Reinventure Me

Influence. We all like to have it. But how can we be a person of deep influence? Leary and Armin, talk about that with T.J. Addington, author of the new book Deep Influence.

T.J. Addington is a Senior Vice President with the EFCA (E-Free Churches of America denomination) and the leader of ReachGlobal, the international mission of the EFCA. He has served as a pastor, consultant and denominational leader and for the past 25 years has been advising church and non-profit leaders on healthy leaders, governance and mission.

He is the author of five books: High Impact Church Boards; Leading From The Sandbox; Live Like You Mean It; When Life Comes Undone; and his latest release, Deep Influence.

Leary and Armin caught up with T.J. to talk about some of the ideas in his latest book, Deep Influence. Tim offered the following quote from his book as this episode’s Inspire Me quote.

“The preponderance of books on leadership focus on what good leaders do, how they act, or the strategies they implement. Some of these books provide real insight into good leadership principles. But these are not the most important issues in leadership, nor are they where leadership starts. Great leadership starts deep inside and the best leaders belong in a category set apart. Their uniqueness lies not first in their ability but in a set of intentional practices that they nurture. Those practices combined with leadership ability make the difference between the average leader and a leader with deep influence.”

What’s inside is what comes out. Good leadership comes out of a deep reservoir of their hearts and minds. Poor leaders, on the other hand, lead out of insecurity and their own personal agendas. To become a leader of deep influence, you must pay attention to this inner world.

Leadership training often focuses on technique–skills–rather than the more profound issues about heart: What is my motivation for leading? Am I leading from a place of health, or from my shadow side? Skill must be combined with depth of character inside.

People of deep influence are rare because it’s far easier to focus on activity–and the recognition we receive from it–than to focus on the unseen practices that develop deep influence. Good leaders are more reflective, they take the time to think deeply. And they seek to understand themselves and others by asking more and deeper questions. These are the unseen practices that make a leader a person of deep influence.

T.J. began to cultivate these practices of deep influence in his own life as he began to focus on his unique gifts, rather than trying to do everything. He draws a parallel between the use of time and our finances and thinks about his priorities as “time checks” that he writes. Every time he makes an agreement to do something, he is writing a time check, except unlike a financial account, checks can only be drawn on this account. There are no deposits of time.

The level of our emotional health (our EQ) determines how much influence we can have with others. If we are defensive, we shut down dialogue. If we have to have our own way, we are less likely to lead teams that learn to work together. We become aware of our EQ through interaction with others. When we open up with others and discuss how we interact with them, we learn how to improve our EQ.

Leaders that lead from their shadow-side have low EQ. They are overly influenced by the issues that come from their family of origin, protection of their  areas of vulnerability, or the flip-side of their strengths. Since it can never be eradicated, understanding the shadow-side of our leadership allows us to manage it in such away to lead in more healthy way. Unless we understand ourselves, we cannot really understand others.

T.J.’s Challenge Me challenge was to become a person of deep influence. Start a conversation among your friends about how you lead and respond to them. Read T.J. new book and begin to implement the unseen practices mentioned.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

If you’re confused or bewildered on what to do with your life, it may be time to go on a personal planning retreat. Here’s one way you can get the most from your time away.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Danish philosopher and theologian Soren Kierkegaard:

“There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming .”

A personal planning retreat is great way to rejuvenate your life purpose and to plan for the new year. It’s a focused personal time away from the hustle and bustle of life with it’s many interruption and distractions. In this episode, Leary and Armin talk about the value of clarity, guidance and evaluation that such retreats can bring to you life and share tips on how to get the most out of your time away.

1. Preparation (before your retreat):

2. Process (at your retreat):

3. Practice (after your retreat):

This week’s Challenge Me:

Just do it. Start planning a retreat for yourself. If you’ve taken personal planning retreats, leave your tips on what’s worked for you on our show notes at reinventure.me/46

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

Expressing gratitude has many benefits. We all know that. But how do we create a lifestyle of gratitude, moving beyond just transactional displays of appreciation?

Zig Ziglar supplies this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

Expressing gratitude has many scientifically proven benefits that can help you get to your next great beginning even faster:

These are things we all know. The challenge is how to develop a lifestyle of gratitude rather than just simply responding to acts of kindness. How do we get out in front of it, to put it on display proactively—systemically—rather than just transactionally as a show of appreciation when something is done for us?

Gratitude as a lifestyle means that the expression of gratitude has become habitual for us. Leary and Armin discussed ten specific habits that you can use to proactively develop a lifestyle of gratitude.

This week’s Challenge Me:

Pick one of the habits above to put into practice for the next week. Let us know what you picked by leaving a comment on our show page. Also let us know what other habits you’ve used to supercharge your gratitude.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

Have you ever struggled with the idea of self-promotion? You know you need to put yourself out there, but you don’t want to be one of those guys. This episode will help you develop the art of healthy self promotion.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Sir Isaac Newton:

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

In last week’s episode, Leary and Armin had the opportunity to interview sales guru Stephan Schiffman. Stephan made the point that selling is actually an act of service, whether you are selling a product or selling yourself. When you look out for the interest of others saying, “I have something for you that can solve xyz,” then selling becomes a noble endeavor.

So, when you’re trying to sell yourself, how do you do that in a way that doesn’t come across like you’re self-promoting, slimy or being arrogant? The key is in knowing that there is a difference between healthy self-promotion and selfish self-promotion. If we are going to have our work recognized, it should be recognized as a contribution to someone’s future work. It shouldn’t be pointing and directing everything back to us. It’s important that our work acts as seed for ideas out there, that others can build upon.

So what’s the difference between healthy self promotion and selfish promotion?

There are three steps in the creative cycle: curation, cultivation and communication. As we look at self-promotion, the truth is, you have something brilliant to create, curated from others and cultivated by your life experiences and gifting. It’s our stewardship responsibility to communicate this to others.

Now, how can we do this art of self-promotion in a healthy way?

First, we need to go at the speed of others needs. If you find yourself doing things to get feedback, you may be selfishly promoting. Next, we must work on developing the creative cycle. If you don’t do the work of creating something and its all about promotion, then what you’re doing is selling without value. Lastly, and most importantly, we must realize that we are a part of an ecosystem. We must learn to share the spotlight, extend credit to others and see ourselves as part of a bigger picture.

This week Challenge Me challenge for this episode is: Evaluate how you spend time in each of the three creative lifecycle areas. Are you curating, cultivating and communicating?

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

We all have something to sell. It may be a product, a service or even yourself. But how do we do it successfully and where do we start?

Stephan Schiffman is a leader in motivational and sales training and has been since 1979. He has trained and consulted to a wide range of corporations including IBM, AT&T, Motorola, Sprint, CIGNA, and a host of other organizations throughout the world.

In addition to training and consulting, he is the author of 70 best selling sales books.  His writing and all of his training are based upon actual sales experiences that have been proven successful. He has been rated as the number one sales expert in prospecting by Personal Selling Power magazine.

In this episode, Stephan’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“Never, never, never give up.”

Stephan Schiffman is passionate about selling, but even more so he is passionate about helping others learn how to sell.  In this episode, Leary and Armin visit with him about ideas and tips on helping others find their own success. Success in selling and success in life.

His definition of success is simple: You are a success if you are happy doing what you do and know that you have ownership of your own success.

In order to be a success, he believes we need to continue to take a look at our goals. As we change and grow, our goals need to change and grow too. Selling is really “a vehicle to accomplish a goal.” If it’s selling yourself or selling a product or service, there really isn’t a difference. “Selling is understanding what the other person wants to accomplish,” Stephan says.  “It’s building a relationship with someone and then having a conversation with them.”

To sell, you need to ask people what they do; ask how they do it; ask when they do it; ask where they do it; ask who they do it with; ask why they’re doing it that way, and then help them do it better. It’s really all about creating relationships with people. But, there are always skills that can be developed in each of us. Stephan offers us four key sales abilities that he believes are important for everyone to develop:

Stephan’s Challenge Me challenge for this episode is simple: practice. “Don’t just let things happen to you,” he says. We need to think about where we are and where we want to go. Just as an athlete practices to play in the real game, you need to practice to play in your real game.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

We all value getting better. But how do we know where to start and what progress we might be making? It may be time to have staff meetings with yourself.

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Victor Hugo:

“ The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.”

It takes being valiant to take a good look inside. In this episode of Reinventure Me, Leary and Armin discuss a very simple but powerful exercise to determine what changes are most important for you to make.

Back in 1997 Tom Peters, wrote an article for Fast Company magazine. “The Brand of You” sparked an epidemic of personal branding. We discussed personal branding in episode 19. This episode is about how to think about yourself as You, Inc and specifically how you should conduct a staff meeting with yourself.

It may sound strange, but this simple process can provide structure and clarity around the most important changes you can make to create a more appealing future. Start with drawing five circles around a circle in the center, as depicted in the image above. Label the center circle, “CEO” and each of the five outer circles with “Sales,” “Marketing,” “Finance,” “R&D,” and “HR”—the five major functions of a business.

In a quite place, hold a private conversation with you as CEO, then switch to formulate the answers as each of the other department heads might respond with the situation that you’re evaluating. For instance, if you’ve just been fired, or perhaps you’re contemplating a new job, consider what each of the functional area leaders in your business of “You” might say about your situation.

As CEO of You, Inc., you have an critical function to perform—you must keep the conversation going and focused on creating a productive (not destructive) outcome. Mimic the five behaviors of great CEOs:

Avoid making the mistake of listening to only one of your staff. Often, in a panic, we might listen to the Finance voice, for instance, and entirely miss a great opportunity that might present itself through the other voices if we only allow ourselves to entertain them.

The Challenge Me for this episode is simply to give it a try and comment on the show notes how it worked.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

How do you move from hating your life to truly loving it? When Amanda Carroll suddenly found herself alone with three young children, she had to learn how to trust God for her future by learning to love the life she lived, regardless of circumstances she didn’t choose.

Amanda Carroll is a successful radio show host, having been a radio show host in local, regional and national markets. Her syndicated show, The Amanda Carroll Show, now airs in over 70 cities in the United States and Canada. But it hasn’t always been that way.

Four years ago Amanda’s husband came home and without warning told her that he was leaving her. With three young children—one just 8 weeks old— Amanda felt her world had suddenly crashed in around her. She “crawled into this little cocoon of life to heal” from the emotional trauma, postpartum depression, and weight gain the trauma of abandonment brought her. A year later, by learning to embrace the good days and forget the bad, she was “redeemed” with a new vision for her life and a new position as a show host at K-LOVE radio, where her words of inspiration reached 15 million listeners weekly.

Through it all, a favorite quote of Amanda’s is this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“ Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, we are able to treat life as art.” — Maya Angelou

Amanda has a heart for single moms. She wants them to know that they don’t need to just survive; they can thrive despite their circumstances. But her message of personal renewal and hope is just as pertinent to anyone facing a debilitating circumstance.

“The struggle gives the caterpillar the ability to fly as a butterfly,” she says. Take away the struggle and something vital is lost. A focus on the future is critical to making it out of the cocoon. Amada quotes Viktor Frankl words in Man’s Search for Meaning, “He who has a why can bear any how.” You must find the “why” for your future. The key is to choose to focus on the future instead of what happened to you in the past and how bad your present situation is.

To get there, Amanda says it’s important to eliminate the negative things in your life and focus on the positive. She spent a lot of time listening to God, because it’s God who gives the strength to overcome any circumstance. “Where you get stuck in that place [the cocoon] is because you think you have to find the strength on your own….He’s the One to make you brave. To make you strong.”

“I can’t take any credit for the redemption that He’s brought into my life,” Amanda says. “The only credit I can take is that I was willing.”

Getting from hating your life to loving it requires that we stop comparing yourself with others. “The picture perfect life is attainable,” Amanda says, “it’s just the contents of everyone’s picture is different.” Limitations are limiting only when you allow them to be. To love your life, you have to look at the little things in your life that you love. Cultivating love for the little things fosters gratitude that makes it easier to forget the hard things in your life.

As Mayo Angelou’s would say, make life a pure adventure. “Instead of thinking about a calamity in your life, think about it as an adventure,” Amanda says. “Your mess in life is your message.”

Amanda’s advice to single moms: “The most important thing to remember is that you’re not locked in. You can do it. Don’t try to fix your situation as single mom as you possibly can with a relationship…Be who you are on your own. Find your own vision.”

Amanda’s Challenge Me challenge for this episode is to write down a vision for your life. And take that first step, a brave moment.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

Are you taking a break or just wasting time? In this episode, we discuss time wasters, why it matters and how to stop wasting time.

Half of Americans consider themselves chronic procrastinators. Wasting time is a normal experience. We’ll often choose to spend time with the television rather than engaging with those we love or in work we love.

Pablo Picasso provides this week’s Inspire Me quote:

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”

We can stare at something all day long, but we won’t find inspiration in it. Leary and Armin discussed what it means to waste time. Leary points out that time cannot be managed, it can only be spent. Unless we see ourselves as stewards of the gifts God has given us, we won’t take a serious look at how we waste time. “Make the most of every opportunity,” the Bible tells us. “Most” and “every” are words that require no waste. Armin points out that to waste time is simply to give yourself to things that add no value to you. They are empty pursuits.

Leary offered three questions you can ask to know if your wasting time or taking a break (see his blog post on this in the resource section below).

Leary described three situations when he is more likely to waste time: when he’s tired, when he’s overloaded without a good plan of attack, and when he’s avoiding something important. Armin is more likely to waste time when he’s unclear about his goals and dreams, when he doubts himself and when he’s emotionally overwhelmed.

The strategies that Leary uses to curtail wasting time:

Armin suggests making rest a goal and points out a Harvard study that showed $63.2 billion of lost productivity due to sleep deprivation. There’s good reason God commanded a sabbath rest in the Bible.

The Challenge Me is to simply help another listener by commenting on the show notes the strategies tips and tactics you use to stop wasting time.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

It’s one thing to get motivated to do something. But how do you create a motivated lifestyle—one of consistent day-to-day motivation? Four habits can help.

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Mr. Motivation, Zig Ziglar:

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”

Daily motivation. What does it take to create a lifestyle of daily motivation?

What do those who have a motivated lifestyle have in common? Leary and Armin discuss three things:

Creating a lifestyle of motivation requires creating habits (see episode 21). There are many that can create a motivation lifestyle, but here are four; two habits of thought and two habits of action:

The Challenge Me for this episode is to focus on one of the habit suggestions for a week. Report your results on our website show notes at reinventure.me.

Resources mentioned or related to this podcast that may be helpful to you:

You can’t be alive without experiencing conflict. How you handle conflict can turn that next unpleasant encounter into an opportunity to gain influence. Leary and Armin talk about how to handle conflict and some of the ways it’s not gone so well for them.

This episode’s Inspire Me quote is from Winston Churchill:

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”

Unintended words can slip, especially in times of conflict.

Handling conflict is important to what’s next because:

Leary and Armin discussed their conflict management styles. Both Leary and Armin are more likely to confront conflict rather than to avoid it. In many ways, conflict is borne out of a longing for our ideas and thinking to be validated by another. And we see validation as agreement. As Soren Kierkegaard, once wrote, “People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.”

Since non-verbal communication is over 70% of the message we send, the best way to resolve conflict is in person, rather than over email or text message.

Leary described four bad habits in managing conflict that he’s had to work on to get better at:

Conflict is one of the greatest assets you can have in your life. It can create more health in your life, if you handle it correctly. You’ll gain more insight about yourself under times of conflict than during stable times. Handling conflict in a engaged and healthy way engenders trust and helps you gain influence with others.

Armin’s one piece of advice on handling conflict: “Have it. However, make the purpose of the conflict to create resolution. Conflict makes relationships stronger.”

Leary’s one piece of advice on handling conflict: “Conflict is how you learn what goals you’ve had that you can’t control.”

The Challenge Me for this episode is to ask three people to describe how they see you handle conflict. You’ll learn more about the truth of yourself and also increase your influence when you ask another to sound off on how you manage conflict.