Real Positive Change - Faith • Creativity • Mindful Awareness

Visit my website:   https://tinyartvillage.com

Have you ever found yourself thinking about a relationship that didn't turn out the way you hoped?

Maybe it was a friendship that slowly faded.

Maybe someone you cared deeply about stopped reaching out.

Maybe you were always the one sending the text, making the phone call, or asking to get together.

Or maybe you simply realized that the relationship mattered more to you than it seemed to matter to them.

And then...almost without realizing it...your mind quietly asked a question that had nothing to do with the relationship itself.

"What's wrong with me?"

I've discovered that our minds are incredibly quick at connecting those two things.

A relationship changes...

...and somehow we conclude that we must have changed.

Someone becomes distant...

...and somehow we wonder if we're no longer enough.

I don't think we do that on purpose.

I think our minds are simply trying to explain pain.

Today, I want to have an honest conversation about that.

Because I think many of us are answering one of life's biggest questions with the wrong evidence.

In past episodes, I have talked about how emotion comes from the stories that our mind creates. However, not every emotion comes from an unhealthy story. Some emotions are simply the appropriate response to life. Grief is healthy after loss. Sadness is healthy after disappointment. Fear can be healthy when we're in danger. Our emotions are like dashboard lights. They don't necessarily tell us what is wrong, but they tell us something deserves our attention and help.     let's talk today about what we might do when the dashboard lights,, come on. Welcome back. I am Cathy Freeman I am so grateful you're here. Did you know that I have added something wonderful to my Tiny Art Village?     I have a wonderful art group called My ARt Sisters. but I know there are some of you out there who do not enjoy creating art....but enjoy journaling and would love to have some art to add to your journal. That is why I added the Tiny Art Post. You have the use of Creative Reminder library in the grow joy journaling. You connect to us through the Grow Joy journaling class and use the Creative Reminders It's a great way to feel connected. a wondereful way of giving yourself the health benefits of journaling with a fun, easy twist. Now let me ask you, Have you ever noticed that two people can experience the exact same situation...

and walk away with completely different conclusions? Here are two examples:

One woman doesn't get invited to lunch.

She thinks,

"Oh, they probably already had plans."

Another woman experiences the exact same thing and thinks,

"I guess they don't really want me around." Same event.

Different story. ou send a text to a friend.

Hours go by.

Then a day.

No response.

One person thinks,

"She's probably busy."

Another person thinks,

"I must have said something wrong."

Again...

Same event.

Different story.

So what changed?

Not the circumstance.

The meaning each person gave to it. That is what I mean when I say the story our mind creates. I have not been a great journaler in my life. I do write down short ideas and thoughts. But to put down a whole page...that would take me too long and I hate sitting that length of time. but when I use Grow Joy journaling and the Creative reminders, I find that I am able to slow down long enough to notice...to observe what I am feeling and what is happening before I decide what thoughts might comes next. The journaling is wonderful for noticing....because your mind is always telling a story. And I have learned that wisdom is leanring which stories are true, and which ones were written by fear, hurt, loneliness, or insecurity. One thing I've learned is that our brains hate unanswered questions.

If something happens and we don't know why, our mind doesn't like leaving the page blank.

It starts writing.

Sometimes within seconds.

Someone walks past us without saying hello.

Our mind writes,

"They're upset with me." The event didn't create the emotion.

The story did.

That's a powerful truth.

Because if the story creates the emotion...

Then learning to examine the story can change how we experience life. Here's something that has changed the way I think.

Most of the time, we aren't reacting to what actually happened.

We're reacting to what we think it means.

Let's say a friend cancels lunch.

What happened?

Lunch was canceled.

That's all we know.

But our minds don't stop there.

"She's tired of me."

"She likes her other friends better."

"I'm always the one who cares more."

Do you see how quickly we move from facts...

to assumptions...

to conclusions?

Our emotions begin responding to a story THAT may not even be true.

This is where I think we need to be especially careful.

Because after our mind writes the story...

It often writes another one.

IT JSUT KEEPS GOING DEEPER

Before long, we've stopped describing the event...

and we've started describing ourselves.

That's what identity is.   It's the story we believe about who we are. The danger isn't having thoughts.

The danger is believing every thought without asking whether it's true. 

HOW DO WE DO THAT?  WELL FOR ME - Sometimes before I can EVEN BEGIN TO think clearly, I need to calm my nervous system DOWN.    You know I love to create art….art is a wonderful pause button.  Now maybe I need something that is quick and simple  I have used something called EFT tapping—a gentle tapping technique that helps reduce emotional intensity—or something I have taught before and truly love is the calming exercise SSPT eye movements.  You can find a demo on my website un the little cottage titled Village Haven.  Scroll down the page and you will see r DIY Stress release.

What you choose doesn’t matter.  We simply need something that we can do quickly to break the cycle and stop the racing train of emotion and thought.

The first question to ask is What actually happened?

Stick to the facts.

Not the interpretation.

Just the facts.

2nd question is What story am I telling myself?  Basically..what are my thoughts about it?

This is where you become curious instead of critical.  Don’t shame yourself for haing those thoughts…simply say, well that’s interesting. 

Notice the story.

Don't automatically believe it. ask this 3rd question: Is there another explanation?

Maybe there is.

Maybe there isn't.

But asking the question reminds your brain that one interpretation isn't the only possibility.

That small pause creates room for peace. I love positive thinking. but this is more than simply changing your thoughts. The goal isn't to deny reality.

The goal is to stop adding unnecessary suffering by believing stories that haven't been proven true.

Now for the true situations. You have lost a loved one. Grief is healthy after loss. Sadness is healthy after disappointment.

Fear can be healthy when we're in danger.  Just like the car’s dashboard lights that I talked about.  These emotions don't necessarily tell us what is wrong, but they tell us something deserves our attention. There are times when we can give that attention, and then there are times, just like when the car needs a mechanic, we might need a little professional help. And that is how we show love and care for ourselves.

Before we finish today, I want to give you something practical.

How do we actually pause before our mind finishes the story?

For me,  I begin by paying attention to my emotions.  I notice anxiety, sadness, disappointment, anger, loneliness etc.

I don't ignore them.  I don’t shame myself for having them….

I become curious.  I want to know why they are there and what message they are trying to tell me.  I actually ask myself that…

"What is this emotion trying to tell me?" As I said before, not every emotion means we're believing something unhealthy.

If you've lost someone you love, grief is a natural response.

If a relationship ends, sadness is expected.

God never asks us to pretend those things don't matter.

The question isn't whether we should feel them…

The question is:

What do we do with those feelings? For me, the very first step is to take them to our Savior Jesus Christ.

I simply tell him what I am feeling and that I don't really know what to do with all of this emotion. There is something incredibly freeing about admitting our pain instead of pretending we're okay.

We're not stuffing our emotions.

We're saying,

"I don't want to carry this alone anymore."

Then comes the second step.

Sit with the emotion. Now that is a common phrase, you have probably heard it before..

But I think a better way of thinking about it is,  don't sit in the emotion. sit beside it. Why? Because "When I sit in an emotion, it surrounds me. It's all I can see. My hurt begins to tell me who I am and what my future will look like.

But when I sit beside the emotion, I acknowledge that it's there. I don't deny it. I don't stuff it down. I bring it to Jesus. I ask Him to sit with me in it. I listen to what the emotion is trying to tell me, but I don't let it have the final say.

Because I have come to understand that My emotions become something I experience—not something that defines me.”

I don't run from it.

I Don't bury it.

Don't try to distract myself  from it.

I simply acknowledge that it's there and

Give myself permission to grieve.    All the while remembering that "I don't want this experience to decide who I believe I am."

Or…another way of saying it is…

"I don't want this painful moment to become the lens through which I see myself.   After the loss of our daughter.  I took on that identity,    I became known as the woman who lost her daughter.  I didn't realize it then, but grief had quietly become part of how I saw myself.  it was part of my way of describing who I was.

It was a few years but,  I became aware of how tellling people about her in my own introduction was emotionally upsetting for them. I remember seeing the pain on a woman’s face after I told her,  It was in that moment, I remember thinking, I don’t want to be the reason another person feels grief.  I realized I had taken it on as part of my identity….the woman who lost a child.   Aimee will always be part of my story.

Losing her shaped me.

It deepened my compassion.

It changed me forever.

But it isn't the truest thing about me.

The truest thing about me is that I'm a daughter of God.

That loss is something I've experienced.

It isn't who I am.” And it took me a while to truely understand that.

So whatever stage you are in right now, give yourself patience.

Some hurts heal quickly.

Others take years. The goal isn't to rush healing.

The goal is to walk through it with God instead of walking through it alone.

One thing I've learned through my own losses is this:

The pain may not disappear...

but its intensity changes.

What once felt unbearable slowly becomes more bearable.

Not because the loss mattered less.

But because God's grace quietly carried me through one day at a time.

And this is why we need community. Healing was never meant to happen in isolation.

Sometimes we need a friend who simply sits with us.

Someone who listens.

Someone who reminds us that we're loved.

Someone who gently points us back to truth when our own thoughts begin pulling us toward fear.

After Aimee’s death,  I realized that God had actually guided me a year before the accident to specific training in these stress releasing technques that I now share.  They were and are a blessing for our family.   I was blessed with many friends who surrounded us  . Each sending love and compassion. I can remember calling one friend in particular in moments during the day when the grief and pain reached great intensity. She had also experienced the loss of a child many years before us.  It was her experience that gave her understanding and compassion for what I was experiencing.

So, What ever you are going through...yes, it is hard, yes it is painful. But I can promise you from my own experiences, that someday you will be the one listening and offering love and support to someone else who is going through something similar to what you have experienced..

It’s for those reasons I created the Village Haven inside the Tiny Art Village.

It's a quiet place filled with simple practices that help us care for our hearts when emotions feel heavy. when we need a little boost on our own.

for you it may look like journaling. Sometimes it looks like a breathing exercise.

Sometimes it's a creative project that helps us slow down long enough to hear what our heart has been trying to say.

Because healing isn't about making emotions disappear.

It's about learning how to carry them differently.

Your experiences are real.  But none of them need to become part of your identity.

Today remember,

You are deeply loved.

You are seen.

You are cherished.

And. you are never walking through this alone."

Dumping Stress Out of My Backpack.   https://tinyartvillage.com

Sometimes Your Nervous System Just Needs a Moment to Catch Up Hello, friend, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome back to the Real Positive Change podcast, where we explore the art of creating calm through creativity, community, and encouragement. Before we jump into today's episode, I have something I'm so excited to share with you! This month I'm launching something brand new called The Tiny Village Post—a little snail mail club created to bring a tiny bit of thoughtful encouragement and an extra ounce of love to your mailbox each month. Inside each envelope you'll discover one of my original art prints, a heartfelt letter, a Creative Reminder, a simple journal reflection, and a few tiny surprises designed to help you slow down, reflect, and enjoy a little creative calm. If that sounds like something your heart could use, I'd love for you to come join our little village. You can learn more at TinyArtVillage.com. Now... let's settle in together, take a deep breath, and get started with something that's been on my mind lately... I just recently learned from my mom about a simple breathing practice from Dr. Andrew Huberman, a professor of neurobiology at Stanford University. He talks about something called the physiological sigh—a breathing technique our bodies naturally use to help regulate the nervous system during moments of stress. Isn’t that what we all need? Absolutely Now this is not a magic solution to our stress, nor will one deep breath fix everything. But because sometimes... the first step toward peace is not about changing our circumstances. It's about allowing our bodies to remember what calm feels like. I don't know about you, but life has a way of piling things into our backpacks. You know that emotional stress you feel in your shoulders and back….all the Responsibilities.Deadlines. Not to mention those conversations that didn't actually go the way we hoped. And let’s not forget the worries we carry for the people we love. In that backpack we also stuff those thoughts of "I'll deal with this later”, thoughts that can quietly become very heavy in our mind. And We just keep adding things until we don't even realize how heavy we've become. But others can tell. They hear it in our voice, they feel it when they are in our presence, A heaviness that follows us around. That's actually what inspired this month's Tiny Village Post. Have you heard about my new snail mail letters that I send out? I love sending out encouragement and ….. This August I have created a card with the image of a tiny backpack. A gentle reminder to stop and take notice of what we are carrying. One little reminder that asks, "What have I been carrying that's time to set down?" One of my favorite lines I put on that card is….. "You don't have to carry yesterday into tomorrow.” Think about that. I sure did. How often to I take that frustration that happened the day before and continue to ruminate over it the next day? I think many of us believe that if we just keep carring these things until we can figure them out then eventually we'll feel better. But our nervous systems don't work that way. Our bodies need little moments throughout the day to catch up. To slow down. To unload. To remember that we're safe. That's where this simple breathing practice comes in. Did you listen to one of my past episodes when I spoke about how our nervous system is like a fire alarm? Let me explain what I said….Think of your nervous system like a smoke alarm. When we're under stress, it can become extra sensitive. This breathing technique helps send the message that the immediate danger has passed, allowing your body to begin settling down. The breathing technique is called the physiological sigh. Here's how it works. Take one slow breath in through your nose. But Before you exhale, take one more small sip of air through your nose. Then slowly breathe all the way out through your mouth. Let's do it together. (Breathe.) (Breathe.) Did you notice something? Do you find yourself yawning? That is a sure sign that you are releasing stress. Nothing around you changed. Your to-do list didn't disappear. The people in your life didn't suddenly become easier. But something inside of you shifted. But you gave your body permission to shift out of constant alertness and into a place where calm can begin to return. I love that we are able to do that.. Because isn't that what creativity does, too? When we paint... When we collage... When we slowly stitch... We're giving ourselves permission to pause. We're reminding our minds and bodies that not every moment has to be rushed. That we're allowed to breathe. We're allowed to notice. We're allowed to simply be. What if we began every creative session with one minute of intentional breathing? How cool would that be. Not as another task to accomplish. But as a gift to ourselves. A gentle way of saying, "I'm here now." "I don't have to carry everything into this moment." "I can set my backpack down for a little while.” You know you can always pick it back up….but for just a few short minutes give yourself the gift of putting it down. Imagine how different your day might feel if you paused for just sixty seconds. One breath. One sigh. One quiet reminder that you don't have to keep carrying yesterday into this new day. This week, I'd love to invite you to try something. Before you reach for your phone... Before you begin your work... Before you pick up your paintbrush... Pause. Take two or three physiological sighs. Let your nervous system catch up. Then ask yourself, "What do I want to leave behind today?" Maybe it's worry. Maybe it's something that you have no control over. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's simply the pressure you've been putting on yourself. Set it down. You can always pick it back up later if you really need to. But my guess is... You won't want to. If you like receiving happy things in the mail. If you like passing along encouragment to others. Think about receving the Tiny Village post…you will find out all about it by typing into your computer, tinyartvillage.com. Thank you for spending these few moments with me today. Remember…Creativity isn't just the result of being calm. Creativity can also become a pathway back to calm. Until next time... Keep creating. Keep growing. And remember... You don't have to carry yesterday into tomorrow.

Have you ever wondered if God is leading you, even when your life feels like a collection of unfinished pieces? In this episode, Cathy shares her personal journey of discovering how God gently weaves together faith, creativity, and emotional wellness over time. If you've ever felt stuck, questioned your purpose, or struggled to trust God's timing, this conversation will encourage you to notice His quiet invitations and take the next faithful step. Visit https://RealPositiveChange.com

For creative inspiration visit my website - https://realpositivechange.com

My conversation today with Roben-Marie Smith was pure joy.  I loved her energy and enthusiasm for "all things creative".    Her work has been an inspiration to me and I hope you enjoy this episode as we discuss letting go of the pressure to make your creativity prove it's worth in this world.  The fact that you are making it, is proof enough.

Visit my website:  https://realpositivechange.com

Have you ever wondered what a feeling would look like if you painted it? In this episode, Cathy Freeman explores how art journaling can help women process emotions, reduce stress, build emotional resilience, and renew their minds through creativity and faith. Learn two simple approaches to art journaling: create what you're feeling, or create what you want God to grow in your life. If you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally exhausted, this episode will help you slow down, notice what's happening within you, and find peace one small step at a time.

Podcast Episode 39

What Does a Feeling Look Like?

Hello, my friend.

Today I'd like to ask you a simple question.

What does a feeling look like?

Not what does it sound like.

Not how would you explain it.

But if you could paint it... collage it... or simply choose a few pieces of paper to represent it...

What would it look like?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I've been creating pages in my art journal.

Sometimes I sit down with my paints and collage papers, and I don't really know what I want to make. I just know there's something going on inside of me.

Maybe I'm carrying disappointment.

Maybe I'm feeling hopeful.

Maybe I'm excited about something new.

Or maybe I just feel unsettled, and I can't quite put words to it.

Have you ever felt that way?

Where you know something is happening inside, but you can't quite explain it?

I think that's one of the beautiful gifts of art.

Sometimes our hands can express what our words cannot.

A few scraps of paper.

A little paint.

A piece of lace.

A stitch or two.

And somehow, without trying to make a masterpiece, we've told the truth about what's happening in our hearts.

But here's something I've also discovered.

There are really two ways we can approach our art journal.

The first is to create from where we are.

Maybe today you're feeling anxious.

Lonely.

Grateful.

Discouraged.

Peaceful.

Whatever you're feeling is welcome on the page.

You don't have to fix it before you create.

You simply notice it.

You give it a place to land.

You let your hands tell the story.

The second way is just as beautiful.

You create from where you want to go.

Maybe you're longing for more peace.

More courage.

More joy.

More patience.

More trust.

You begin filling your page with colors, words, images, and scriptures that remind you of the life you're asking God to grow within you.

Neither approach is more spiritual than the other.

Both are honest.

One says,

"This is where I am."

The other says,

"This is where I believe God is leading me."

And sometimes...

those two pages belong beside each other.

One page tells today's story.

The other tells tomorrow's hope.

You know, one of the things I've learned over the years is that we often try to think our way into peace.

But sometimes we need to create our way into awareness.

As our hands slow down...

our thoughts begin to slow down too.

That's when we start noticing things.

"Why did that conversation bother me so much?"

"Why did my chest tighten?"

"What story am I believing?"

That's where the S.T.O.R.Y. process has become so meaningful to me.

Instead of judging myself for having emotions, I've learned to become curious about them.

What's the situation?

What thought am I believing?

What emotion am I feeling?

How am I reacting?

And what result is that producing?

Those questions aren't there to make us feel guilty.

They're there to help us become aware.

Because awareness gives us the opportunity to choose.

And that's where change begins.

As I work in my journal, I often ask God,

"Show me what You want me to see."

Sometimes He reminds me of a truth I had forgotten.

Sometimes He reveals a fear I didn't know I was carrying.

Sometimes He simply gives me peace.

You know, I don't think God is nearly as concerned about what our pages look like as He is about what happens in our hearts while we're creating them.

The page becomes a place to meet with Him.

A place to slow down.

To listen.

To notice.

To remember that we don't have to carry everything by ourselves.

So the next time you sit down to create, ask yourself one simple question.

Am I creating from what I'm feeling...

or from what I'm hoping God will grow in me?

There isn't a wrong answer.

Maybe today you'll create your fear.

Maybe tomorrow you'll create your courage.

Maybe next week you'll create your gratitude.

Every page becomes another reminder that God is gently shaping you, one small step at a time.

Before we finish today, I'd love to leave you with this thought.

You already have everything you need.

It's within you...

and it's all around you.

Ask God to show you.

Trust your hands.

And let your creativity become a conversation with Him.

Until next time...

keep creating...

keep noticing...

and keep walking with God, one small step at a time.

Visit my website:  https://RealPositiveChange.com

Visit Kim's website:  https://kimpepper.com

There are not show notes due to the fact that this was a live conversation.  You can watch the whole program on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/dQsm72jt6wg

Podcast 37 - Learning to Trust the Woman You Are Becoming

Real Positive Change Podcast

Event is July 13-17,  2026 - ONLINE -  Live Calls @ 4:00 pm Central - Replays

Hello friends, and welcome back to Real Positive Change.

Today I want to talk about something that has been on my heart for quite a while.

Over the past several months, I've become aware of the struggles many women around me are facing. Some have lost their spouse through death. Some are walking through divorce. Others are still married, but life has changed. Their spouse may be dealing with illness, work demands, caregiving responsibilities, or simply unable to carry the added burdens that life has recently presented.

Whatever the reason, these women find themselves carrying more than they ever expected.

And with that comes a flood of thoughts:

"I can't do this."

"This is too much."

"I don't know what to do."

"I have no one to help me."

"How am I going to handle all of this?"

Maybe you've had some of those thoughts yourself.

What strikes me is that the challenge isn't always the situation itself. It's that life has changed, and the woman who used to navigate life in one season is now being asked to navigate a completely different season.

What worked before may not work now.

The routines are different.

The responsibilities are different.

The support systems may be different.

And often this change is unexpected and unwelcome.

Most women naturally ask:

"How do I survive being alone?"

But I don't think that's the question underneath the question.

I think the deeper question is:

How do I trust the woman I am becoming?

Because change, whether we want it or not, creates a new season.

And every new season asks something new of us.

Today's main thought is this:

Keep the strengths that have shaped you. Release the fears that limit you. Trust God as you become the woman this season requires.

I want you to hold onto that thought as we talk today.

Because I believe many women spend so much time mourning who they used to be that they never stop to notice who they are becoming.

Now don't misunderstand me.

Grief is real.

Loneliness is real.

Disappointment is real.

I'm not suggesting we ignore those feelings.

In fact, I think part of healing is allowing ourselves to sit with them.

To acknowledge them.

To honor them.

But not to build a permanent home there.

You can feel grief without becoming grief.

You can feel loneliness without becoming defined by loneliness.

You can miss what was while still moving toward what is next.

That's a difficult balance.

But it is possible.

One of the things I've learned over the years is that there is a difference between being alone and feeling alone.

Being alone is a circumstance.

Feeling alone is an emotional experience.

Many women are surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.

Others spend large amounts of time by themselves and feel deeply connected to God, friends, family, and purpose.

The difference is often found in the stories our mind tells us.

When something difficult happens, our brain immediately begins trying to make sense of it.

And often those thoughts sound like:

"I wasn't prepared for this."

"I can't handle this."

"I don't know enough."

"Everything depends on me."

The problem is that those thoughts create fear.

Not necessarily because they are true.

But because they feel true.

And when we feel afraid, our mind wants to solve everything all at once.

Have you noticed that?

The mind starts racing through next week, next month, next year.

It wants guarantees.

It wants certainty.

It wants a map.

But confidence isn't built by solving your entire future.

Confidence is built by handling today.

One phone call.

One bill.

One doctor's appointment.

One difficult conversation.

One decision.

One next step.

That's it.

And honestly, that's good news.

Because most of us can manage one step.

The problem comes when we try to carry tomorrow, next month, and next year all at the same time.

I often think about a flashlight.

A flashlight doesn't illuminate the entire road.

It illuminates enough for the next few steps.

And that's often how God works.

He gives us enough light for today.

Not because He's withholding something from us.

But because He wants us to walk with Him.

Not ahead of Him.

One of the biggest struggles I see in women during these seasons is trying to figure out what to keep and what to let go of.

They know life has changed.

They know they can't go back.

But they aren't sure what parts of themselves belong in this new season.

Here's what I would say.

Keep your faith.

Keep your compassion.

Keep your kindness.

Keep your creativity.

Keep your resilience.

Keep your wisdom.

Keep your love for others.

Keep your ability to persevere.

Those qualities are part of who you are.

But maybe it's time to release some things too.

Maybe it's time to release the belief that you have to do everything alone.

Maybe it's time to release the idea that asking for help is weakness.

Maybe it's time to release the belief that your worth comes from how much you do for everyone else.

Maybe it's time to release the need to have all the answers before taking action.

You see, many of the strategies that protected us in one season become burdens in another.

And that's okay.

We don't have to criticize the woman we've been.

She got us here.

She carried us through hard things.

She did the best she could with what she knew.

We can thank her.

And then gently release what is no longer needed.

Another thing I want to mention is that healthy thoughts are not the same as positive thinking.

Healthy thoughts are realistic thoughts.  They are faith driven thinking.

For example:

Instead of saying,

"I can't do this,"

you might say,

"I haven't done this before, but I can learn."

Instead of,

"I'm all alone,"

you might say,

"I feel alone right now, but I am not without support."

Instead of,

"I have to figure out the rest of my life,"

you might say,

"I only need enough light for today."

Do you feel the difference?

These thoughts don't deny reality.

They simply create room for courage.

And courage is often what we need most.

The truth is, trust isn't built through certainty.

Trust is built through evidence.

Every difficult conversation you handle.

Every challenge you survive.

Every new skill you learn.

Every obstacle you overcome.

You are collecting evidence.

Evidence that says:

"I can trust myself to figure things out."

And more importantly:

"I can trust God to meet me here."

One of the deepest fears women carry is the question:

"What if I don't have what it takes?"

But God never asked us to be self-sufficient.

He asks us to walk with Him.

His promise was never that the road would be easy.

His promise was that we would not walk it alone.

And that changes everything.

Before we finish today, I want to share something exciting.

For those of you listening close to the release of this episode, I'm going to be hosting a special online creative retreat called Tiny Book of Becoming: One Small Step at a Time.

It's a five-day creative retreat where we'll create a beautiful tiny book together.

Each section of the book helps us notice the ways we are growing, learning, trusting, and becoming.

It's really going to be an artful journwey

A chance to slow down, reflect, create, and collect evidence of God's faithfulness in our lives.

If today's message resonates with you, I think you'll absolutely love it.

I'll share the details in the show notes.

As we close, I want to leave you with this thought:

You may not be where you want to be yet.

But don't overlook how far you've come.

The woman you are becoming may feel unfamiliar.

But unfamiliar does not mean incapable.

You are not starting from nothing.

You are building on a lifetime of faith, wisdom, resilience, creativity, and experience.

Keep the strengths that have shaped you.

Release the fears that limit you.

Trust God as you become the woman this season requires.

One day.

One decision.

One faithful step at a time.

Until next time, take good care of yourself, and remember, real positive change happens one thought, one choice, and one small step at a time.

The Space Between Shame and Blame

The House I've Been Living In

Have you ever noticed how quickly we judge ourselves when we're struggling?

We tell ourselves we're doing life wrong.

We should be happier.
We should be stronger.
We should have figured this out by now.

Or we move in the opposite direction and start blaming someone else.

If only they had changed.
If only life had been different.
If only circumstances had worked out another way.

When we are hurting, our mind naturally wants an explanation.

Blame points outward.

Shame points inward.

But there is a third place we can stand.

A place right in the middle.

And that place is curiosity.

In the middle, we still take ownership of our choices, but we stop making ourselves the problem.

We set ourselves free.

Because there is nothing wrong with you as a person.

There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely.

Nothing wrong with feeling exhausted.

Nothing wrong with feeling disappointed.

Nothing wrong with feeling afraid.

Your feelings are not evidence that you are failing.

They are information.

They are invitations to pay attention.

Most of us learned ways of thinking, reacting, coping, protecting, pleasing, achieving, withdrawing, controlling, or caretaking because those things served us.

The way you've been doing life has been useful.

It has gotten you this far.

It has protected you.

It has helped you survive difficult seasons.

So when you begin noticing patterns that no longer serve you, there is no need to attack yourself.

You don't need more shame.

You don't need another self-improvement project.

You don't need another thing on your to-do list.

The invitation is simply to become curious.

Instead of asking:

"What's wrong with me?"

Ask:

"What story am I living from right now?"

That's a very different question.

Because now we are not looking for a problem.

We are looking for understanding.

I often think about it this way.

I love the woman I have been up until now.

She has carried me through difficult seasons.

She has shown up when things were hard.

She has done the best she could with what she knew.

But life changes.

Seasons change.

Needs change.

And eventually we have to ask:

Who do I want to become now?

Not because who I've been is wrong.

But because life is inviting me into something new.

And that's where fear often shows up.

Because the version of you that has gotten you this far has worked very hard.

She has protected you.

She has developed habits and ways of thinking that have served you well.

And she will be afraid to let go.

The challenge isn't becoming a completely different person.

The challenge is letting go of the parts that no longer fit.

Not all of her.

Just parts of her.

And that's scary.

Which is why observation is so important.

Instead of saying:

"I'm doing this wrong."

Try saying:

"I see that I've done it this way in the past."

"I wonder what would happen if I tried something different."

Do you feel the difference?

One creates shame.

The other creates possibility.

One closes the door.

The other opens it.

So rather than becoming the judge of your life, become the observer of your life.

Become curious.

Become the detective.

Like Sherlock Holmes, begin gathering clues.

Observe your thoughts.

Observe your reactions.

Observe your feelings.

Ask yourself:

What am I believing right now?

What am I afraid might happen?

What am I trying to protect?

What need am I trying to meet?

Because underneath every reaction is usually a story.

And stories are discovered in layers.

Not all at once.

Layer by layer.

Which is why creativity can be such a beautiful companion in this process.

Creative Exercise:

The House I've Been Living In

This isn't a project to finish.

This isn't a project to do perfectly.

This is an ongoing conversation with yourself.

Begin with a journal page, watercolor paper, or mixed media paper.

Start by adding a layer.

Torn paper.
Paint.
Tissue paper.
Book pages.

Anything you like.

Then draw several horizontal lines across your page.

Let them gently rise and fall like rolling hills.

Imagine they are pathways moving through your life.

Choose one line.

Somewhere along that path draw a simple house.

Nothing fancy.

Just a roof.
A door.
A few windows.

This house represents the person you have been up until now.

The house you've been living in.

Around the house, write words that describe who you've been.

Caretaker.

Strong.

Responsible.

Independent.

People pleaser.

Helper.

Provider.

Creative.

Anxious.

Organized.

Whatever feels true.

As you look at the house, remember:

This is not a house to criticize.

This is a house to honor.

It got you here.

It served a purpose.

It provided shelter.

It protected you.

Then continue drawing along your path.

Add trees.

Lots of trees.

Tall trees.
Short trees.
Skinny trees.
Crooked trees.
Strong trees.

Place them all along your rolling hills.

As you draw each tree, simply pause.

Take a breath.

Listen.

Notice what thought, memory, feeling, or word comes to mind.

Then write it beside the tree.

Don't overthink it.

One word is enough.

A phrase is enough.

A question is enough.

Maybe a tree says:

Fear.

Maybe another says:

Lonely.

Maybe another says:

Loved.

Maybe one says:

Tired of carrying everything.

Maybe another says:

What do I want now?

There is no right answer.

The trees simply become markers along the path.

Moments of awareness.

Moments of observation.

Moments of pause.

And here's the important part:

You do not need to finish the page.

In fact, I hope you don't.

Leave room.

Come back tomorrow.

Add another tree.

Add another word.

Add another path.

Add another layer.

Because the story isn't discovered all at once.

The story reveals itself slowly.

Just like life.

One layer at a time.

One tree at a time.

One question at a time.

And as you walk this creative path, notice that you are no longer standing in the boxing ring of shame and blame.

You are standing in curiosity.

You are standing in compassion.

You are standing in grace.

And from that place, you can begin creating the next version of yourself—not because there is something wrong with you, but because there is still more of you waiting to be discovered.

This would pair beautifully with your closing thought:

"Art gives us a place to observe our story without having to defend it. It calms our nerves and allows the deepest changes to happen. 

You want to be creative, but you are tired of looking for ideas of what to create.  Maybe you time is limited and you would love having a place that you could choose classes from painting to journal making.  Take a moment and click on over to https://cathyfreemanart.com.  Coming up with ideas of what to create will never be a problem again.  In My Art Sisters, I provide new online classes every month.  Classes are easy to access and always available for our art members.   Take a moment and visit our site.

One of the greatest emotional struggles many people quietly carry is the fear of disappointing others.

We do not always call it people-pleasing.

Sometimes we call it:
being nice
, being helpful
being easygoing
being loving
being selfless

But underneath it can often be something much deeper:

a fear of rejection
a fear of conflict
a fear of being misunderstood
a fear of losing connection
a fear of not being loved

And what makes this difficult is that many people who struggle with people-pleasing are genuinely kind-hearted people.

They care deeply.

They are compassionate.
Empathetic.
Sensitive.
Helpful.

But somewhere along the way, the nervous system began associating approval with safety.

“If everyone is happy with me… then I’m okay.”
“If no one is upset with me… then I’m safe.”
“If I keep the peace… then I will feel secure.”

And because of that, boundaries can feel terrifying.

Honesty can feel dangerous.

Even simple words like:
“No.”
“I can’t.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need rest.”

can create anxiety inside the body.

Tightness in the chest.
Guilt.
Panic.
Overexplaining.
Fear.
Second-guessing.

Why?

Because the nervous system interprets disapproval as emotional danger.

And this is important to understand:

People-pleasing is often not simply a personality trait.

It is a learned survival strategy.

Many people learned early in life to stay emotionally useful.

And what I mean by emotionally useful is this:

You became highly aware of other people’s emotions.

You learned how to:
keep the peace
avoid conflict
comfort others
manage tension
make life easier for everyone else

Maybe being helpful earned approval.
Maybe staying quiet avoided criticism.
Maybe caretaking created connection.
Maybe keeping everyone emotionally comfortable helped you feel secure.

So your nervous system slowly built an internal equation:
“If people are pleased with me, then I am safe.”

But eventually this creates exhaustion.

Because you begin carrying everyone else emotionally while quietly abandoning yourself.

And this is where resentment often appears.

Not because you are selfish.

But because the soul can only override its own truth for so long before it becomes emotionally exhausted.

And this is where Christ-centered living changes everything.

Because healing people-pleasing is not about becoming harsh, selfish, or uncaring.

It is about shifting whose approval defines you.

When our identity becomes rooted primarily in other people’s reactions, emotions, or opinions, we become emotionally unstable because human approval constantly changes.

People are inconsistent.
Emotional.
Imperfect.
Distracted.
Sometimes wounded themselves.

One day they approve of you.
The next day they may misunderstand you.

If your peace depends on constant approval, your nervous system will remain trapped in emotional hypervigilance.

Always scanning:
“Are they upset?”
“Did I disappoint them?”
“Do they still love me?”
“Should I fix this?”
“What do they think about me?”

That is exhausting.

But Christ-centered living slowly teaches the nervous system a different truth:

My worth is not determined by human approval.

When your heart becomes anchored in Christ instead of approval, something powerful begins happening internally.

You stop needing every person to validate you in order to feel okay.

Not because you stop caring about people.

But because your identity becomes steadier.

You begin realizing:
I can disappoint someone and still be loved by God.
I can set boundaries and still be kind.
I can say no without becoming selfish.
I can be honest without being cruel.
I do not have to abandon myself to maintain temporary peace.

That is emotional freedom.

And honestly, this work is deeply spiritual because so much of people-pleasing is rooted in fear.

Fear of rejection.
Fear of conflict.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of losing connection.
Fear of being “bad.”

But scripture repeatedly reminds us:
God did not create us to live enslaved to fear.

Christ-centered living helps calm the nervous system because it moves us from:
“What will everyone think of me?”
to:
“Am I walking in truth, wisdom, honesty, and love?”

That shift changes everything.

Now this does not mean boundaries suddenly feel easy.

Your nervous system may still react.

You may still feel guilt when saying no.
You may still feel anxiety when disappointing someone.
You may still feel uncomfortable when someone misunderstands you.

But now you begin learning how to sit with that discomfort instead of immediately abandoning yourself to remove it.

That is growth.

Because emotionally mature boundaries often feel uncomfortable before they feel peaceful.

Especially for those who spent years overfunctioning emotionally.

And this is where we must learn to calm the nervous system spiritually and physically.

When you feel the urge to people-please:
pause.

Breathe slowly.
Pray before reacting.
Sit quietly with God before immediately fixing everything.
Allow the nervous system to settle before responding emotionally.

Ask yourself:
“Am I acting from love… or from fear?”
“Am I helping because I genuinely want to… or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”
“Am I seeking peace… or am I avoiding discomfort?”

Those questions create awareness.

And awareness interrupts automatic patterns.

This is also where creativity can become deeply healing.

Instead of spiraling mentally:
paint
journal
collage
stitch
write prayers
sit with color and quietness

Creativity helps regulate the nervous system because it slows the mind and reconnects the body to the present moment.

And often when the nervous system calms, clarity returns.

One of the healthiest truths a recovering people-pleaser can learn is this:

Someone else’s disappointment is not always an emergency.

That sentence can feel shocking at first.

Especially if your nervous system has spent years trying to keep everyone emotionally comfortable.

But Christ never called us to live controlled by fear of human reaction.

He called us to live rooted in truth, wisdom, love, peace, and obedience to God.

And sometimes obedience requires honesty.

Sometimes it requires boundaries.

Sometimes it requires disappointing people.

Even Jesus disappointed people.

Not because He lacked love…
but because truth and love are not the same thing as constant approval.

That realization is incredibly freeing.

Because Christ-centered living is not about becoming emotionally hard.

It is about becoming emotionally steady.

Gentle without collapsing.
Kind without self-erasure.
Loving without losing yourself.
Honest without guilt controlling you.

And perhaps one of the most healing things your nervous system can slowly learn is this:

I do not need everyone’s approval to be secure.

I am already loved by God.

And when that truth becomes deeply rooted inside the heart, people-pleasing slowly begins losing its power.

Not overnight.

But one honest boundary…
one truthful conversation…
one peaceful no…
one surrendered fear at a time.

And maybe that is what true freedom really looks like.

Not becoming less loving.

But finally becoming free enough to love others without abandoning yourself in the process.