Rainbow Baby

My husband, Hunter, and I reflect on the birth of our rainbow baby, Jonas.

Admittedly it’s been much more difficult for me to find time to record and edit this podcast while taking care of a newborn full time. We recorded this episode three months ago and I am just now getting it out after finding little pockets of time during naps to record and edit.

Though I want to continue to share about my postpartum and parenting after loss experience, new episodes moving forward will be more intermittent—I hope you understand! 

Episode includes: 

-How I cultivated peace on Jonas’ birthday

-How I coped with fearful thoughts leading up to his birth

-How this birth experience compared to our first baby Ellis’

-The importance of finding a great team and hospital for your rainbow baby’s birth

-The things we did to make Jonas’ birthday extra special

-What we brought in our hospital bag

-The emotions we experienced at the birth of our rainbow baby

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @rainbowbabypodcast

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

Part two of my conversation with Rachel George focusing on her book “Grieve, Create, Believe: Process Your Loss with Intention and Truth ” and her self-publishing journey.

Through several years of experiencing miscarriage, infant loss, adoption, and the recent birth of another baby, Rachel wrote her book, Grieve, Create, Believe as a way to not only process her own grief through telling her story, but also to help others do the same.

Rachel’s book acknowledges that we can’t escape suffering or run away from pain and helps guide readers through expressing and working through their grief to ultimately move towards healing.

Some of the topics we address are:

-How Rachel decided that her writing needed to be shared through a book

-How writing the book helped with Rachel’s own healing process

-Deciding to self-publish

-What her editing process was like

-Learning what she could do herself to create the book and what to seek help with

-How to put together your own self-publishing team

-Determining when a book is finished

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Connect with Rachel on Instagram @rachelgeorgewrites, her blog, and purchase her book “Grieve Create, Believe” on Amazon.

To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

A conversation that includes Rachel’s story of miscarriage, infant loss, adoption, and the recent birth of another baby. Rachel shares her definition of rainbow baby, which is more complicated because of her experience losing two rainbow babies, Clive and Winnie. Through the unimaginable grief of losing two newborns to unrelated heart issues, Rachel and her husband found the courage to continue to pursue their dream to grow their family through the adoption of their daughter Corrie and another pregnancy that resulted in the birth of their son Miles. Throughout the years of these experiences Rachel began writing her book, Grieve, Create, Believe as a way to not only process her own grief through telling her story, but also to help others do the same. Rachel is honest in her sharing and I am in awe of the realness and resilience of her faith journey through some of the darkest times.

Some of the topics we talk about:

-Dealing with the desire to get pregnant immediately after loss

-Rachel’s NICU experiences

-VBAC after loss

-Going through adoption after loss, including a failed adoption

-Coping with fear in deciding to try again after losing two newborns

-Getting comfortable with people not understanding the specific path that you’re walking

-Coping with anxiety during pregnancy after loss

-Dealing with guarded and complicated feelings after giving birth to a rainbow baby

-Learning to ask for help in motherhood after loss

-How Rachel’s faith in God became stronger through grief

-Expressing anger towards God

-Responding to Christian clichés

-Rachel’s advice for parents going through pregnancy after loss

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Connect with Rachel on Instagram @rachelgeorgewrites, her blog, and purchase her book Grieve, Create, Believe on Amazon.

To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

I’ve faced some big milestones lately in my journey of pregnancy after loss. These have included making it to the same gestational week where my first baby was stillborn, having a baby shower, setting up the nursery, and taking maternity photos.

I talk about how I’ve coped with fearful and anxious thoughts and ways that I’ve sought reassurance during these emotionally tender times.

-Expressing grief through “mourning time”

-Tips for dealing with sleepless nights and anxiety

-Emotional ups and downs of Week 31

-Setting up our baby nursery

-Not making decisions based on fear

-What I did the morning of our baby shower that helped balance my emotions

Show Notes:

-The importance of Kick Counting countthekicks.org

-Listen to our photographer Devin Travieso’s story on Episode Seven of Rainbow Baby

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

I can’t believe I’m finally entering my third trimester of pregnancy! In this episode I talk about…

-managing my expectations and fears

-dealing with aches and pains and prioritizing self-care

-seeing a chiropractor

-planning a drive-by baby shower and building a baby registry

-the importance of kick counting

-and deciding on a name for our baby

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Show Notes:

Count the Kicks App

Kicks Count rainbow wristband

Hunter and I check in with each other a little over halfway through our current experience of pregnancy after loss.

We talk about:

-The differences between this pregnancy and our first pregnancy with Ellis

-Milestones we’ve experienced so far in pregnancy after loss

-Staying present when anticipating “loss date” anniversaries during pregnancy after loss

-Fears we still have at this point and feeling comfortable planning for a future with the baby

-The impact of COVID-19 on pregnancy and birth and creating a new image of our experience

-Finding peace about our decision for a scheduled C-section

-What I’ve learned so far from other podcast interviewees and biggest takeaways from other bereaved parents

-What we’re looking forward to about the last trimester and giving birth

Show Notes:

-Count the Kicks App

-Kicks Count rainbow wristband

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

Week 20 of my current pregnancy…I talk about my mid-pregnancy anatomy scan and questions I had for my perinatal specialist about the topic of sleeping on your side during pregnancy. This was something that had started giving me anxiety as I was getting further along in the pregnancy because I had fretted that sleeping on my back might have caused Ellis’ stillbirth.

The outcome of our conversation gave me much relief and I hope it’s helpful for you, too. I also share some tips for getting good sleep during pregnancy.

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

The past two weeks I’ve been away from social media and have instead spent lots of time reading, talking with people in person, praying, and mourning. I’ll never be able to fully understand the atrocities and injustices that Black people experience, but I do know grief. My instinct has been to go into a space of contemplation. We all need time to mourn and to process and internalize what has happened—to be sad, to be angry, to listen, to question, to be still, and to take action.

Someone recently asked me how I feel about bringing a baby into the world right now with so much unrest. My response was that I’m hopeful. Countless generations before us have created new life in the midst of deeply trying times because they hoped for a better future. This is an opportunity to educate myself more on issues of social justice and racial inequality and to teach our son about these issues. And I’m hopeful because I see and hear so many others around me doing the same thing.

I recorded a new podcast episode recently to give an update on weeks 12-16 of my current pregnancy. I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant so it’s a little behind schedule. I talk about my decision whether or not to use an at-home doppler, learning how to be a better advocate for myself at prenatal visits during pregnancy after loss, and consulting with several doctors about VBAC vs repeat cesarean and what we ended up deciding. I also share what Ellis’ second stillbirthday was like and how we’ve started to connect more with our rainbow baby—I’m feeling him kick everyday now.

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

This is a very special episode featuring my conversation with Alissa Christensen, who’s baby Anna was stillborn two years ago today—May 20, 2018, the same day as my baby Ellis.

She’s the only other loss mom I’ve met who’s baby shares that birthday. It’s also the 20th episode of this podcast, airing on Ellis and Anna’s second birthdays—May 20, 2020. I just love all the synchronicity.

Alissa and I originally connected through Instagram after our babies were stillborn on the same day. She experienced a placental abruption that resulted in Anna’s stillbirth and almost took Alissa’s life as well. Since then I’ve watched her story continue to unfold as she became pregnant and gave birth to her fourth baby, Quinn, though not without difficulty.

She experienced preterm labor that eventually landed her in the hospital for several weeks and was followed by a month long NICU stay after Quinn was born. Alissa talks about dealing with compounded grief after experiencing the loss of her sister shortly followed by Anna’s stillbirth.

She shares how she was able to cope with grief by creating a successful blood drive as a legacy for Anna and also by crocheting hats in honor of Anna and other lost babies for her small business, A Missing Stitch. She also talks about what it was like to give birth to Quinn with the same doctor and hospital and how loss affects her two years later.

Our conversation ended up lasting several hours because we just had so much to talk about with each other. I did my best to cut it down for this episode, but will be releasing a bonus episode soon with some extra content about stillbirth that I think is really important. I hope this conversation resonates with you as much as it did for us!

Alissa talks about:

-How grief changes two years after stillbirth

-Dealing with compounded grief

-The value of connecting with other loss parents, especially via Instagram

-Her definition of a rainbow baby

-Being present during a rainbow baby pregnancy

-Establishing a blood drive as a legacy for her stillborn daughter, Anna

-A Missing Stitch—crocheting as therapy in grief after stillbirth

-Stillbirth and c-section

-Trying to conceive again after stillbirth

-Getting pregnant again 6 months after stillbirth

-Returning to the same doctor and hospital

-Her preterm labor and NICU experience with last pregnancy

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Connect with Alissa on Instagram @lissables, her blog, and A Missing Stitch.

To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.

Because I know that this is often a complicated holiday for mothers who have lost babies. I talk about why I believe that mothers without living children are still mothers and also share how I felt my first Mother’s Day after Ellis was stillborn compared to this Mother's Day, a year later, being pregnant again after loss. I give my advice for supporting yourself or another loss mom on this day and include a short guided meditation for peace at the end.

I hope this episode helps warm your heart a little today.

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To connect with me visit taylorashleybates.com and find me on Instagram @taylorashleybates

And please share this podcast with anyone you know who is walking through life after pregnancy loss, whether they are trying to conceive, currently pregnant, or parenting after loss.