at www.caitlinball.com/training and get started today!

The Start of Intuitive Movement

Julie shares that she works with clients that are pursuing fitness without attempting to shrink their bodies or focus on weight loss. Her own journey with health started at a young age —

She attended her first Weight Watchers meeting at age 10. From then on, Julie was constantly dieting. At age 16, she had a full blown eating disorder that she battled until she was 30. Even though shed remembers having a love for sports and playing as a child, she couldn't remove them from the focus on aesthetics and weight loss that we so often pair with movement.

In her early 30's Julie's own concept of her physical body started to change. She began to appreciate just how incredible it was, and how much it was capable of. Eventually this inspired her to segue into personal training. Sadly, her boss at the gym constantly pressured her to lose weight and reduce body fat. Even though she has been happy with the shape she was in, she started to slip back into the need to lose weight, which ultimately led back to disordered eating patterns.

Exercising with Respect for Your Body

So many women are used to exercising frequently, with the specific goal of shrinking their bodies. Movement for fun and joy, and movement that is kind, is almost unheard of.

Julie notes that exercising to lose weight isn't necessarily wrong…but it also isn't helpful. Often when we force ourselves to work out in order to move the needle on scale, we get into a cycle of "never enough". We either lose the weight, stop moving, and then regain the weight. Or, we guilt and shame ourselves into movement because we are so intent on seeking a certain outcome. Either way, we're more likely to find ourselves aways demanding more of ourselves, rather than feeling grateful to our bodies for all they are doing.

When you can start moving out of joy and kindness, however, you can start taking back your power. Exercise can become a way of showing yourself love. You're much more likely to stick with it if you view it as a way to build yourself up and truly love yourself, rather than as a way to change your body.

Many of Julie's clients are exercise avoidant (not exercising much at all), and some are exercise dependent (over-exercising). She noted that many women who are exercise dependent have a lot of fear about what will happen to their bodies if they stop. She shares that, in reality, if you are maintaining a certain body size by severely restricting food or exercising for an extreme amount of time, you're using control keep yourself smaller than you're body naturally would choose to be.

A huge part of her intuitive movement work is to help women release this internal fear and clarify their own values about who they want to be.

Finding Joy in Movement

When you can let go of the "have to's" of movement, you get to start experiencing the joy of movement again! Julie stresses that you can give yourself permission to move in new, different ways – ways that might be fun or get you doing something you haven't done before.

Rather then get sucked into the need to have a certain type of equipment, or to trudge along on machines that make you miserable, you can choose to creatively explore types of movement that you might actually find enjoyable!

Julie also points out that the exercise industry is heavily invested in profiting from program and plans. You have the right to question that! What is your intention in pursuing a certain program? Is a physical challenge you're taking part in feeling more like a punishment, or celebration? Are you having fun when you move, or are you over-stressing your body?

It can be so fun to push your body and see what it is capable of! It can also be painful and harsh, and the difference honestly comes from your own attitude and approach. By slowing down and really identifying why you're moving and what you hope to gain from it (and when those gains don't require your body to change sizes), you'll likely find your approach to movement changing.

Also, when and if you decide to stop over-exercising, you aren't resigning yourself to a live on the couch. Instead, you're making a choice to engage in strenuous, challenging activity because you like it….not because you're trying to punish yourself.

Food & Exerecise

Your body has all sorts of awesome mechanisms that will resist an imbalance of working out and eating. Trying to live off of rice cakes and broth while playing the Tetris version of "how much can I eat" and "how much do I have to exercise in exchange" doesn't create health. In fact, your body will naturally balance things out if you trust it with intuitive movement and eating.

Leaning in to this requires you to let go of control! Julie shares that she had to leave her gym and go to therapy to deal with some of the stress of letting go. It is hard, especially when it's been a way of life and a personal mindset for a long time! Now she knows that the best way for her to approach movement and exercise is to have self-compassion and to question what is true.

She asks herself — Do I need to experience that kind of pain or discomfort to be a "good" trainer? Does that movement/program/plan honor my body and my needs? If I did "that", would it come from a place of love?

Fitness and health don't have "a look". Any size or shape of body can be healthy; the most important thing is that you are able to honor your own values and truth in your movement journey.

Freeing Up Your Time

Julie shares that she's had several clients pick up new jobs, start volunteering, and go back to school with all the time they freed up by practicing intuitive movement! When you can stop over-exercising and release all the mental math, preoccupation, and effort you've been putting into exercise, weight loss, and food control, you have so much more freedom!

And of course, you get to choose how you want to use your newfound energy, time, and freedom.

One of the most profound changes in her own life has been family dinner. She says that being able to sit with her family and eat what they eat and have that time with them is a highlight of her day. Being able to model for her own children that women can eat rice and bread, women can enjoy their relationships with their bodies and food, and women can be FREE have been things that she has found to be personally transformative.

No matter where you are in your journey, you can make the choice to change things. You can love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. You can model the sort of relationship with food and exercise that you want your children to see. The power to create change is within your own hands. Don't be afraid to release old patterns and embrace freedom!

Now that you know I'm in the 1st trimester of my pregnancy with Baby #2, I thought it would be fun to talk about it! (See the full announcement here!)

If you're wondering how intuitive eating works with a pregnancy, I'd love to share my experience. And if you're thinking you're interested in starting to eat intuitively, but you'll wait until AFTER the baby, I'd love to share why it might be a really good idea to start now! (Or at least shed some light on why you don't need to wait if you don't want to!)

I Didn't Feel Bad About the Carbs

I found out I was pregnant on the first day we sheltered in place. It happened to coincide with Cooper staying home from school sick, and then me getting his cold too.

And then once the cold was gone, I got morning sickness! For me, that usually means I need to eat immediately when I get up, and usually my appetite is for carbs. Years ago, that might have been really stressful for me. In the past, I've had so many internal rules and regulations about eating carbs, and getting pregnant doesn't change any of that mental chatter. I know that for me, dealing with the general bloat and nausea of pregnancy, plus fighting guilt and shame around carb intake, would have been extra overwhelming.

Throughout my whole 1st trimester, I was so grateful that I no longer had a negative relationship with carbs. As I've changed my morning eating routine, it's been fun to see Cooper get involved (he's convinced he's feeding the hungry baby in his tummy too), and it's been so wonderful that I can engage in new food patterns with joy and freedom instead of stress and guilt.

(Also, it just so happened that my early pregnancy carb-cravings coincided nicely with the sourdough craze, so I definitely got in on that too!)

Body Freedom at ANY Size (Pregnancy Included!)

This baby is so, so tiny…

but I still feel so, so bloated.

It doesn't make my pants feel great, even early on in the pregnancy.

But instead of assuming that I'm not eating right, I've been able to accept that my body is changing and growing. Bloating is inevitable, and there's nothing to stress over!

Also, this time around I've been a big fan of wearing maternity clothes as soon as you want. They are so comfortable, and they made for a growing and stretching body. Rather than try to force myself into my "regular" clothes that feel tight and uncomfortable, I'm wearing clothes that feel GOOD!

Even if you don't have a need for maternity wear…

I like to advocate for my clients (pregnant or not) to buy clothes they like in a variety of sizes. If you have a few pairs of pants or nice tops in a size larger than usual, you can wear clothes you like even when you are a little bigger. That works whether you're pregnant, have period bloating, have gained a few pounds, or just want the extra space.

There's never a reason that you have to force yourself into clothes that are simply too tight, too small, or too constricting.

Trust Your Body

For awhile in the 1st trimester, I could NOT cook. It just turned my stomach, and I couldn't deal with it.

Sometimes that meant eating broth with rice and noodles, because it's all I could stomach. And then sometimes it meant freezer meals, or comfort foods like take out. I also struggled with the idea of veggies — so I didn't push them for awhile.

I trusted my body to tell me what she wanted and needed. And around 12 weeks in, I started craving salads and citrus-based things (like lemonade and key lime pie). Roasted veggies still don't appeal to me, and that's fine. My body will let me know what I want and need, and I'm listening in so I can honor whatever she shares with me.

Intuitive eating allowed me to enjoy the cravings I had (and will continue having) while also caring for my body and needs. Sometimes I would eat something that made me NOT feel good. Hmm. I would just tuck that away as feedback that would come in handy next time I was making choices, and move on.

No guilt, no shame!

I also chose to celebrate the take out and freezer meals when that's what my family needed. My husband and Cooper didn't mind the change, and I chose not to feel guilty about it. Not feeling good is what it is. There's no need to pile guilt on top of it!

Intuitive eating during pregnancy gave me the grace to take care of myself in whatever way worked for me at the time. I didn't have to beat myself up, or feel guilty for not being "enough". Instead, I could be a really parent and wife who knew what they needed and took care of themself. What a gift, to both myself and my family!

Prepare for Pregnancy Up & Downs

About 10 week in I had a Corona virus scare. I got more sick than what I could excuse away as just the pregnancy, and my doctors ended up wanting me to have the test. Being sick and not knowing what it was (especially with Covid-19 always on the news) was so scary. It was also a reminder to be so grateful for this little baby and how much I already loved them.

Ultimately, it was just a scare. After recovering from that, I had a week that made me think I was in the clear. Less morning sickness, more energy…

And then things got hard again.

If you've been pregnant before, you know how fast things can change with both your body and your feelings. After a few more weeks of morning sickness, things cleared up again. Around week 16 I started to actually feel good, and I'm loving that right now.

Pregnancy is a series of ups and downs, and there is so much happening during the entire experience! For me, intuitive eating during pregnancy has enabled me to:

+ Maintain a positive body image, especially during those first stages of growth and bloating

+ Accept the changes that are happening with my body

+ Release food guilt and parenting guilt (all the guilt) because I understand there's no reason for it, and I can choose to let it go

+ Listen to (and trust) my body as she tells me what she wants (and doesn't want) – including food, rest, and any other needs that might come up

I'd love to hear from you too! Have you tried intuitive eating during pregnancy? Would you be open to it?

Maria Simpson, who also goes by Body Love Boss, joined us this week to talk about body neutrality. We cover what body neutrality means, and where it fits into the body love conversation! We also talk about taking care of and respecting our bodies. I'm so excited to bring a fresh perspective and another awesome, personal story to the show.

"Looking Like" a Personal Trainer

As someone who always loved movement and exercise, personal training felt like a natural fit. And Maria feels that at the beginning of her career, she had a really healthy perspective. But after about 7 years as personal trainer, Maria reached a burn out phase that inspired her to take a break from that part of her life.

As her career had continued to grow, she had started to feel more pressure to look like what she felt a personal trainer "should" look like. She lost weight, and as her body got leaner, she got more and more compliments. (Just last week I talked about the unintended consequences of body compliments!) Eventually, Maria was only eating the bare minimum, while also exercising an extreme amount of time.

It didn't take long for health symptoms start popping up. She kept pushing her body harder, and forcing herself to do more. Eventually, she came across a YouTube video made by someone with a very similar story to hers; that woman shared that she was dealing with a eating disorder. For the first time, Maria recognized that her exercise and eating habits were possible disordered.

No More Mystery Symptoms

As she started eating more and resting, her mystery symptoms started to disappear. And even though she loved being a trainer, Maria made the choice to stop training. Instead, she began to pour herself into the work of body love and acceptance.

A huge part of her healing involved gaining weight. This part of the journey was when body neutrality became an important focal point for Maria. During her recover period, she gained 50 pounds in about two months. She felt an extreme amount of shame as she looked at a body she didn't feel she recognized. As much as she wanted to hide, she also knew she needed to be able to embrace herself as she was.

And early starting point? Identifying that gratitude was the opposite of fear and shame, and choosing to express gratitude for everything she could. While practicing that, she felt a small shift in the way she felt about her body.

Those small shifts continued to grow as Maria chose to recognize that her worth was not attached to her size. She started recognizing negative thoughts about herself that would pop into her mind, and she'd practice replacing them with something else.

A Growing Gratitude Practice

This small steps continued to form into a gratitude practice. Maria started making lists of things she was thankful for about her body, and choosing to notice all the things her body was capable of.

She found it allowed her to do and experience so much.

And as she noticed and expressed gratitude, she found she could have a life filled with joy and happiness, no matter what her body looked like. This realization was freeing, and allowed Maria to accept that she was honestly healthier and happier at her new weight.

Instead of forcing herself to follow a strict diet or exercise regimen that would allow her to be a certain size, she could release that control and enjoy the way her body naturally was. It felt really good, and served as a continual reminder that being happy and comfortable in your body was more important than anything else.

Body Neutrality vs. Body Love

It's really hard to ask someone to suddenly love you. They need to meet you, get to know you, and gradually grow into love.

Our bodies are the same. When we've had a difficult relationship with our body that has been marked by stress, tension, and even hatred, we can't suddenly wake up and be genuinely in love with it. We have to allow ourselves to work towards that, and moving towards body neutrality is one way of doing that.

Maria has found that focusing on what she most wants to be remembers for has helped her to shift her focus; instead of how she looks, she can focus on how she shows up and lives. In the process, she has slowly moved into the space of feeling neutral about her body, and from there she was able to begin to love her body.

She doesn't feel she loves her body every single minute of every single day. However, she feels that has the tools that enable her to get "unstuck" when she finds herself succumbing to her old thinking patterns. And if she's feeling particularly negative, she doesn't have to swing drastically back to love. Instead, she moves gently back to body neutrality, and from there, she can transition back into full body love.

Body neutrality is an important ground that lets you experience gratitude and appreciation for yourself, exactly as you are.

Last week I announced some really fun personal news on Instagram – we're expecting! I actually found out the very first day of quarantine, which was interesting. In some ways, it was a really great way of easing into a period of extra rest and a slower time at home. (Although it also meant being the only one caring for Cooper for the bulk of the day, which was exhausting in it's own way!) It's also meant I haven't had to deal with body compliments of any kind (for some reason, people love to dole out compliments and advice for pregnant bodies), which has been kind of nice too.

(Also, send your pregnancy + intuitive questions my way, because I'll be doing an episode on that soon!)

The Harmfulness of Body Compliments

First things first: Don't assume anything about anyone else. You might think that someone is super confident in their body, and that your comments about their body wouldn't impact them. However, that's simply not true.

Everyone has their own experience with their body. They have hurts, hangups, and experiences you don't know anything about. And just because you meant something as a compliment doesn't mean it will be received as one. (Remember too that lots of women won't tell you if you're comment hurt them. They'll nod, smile, and go home to grieve it alone.) Size and confidence are not related!

Ultimately, you can't know what impact your comment on someone else's body will have, so it's better to simply refrain from making them in them in the first place. Here are a few examples that illustrate what I'm talking about:

Let's say someone you know has lost weight.

You notice, and immediately respond with phrases like, "Wow! You're looking so great!", or "You've lost weight! How did you do it?". This can bring up all sorts of feelings.

They may feel really happy and proud of themselves, since our society has really ingrained in us that losing weight is important. On the other hand, however, these comments can be upsetting. Someone might immediately realize that just as you notice their slimmer body, you also noticed their larger body. And your attention and compliments now drive home that you were noticing (and not complimenting) before. That can feel disheartening and upsetting!

I had a client who naturally lost some weight after she started intuitive eating. Simply changing some habits based on what felt good for her body created some weight loss.

Soon after, she started getting a lot of compliments. She was proud and happy; the validation felt great! Not long after, she started overeating again. When we dissected what was happening, we realized the compliments had put her into overdrive. Instead of the great habits she had been implementing to feel good in her day-to-day life, the body compliments made her start restricting and striving to lose more.

All of the attention on her body made it hard for her to enjoy eating for her overall wellbeing; they brought her back to the dieting mentality of making choices that were really about weight loss.

Think of someone you know that's gained weight.

You may know someone that you think is too thin, and that you think should gain some weight. And if you notice that they do gain weight, it can be tempting to offer body compliments. Things like, "You're looking so healthy!", which we of course mean as a way to make them feel good.

When you make comments about someone looking "better" when they have more weight, it's not helpful. It draws attention to their weight gain, which may be something that is really internally hard for that person to deal with. Too many body compliments about weight gain can also be discouraging; it highlights how much people notice and pay attention to your body and its size.

In addition to having to get used to a new body size and the different way that clothes fit, now this person has to deal with your opinions and noticing also.

Finally, let's address compliments having anything to do with body size/shape and clothing.

It's so easy to someone looking great and start offering comments like, "That skirt is so slimming!".

That sort of compliment implies that the other person looks best when they are making an effort to slim themselves down. Wearing Spanx, or only wearing a certain style or cut of clothing, becomes a norm because they feel that it's the only way they can look good. You would never want your friends to feel they "have" to limit themselves to wearing "slimming" clothing….but constantly commenting on the clothing that does diminish their size instills in them that they DO need to do that.

Another back handed compliment is, "You're so brave for wearing a bikini!". The suggestion there is that someone doesn't really look like the type of person usually seen in a bikini…and they are brave for being willing to reveal their less-than-perfect body. No one needs a compliment like that!

At the end of the day, comments about other people's bodies aren't a great idea. Whether you're directing it to them, or making the comment to someone else, no one is served by the constant attention on body size and shape. The best thing to do is to just NOT do it!

A Personal, *Embarrasing*, Revelation

Early in college, a friend of mine from high school sent me a picture of her and her roommate. Her roommate happened to be a model. I said out loud to MY roommate….

"Wow! I'm glad she's not my roommate!"

When I saw her, I had been thinking about how I would feel insecure if I was constantly beside someone who was so gorgeous. I was glad that I didn't have that kind of pressure. My roommate was really hurt though, because I was implying that she wasn't that beautiful. Later, I found out she even cried later. I felt terrible!

In my mind, my roommate was beautiful, and I would have never believed that she had insecurities about that. But as I stated in the beginning…

You don't know what people struggle with when it comes to their bodies.

My off the cuff comment that I didn't even think of was extremely hurtful to someone I cared about. (Someone that I believed to beautiful….but made to feel less-than in a split second.)

Responding to Body-Based Compliments

Awareness + Change is the key here. Once you know better, you can do better!

If you're the one receiving the comments, I recommend acknowledging and pivoting. For example:

"Thanks." and move on. Or even, "Yes, I did lose weight." and then immediately pivot. You can make it clear you're not wanting to discuss your body or it's changes.

A more direct route?

"Thanks, but my body is the least important thing about me, and I'd rather not talk about it."

If you're asked for details about HOW you lost weight, you can share things like: "I'm focused on taking care of myself in ALL ways. And in doing so, I naturally lost/gained some weight."

You can talk about intuitive eating the way you talked about Paleo or MyFitness Pal the first time. Share what it's all about, or why it's working so well for you.

Alternates to Body Compliments

Try complimenting body energy/outlook/mindset.

Notice someone's positivity and confidence.

Call out something specific someone did that was kind or caring.

Notice someone's dedication to their job, their family, or their hobbies.

Compliment someone's habits that seem to make their lives better.

Notice someone's sense of style and creativity, rather than the fit of their clothes.

Call out someone for handling something really well.

When we compliment people for who they are and what they've done (rather than how they look), we can shift the focus to something that really, truly matters. How powerful is that? Body compliments don't give us that chance — so let's STOP using them once and for all!

This week Chelsea Gross and I dive into the topic of healing from chronic illness (and healing in general) while intuitive eating. When you're eating to deal with a chronic illness, you might have to do a bit of extra mindset work to maintain your own intuitive eating journey. Chelsea is SO open and honest about her story and her journey with healing, which makes this episode especially helpful.

If you leave a podcast review in Apple Podcasts in May or June and send me a screen shot (email to [email protected] or send it in my IG DMs) you'll get a FREE group coaching call! It's a small gift from me to you; the more reviews there are, the more women can benefit from the intuitive eating message!

As a certified nutrition and mindset coach, Chelsea works 1-1 with women around the world (virtually, of course!) to make peace with their relationship with food, their bodies, and themselves. As someone who struggled with all those areas herself, Chelsea loves helping other women find healing and freedom.

Chelsea's Early Food Journey

In middle and high school, Chelsea dealt with a lot of fear, anxiety, and even panic attacks. When she reached out to her mom and sister, they brushed it off. She internalized the idea that being emotional, being sensitive, and having fear was wrong — and that she needed to be fixed. Moving to college amped up her need to fit in, and she started to fixate on losing weight and "looking right" as a means of doing so. Like most women who decide to change their bodies, she started dieting and exercising. And at first, it seemed like it worked. She was getting a lot of attention and compliments, which felt good!

She kept up the cycle of obsessing, restricting, and controlling as long as she could. Eventually, however, things fell apart. When she broke up with her first serious boyfriend, she started eating more to soothe her emotions. Other stressors that popped up through her college career had a similar effect, and by her senior year she had gained weight. She determined to lose it, and jumped into a cycle of restricting and binging, which later led to purging as well.

Post-college, Chelsea took her struggles out to LA, where she pursued acting. The stigmas about weight, size, and diet continued to weigh on her in an industry notorious for pressuring women to control their food intake and maintain an "idealized" size.

The Wake Up Call

In 2014, Chelsea experienced a yoga injury and a car accident within a few days of each other. She started experiencing severe lower back pain, which sent her on a journey to all sorts of health practitioners. Nothing seemed to be working.

She found herself with no passion, no purpose, and struggles that seemed to be completely overwhelming her entire life. With no joy to fuel her, Chelsea realized she was sinking into a black hole that she had to find a way out of.

Via an online search, Chelsea found a nutrition program that sparked her interest. The connection between the physical body and the mind really intrigued her, and she made the decision to dive in. Throughout the course work, she became inspired to "make her mess her message". She also gave up dieting and started looking at health as something holistic and positive. Rather than trying to "look" a certain way, she dedicated herself to "feeling" healthy, whatever that looked like for her body.

Healing From Chronic Illness

As she was working through all of this, Chelsea started experiencing symptoms in her abdomen and gut that were concerning. After many rounds with naturopaths and doctors (and so much testing!), she was diagnosed with Lyme's disease.

Eating in a certain way (or not eating certain foods) can be an effective tool for healing from chronic illness. It can make intuitive eating tricky, however, because there are so many tendencies to use restriction as a tool!

Chelsea suggests that embarking on a healing diet CAN be helpful. And if you've been dealing with disordered eating or other chronic eating issues, it's really common to be dealing with digestive and auto-immune disorders. Your system may be damaged, and you may need to do some reparative work.

Something important to remember is that when you were dieting, restricting or elimination a certain food came from a place of punishing, hateful energy. That was about control, and a desire to change your body or yourself.

Making a decision to restrict a food to decrease inflammation or help your body heal is a completely different mindset and motivation! If you're attempting to heal from a chronic illness, creating a clear distinction that helps the restriction feel different is important. Intuitive eating is a way to honor your body and her needs. Making a choice to restrict a certain food from a place of love and respect IS intuitive!

I am choosing…

Rather than using "I can't" language that makes you feel that you're not "allowed" to eat a certain food, try using "I am choosing" language. When you make a choice to restrict a food for healing reasons, remind yourself that it IS a choice.

You aren't creating new rules, and you aren't putting yourself in a position to start craving food you've been restricting and controlling. Instead, you're being gentle and making choices that you can feel good about.

Chelsea shares that now, she's quite flexible in her food choices. She brings a mindset of choice into her food decisions, even when those choices are to restrict certain foods. Nothing is permanent, and she never 100% takes a food off the table as if she will never eat it again.

However, she has done some very specific food protocols to help her body in its journey towards healing from chronic illness. There have been times (like during her candida cleanse) that didn't work for her. She moved into them too soon, and her head wasn't in the right place. She realized that happiness and flexibility were super important to her. In addition, she had to recognize the role of stress in her holistic health journey. If eating a restrictive diet meant to heal her physical body created too much stress and pressure mentally, she was losing out on a different kind of health.

Being able to be in the moment, create space for her full life, and to incorporate joyful, positive practices ended up being vital. Chelsea realized that being happy was just as vital to her health as making food choices that empowered her.

Create Room for Joy

Overall, eating a certain way isn't about doing it ALL the time…it's about doing it most of the time. Give yourself room for joy, for travel, for date night — give yourself permission to live a full life, even in the midst of healing from a chronic illness.

Remember to CHOOSe to allow foods you love. Make the choice to give yourself permission to enjoy each element of your life, including your food choices. And create those distinctions in your mind! When you are making food choices from a place of love and compassion, saying "no" doesn't feel harsh or punitive. So remind yourself – you LOVE your body, and you're taking care of her in way meant to protect and nourish her in the best way possible.

A few months ago I went back to Step 1 of intuitive eating. What does that mean? Well, it involved the need to let go of restrictions AGAIN. This podcast feels important to share with you, because it's my own personal journey. Maybe it will encourage you to get started, validate what you're already doing, or even reassure you that you're not doing anything "wrong".

If you're just getting started on your journey and want to know more about first steps, I'd love for you to join the Food Freedom and Body Confidence Challenge! It's completely free, and provides and audio training and homework assignment every day. Looking for more? You're invited to check out my signature course, Quit Dieting for Good! From a monthly membership, an amazing community, and awesome coaching calls — this is an amazing resource for women who know they are ready to quit dieting and let go of restrictions once and for all!

Let Go of Restrictions

Last July when I moved back to the US with my family, I had to make some adjustments. There were so many food options we hadn't had access to, and so many things I wanted to try! After a few months I felt like was settled back in….and then I had another round of desire for foods that I hadn't been able to have for awhile. In addition to increased access, there's so much more convenience in the US as well!

For example, things like takeout (which wasn't super great and was really high priced) weren't very common in Switzerland.

So for me, a big move created a life change. And as a result, I had to relearn to let go of some restrictions.

For you, it might be pregnancy, a new job, or some other life change.

Don't be afraid to check in with yourself and your beliefs and listen to your body. Maybe you've created "new" rules about food that you will or won't eat, but it's been awhile since you've really checked in with yourself.

If you realized that eating a lot of bread doesn't make you feel great, you may have decided you feel better not eating bread. That's great! But after a while that can start to become a new restriction under the guise of intuitive eating. It's okay to try bread again; a different kind, a different variety, a different quantity might actually be great!

Allowing Food's I Didn't Even Love

Moving back to the US inspired me to try all sorts of foods again! And rather than try to stifle those desires, I gave myself the freedom to do so. Even for foods that I was pretty sure I didn't like, or had never really loved – I had freedom to try them out all over again.

As I listened to my body and reflected on my experience, I realized that some of my initial food choices may have been fueled by my own reaction to diet culture. In Switzerland, there wasn't nearly as much conversation about dieting, or pressure to be dieting. But back in the US….it was a whole different story!

As an intuitive eating who was absolutely NOT dieting….I was pretty eager to eat my daily chocolate and consume whatever I wanted. Eventually, I realized I wasn't checking in with my body quite as often. It was just a reminder to myself that intuitive eating is truly about your own body and needs. And I needed to remind myself that I am safe to eat anything, at any time. Just because I'm in a more diet-centric culture doesn't mean I'm going to get pulled back into the dieting world!

Fun (Restriction Free) Food Experiences

I have been reminded how much I LOVE bagels with cream cheese. ("Everything" bagels with cream cheese, tomato, and red onion are my go-to order.) Our first few months back in the states, I was getting bagels multiple times a week. Now I eat them a few times a month. I still love them, but I also know I can eat them anytime, so there's less urgency to consume them as frequently.

American baked goods are another fun favorite! In Switzerland you can't get baked goods (like chocolate chip cookies) very many places. And when I did have them, they just weren't as good. So now that I'm back, I've enjoyed some phenomenal chocolate chip cookies, as well as amazing brownies! So good. Does my body prefer to run off baked goods alone? Nope! I'm not eating them at every meal, and I'm not even eating them nearly as much as when we first moved back. By giving myself free rein to experience them again, however, I've been able to find a balance that has felt really good for me and my body. (Funny enough, I thought I remembered loving those giant Costco muffins, but it turns out I actually don't. Glad I gave myself permission to try them out though!)

A few more fun ones?

Deli sandwiches! My husband and I had both missed those, and we enjoyed quite a few in our first weeks back. And Mexican food! As Californians, we missed Mexican food a lot while we were in Europe. (My husband is still enjoying multiple burritos a week!) American burger joints are also so different here. They are way more affordable, and I definitely missed them!

On a regular basis, I don't love Hershey kisses. And in Switzerland, I developed quite a refined chocolate palette. (I love chocolate!) However, I've found that there is something about Hershey kisses in holiday desserts that is super nostalgic and fun. So even though I don't necessarily love them from a taste perspective….I do love them for the memories they stir up for me. Nostalgia can be a wonderful reason to enjoy a certain kind of food.

Not all of those foods made me feel great. I realized that some foods don't work very well in my body in large quantities; balance is important! Most of those foods work in smaller quantities, and I enjoy them that way.

Fullness Factors and Other Shifts

When I was first starting intuitive eating, learning to let go of restrictions was a starting point. I didn't have an entire foundation and years of practice under my belt yet! So even though I was back at Step 1…it wasn't the same as starting over completely. I find myself reminding my clients of that truth sometimes! When you take some time to revisit earlier steps, you return with more of an understanding of how your body works. And that means even the first steps are experienced differently the second (or third) time around!

For example, a big change for me was knowing my own fullness factor. Intuitive eating has really helped me know when my body has had enough of something. When I was on Step 1 for the first time, I didn't really know that yet! But now, I do. I'm not coming off of a diet mindset that has me trying to eat a lot of something "bad" while promising to be "good" the next day. This time around, I was able to enjoy smaller amounts of anything (food can't be bad or good, after all!) without finding myself feeling overfull.

This time around I slowly tried all the foods, and had a lot of fun letting them all be allowed. I never really had that gross feeling of having gone all out and really binged or over-eaten on anything. If it had happened it would have been okay, but it didn't. That's probably because I really do know my body a lot better, and I was more tuned in to how things were making me feel, even as I was enjoying them.

Letting Myself Have Freedom

When we first came back, I definitely had some fun visiting Target and buying some cheap (but super cute!) clothes. The access and affordability were so different from what we had in Switzerland, and I enjoyed making purchases I couldn't have made there. (Same with using Amazon Prime, which we didn't have overseas!)

But after a bit I wanted to return to my more sustainable, eco-friendly practices. Those are things I value, and I didn't want to lose them just because it was easier to access more things here in the US. It's not about "not allowing" myself; it's about knowing what really matters to me and choosing to honor that.

From baked goods, Target runs, nail salons, and Amazon — I'm giving myself permission to have (or try) anything. I trust myself to listen to my body, to honor my values, and to check in with my own belief systems.

Going back to the first step of intuitive eating helped me remember how much freedom I have; all I have to do is choose to let go of restrictions! As I return to my regular routines of cooking more at home and eating more of my regular foods, I'll continue to check in with myself (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to make sure I'm taking good care of my full self!

On this week's show, I met with Paige Schmidt. She's a fellow health coach and an intuitive eating counselor. Our conversation dug into the intuitive eating shaming we've both noticed lately. There's been a bit of pressure in the online world recently to do intuitive eating "right"….even though that's not what intuitive eating is about!

Follow along to listen into Paige's thoughts on intuitive eating shaming, as well as lean more about her story! (And if you don't want to miss anything, please subscribe to the show! You'll never miss another episode!)

Meet Paige Schmidt

Paige works with women on intuitive eating. She focuses a lot on helping women listen to their bodies AND feel good in their bodies. A huge part of her focus is "free and better", not "free and worse".

That means feeling safe enough to know that you are empowered to make the choices that will enable you to feel your best. Leaving dieting behind and eating intuitively is a huge part of this empowerment!

Paige shares that before her intuitive eating work, she had an intense relationship with calorie counting. She used (and deleted…and re-downloaded) the apps again and again. One moment she would get sick of it and swear she was done! BUT…then she would get sucked back in to needing to diet and calorie count. It was such a hard cycle to break!

Eventually she got a glimpse of what it might look like to be free around food. Witnessing the food relationship of another woman who was really empowered in her choices (and who was NOT dieting), was so eye opening for Paige. Seeing someone make their coffee with real sugar, cook with real butter, and not be tied to calorie counts or food measurements inspired her to believe that food relationships could potentially be different.

In a similar way, my experience living in Europe opened my own eyes to a really different way of thinking about foods! Rather than low-fat, fake food, diet-based approaches to health….I discovered a world where people were eating real food that they fully enjoyed!

Finding people who eat and live differently than you can be a powerful catalyst for change.

Getting Honest

In her late teens, Paige eventually sat down with her parents and confessed that she was getting overwhelmed. She was partying and drinking. She was restricting food. And honestly, she didn't want that anymore. AT this point, she realized that she needed to create some sort of change in her life.

Sometime after, she started to feel free from her previous dieting lifestyle. She was tracking less, and feeling much more permission to eat in a way that felt good in her body.

But then she reached a comfort threshold. She started to feel stressed about her lack of food related control. It seemed like she probably should be tracking calories or restricting food….right?

Rather than getting sucked back into a cycle of dieting and control, Paige sought help! She started working with a counselor and naturopath, both of whom she found extremely helpful. A huge part of her transition while working with these professionals was a focus on real food.

Rather than sugar free, "fake" foods, she realized she could consume the real deal (whole milk, butter, and so on) and feel really great! As her eating changed, she started blogging about eating real, whole foods. Years later when Paige learned about intuitive eating, she was thrilled to realize she was already on that track and really aligned with its principles.

Intuitive Eating Shaming

A few weeks ago, Paige came across a post online showing various food quantities. The graphic showed single/small portions of foods like ice cream and pizza, and then images of larger portions of those same foods. The image was labeled with "fake food freedom" and "true food freedom".

The post irked her! She realized that, depending where someone was in their journey, people were dealing with all sorts of food issues. Seeing a graphic like that and being made to feel that they "have" to allow themselves to eat larger portions in order to be "real" intuitive eaters isn't helpful for healing.

When Paige first started, she was really stressed out about consumption with foods like ice cream. Her solution? Focusing on creating a safe experience with that food!

She bought fun colored bowls, and decided that when she wanted to enjoy ice cream, she was going to really sit down and enjoy ice cream. It could be a small portion, and that didn't make it any less of a "true" intuitive experience.

So many people who are just starting intuitive eating can easily start to question if they are doing it "right". Self-doubt and questioning and shame don't need to be a part of your intuitive eating journey! It is completely okay for you to create your own safe environment and food situation, and it is completely okay for your to tailor that situation to yourself.

Feeling Safe

Ultimately, intuitive eating doesn't need to be attached to shame.

Paige shares that although she isn't dieting and doesn't personally support dieting, she would never want anyone to feel ashamed of their eating choices when they are around her. We all have different bodies and needs. We're all coming from different places in life. Our situations differ.

Intuitive eating shaming is so unnecessary!

At the end of the day, everyone has the choice to eat how they want to eat. The goal is that you feel empowered in the choices you are making for your own life. And one day, if you have questions about intuitive eating, you can absolutely ask her about it! Ultimately, you should be eating what you want in a way that feels really good for your own body.

Give yourself the space you need to process your own body's needs and desires.

Whatever stage you are in is 100% fine!

I shared that I often look up and make Paleo recipes. Why? Well, I eat meat, but tend to avoid dairy. I know my body really well, and I know dairy isn't ideal for me. I'm not dieting; I'm serving my body's needs in a way that feels really good for me.

Feeling Powerless

Paige shared a recent encounter in which a client was feeling really powerless in her intuitive eating journey. A lot of that feeling came from the pressure to do it "right". It can feel like making changes or really strategizing about food choices can go against intuitive eating.

We've both had that experience!

There might be foods we don't include in our diets….or foods that we eat even when we know they don't make us physically feel great.

Why?

Because eating intuitively can look ALL sorts of different ways!

Paige shared that often eats "Miracle Noodles" because they don't have any lectin. A lot of people would perceive those noodles as a diet food….and might even be quick to try and shame her for eating something advertising itself as a 0 calorie pasta replacement. Personally, she LOVES their taste AND feels better when she eats them.

She's comfortable with the choice she's making about noodles that feel right for her body. And that IS what intuitive eating is all about! Don't let anyone judge you for your own intuitive eating choices!

No shame necessary!

Choosing to Eat

Eating certain foods because a diet plan like Keto or Paleo tells you that you must isn't the same as choosing to sample options from those types of plans because you WANT to.

And remember…

Everyone is in a different stage of their intuitive eating journey, and ALL intuitive eating is meant to be shame free.

Paige shares that she's at a point in her journey where she feels really natural about food choices. She can get ice cream and Miracle Noodles and feel great about both choices! She has no intuitive eating shame, and she feels really confident in whatever she puts into her cart.

No matter where you are in YOUR journey….you're not doing it "wrong". Check your beliefs, listen to your body, and trust what she tells you.

Tune in to the full episode to hear Paige's great self-care tips! She has some fun quarantine related thoughts on caring for yourself in a really positive way!

Stress about how you "should" look, or what you "should" be eating are not healthy! Ideally, you can care for yourself from a place of love and compassion. Sometimes that means tuning out the advice of others (family members or friends who are really self critical, who talk negatively about bodies, or who are constantly on the next trending diets, for example). In this week's episode of the podcast, I dive into how to deal with dieters!

Struggling with your relationship with your body or food? You're invited to the free Food Freedom and Body Confidence Challenge! It's four simple (but vital) steps that can get you started on your journey to self-care and true health! Check it out over on the site: www.caitlinball.com/challenge.

Covid-19 Update

I hope you're doing well and staying healthy at home! Here in California, our shelter in place orders were just extended for another month. That's a bit of a hard reality. In addition, I'm aware of multiple small businesses, like my co-working space, that have had to close their doors for good. If you're struggling, at home or in business, please reach out to someone. You aren't alone, and you will make it through this!

At the end of the day, all you have is your health and your relationships. It's a reminder to me that I do what I do because I LOVE helping people with their health. (And remember: that's more than just physical. It also includes mental and emotional health.) When you're truly healthy, you can feel good in your body. You aren't constantly berating yourself, or putting yourself down. You get to feel at peace with yourself, and experience the sensation of self-love and acceptance.

Something important to remember: a good relationship with yourself will spill over into good relationships with others that you love and care for.

Building Your Intuitive Eating Confidence

I've been asked about dealing with dieters a number of times. Here are the sorts of situations my clients and fellow intuitive eaters find themselves facing:

+ My mom is a dieter and she's been talking about her success with the keto diet (and encouraging me to join!).

+ I have a friend doing a diet, and we usually diet together. She wants me to join her like usual!

+ My friends/family members/coworkers are implying that I "need" to lose weight to be healthy.

Here's my encouragement: The more confidence you get in practicing intuitive eating, the easier it will be to deal with dieters. When you're first starting, it's easy to get triggered by diet-based comments. You might even start to question if not dieting is really the right thing!

Trust me: it is. My challenge to you is to keep doing the work, and to trust that you will reach a place where diets just don't even appeal to you.

Letting Go of Judgment

When I first started intuitive eating, I was living in an average size body in Switzerland. Dieting is not that common in the country. And even if it was, I still wasn't experiencing fat shaming or other pressure to lose weight.

However, I have experienced pregnancy and childbirth. Becoming a mom was wonderful, but it also came with all sorts of new messaging and feedback from others! There were so many thoughts and opinions about everything I "should" be doing, as well as the "right" way to do everything. I was really sensitive about comments from other people…and I realized that that was a result of not having confidence.

Having parented for a few years now, I'm much more confident! I don't stress about what other people do; I assume their choices are connected to what works for them. And my choices are what work for me. Rather than feeling sensitive or experiencing shame, I simply parent the way that feels good for our family. I'm sure there are people out there with opinions, but that doesn't bother me anymore.

Your food journey is the same way!

The more confidence you gain in your choice to eat intuitively, the less impact other people's opinion will have. You'll realize that other people's feedback is often just a projection of what you're judging about yourself. And when you gain more perspective and self-compassion, you judge yourself less and other people's opinions don't matter as much.

5 Tips For Dealing With Dieters Tell others what you are doing.

When I was starting out, I told my best buddy (that I used to always diet with) and she did the same intuitive eating challenge I was doing! Even if the people in your life don't join, at least they'll understand a bit more about what you're doing. Having a community that is working on intuitive eating together is really enjoyable; it can be a great way to bond with your friends on another level. And remember; even if they aren't interested, you can find many other things to connect with each other over.

Spark Conversations

Leave out an intuitive eating book or materials.

Share your favorite podcasts, or tag friends in an inspiring post on social media.

This can be a really non-threatening way to engage people you care about, especially if you see each other often! You never know what will get someone curious.

Pivot the Conversation

You don't have to engage with someone who is interested in discussing diets. If someone is persistently talking about dieting, you can acknowledge them…and then change the conversation.

In the same way that you might pivot a conversation if you're extended family is trying to dig into anything personal (your dating life, perhaps?), you can do that with dieting! If you're stressed about this idea, try practicing!

When you're in conversation, see if you can pivot from the topic at hand to something new. It can be completely innocuous….one minute Aunt Peggy was talking about the best place to buy oranges, and the next you pivoted the whole group into a funny anecdote from work. It's easier than you might think!

Have the Hard Conversations

Dealing with a close family member or loved one that always seems to bring up weight/diet matters? Often my clients share that planning a trip home is stressful because they can almost a guarantee that someone is going to start talking about bodies and offering suggestions on how to lose weight. That can be so hard!

My suggestion? Have the difficult conversation with that person BEFORE the diet talk come up. For example, try sharing honestly how comments about your body or weight make you feel.

You might also communicate that any comments about your body (including positives or negatives), aren't helpful. Share what you're working on with intuitive eating: your desire to love and accept your body as it is, your goal of removing restricting or binging on food.

Loving and accepting your body as it is is really good for you! Let your loved one know how they can best support you. Give them ideas for OTHER topics of conversation: your work, your life, your hobbies. Request that they choose any topic other than weight or dieting.

This might mean making a phone call before your trip. The people who care about you will usually respond well. They want you to feel supported and loved, after all! The key is to find a quiet moment, and to communicate honestly and gently.

Be Blunt

Sometimes we forget that this IS an option!

Being blunt can be really uncomfortable, and I completely understand that! I do want you to understand that you have permission to share how someone else makes you feel. You are not obligated to hold back, or to conceal how you really feel.

So remember: you have full permission to express how you feel when someone in your life tries to pressure you into dieting or losing weight.

It might mean you simply say, "That's really hurtful. I would never say those things to you, and I need you to stop talking to me that way."

Even if it's hard, it can be exactly what needs to happen. When you are being hurt, you can absolutely stand up for yourself. It's not right for anyone to treat you poorly or put you down, and you don't have to tolerate it just to "keep the peace".

Be Confident in Your Decisions

If you're practicing intuitive eating, it's because it's something you chose for yourself. No one else's opinion or feedback needs to sway you! Just like with parenting; the more you accept your own desires and release judgment, the easier it is to let other people's opinions roll off your back.

Intuitive eating is an amazing way to eat, live, and take care of yourself. You can absolutely have confidence in choosing this lifestyle for yourself. If you are looking for a bit more support, I'd love for you to check out my Quit Dieting for Good program. You'll get the chance to connect with other amazing women who are going through the same journey, plus get access to coaching calls with me!

Sam Finkelstein is an anti-diet dietitian, and she joined us over on the podcast to discuss the idea that being "anti-diet" does not mean being "anti-health". And honestly, if you don't truly believe this, it's really hard to make positive changes and let go of restrictions. Intuitive eating is much easier to embrace and practice when you understand this!

Food Fixations

Sam shares that what she remembers about dieting is being totally fixated on food. It seems whenever we diet, we get consumed by paying attention to all. things. food.

From following the rules, dealing with our body crying out for more food, and stressing about instances where we might end up failing on our new diets…once we are engulfed in a dieting mindset, it's hard to see past it! Once huge downside to this is that it's super hard to live our lives in a balanced way when we are in the midst of dieting. And many people are constantly engaged in some form of diet!

Food fixation goes hand-in-hand with stress and cycles of restricting/binging. It's hard to be at your best (or even to enjoy your life) when this is where your mind is! That's one reason why it's so important to check your beliefs often.

Dieting and disordered eating is really common in our culture. In fact, it's become so common that it can be hard to spot. Sam shares that she often hears some version of, "Well, if that's disordered, then isn't everyone basically disordered?" when it comes to restricting food intake. Her answer? Yes! If your food patterns create cycles of restricting and binging, if you're mental space is consumed with what you will eat, or what you already ate, or what you want to eat but won't allow yourself…

That is disordered. That's not something to normalize, it's something to recognize and address!

Sam's Anti-Diet Approach

As she prepared for college, Sam initially applied for journalism programs. At the last minute, however, she took a year off and traveled. During that year, she decided she wanted to become a registered dietician. She feels this was connected to wanting to heal something within herself, which may be common for many people in the field. Since graduation, she worked in a variety of programs. Gradually, she's settled into working specifically with people dealing with disordered eating.

As a result, she currently works with lots of clients who are recovering from eating disorders and from chronic dieting. (Diet recovery might mean that you don't fit the criteria of a full-blown eating disorder, but you're struggling with your relationship with food and eating. Rather than waiting for things to escalate, Sam believes that we can, and should, start addressing those things early on.)

Her nutrition approach is ant-diet, health at every size. It's also based on intuitive eating! She finds that people who are first starting recovery can't usually start with intuitive eating from the get go. It's really hard to tune into your body's signals when you've repressed them for a long time. That's okay! Sam notes that you can start slow and build up, with intuitive eating as the eventual goal. For example, principles like —

+ Full permission to eat all foods, and

+ Honoring hunger when it does come up

Are great ways to start moving towards an intuitive approach to food.

Who Decides What "Health" Is?

For a long time, Sam shares that Weight Watchers was the gold standard of weight loss. Their success rate? Around 5%! THAT is what "success" meant in the dieting industry. And their definition of "health" pretty much just meant losing weight.

Eventually, Sam realized that traditional dietary methods weren't working. She also recognized that health was a much bigger concept than she had ever imagined. Rather than envisioning it as only meaning weight loss, she realized it had the potential to be so much more.

That's one reason she loves to incorporate intuitive eating into her work. She shares that one common question she get's asked is:

But wouldn't I just eat everything then?

And intuitive eating IS about having permission to eat or do anything you want. As an intuitive eating provider, Sam promotes bodily autonomy. YOU get to do whatever you want for your body, and it's not for anyone else to tell you. (With some eating disorder cases, sometimes there does need to be extra support in the beginning. But even then, she views her advice as a recommendation that clients can choose to follow if they wish.)

However, she also wants to make it clear that intuitive eating is so much more than just eating whatever you want. It's about listening to your body. This means tuning in, listening to hunger and fullness, and learning to say YES to what your body needs.

She also wants to make people aware that health at every size practices and intuitive eating models achieve success! In fact, studies have shown that the positive impacts of these programs exist with or without weight loss. The size of your physical body does not have to change for you to be a success story! There is so much freedom in this idea, it's worth repeating:

The size of your physical body does NOT have to change for you to be a success story.

Weight Cycling & Stigmas

If you're not familiar with the term, "weight cycling" is the phenomenon in which dieters lose weight, and then gain that weight back. Usually, the end weight is higher than the weight before the diet. This cycle continues over and over again. And guess what? Studies show that weight cycling has more links to chronic conditions that have previously been associated to weight.

That means it's not necessarily extra pounds creating negative conditions…it's the diet culture stigma and the yo-yo dieting that are creating issues.

Recently, I saw a post Sam created online talking about the idea that we don't "owe" anyone anything when it comes to our health or the size of our bodies. Basically, you are in charge of your own body, and you know your body best. This is body autonomy. You do not owe it to anyone else to be "healthy", especially when people are using "healthy" as a code word for weight loss. Because honestly, when people talk about health, they are all too often really talking about weight.

There are many for whom it would be MORE healthy to stop exercising. To stop dieting. To stop experiencing shame or guilt about their body size.

It is absolutely up to YOU to decide what your own big picture wellness looks like. What would it mean for you to be truly healthy? Would you be doing anything differently? What would you not be doing?

If you create your own picture of wellness, it would include so much more than rules about what to eat or not eat, or how many minutes to work out. Let's start to expand the idea of wellness! It can mean so much more than we currently let it mean.

Wellness is Diet Culture Repackaged

Saying that a diet is a "lifestyle" is just a repackaging of the same old diet culture. How can you tell them apart? Well, diet signs include:

+ Are you asked to rule out a certina food or food group?

+ Have certain foods been demonized or glorified?

+ Are you asked to ignore body cues, like hunger, as part of the "lifestyle"?

If your answer is yes, then you're probably dealing with a diet. Don't be fooled into thinking that the word "wellness" automatically means something is going to be good for you.

So what's another way to wellness? Stop restricting.

Why? Because when you're restricting, there is something going on somewhere else in your eating. And the more we try to control ourselves and our eating, the more tension builds up. And eventually, that results in binging. We end up really out of balance as we swing between the two extremes, and it's a never ending cycle. Our body's respond to our rule-making by going on high alert and searching for food, and no matter how long we hold out, eventually we cave in and consume a massive quantity. Cue the guilt, the renewed pledge to stick to our restrictions, the building tension, and the eventually collapse. If you've dieted before, you know that cycle all too well!

Putting Weight Loss on the Back Burner

Intuitive eating can turn into your new diet if you aren't aware of your tendency to start creating new rules! It's important to put weight loss on the back burner when you approach this practice, but after a lifetime of dieting, that can be hard to do. Sam recommends that you exercise compassion for yourself as you learn how to listen to your body and respond to her needs. She also reminds her clients that this is a process that takes place over time.

Sam points out that social messaging tends to feed us the message that when we do things right, we get smaller. When we do things wrong, we get larger.

So if you're new to intuitive eating and you're not losing weight, or maybe you're even gaining some weight, it's easy to think that you are doing something wrong. Good news! You can't fail when you practice listening to yourself and honoring your needs. It can be really hard to override those messages, so be patient with yourself.

Keep in mind, there is a lot of social messaging and internalized feelings to undo! If you're here, you're showing up, and you're taking steps to recover your partnership with your body. That means you are doing everything you need to do. Trust that things will come together; you don't have to accomplish everything all at once.

The work of intuitive eating is ongoing. Full recovery from eating disorders and disordered eating is possible. However, recovering doesn't mean you'll never have a negative thought about your body, or feel a need to restrict or binge a certain food. The thing that has changed is the way you address it within yourself.

Remember: be gentle, be patient, and practice self-care.