I have got such a great episode today for you. We are going to talk through an issue that I know you are experiencing in your household with your tween…..how much independence should I give my tween daughter?
It’s a great question. She’s growing up and ready to be more independent! But how much is too much? Where is the line?
You are going to use this episode to navigate that difficult balance of treating her as a kid and helping her move to being more grown up.
When you use these principles to practice, you won’t waste your time, and throw your hands up in the air wondering if you are doing the right thing.
Okay...yes….you are right, there will still be hands thrown up in the air. After all we are riding the puberty train and those hormones keep things changing all the time.
- Have you been wondering when to let her go by herself and when to go with her?
- Have you been wondering if she is old enough for her own phone?
- Have you been letting her spend more time alone?
All these questions swirl through our heads. Don’t worry, I have a plan for you how to navigate this transition into independence while also instilling in your girl a sense of responsibility. We are working on developing her readiness for responsible independence.
Sound good?
All these milestones are wonderful to see her progressing, but when we hit some of the large independence strides and desires at puberty - it is more like we are hovering at an intersection with a yellow traffic light.
Raise your hand if you hit the gas when you see a yellow light? Okay, now raise your hand if you hit the break?
Sometimes you need to go through that yellow light and sometimes you need to put the breaks on - and there is not always a good way to know which one to do until you are in that situation.
We are going to think about your tween daughter’s growth towards independence a bit like going through those yellow lights. We need to assess each one and sometimes hit the gas to let her go and sometimes we need to hit the break and help her to stop.
Tweens still absolutely crave and need the security and support that parents offer. Even though her body may be growing taller and more adult like, she still needs hugs, snuggles, and lots of attention.
Sometimes it feels like our tween girl is holding on to a stop sign and at the same time motioning for their parents to come towards her. It’s a mixed message. Confusing is an understatement.
When you are looking at a kid who looks more like an adult but still has the mental ability of a child, it leaves us feeling unsure of how to best parent.
Here’s three ways you can build her independence, her identity, and her responsibility:
- Let go of the small
- Believe in her
- Be a good example
Here are some good questions to ask yourself and think through:
- Is your daughter asking to do this?
- Are her peers doing this?
- Can your child problem solve?
One very significant way that will help you discern if your daughter is ready for a next step of independence is assessing her ability to cope with unexpected situations:
Download this free What If? Scenarios Discussion Guide at https://www.girltribenation.com/whatif
These are all great tools to help you navigate your daughter’s journey into responsible independence. When you can trust her in small things, you will be able to trust her with larger things. And larger things are coming, so it is so so important that we begin the work of assessing and giving her more independence with responsibility.
