Read it and Weep

It’s time for #MarchBadness! We’re going back to our roots of terrible stuff, starting with Fateful Findings, the 2013 film written/directed/starring/catered by Neil Breen, the David Lynch of bad movies. It’s truly a magical day!

As promised, before we start #MarchBadness, we’re doing one more episode about the best things last year. Well, this is about the TV show celebrating the best things last year.

**Caution, this episode contains mild Black Panther spoilers in the second half.**

To close out #SmushMonth, we’re smushing all 9 of this year’s Best Picture Nominees into one huge conversation featuring three panelists who actually know things about movies!

This Disney sports movie will grab you by your knuckle pucks and make your spirit flying vee.

Or maybe it won’t. But either way, it’ll force you to talk about hockey and the Olympics.

**Trigger warning** It’s not a ton, but it happens in the book so we discuss it briefly.

We haven’t read a bonkers sex novel in a while so here we go. The jacket describes it like a sexual Tolkien, but that’s an insult to Tolkien and the concept of sex. It’s a rough read, with sexual assault with a magical creature as the inciting incident and going downhill from there.

Thank you to Danny from Philly for sponsoring!

Femme fatales, Bill Pullman, and a guy who claims to be hung like a horse. It’s a sometimes great sometimes just wacko neo noir from 1994: the year of movies. There’s lots to talk about as our panel assembles at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, OR.

Thank you to Paul from New Jersey for sponsoring and Joanne from Calgary for becoming a Meat Buddy!

It’s big. It’s shiny. There are snakes. It feels like every other scene was removed for no reason. And it barely made back it’s budget. But boy is it interesting. We had lots to say about Gods of Egypt, the white-washed cheap-looking CGI adventure by Alex Proyas. Especially about the snakes. We really talked a lot about the snakes. Thanks to our newest Meat Buddy, Daniel from Chapel Hill, NC. And thank you all for a great Jantiquity! See you in Sponsuary.

This episode was recorded at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, OR.

If you’re looking for a swords and sandals epic, you’re going to end up watching Ben-Hur, the 42-hour long film that swept the Oscars in 1959. It’s a long story of a guy who had some bad times at the hands of the Romans but briefly met Jesus and exchanged waters. And it’s kinda good? But Jesus it’s long.

Jantiquity keeps rolling along in its chariot as we switch to the animated past with Disney’s 1997 film Hercules. They got rid of the story line about Herc murdering his family and went with a charming tale of a goat pervert helping him win his father’s love.aoeu

It’s Jantiquity, our first ever month dedicated to swords and/or sandals. We’re kicking it off with the 2000 Best Picture winner, Gladiator. The story of a poor tiger who gets kidnapped and forced to fight in the coliseum, only to lose to a former war general. Such a tragedy.