Randomness Inside My Head

And I realized that having a closure didn’t

Always mean giving away forgiveness.

My heart almost burst

For you, Darling, with such yearning

No words could explain. At that

Moment, at that very second,

I came to realize how I was

Accidentally, undoubtedly, and

Crazily in love with you. My heart

Was on my sleeve and throat,

Given to you on a silver platter.

Because regardless what kind of

Person you were and what kind of

Relationship we had, you were still

My friend. You didn’t only lean on me,

I did lean on you, too, and entrust

You with a big portion of my life and

My stories. With a hoarse voice I

Would say to you on that graveyard,

Where the soil had been hardened by

The time I had spent procrastinating to

Visit you: “How could you leave

And break my heart like that?"

You know that people are like flowers,

They bloom in a second and wither

In the next, nothing is eternal. Even

The strongest bond ever exists they

Say, between a mother and her

Children might be terminated by

Death or illness or simply by the

Clash of personalities. Nothing

Lasts forever, the time changes

According to weather and seasons.

Biarkan aku terbaring lelah dengan

Pikiran yang terhenti sementara, dan

Mata yang terpejam rapat, meskipun

Aku tahu dalam beberapa menit lagi

Ayam jantan di dunia paralel dimana

Tetangga-tetanggaku adalah para

Peternak sederhana yang ramah dan

Perhatian, bukan mereka yang berdiam

Di dalam rumah besar gedongan yang

Hanya keluar karena rasa penasaran:

“Ibu, gimana ceritanya bisa kena Covid?”,

Akan berkokok nyaring, beradu suara

Dengan ayam jantan lain seakan-akan

Mereka sedang berkompetisi dalam

Kejuaraan untuk grup-grup vokal.

To walk

Together when asked, to stop

Walking and sit together when

The journey gets too tiring. To

Ask how the other person’s

Been doing, expecting no reply,

Expecting not the same degree

Of kindness, just give and give

Like the river gives away itself

To become streams which will

Affect everybody’s lives.

But money knows allegiance,

And poverty has no part in it.

On that stage rises a man who

Speaks about faith and love,

About being compassionate

Towards mankind. On that stage

The same man calculates

The thousands, millions, and

Billions of money to put rocks

And bricks together, erecting poles,

And sticking layers of concrete,

For the sake of his god.

Tiada faedah dari enam puluh

Enam buku yang kaubaca, batinku,

Jika kau tak mengamalkan yang

Kau gadang-gadang sebagai iman

Dan kasih itu. Omong kosong besar

Semua pengakuanmu sebagai kaum

Terpilih, kaum kesayangan tuhanmu.

Ya, hanya tuhanmu yang memperhatikan

Hanya kaummu, padahal kau mengaku

Sebagai pembawa berita baik bagi

Dunia, tak peduli asal suku bangsa,

Warna kulit dan mata.

Guess what, we can see

Beneath your rakish stand and vulgar

Insistence on how intelligent and

Worthy of praise you think you

Are, while you’re not. We can

See the gaps in your understanding,

The inability to absorb and fathom

And get to the bottom of issues

And problems and just… things.

A short note for a year of journey from a grateful heart.