Relationship Atlas

One of the cornerstones for a successful relationship over time is emotional safety: is my emotional experience safe here? Or is it judged, rejected, or worse? What do I need in order to feel emotionally safe? What do I need to change in order to be a safe space emotionally? All of this and more in todays discussion.

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I struggled today to put together what I thought would be the "perfect" episode, and because of that, I almost didn't record at all. And then it hit me - messy action is better than no action at all.

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Indecision is a silent killer - lets talk about what needs to start happening.

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Conflict can be difficult, but if it is resolved well, regardless of the difficulty, it can lead to lead to deepened connection and the overall resiliency of the relationship. Here are 3 tools I have used over the years that have helped Gabby and I navigate conflict better together. 

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I think its fair to say that we would all enjoy being in a secure relationship; the intimacy, the closeness, the connection, the ease, peace, alignment, etc. The possibilities of a secure relationship are literally endless, and thats where I got curious - how far does that "endless opportunity" go? Turns out, pretty damn far. From personal exploration to postpartum depression to retirement to the greater good of society, secure relationships really do have an endless impact, and that is what we explore together in todays episode.

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Source: "Love Sense" by Sue Johnson

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In todays episode, we begin the conversation surrounding safety and trust in our relationships. Without a strong foundation of safety, build thru consistency in action based on who we say we are, our relationships will quickly (or slowly) deteriorate over time. So what can we do? How can we create this kind of environment? How do we even know if my partner feels safe? That they trust me? Where are our blindspots? How do we fill them? 

Listen in for a direct approach to mitigating micro ruptures of safety/trust. 

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Todays episode is a discussion about "time" and how to approach it more effectively as a couple. Together we get curious about what your current belief about time is, where that belief originated, how you manage time now vs.how you want to manage time, and then we finish the discussion with a couple strategies and tools to help alleviate conflict around time. Whether you're single or in a long standing relationship, this episode has helpful tips for everyone who is looking to better understand and manage "time."

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Gabby and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary this past weekend! We had coffee in the morning together, then we went out hiking in the mountains, and then followed that up with a delicious dinner at an Italian-style restaurant. It was an amazing weekend overall, even on the slower Sunday we took together, and it all felt different than our past ones. It felt more... free from unspoken expectation, aligned on life, excited about what is still yet to come, and at ease about who we are and what we've accomplished. All of this got me thinking - if there were 5 major keys to being together for 5 years, what would they be?

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A lot of what I experience with my clients, and what I also experienced in my earlier relationships, is a desire to eradicate conflict altogether. Even during the research for this episode, I came across a clip where the audience and the host's were surprised to hear that conflict isn't just important, but its actually necessary. Conflict has been given a bad rep, especially in intimate relationships, but without it, our relationships won't evolve, they won't grow, and they won't be able to sustain anything long-lasting. The solution? Learning how to fight better.

Some of the other relational experts mentioned:

• Terry Real
• Esther Perel

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I really enjoyed this episode because it reminded me of some of the many things that Gabby and I have taken on in an effort to grow, heal, and evolve together. My suggestion: take 1, 2, or 3 of these, and try them on for a couple weeks. Shift and mold them into what works best for your unique relationship. Be wary of trying all 10 at once - there is no rush here. Do your best to hold this closing perspective - we may lose some battles, but we will win the war, together. 

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