Send us a text

Landing my dream job as Director of Referee Programming and Development at SoCal Soccer League marks the culmination of a four-year journey that began when I started the Refs Need Love Too channel as a joke in 2021. What started as an escape from corporate burnout has transformed into a full-time opportunity to improve referee development across the largest soccer league in America, with over 4,400 teams and 40,000 players.

This career shift represents everything I've been working toward—taking what I've done nights and weekends for years and making it my day job. The position allows me to create comprehensive training systems that address what current referee education lacks: practical guidance for managing real-world match situations beyond basic mechanics and rules.

Current referee training focuses too heavily on the top 1% of officials while neglecting the 99% working grassroots matches. These grassroots referees face entirely different challenges than what's seen in professional matches with perfect pitches and elite athletes. We need practical training for managing bunched play, varying skill levels, and parent interactions at youth levels.

For new referees especially, success depends on factors rarely covered in certification courses. Professional appearance creates a crucial first impression. Confident presence during check-in establishes authority. Calling fouls consistently prevents matches from spiraling out of control. Clear communication fills information vacuums that might otherwise be filled with complaints. Proper movement demonstrates effort and improves positioning for making accurate calls.

Whether you're a new referee seeking guidance, an experienced official looking to mentor others, or someone considering this rewarding path, remember that refereeing isn't just about applying rules—it's about managing people, creating positive environments, and finding purpose through service to the game we love.

Support the show

Send us a text

What does it take to officiate at the highest level of world soccer? Matthew Conger, who refereed at both the 2018 and 2022 FIFA World Cups, pulls back the curtain on the journey from grassroots to elite officiating in this fascinating conversation.

Growing up as a goalkeeper in Georgia before eventually representing New Zealand on the international stage, Conger's unique path provides rare insights into what truly separates good referees from great ones. "Positioning and movement is the bedrock of good decision-making," he explains, revealing how sometimes just two or three meters makes the difference between seeing a play clearly or missing crucial details.

The psychological aspects of elite officiating take center stage as Conger shares his philosophy that "pressure is a privilege" – a mindset shift that helped him perform on soccer's biggest stages. He details the deliberate team culture he built with his officiating crews, including creating meaningful team logos and focusing on emotional regulation to ensure clear decision-making under pressure.

Perhaps most surprisingly, Conger demystifies World Cup referees by noting they were "just like me" – dedicated, hardworking individuals with a passion for the game rather than superhuman figures. This humanizing perspective extends to his approach to mistakes, emphasizing the importance of owning errors, analyzing their causes, and using them as growth opportunities rather than dwelling in "that toxic soup of imposter syndrome."

Now through his company Total Referee, Conger is dedicated to developing officials at all levels using an integrated approach that recognizes referees as "their own athletic population" with unique developmental needs. His vision of refereeing as a creative endeavor that enables "the beautiful game to be played beautifully" reminds us why officials truly are essential stakeholders in soccer.

Whether you're an aspiring referee, a current official looking to improve, or simply curious about what happens behind the whistle, this conversation offers invaluable wisdom from someone who's been at the very pinnacle of the profession.

Support the show

Send us a text

What if the secret to transforming youth soccer wasn't silencing parents, but engaging them properly? In this eye-opening conversation, Skye Eddy, founder of SoccerParenting.com and "The Sideline Project" challenges the conventional wisdom about "crazy soccer parents" and reveals a path forward that benefits everyone in the youth sports ecosystem.

The narrative that parents are the worst part of youth sports has dominated for too long. Skye argues that while the truly problematic parents make up just 4-5% of the population, they've "ruined it for everyone" - driving away referees and coaches while silencing the level-headed majority who fear being judged if they become involved. Through her groundbreaking work, Skye is helping parents distinguish between supportive and distracting behaviors, with remarkable results: 32% report improved relationships with their children after just 15 minutes of training.

We dive deep into the structural problems plaguing youth soccer today - from the "professionalization" of childhood play to the excessive travel and financial burdens placed on families. Skye explains how these pressures create the perfect storm of parental stress that manifests as sideline behavior issues. The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we explore coach-parent dynamics and how establishing proper boundaries and communication channels naturally improves the environment for everyone, including referees.

With over 40,000 people already committed to the Sideline Project Pledge and partnerships with 175+ clubs nationwide, Skye's vision is gaining momentum. Her ultimate goal? A youth sports landscape where parent education is required, coaches are certified in parent engagement, and the focus shifts back to where it belongs: creating positive experiences for children.

Whether you're a referee seeking relief from sideline pressure, a coach struggling with parent relationships, or a parent navigating the complex youth soccer landscape, this conversation offers practical insights that could transform your experience. Join us as we reimagine youth sports from the sidelines up.

Support the show

Send us a text

What separates great referees from good ones isn't just knowledge of the laws—it's emotional intelligence. This deeply personal episode explores the challenging balance of life as a sports official while introducing a powerful mental framework called the  "Let Them" theory from Mel Robbins."

We begin with an intimate look at the struggle to balance a demanding marketing career, family transitions, and referee responsibilities. As my two oldest children prepare to leave for college just as the new soccer season begins, I'm reminded how referees must constantly juggle competing priorities while still showing up fully present on match day.

For the first time publicly, I share a chapter from my upcoming book about the referee journey. It traces my path from undersized rugby player to soccer official, highlighting how my father's lessons in resilience and discipline shaped my approach to officiating. This rare glimpse into a referee's origin story helps humanize the person behind the whistle.

The core of the episode introduces Mel Robbins' "Let Them" Theory specifically applied to refereeing scenarios. This game-changing approach helps officials distinguish between harmless emotional release versus true dissent requiring intervention. When a player screams in frustration after missing a shot or a coach processes a call verbally—let them. When criticism becomes personal or persistent—that's when you step in with calm authority.

Most powerfully, the theory extends to self-compassion: referees must learn to "let go" of their own mistakes rather than carrying them like emotional weights. The ability to acknowledge errors, learn from them, and move forward with confidence isn't just helpful—it's essential for longevity in officiating.

Whether you're a new referee looking for game management techniques or an experienced official seeking mental frameworks for the toughest scenarios, this episode offers practical wisdom for maintaining composure when everyone around you is losing theirs. Share your own experiences applying these principles in your next match!

Support the show

Send us a text

Ever wonder why soccer fields seem to ignite emotions like few other places? In this eye-opening conversation, Dr. Ryan Martin – known as the Anger Professor – reveals the perfect psychological storm that makes pitches emotional pressure cookers.

Dr. Martin challenges our fundamental understanding of anger, explaining it's not inherently negative but rather a signal of perceived injustice or goal-blocking. On the soccer field, this manifests when calls feel unfair or when someone believes the referee is preventing them from achieving their objective – winning. What makes sporting events uniquely volatile is the combination of high stakes, subjective decisions, and elevated physiological states that mirror emotional arousal.

For referees facing sideline rage, Martin offers practical wisdom: find your "pause button" by taking just a few seconds before responding to heated situations. This tiny delay gives everyone's brain oxygen to move past the reactive "lizard brain" response. Communication proves equally crucial – briefly explaining significant decisions helps fill information vacuums that would otherwise be filled with assumptions about bias or incompetence.

The most powerful insight might be his explanation of why referees ruminate on negative interactions long after matches end. This tendency to replay difficult moments isn't a weakness but evidence of caring deeply about excellence. While emotionally uncomfortable, this reflection process ultimately drives improvement when channeled constructively.

Whether you're a veteran referee seeking better match management techniques, a coach wanting to understand sideline dynamics, or a parent navigating youth sports culture, this conversation offers transformative perspectives on channeling emotions productively in competitive environments.

Ready to transform how you handle emotions on the pitch? Listen now and discover why understanding anger might be the most powerful tool in your referee toolkit.

Dr. Ryan Martin can be found here:

https://alltheragescience.com/martin/

https://www.instagram.com/angerprofessor/

https://www.tiktok.com/@angerprofessor

Support the show

Send us a text

Soccer's law book undergoes a mini-revolution with the 2025-2026 Laws of the Game, and referee Leland Grant, National Referee Coach and Umpiro founder, breaks down the four most significant changes poised to transform how matches unfold across all levels of play.

The first major change introduces a powerful new tool for match officials: the captain-only zone. When surrounded by multiple players, referees can now signal for a four-meter exclusion zone where only the designated team captain may approach. This mechanic directly addresses referee harassment, requiring captains to wear proper armbands and take responsibility for communication. Players violating this protected space face yellow cards for dissent, transforming how disputes are managed on the field.

Perhaps most revolutionary is the guidance around the amount of time a goalkeeper may have possesion. The widely ignored six-second rule transforms into a more practical eight-second limit with an innovative visual countdown. Referees now raise their hand showing five fingers when three seconds have elapsed and count down visually until zero, with violations resulting in a corner kick rather than the previous indirect free kick. This balanced approach promises to eliminate goalkeeper time-wasting while providing clear visual cues to everyone on the field.

The drop ball procedure receives welcome clarification, allowing referees to use common sense in awarding possession to teams that would have clearly gained the ball, rather than rigidly following the "last touched" principle. The only exception remains within the penalty area, where drop balls always go to the defending goalkeeper regardless of circumstances.

These changes reflect soccer's commitment to fairness, clarity, and respect while addressing longtime frustrations with inconsistent rule application. While some competitions like MLS will delay implementation until 2026, most leagues worldwide will adopt these changes beginning July 1st.

Ready to understand these changes more deeply? Visit ussoccer.com/lawsofthegamechanges for videos and detailed explanations that will help you prepare for soccer's new era.

Support the show

Send us a text

Support the show

Send us a text

Ever wonder how to stay passionate while juggling multiple demanding roles? This candid episode dives into the reality of balancing life as a referee, business professional, content creator, and parent during an especially hectic season.

David shares his journey through a particularly intense period—working full-time in sales and marketing for Hip Hues, running Refs Need Love Too, and preparing for his daughter's high school graduation while managing to referee challenging matches. Rather than feeling overwhelmed, he's discovered a powerful mindset shift that transforms exhaustion into fulfillment: consistently asking "Is what I'm doing getting me closer to my goal?"

The heart of the episode features a detailed walkthrough of David's newly launched referee cards with comprehensive pregame checklists printed on the back. This innovative tool provides referees with critical reminders about field inspection, coach interactions, substitution procedures, offside considerations, and foul management—all designed to boost confidence and crew cohesion during matches.

Particularly moving are the letters from the mailbag, including stories of young referees successfully implementing the new referee abuse guidelines and finding their voice on the pitch. These testimonials highlight how proper support systems can transform potentially career-ending negative experiences into powerful growth opportunities.

David also breaks down his recent experience officiating a challenging UPSL semi-professional match at age 50, complete with 12 cards, 5.7 miles of running, and valuable game management lessons. His account illustrates why pushing beyond comfort zones leads to greater satisfaction and skill development in officiating.

The episode closes with a poignant reminder about family priorities—with all three of his children home for potentially the last summer together, David emphasizes the importance of seizing these precious moments despite busy schedules. 

Visit the Refs Need Love Too store to check out the new referee cards and other products designed to make your officiating journey more successful and enjoyable. Use code "refsneedlovetoo" for special discounts on partner products from Umpiro and Ref6.

Support the show

Send us a text

Ever wondered what it takes to officiate at the collegiate level? John Collins, the National Coordinator of Men's and Women's Soccer Officials for the NCAA, pulls back the curtain on a world that represents both challenge and opportunity for advancing referees.

With college soccer now boasting the largest officiating pool in NCAA sports—over 5,380 registered officials—Collins reveals the pathways to breaking into this level. "If you're working at the top youth level and at the amateur level, NCAA soccer is probably a fit for you," he explains, detailing how referees typically move from high-level youth matches to college assignments through networking and regional organizations. The conversation delves into how college soccer strategically positions itself between top amateur competitions and professional matches, creating a unique environment where officials can develop and thrive.

Collins, who balances his NCAA leadership role with a career in finance, brings perspectives from his own journey as both collegiate goalkeeper and national referee. His insights on evaluation criteria are particularly valuable: "We're looking for critical, skillful thinkers that can manage games, apply the laws, manage participants, and they've got to be good athletes." This emphasis on critical thinking challenges the simplistic "keep it simple" mantra that many referees learn at grassroots levels.

The discussion also addresses the evolving relationship between NCAA and IFAB rules, referee shortage challenges, and the critical importance of experiential learning and community-building for referee development. Whether you're considering collegiate officiating or simply interested in understanding the referee pathway better, Collins offers wisdom applicable to officials at every level, including his personal philosophy: "Plan for the unexpected."

Ready to explore collegiate officiating opportunities? Email [email protected] to learn how to connect with conference assigners or NISOA chapters in your region.

Support the show

Send us a text

What does it take to excel as a defender when you don't fit the physical prototype? Michael Parkhurst, who captained Atlanta United to their 2018 MLS Cup victory, reveals how his mind became his greatest strength on the soccer pitch.

"My brain was my biggest asset," Parkhurst explains, detailing how he compensated for lacking the traditional center back qualities of height, strength, and aerial prowess. This mental approach not only fueled his remarkable professional career but also inspired his current mission helping young players develop beyond their technical abilities.

After watching talented academy players fail to earn second contracts despite their skills, Parkhurst co-founded Beyond Goals Mentoring with former teammate Greg Garza. Their organization addresses the immense pressure facing today's young players and teaches the often-overlooked mental skills crucial for success. From building resilience and confidence to developing leadership and emotional control, these tools serve athletes both on and off the pitch.

The conversation offers valuable insights for players, coaches, and referees alike. Parkhurst breaks down what makes a great referee from a player's perspective: mutual respect, clear communication, and consistency. He provides practical advice on player-referee interactions, emphasizing respectful dialogue and emotional management during heated moments.

Parents will find particular value in Parkhurst's observations about sideline behavior and how it affects both player development and referee retention. His perspective highlights how well-meaning parents often undermine their children's growth by removing opportunities to learn through mistakes and develop decision-making skills.

Whether you're a player looking to elevate your mental game, a referee seeking to understand the player's mindset, or a parent supporting a young athlete, this episode delivers practical wisdom from someone who reached soccer's highest levels through intelligence rather than physical dominance. Visit beyondgoalsmentoring.com to learn more about developing the complete athlete.

Support the show