Reflections of The Father’s Heart

Nearly 20 years ago, when Sandi Derby first went through the Grief Recovery Method, she was sure she'd start with her father, the main abuser in her home. Then the specialist said something that stopped her: sometimes it's the parent who abused you, and sometimes it's the parent who didn't protect you.

In this episode, Sandi talks about the non-offending parent. The one who didn't hit or rage, but covered up, stayed in denial, and left a child to carry what no child should carry. She shares how her mother's denial taught her that everything was her fault, the family roles that keep a system running, and why the person who could have stepped in and didn't is so often the harder loss to face.

Even if they couldn't, you still needed them to. Your heart can hold the pain and the compassion at the same time. And facing the truth isn't dishonor. It's how the chains come off.

This episode discusses childhood abuse.

Episode 110 | Reflections of the Father's Heart | www.sandiderby.com

Sandi Derby came into this episode with no formula — just a prayer to get out of the way. What came through is a message about making room, releasing what God is calling you to let go of, and healing the nervous system responses that keep you from fully stepping into His will.

She covers the escalade metaphor (a word from God about the things coming that won't fit if you're still full), the Fawn response and why people-pleasing in certain situations is a trauma response not a character flaw, why condemnation makes PTSD worse, James 4:13 on aligning with God's will, and five practical steps for beginning to heal: dealing with unresolved grief, finding safe community, communing with Jesus, growing in awareness, and replacing condemnation with compassion.

PTSD is not a life sentence. You were made in the image of God — not in the image of what was done to you.

Episode 109 | Reflections of the Father's Heart | sandiderby.com

Ryan Cynkin-Hardy flatlined at 45 minutes old after a vaccine reaction. Doctors told his parents he would never read, never graduate high school. He has three college degrees.

In this episode, Ryan shares his full testimony — the physical battles with seizures and learning disabilities, the spiritual encounters he had as a child (including an atheist who witnessed angels grab him from a well), how he rebuked the enemy at age 13, and what it means to be radically underestimated and watch God rewrite the story.

Ryan is a worship leader, athlete, and now holds degrees in commercial music production, kinesiology, and exercise science. His message to anyone waiting on God: don't focus on the obstacle. Focus on everything He's already gotten you through.

Connect with Ryan on Instagram: bookof_eli7

Episode 108 | Reflections of the Father's Heart | sandiderby.com

In this solo episode, Sandi Derby takes on a topic she's been praying about for months: spiritual impartation — and the side of it no one is talking about.

She covers the Kundalini spirit and how it has infiltrated charismatic circles; the difference between possession and affliction in believers; why spiritual bypassing creates open doors for oppression; and how unhealed pain in leaders can unknowingly affect everyone around them.

She shares the "fly problem" metaphor, real stories from her ministry, and a biblical foundation for understanding the battle believers face. The episode closes with a prayer of deliverance over the listener.

This is an empowering, equipping episode for anyone who wants to walk in discernment, authority, and wholeness.

Episode 107 | Reflections of the Father's Heart | sandiderby.com

What does it look like to lose a child — and come out the other side with deep joy and a life devoted to helping other grieving people?

In this episode Sandi Derby is joined by Pastor Dave Page, care director at Shepherd Church in Southern California, grief specialist, and author of The School of Grief. Dave lost his five-year-old daughter Jackie to a brain tumor over twenty years ago, and what emerged from that loss has shaped his entire calling.

Dave shares the story of Jackie's diagnosis, her final weeks, and the profound conversations they had in her last month of life — including the moment in the car when his five-year-old daughter looked at him and said, "Silly daddy, we're all gonna die someday."

He also talks about the concept of "Jackie Power" — the strength he draws from Jackie's memory whenever he thinks he can't do something — why embracing pain (not reframing it) is what brings breakthrough, and the railroad tracks analogy that changed how he understands joy and sorrow running together in the same life.

This conversation is warm, honest, deeply moving, and full of hope. It is for anyone who has experienced loss — or who is walking alongside someone who has.

Connect with Pastor Dave Page at pastordave.com.

This morning, before Sandi even knew what she was going to talk about, she heard a soft, still voice say: Tell them of my goodness.

So that's what this episode is — a testimony. For anyone who is in a stretching season, wondering if God sees them, wondering if things are ever going to shift.

He does. And He is very good.

Sandi opens up about one of the most difficult seasons of her life — a year in court, a mortgage she couldn't pay, grief, loneliness, and layers of her story she never imagined she would have to face. And what God showed her through all of it is this: it was never punishment. It was preparation.

She shares the belly crawl scene from Facing the Giants — a kid blindfolded, carrying weight on his back, convinced he can't go another step — and the moment the coach rips off the blindfold and says: you're in the end zone. That is what God is saying to some of you right now.

This episode also covers what happens when you don't face the pain within, why self-reliance will eventually run out, and what it looks like when God finally becomes enough — not perfectly, but truly.

If you're in a hard place, this testimony is for you to grab onto.

He is not punishing you. He is preparing you.

The land looked dry. The dove didn't come back. And Noah still waited 57 more days for God to say it was time to come out.

If you're in a season right now where you're not where you were — but you're not yet where you're going — this episode is for you.

Sandi takes a deep dive into the story of Noah and the ark, and what she found there is profoundly relevant to the season so many of us are in. In Genesis 7:1, God didn't say "go into the ark." He said "come" — because He was already there. The ark had no steering wheel. God was the captain. And Noah didn't leave until God said go — not when the raven went out, not when the dove returned, not even when the land looked completely dry. It was 57 days after the ground looked ready before God said it was time.

There is a danger in leaving your season too early. And there is also something powerful waiting for you in the waiting.

This episode covers how to discern what God has actually called you to do, what it looks like to truly rest in Him rather than strive in your own strength, and why the rooms He's calling you into require the preparation you're in right now.

Don't step out too soon. He'll let you know when it's time.

Connect with Sandi:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sandi_derby11/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sandiderby11
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sandiderby
Website: https://courses.sandiderby.com/

You're a walking miracle. But if you're always focused on the next thing you don't have, you're going to miss it.

In this episode, Sandi shares what the Lord put on her heart through a simple phone call — and why learning to celebrate your victories isn't spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. It's one of the most important faith practices you can build.

Because here's the truth: if you don't learn to pause and soak in what God has already done, when the big breakthrough finally comes — it won't be enough to fill you. You'll already be looking ahead.

This episode covers why your heart can hold both victory and pain at the same time, how to celebrate from the heart rather than checking a box in your head, and why every victory — no matter how small — matters more than you know.

You are not just some grain of sand on the seashore. You are precious to Him. And your victories light up heaven.

You matter more than you know.

In this episode, Sandi Derby shares a handful of ordinary moments — a Lyft driver running on almost no sleep, an unexpected call from a grieving widow, a little girl's heartbreaking question at recess — that each circle back to the same quiet truth about your worth.

If you've ever felt like you don't count, or like your value depends on what you do or what's been done to you, this one's for you. Sandi gets into the hidden belief beneath the striving, the comparison, and the offense we carry — and the freedom that comes when you finally believe how much you matter.

This is the first episode back after a short break, and Reflections of the Father's Heart is moving to a new bi-weekly rhythm — going deeper, not quieter.

Go deeper:
📖 Sandi's book, Living Born Again: https://sandiderby.com/living-born-again/
💛 Free Emotional Wholeness Assessment: https://sandiderby.com/survey/
🔗 linktr.ee/sandiderby

"I will never forgive my parents." That's what Sandi said to the woman who first told her she needed to. It took twenty years to learn that almost everything she'd been taught about forgiveness was wrong.

In this episode, Sandi Derby unpacks what forgiveness actually means for anyone carrying deep wounds — abuse, betrayal, family pain, religious harm. Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook. It's not forgetting. It's not reconciliation. And it should never be weaponized against a victim. It's the release of a debt too heavy to carry — and it's the doorway to real healing and freedom.

Sandi also shares a deeper teaching on the difference between the sin nature and the flesh, and why understanding it is key to the journey of sanctification and inner healing.

Rooted in the message of her book Living Born Again: salvation is the beginning of healing, not the end.

If this episode helped you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes two minutes and helps this podcast reach people who need it.

Topics: forgiveness, grief, healing, trauma, abuse recovery, inner healing, deliverance, sanctification, Christian healing, emotional health, faith, restoration.