Real Talk With Amiri

How to avoid buyer’s remorse in your love life.

KEY POINTS

• Good first impressions when dating color one's later perceptions as they seek confirmation of their first impressions.
• People often tune out red flags to maintain positive illusions about their dating partners.
• If you can't live with the character flaws of which red flags are indicators, move on and don't treat your partner as a fixer-upper.

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Corruption Runs Rampant in the Church. Who Should We Hold Responsible?
The recent

 Christianity Today podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, chronicles the skyrocket to pastoral fame of Seattle-based leader Mark Driscoll, and the church’s just as quick demise: Mars Hill unraveled due to his tyrant-like leadership tactics. What we find in the podcast is a common theme in many of these stories: charisma outpaced character.

When ministry leaders with amazing talent and best-practice skills in communication are placed on pedestals, podiums, and in pulpits before their spiritual and emotional depth has had time to mature, it is always a recipe for disaster. In a day and age when pastors are confused for (or confuse themselves for) celebrities, the American evangelical church needs to experience a new conversion—our own come-to-Jesus-moment—around the kinds of leaders we esteem.

What is our responsibility as churchgoers and fellow sojourners in these stories? Are we choosing leaders who are striving for the next viral soundbite instead of those who humble themselves? Are we allowing sin to slide by, in the name of Instagram likes? And most importantly, how do we do the hard work of changing?That said, it is all too easy for us to the point the finger at certain big personality leaders, when we aren’t in their (fancy) sneakers. But what we also find in these stories is a magnifying class—we all have to ask ourselves how we have contributed to the creation and rise of such leaders.

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Defining High-Value

The monetary worth of something, a fair return or equivalent in goods or services, or relative worth, utility, or importance. These statements are definitions of the word value. Now, browse the web in the self-help and dating spheres, and you may come across the phrase, high-value man. The use of the term high-value man has been growing in popularity among some men, younger Black men in particular. However, disturbing themes of routine misogyny, and hypercapitalism appear in conversations of men who promote high-value ‘dating’ and self-worth metrics. So, what is a high-value man? And why am I bored of its problematic usage?

While its origins are murky, Kevin Samuels, a popular Black online image consultant, is widely credited with coining the phrase. The term high-value man as it is commonly used today refers to a man of means and influence. The stand-alone definition isn’t problematic or new, society has always valued wealthy men. However, the accepted inclusion of misogyny as a dating technique within the high-value conversation is worrisome.

In December 2020, Kevin Samuels’ popularity skyrocketed after a video of him berating a young Black woman for her looks went viral. The video is popularly known as the ‘average at best’ video, and is closely tied to the rise of conversations around high-value men. The woman in the video, a six-figure earner and entrepreneur, expressed her desire for a mate who made a similar income or more. Kevin Samuels did not attempt to spare her feelings and said,

[Those men aren’t looking for you, what would you rate your face? You are average looking at best.]


Unrealistic Expectations

Samuels maintains “the market” defines a high-value man by six core principles:

• A man’s ability to earn at least $10K monthly
• Earning of $10K Monthly over the course of five years
• Acceptance from a group of other high-value men
• Access to a fraternity-like network
• An accepted prominent position by society
• The ability to be of use by other high-value men

The caveat is that his definition makes former President Donald Trump look like a promising suitor.

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What's Up Kansas City Real Talk With Amiri

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Chit Chatting about the past... 

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KEY POINTS

• Infidelity is not always the result of a bad primary relationship.
• For some, cheating on one's partner is a way to explore repressed parts of their self.
• Sometimes cheaters struggle with self-esteem.

Eight reasons people cheat on someone they love.

So why? Why do people who love their primary partner still choose to engage in infidelity? Usually, they do so for one or more of the following reasons:

1. Self-Exploration. For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don’t actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while. They’re not looking for another person; they’re looking for hidden versions of themselves.
2. Insecurity. Sometimes cheaters struggle with self-esteem. They don’t feel attractive, powerful, smart, young, or whatever. So they seek validation through cheating. They use that spark of interest to feel wanted, desired, and worthy.
3. The Appeal of Transgression. These cheaters are like children stealing a cookie their mom says they can’t have. The forbidden nature of the cookie makes it extra-desirable. Infidelity is the same. Because cheaters are not supposed to cheat, cheating seems extra special and extra desirable.
4. Unresolved Early-Life Trauma. Sometimes cheaters are reenacting or latently responding to unresolved childhood traumas—neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Basically, their childhood wounds have created attachment deficits that manifest through infidelity.
5. The Life Not Lived. Here, it’s the life that could have been, the lover that got away, or the lover that never was that drives the infidelity. The cheater is not unhappy with their current life, but they’re curious about what their life might have been if they chose a different path.
6. Unrealistic Expectations. Some people cheat because they have unrealistic expectations about what their partner and primary relationship can (and should) provide. They may think their partner should meet every need and desire they have, which is an impossible standard. And if they don’t have close friends and family who can step into the occasional void, they might chase an affair partner.
7. Wanting to Feel Intense Emotions. When primary relationships settle into the comfort zone of long-term love, cheaters may want to feel the intensity of a newly formed relationship (even though there is absolutely nothing wrong in the current relationship).
8. Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.

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The Brazilian butt lift (BBL) has become a pop culture reference in itself, taking over social media feeds and becoming points of discussion all at the same time—but what actually is it?

Brazilian plastic surgeon Ivo Pitanguy is often credited as the founder of the BBL, after he published a 1964 paper on buttock lift surgery. The surgery was able to remove any unwanted skin and tissue around the area to correct sagging, but wasn't able to add shape or fullness.

In 1969, Bartels et al documented the first butt augmentation surgery, which used a silicone breast implant to correct atrophy of a left buttock. It wasn't until 1973 when Cocke and Ricketson documented the first cosmetic buttock augmentation.

In recent years, the BBL has risen in popularity. A 2020 survey by the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery found that since 2015, the number of butt lifts performed across the globe has grown by 77.6%.

Celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj and especially Kim Kardashian have been credited with the rise in demand for big butts. Kardashian has repeatedly denied having surgery on her butt, and even went to the lengths of having an on-screen x-ray during an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, to prove she doesn't have butt implants.

With the whole Kardashian family becoming a pop culture powerhouse, and essentially dictating most trends, be it clothing, make-up or even figures, demands to have her hourglass figure has simultaneously grown.

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Women are making the choice to have absent dads..  Abent dads may justify their absence, but a dad’s absence also has consequences for his kids. This is not meant to judge or criticize men who have found themselves separated from their families. It’s meant as an encouragement to educate and to motivate men to hear the call to battle on behalf of their children. There are obstacles set up against you and therefore, also against your kids. Without staying present in their lives, our kids have higher chances of struggling throughout life. They’ll also have higher dropout rates. But only their dad can change the odds in their favor.

Since 1970, out-of-wedlock birth rates have soared. In 1965, 24 percent of black infants and 3.1 percent of white infants were born to single mothers. By 1990 the rates had risen to 64 percent for black infants, 18 percent for whites. Every year about one million more children are born into fatherless families. If we have learned any policy lesson well over the past 25 years, it is that for children living in single-parent homes, the odds of living in poverty are great. The policy implications of the increase in out-of-wedlock births are staggering.

A few years ago, researchers published an eye-opening statistic: 57 percent of parents ages 26 to 31 were having kids outside of marriage. Who were these unwed Millennials and why were they forgoing the traditional structure of American family?

New research from sociologists at Johns Hopkins University and the University of Melbourne has started to answer that question. These aren’t a random assortment of Millennials but disproportionately come from a specific group of young Americans who don’t have college degrees, live in areas with high income inequality, and tend not to have very bright job prospects. The study, published this month in the journal American Sociological Review, found that in areas with the greatest income inequality, young men and women were more likely to have their first child before marriage. The areas with the largest income gaps also tended to have the fewest medium-skilled jobs, which researchers define as jobs that only require a high-school diploma but still enable families to live above the poverty level—jobs such as office clerks and security guards.

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ORIGINATING FROM PRISON UNIFORMS AND POPULARISED BY HIP-HOP AND SKATE CULTURE

One of the most widely repeated stories proposes that in the American prison system, sagging pants were a sign of ‘sexual availability’ and that this is where the trend first originated. Another rumour is that gang members in the states took to wearing their jeans in this way, as it made it easier for them to conceal weapons. However, both of these theories are untrue. The real origins of the sagging fad did come from the American prison system, but not as a signal that the wearer was up for a bit of action. In actual fact, prisoners were often given uniforms that were several sizes too big for them and due to suicide prevention efforts behind bars, were not allowed belts. This combination of factors led to inmates’ trousers riding at half-mast much of the time. As prisoners were released they continued to wear their trousers sagged and it wasn’t long before it creeped into the Hip-Hop dress code.

#reddit Men sagging is no different from women wearing provocative clothing.
I see people use h.o.m.o.p.h.o.b.i.a. and victim blaming to say a man sagging their pants is g.a.y.. Because of some prison BS where a guy who sag is asking for it. Oh boy if the genders were reversed and guy said"she was asking for it".

But anyways back to the question. Women wear these clothing in public. You guys know yoga pants,booty shorts,tits out. And they get backlash for this. The women say they are being slut shame. And they be able to where what ever they want. They like men criticizing what they wear in public. But they do the same to men.

But these are the same women the same people who make these comments about men sagging. Saying it's nasty ,g.a.y., saying the men have no class. The same arguments they would get from conservatives maybe the g.a.y. insult. Saying the conservative christian men are bitter jealous men who can't get laid and who want to control women. Which why they don't like women wear these clothing.

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1. Talk About What They Like and Plan Ahead
2. Embrace Variety
3. Forget About Your Penis (For a Bit)
4. Find the Right Pace and Rhythm
5. Don’t Forget About Sex Toys

Many women find sex to be the deepest form of love and connection, and many women are very sexually oriented. While his orgasm may be quicker, hers is often more powerful and her incredible capacity for pleasure could include multiple orgasms. But the ways that women experience and express their sexuality are often very different from their male partners.

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