What is something small or common that you find really impressive?

Olivia Newan, I live science

Originally Answered: What small thing impresses you?

JPeople who know etiquette. I call it common courtesy, but it turns out it isn’t so common:

When you’re invited to something, bring a fucking gift. A bottle of wine, an after-dinner party card game. Doesn’t matter. You’re being hosted; show you’re grateful. As a personal story, I was invited with a friend to go to a holiday party. I said, “Friend, what are you bringing?” Friend said, “Don’t worry about it.” I was like OMFG. Went last minute to Total Wine and Michael’s to get decent champagne and plain cardstock+ribbon I could curl quickly to double sticky side tape onto the bottle and write a thank-you note (in cursive). Sometimes you can’t get a gift before the trip. That’s what fruit gift baskets are for. Send them off, friends. Thank the people who invite you into their lives/homes.

When people come into town to visit you the protocol is to let them go straight to their hotel rooms. Either that or a quick, 15 minute, “Hi, how are you? See you in a few hours for dinner.” Nobody wants to visit until dinner and then sit through dinner right after their flight.

Ask engaging questions in conversations. Know what people are up to in their lives (it’s your responsibility to know the basics…you can ask other people discretely). It’s polite to not only talk about yourself, but to let the other person talk about themselves as well.

Don’t order alcohol for dinner unless the head of the table is ordering alcohol. I’ve never seen this rule written in stone, but they’re the ones paying for your meal at a family gathering so they set the tone for the price. Look for nothing over $20 at a restaurant for dinner and go up to the least expensive item from there if that’s not possible. Never ever get a cocktail unless you’re explicitly offered one by whoever is paying.

Refer to people by their proper titles. It’s Mrs., Mr., or Dr (if a medical doctor).

Anyway, as my mother would say, “You weren’t raised by wolves!” ;)

Plus, all of my attention to etiquette and detail is how I get away with doing whatever I want to do in terms of bending other rules. As long as I show I appreciate people, for example, I’m allowed to go get a massage at a family vacation vs spending 4 hours at the zoo with killer biting bugs in 85 degree+ heat.

People want to feel appreciated whether it’s by you spending time with them or through attention to detail in appreciation of their time spent on you. You decide how you want to pay up, but it’s imperative you pay up.

You’re welcome.

How can you tell if you're depressed or just lazy?

Kerri Lauterbach, I fight depression

Originally Answered: How do you know if you are in depression or just being lazy?

I love this question because too often people think others are lazy when they are really struggling with depression. I think the best way to tell is if the lack of motivation has appeared suddenly. If you have always been motivated to complete tasks and out of no where you no longer have the desire to, there is a very good chance this is depression. Also, depression comes with other symptoms that can help you decipher the difference. Have your sleep patterns changed? Do you have thoughts of hopelessness or worthlessness? Are you taking care of your daily needs such as bathing, and eating? Have others noted a difference in your behavior?

Sometimes people who have depression “beat themselves” up for the lack of motivation they have to complete tasks. This can be difficult not to do especially if you were a high energy person before.

As a therapist, what is the thing you most want to tell?

Mike King, Clinical practitioner, formerly marriage counseling, PhD psychologist.

Answered Aug 18

Well, I’m an avid follower of the late Sheldon Kopp who wrote the best selling little book, “If you meet the Buddha on the road kill him!” His thesis that runs throughout all his writings is that there is no one guru or little man on the top of the mountain that can provide the seeker in pain the answers needed to live a happy life.

Each of us already has inside of us all we need and no guru can provide us with anything more. This is an attitude to take with you into therapy. The therapist is just a human being and can’t give you anything you don’t already have. Finding the right key to unlock those secrets that hold us back is the answer to be explored in the safety of the therapist’s office.

Why should we not compare ourselves with others?

Jon Davis, Life's only worth living if it isn't easy.

Who gave you that dumb idea?

Here’s where I don’t buy into the new-agey mentality of affirmations and truisms that tell people, “Just be you!” and “Don’t ever compare yourself to anyone!”

Are you in a race? Believe me, you’re in some race or another. If it’s a race that you care about winning, then you should probably compare yourself to the person ahead of you. If you continue doing what you’re doing, you’re going to lose.

Chances are, by the time the race is started, it’s already too late. He trained harder, better, or has more talent. Maybe, just maybe you’ll get a lucky break. But that’s all it will be, luck, and you’ll know it. You can’t live on luck, not for long. Even if it is a personal race… you wish that number was smaller. There’s also going to be a few people ahead of you. They got the time you wanted. So no matter how much you say, “It’s just about having fun,” or “I’m just here for me,” you’re really here to race. Your real game, once you accept this, is going to be about looking to the people who beat you, studying and learning their methods, and copying what you can so that you’ll improve overall.

Maybe then, when it isn’t their superior methods and training against yours, but your ability against theirs, you’ll know who the winner is. Then you can start looking to some even better race on the next level. Regardless, you’re going to reach many more of your personal goals than if you just lied to yourself and others about how losing doesn’t bug the crap out of you.

Want a more personal example? Sean Freaking Kernan. That dude came onto Quora like yesterday compared to many of us, yet he is already at 165,000 followers at this point. Then there are the people like me at less than half that and years to my name.

“But Jon,” you might say, “There’s nothing wrong 66,000 followers of your own.” Screw you, I like winning and am not afraid to admit it! Now I have two choices. I could say into the mirror like a insecure manchild, “You’re special just the way you are,” and give myself a great big hug, or I can say, “He obviously figured some things out. What is he doing that works?”

Well, here’s what I did. I humbled myself, something the “I’m so special” mentality has a really bad way of preventing us from doing, and started studying his answers and the answers of other writers who were winning the race. Granted, I was already a top 100 writer on Quora, but like my mom always said, “There’s always someone better.” I looked to his methods and copied what I could.

Granted, some things I’ll never change. Some of my big answers are big for a reason, even if they do lose a lot of readers before they click upvote and share it to others. But other things, other things I learned to do differently. Before I did this, my view to upvote ratio was about 1 to 30. Now it’s about 1 to 10. That means something, and since I started keeping track, I’ve about doubled my followers. So yeah, I’m glad I compared myself to people who are doing this thing better.

So here’s why you should compare yourself to others. Because we all want to feel good about ourselves and achieving your goals feels really good. Rather than trying reinvent every wheel just so we are the most special snowflake of them all, the champion of doing it our own way, we could be humble and learn from people who succeeded before us… or even after us, and adapt.

Enough with new agey crap. Being told you’re special doesn’t make people feel good about yourself, not after the pity wears off and reality sets back in again. If you want to feel good about yourself, start looking to the amazing people who have already met the goals you have. That’s what compare yourself means. Learn from them, and where you can replace one of your poor behaviors with one of their winning ones, copy them.

How can I remove negative thoughts?

Calvin Rosser, Writer | Coach | Trusted by Grandma

No matter how many hours you spend meditating, reciting positive affirmations, or practicing gratitude, you will still have negative thoughts.

The goal is not to eliminate the negative thoughts; it’s to transform your relationship with them.

Imagine you spent your weekend grinding away on a big project for your boss. On Monday, when he comes in after lazing on the beach with his family, he makes a rude comment to you. You might think:

“Man, he’s such an asshole. Why do I continue to work for this guy?”

Fair enough.

Perhaps he is an asshole. Perhaps he had a death in the family. Perhaps he is getting pressure from his boss. Perhaps it’s just your perception.

It doesn’t matter.

You had the thought. And that thought is a seed. You can choose to let that seed grow, or you can decide to destroy it.

If you choose to let the seed grow, you will dwell on that negative thought. You might complain to your friends at lunch about your asshole of a boss.

And if you dwell on that thought enough, it will turn into a belief.

You’ll begin to believe that your boss is an ungrateful twat who is out to get you. You might even start to believe that the whole world is against you despite all the good work and charity that you do.

Eventually, those beliefs will turn into deeply-ingrained resentment that will influence your actions. You might become bitter, distant, and cynical. And once that happens, the negativity that you receive and perceive will only grow.

Fortunately, you can choose a much better path.

Instead of letting the thought grow into a toxic belief that impacts your life negatively over the long-term, you can let that thought go.

How you do this will depend on what works for you.

You might meditate on the situation. You might go for a short walk. You might hit the gym. You might ask your boss if he meant to say what he said. You might realize that your boss didn’t mean anything personal to you. Or you might decide it’s time to find another job.

You have to figure out what works for you.

But once you do, life gets a lot easier.

Learning to let go of a negative thought before it turns into a negative belief and a negative action will enable you to escape the shackles of cynicism, resentment, and dissatisfaction that imprison too many people in this world.

And not only will you feel better, but you’ll also gain the respect of others. People will admire you for your ability to let things go and embrace even the worst of situations with a productive response.

And eventually, you will no longer be asking how you can remove negative thoughts from your life.

What is the secret of people who always get job offers?

Sid Kato, Business Owner (Technology Industry) at Array Systems, Inc. (1991-present)

This is a very good question. I’m on the other side of the table now but when I was interviewing I’d get offers over 90% of the time. Here are some of the things I did:

Before the interview I’d do as much research on the company and position as possible. I’d research the company website, if they are a publicly traded company I’d do research on their annual reporting to their shareholders. If I knew my bosses name I’d research them on LinkedIn to see if someone in my network knew them. If someone knew them then I’d reach out to my friend or relative and I’d ask about them and ask for them to put in a good word for me. If I know someone inside the company I’d ask them about the company and about the role I was interviewing so I could ask some good questions.

On the day of the interview I’d make sure to eat something a few hours before the interview to calm down my nerves. I’d show up 30 minutes early to ensure all the things that can go wrong like a traffic accident are accounted for. I would make sure I know where to park and often times I’d do a dry run to ensure I know exactly where the building is located.

During the interview I’d give a firm handshake, I’d smile during the introduction, I’d make eye contact with everyone interviewing me, when I’d make a mistake answering a question I would apologize and be gracious. When they ask me if I had any questions I’d pull out my notes and ask them three of four questions that weren’t already answered during the course of the interview.

After the interview is completed, I’d collect their business cards or get their addresses so I could follow up with a Thank You note. I’d make eye contact and smile again and end with a strong verbal, “Thank You, I really appreciate your time and the opportunity.”

The next day I’d send the Thank you Card, I’d follow up with the recruiter or contact person that coordinated the interview with the question, “When can I expect a response, yes or no or next steps?”

I’d follow up again one week later and try to get a response “Yes” or “No”. If I receive a “No” response I’d try to ask them where my gaps were and thoughts on how I could do better next time I interview. This way I’m developing my skill of becoming a better interviewee.

As a therapist, what do you wish you would be able to tell your clients but do not due to professional boundaries?

Anne Moorhouse, Psychologist|Frustrated Biographer|Blogger @ Notforgotten.tv

So here’s what I don't tell my clients, but kind of wish I could:

To the lonely woman my age who thinks she’s boring but is actually interesting, warm and emphatic: “Let’s go and have some fun together; I like you and my friends would like you”.

To the single man who’s struggling with a relationship breakdown: “You’re lovely, and I would be happy if you were my son in law - want my daughter’s telephone number?”

To the wonderful woman who is so full of creative ideas, but has a highly critical inner voice: “Let’s go and have coffee and talk for hours about your great ideas”.

Of course I don’t, because that would break all the boundaries that maintain counselling as a safe space.

For me it’s a therapeutic skill to use questions and strategies to facilitate the client’s insights, as telling rarely works. That doesn't mean avoiding difficult topics, or not holding clients to account for their actions: you can do that within the professional boundaries.

Notforgotten.tv

What is the healthiest way/position to sleep?

Jack Kenefick, works at Balanced Life Fitness

Your current favorite sleeping position could be causing you back and neck pain as well as chronic fatigue.  Here is the scoop on the best positions to for the best night sleep and less chronic pain.

1.      The Best Position

Sleeping on the back: This is best for preventing neck and back pain, keeping acid reflux disease to a minimum and even helping to minimize wrinkles on the face, because you are not pressing your face against a pillow as you would if you were lying on your side.  However, sleeping on the back is probably the worst position for snoring.  So if you are a chronic loud snorer, you may want to avoid this position for your partner’s sake.  Sleeping on your back helps your head, neck and spine to stay in a neutral position.

2.      The Next Best Position

Sleeping on your side:  This is good for overall health.  It reduces snoring and helps keep your back elongated.  If you have acid reflux disease (heartburn), then sleeping on your side is the next best thing to the back position.  If you are pregnant, the best position is to sleep in your left side, which promotes proper blood flow.

3.      The Worst Position

Sleeping on the stomach: This is not a good position for maintaining back and neck health as it forces you to have your neck turned in one direction while putting pressure on your head and neck from the pillow.  Sleeping on the stomach makes it difficult to maintain a neutral position on the spine.  However, stomach sleeping is the best for preventing snoring if this is a major problem for you.  If you do sleep on your stomach, then the use of a very thin pillow is recommended to minimize the pressure placed on your neck.

What are some interesting things psychology can tell you about someone just by looking at them?

Alex Moriarty

The set way a person walks can say a lot about that person.

Sorry, you are not as mysterious as you think you are - think about that next time you are swaggering down the street like it's a fashion runway.

More extraverted people tend to walk with a lot of hip sway.

This can maybe explain why the extremely agreeable and kind (sorta loud) vice-principal at my school, walks with such grace - that or the fact that he also doubles as a PE teacher and does gymnastics

More creative and more diligent people tend to have minimalized body movement when walking.

This can maybe explain why my friend -who has a sh*t ton of college/uni offers for art courses (at age 16), and never says a bad word about anyone- walks like they are paralysed from the waist up with their hands stuffed in their pockets.

How a person walks can also tell how aggressive you are. Unsurprisingly, more aggressive people tend to walk with more ‘swagger’ and exaggerated body movements.

This may explain why I am sh*t scared of the school nurse, who walks like she is attempting to hit somebody in the face with her arms.

Or about to rage at somebody because, in her case, that can either be a f*ck-load of confidence or a f*ck-load of anger and, in her case, there is no way of knowing nor is there a difference.

How do you know when you're a bad writer?

Emily Pauletti, Writer in Distress

It seems like every writer thinks they are a bad writer, just like every artist hates their own artwork. They say it’s trash, that it’s no good, etc. when in the eyes of others it’s actually not too bad. Rough on the edges maybe, but it has potential.

Therefore, you know you’re a bad writer when you believe you’re a bad writer. Don’t let others define your own work, because then your perspective on your work will never change, it is dependent on what others think (which may not be true). Don’t see your own work through another persons lens, odds are that you don’t have the same prescription.

However, wishes can’t escape reality. Bad literature does exist. But what defines it? Perhaps due to a weak plot line, or characters that are severely underdeveloped, or the word choice is just devastatingly cringeworthy. Eh, oh well.

Also, the big one in the book. Writer’s block. Your best friend and nemesis. It’s awful to say the least, the cycle that just spins on and on when you’re just hopelessly stuck. But if this is one of those times, then don’t give up. Keep writing man, you got this!

This post can even be considered bad writing. But I’m still going to keep writing nonetheless. ;)

There is a lot of easy ways to go wrong, but is that really going to stop you? Write because you can’t help but write. Write because you can. Write to make a reality of your own, something that you can call your own. Write because you want to write. Do what you want.

Keep writing! :)

Peace

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