I just kept getting confused cause she kept calling flip-flops "thongs"... I think we all can understand why I had to cut it off....right?

Well if you think about it...I don't need a helmet while riding my bike because...swag really.

That's it guys. Im living in a van from now on...I think this episode changed me

Babe, you're still my one and only...but it's very normal to have multiple one and only's. Like. The baby im having with one and only 2 is hardly going to be in the picture

okay dad...people aren't going to take you more seriously just because you bought a hummer...the opposite I think really

yea I mean arent you curious what goes on underneath an island? I just think we could take a submarine and go under it and check it out! Why has nobody done that before??

Don't worry my good men jean shorts are not under attack...just yet. But stay vigilant and watch your back because you never know when your girlfriend might make them disappear from your wardrobe

I'm sorry but if you can't look at a T Rex fossil and your jaw drops to the floor then..have a nice life

Yea dude I used your toothbrush. I’m just trying to be economical out here. You’re telling me you didn’t have a family toothbrush?? Yea right. 

Listen man, I know you "dont care what we do" but YOU invited US over...so we assumed YOU knew what to do!