What is a response for when you asksomeone out and get rejected?

AndreiCimbru, Behaviors debugger, engineer, writer in training.www.ruleyourway.com

Learn this and learn it fast. There is no such thing as arejection.

Don’t believe me?

I’m gonna assume you’re a guy forthe sake of the examples. Let’s say you see an attractive woman. You go up toher and say Hi! and she rejects you after 5 seconds.

Did she reject the real “you”? Imean think about it. Did she have enough data points to analyse if you arepotentially worthy of bearing her future children or not? At a subconsciouslevel this is what attraction basically is: “doeshe or she have the right genes (physical, mental, behavioural) to produceoffsprings with strong characteristics that can carry the legacy further?”

That’s why usually men fall forlooks and women for charisma. “Doesthis person have something of value that can add to my genes already”?

Of course all of this happens atan emotional level based on the cues we give off.

She might have rejected youbecause:

·       Youseemed needy and unconfident

·       Yousaid something weird and uncomfortable

·       Youwere too awkward or too pushy

·       Shejust had a bad day

·       Shejust came out of a relationship

·       Sheis too preoccupied with her professional life

You see whatever the reason is,she didn’t reject you. She rejected the approach on her. Even if she is yourcoworker that you’ve known for years, she rejected only a side of you that sheknows. How could she know who you truly are? She only knows the cues you’ve beenprojecting.

Erase the romantic bullshit thatmainstream media has brainwashed you with. When someone you are attracted torejects you, they are actually doing you a favour. Chasing someone who doesn’twant you back is not romantic, it’s masochism. It’s our ego that tells us thatwe are not enough, that we are not worthy and that we need to prove theopposite. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

There is no such thing as arejection. There are only reference experiences. You reinforce the positiveones and you learn from the negative ones. Both of them take you one stepcloser to finding that person that actually wants to be with you for who youreally are.

The moment you say “Hi!” is themoment you start conquering your love life.

What is the wrong way to discipline achild?

SurettaWilliams, Raised three children with ADD/ADHD, Learning Disabilities,Behavioral Issues

My sister and I don't get along,so I never expected her to ask me for advice, but here's what happened.

My father was visiting her andher family and everyone was sitting at a large, rectangular dining room table.

Her son was about 18-months-old,and kept climbing onto a chair, then attempting to crawl across the table, tobe with his Grandfather.

My sister kept removing the childfrom the chair, scolding him, and putting him in "time out." (He was 18-months-old).She would try to keep him there for maybe a minute or two, then scold himagain, then bring him back to the table, and expect him to sit"nicely" in his own seat.

Finally, at one point, my sisterlooked at me (I was raising three children who were teens at the time),shrugged her shoulders, and asked me, "What would YOU do?"

After my father and I got rid ofthe shocked expressions on our faces from having the request to begin with, Igently picked up the child, carried him around the table, and placed himhappily in Grandpa's lap, which was his whole goal in the first place.

Sometimes, you just try too hard to make things work, when youcompletely ignore the obvious. (Both child and Grandpa sat quietly visitingwith the rest of the family for over an hour, until the child fell asleep inhis lap).

Whathas been the life lesson you least expected?

AlanaThompson, Studied at HighSchool Education

1.      Don’tdate the same person more than once

2.     Forevery friend/partner you think is irreplaceable, there is an even betterreplacement

3.     Ifyou ever truly fall in love, you will forever care about them, even if youclaim to hate them

4.     Don’ttell even your bestest friend ALL of your secrets. Keep certain details toyourself

5.     Don’tleave mac and cheese alone for too long. Sometimes you can’t tell if itsspoiled or not depending on the brand/cook.

6.     Donot befriend people below you. Sounds mean but just don’t. DON’T. edit: my definition of “below”:the opposite of being the “bigger person.” Somebody who shames you for tryingto inform/express in an appropriate situations. Somebody who is so insecurewith themselves that they target people's self esteems. People who are“snakes,” and believe ignorance is bliss. I realized my comment may have beeninterpretated as me saying not to be friends w/ people who aren't as popular orrich or as smart as you. I meant don't be friends with people who will stopyour person growth.

7.     Ifyour parents are yelling at you in public, don’t argue back loudly and don’tsound whiny.

8.     Ifsomebody sends you a weird/mean/unexpected message, wait an hour beforeresponding. Sometimes friends might steal their phones and send inappropriatemessages to you. Or sometimes they might be high or drunk.

9.     Becareful about how you gossip. Sometimes the people your friends are friendswith will shock you, especially when you see they are closer with the peopleyou talk smack about than you.

Lies and Lying: What is the easiestway to catch a liar?

GuidoCroce, Image Consultant & Body Language Enthusiast

There are lots of ways that youcan catch a liar. For example by listening to what they are saying, the wordsthey choose, their gestures and/or facial expressions.

However, the easiest way tofigure out if somebody is lying to you is to follow thebaseline method.

How does the baseline methodwork? Whenever you interact with somebody new, you have to establish a baseline for that person, the normal behavior.

After understanding the patternof the individual of when they are telling the truth, you must keep watchingthe person, and every time you see their typical behavior change, it might meanthat they are lying.

Note: It does’t mean that theperson is definitely lying, but there is chance that that might be the case.

When you notice a change ofpattern, you then must investigate further by asking more specific questionsabout the topic, in a subtle, non-suspicious way.

So, from now on, make sure toestablish a baseline for everybody you know, so that you can start catchingliars.

A few signs to look for in potentialliars:

1.     ExtremeFace Touching -When somebody doesn’t usually touch their face a lot and starts doing it all ofa sudden, it might be an indication of deception.

2. More or Less Eye Contact - If you notice an increase ordecrease in eye contact it might be a sign that person is lying to you, bytrying to make up something.

3. Feet Direction - If you notice that suddenly the personyou are talking to shifts their feet direction towards a door or exit, it’squite probable that that person is uncomfortable and wants to leave, a possiblesign of lying

REMEMBER: Always focus behavioral shifts in body language, neverspecific body language gestures.

If you liked this answer check out this article How to Start Reading Body Language.

Howdo you deepen a conversation?

DanChang, former shy guy, founder of thefriendformula.com

It's really simple. All you haveto do is ask (and answer) a series of questions that get increasingly morepersonal.

Check out this fancy diagram Imade.

Over time, as two people sharemore personal information, they build a connection. The typical progressiongoes like this:

1. Cliches→ 2. Facts → 3.Opinions → 4. Feelings

That's it. It's powerful stuffthough.

Several studies have shown that deepening conversations actually makespeople like you more and stay your friend.

But most people tend to keeptheir conversations on the same level, and get stuck at cliches and facts. Liketalking about the weather. Or the news. Or whatever they're comfortable with.

The key is really focusing on thetransition from facts to opinions & feelings.

In other words, focus on moving from WHAT to WHY.

Get really good at askingquestions.

Most people ask generic questionslike "how are you?" or "what do you do?" and then they geta generic response. Specific questions will get more specific answers and moveyou away from cliches and facts into the deeper stuff. This helps open up evenreserved people because they see that you actually care.

So let's break it down.

Start by instead of asking thegeneric "how are you?" ask something just a little more specificlike, "How's your day going so far?"

From there, continue askingspecific questions to really understand their day:

·       What'sgoing well? What isn't?

·       Doinganything fun?

·       Anyplans for tonight?

And from there the conversationcan go into a whole range of topics, I find people end up talking a lot abouttheir jobs or their families.

In any case, continue askingquestions that really draw on their opinions and feelings:

·       What'sthat like? It must be so exciting

·       What'syour favorite spot to eat around here?

·       Doyou enjoy that?

·       Areyou attracted to me? *wink* (just kidding, don't do that!)

Here's to deeper, more meaningfulconversations.

What'sthe most badass life hack?

SarahBailey, I take shortcuts...unless I don't

Ever paid for something from avending machine…the spiral twists, and your selection fal-oh, wait, no, itdoesn’t.

It’s stuck, dammit!

What to do? Shake the machine?There is a warning label advising against it. It implies you might die if youtry that…so, yeah, not worth it. Kick it? Nah…

Ooh…just tell the management…tryto get a refund. What am Igonna do with that?Eat the bill?

Maybe…try to entice a passingstranger into purchasing the same thing, because odds are two will come out! (Bitdicey, that.)

You could do one of those…or…

If you happen to have one ofthese,

and an old enough machine, andare outside the view of judgmental and authoritative eyes, you can actuallysolve your problem all by yourself.

Just lock the tape at anappropriate length, insert the whole (plus your preferred hand) into the dropbin, and jiggle the tape until it snaps upright. Make contact with the danglingfood…it won’t take much more than a tap…and “Come to Mami (o Papi)”…and what’srightfully yours is ready for consumption.

Also important, don’t get solaser-focused on the food that you forget to leave with the measuring tape.Check and check.

Job done.

Whyis it so common to be cold/unfriendly/antisocial in the UK?

JohnJames Mitchell, Psychologist, still searching for new ways to see life.

Why is it so common to be cold /unfriendly / antisocial in the UK?

There is an old story of the knighton his weary horse pulling up to house of a peasant. "Peasant, water formy horse and food and ale for me".

Whilst eating and drinking, he saysto the peasant " I am heading for the next town, what are the people likethere?". The peasant inquires " What we the people like in the lasttown you visited?". The knight thinks and says" The towns' peoplewere dishonest, unfriendly thieves, I was glad to leave the place". Thepeasant replied "Sadly, I think you will find the people in the next townthe same".

One week later another knight pullsup to the same peasant on his weary horse and says, " Excuse my look, butmy horse and I have travelled far. If you have some food and water for my horseand also for myself, I would be grateful".

The peasant feeds them both, withale for the knight also, when the knight asks, "We are heading for thenext town, what are the people like there?"

"What were they like in thelast town you left " asks the peasant.

"They were the most wonderful,generous people I have ever met. I was sad to leave them" answered theknight.

"Do not worry", said thepeasant, "they are are the same in the next town"

Foundthis true, wherever I travel to.

At what age did you mentally becomean adult?

JudithGabrielle, *Credentialed*

At age 34 I was on the telephonewith my dad. I asked him a question. I had noticed a consistent pattern in mylife and I knew he would have the answer. This is what I said:

“ Pop, when I was 15 years old Ilooked back on what I had been like it 10 years old, and I thought to myselfhow stupid I had been. When was 20 years old I looked back on how I had been at15 years old, and realized how stupid I had been. When I was 25 years old Ilooked back on how I had been when I was 20 years old, and realized how stupidI had been. Now I am almost 35, and I look back to how I was when I was 30, andI realize how stupid I was. When will it end?”

His response: “Thirty five.”

He was right.

The answer is 35.

Are your 20's really the best yearsof your life?

CraigWeiler, Married almost 30 years

In general, no. If anything, your20’s are usually some of the worst years of your life. Most people who havelived long enough will tell you that their best years started in their 50’s. Iwould agree with that personally.

In your 20’s, everything is aheadof you, but you have no idea how to get from point A to point B. The amount youhave to learn to be happy in your life is staggering, particularly in emotionalareas where the baggage from your childhood is still enormous and following youaround like 100 lb. anchor, affecting everything you do.

Other people have accomplished alot more than you in the same amount of time and you can’t seem to get out ofyour dead end job despite your education.

Your closest relationship isn’tall that great and you can’t seem to make it better. In fact, you see yourselfmaking it worse. No one comes into marriage fully prepared deal with all thatchallenges that lie ahead. Old wound, expectations, fantasies, secrets,insecurities, power struggles and trust issues all have to be worked out.

In your 20’s, you suck at lifeand as a result you’re just hopping from one personal crisis to the next. Everythingis a drama.

This is life in your 20’s:

It’s easy to slip and easy tofall. Everything is a balancing act and the path is a precarious one. You oftendon’t know if you’re on the right path. Uncertainty is everywhere.

Yet as you get older and moreexperienced at life, you get better and better at different areas and thingsstart to improve. You’ve failed enough in some areas to have learned valuablelessons and you get more respect from the world because you’ve earned it.

But not in your 20’s. They suck.

What can you teach me that can beuseful in my life?

BassamAtheeque, Positive Vibes, Pragmatic Thinker

The 15 Cardinal Rules of Life:

1.     GoodRelationship > Being Single >>>>>> Shitty Relationship

2.    Neverleave your parents. They are the reason you are here.

3.    Personalityis not set in stone. You are able to take control or change it the way youlike.

4.    Peoplesay “Follow your heart”.Not in every situation guys. Instead “Listento your heart. Act With Your Brain”

5.    Neverget confused to select between love and friendship. Both have their respectiveparts to play

6.    Tryto replace SORRY with THANK YOU in certain situations. For example, instead ofsaying “Sorry for being late”, you can say “Thank you for waiting”.Itsounds more diplomatic.

7.    Neverget too emotionally attached to anyone except your parents

8.    Peoplesay “Follow your passion”, I agree but with a slight modification. I believe“Followyour passion only if it is worthwhile”. Don’t rub two wet stones to make afire. Rethink #4

9.    Timeheals almost everything. Give some time and experience the change

10. Thoughtscontrol your Feelings. Feelings control your Actions. Actions control yourResults. POSITIVE THOUGHTS =POSITIVE RESULTS

11.  Whenin anger, isolate yourself. Giveyourself some time. Finally think about the situation again with a calm mind

12. SMOKING,DRINKING, GETTING HIGH ISN’T COOL. The sooner you realise it, the better your life wouldbe.

13. Stopcomplaining all the time. SHITHAPPENS. That is life. Learnto have an /ɒptɪˈmɪstɪk/ approach

14. Ponderover #4 and #8 again

15. Don’t just read; start ANSWERING in Quora. But not primarily for upvotes or followers. Experimentwith your /‘vəʊkæb/, come up with new ideas, share your experiences, build yourskills! Things come to youwhen they have to!