Recorded: October 20, 2018 / Published: October 21, 2018
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode: Rules to Love By, Relationship Burnout, Mindreading, Managing Expectations in BDSM Relationships, a listener question that ended in me writing 10 Rules for Hard Conversations.
Rules to Love by:
1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

Message from ForsakenNymph
“I just now got to listen to the latest episode. It was good, as always. My condolences to losing Funsize. During the show, someone chatted a line about complacency. That made me think about an idea for the next show. You touched on introducing kink (honeymoon phase). How do you keep things interesting/spice things up after you have gone through every page of your "kinky Kamasutra"? What is the importance of continued open communication after you have gotten to know your partner? What are the dangers of mindreading or expecting someone to know what you want because you have been together a while? Just an idea. ;-)”

How do you keep things interesting or spice things up after you have gone through every page of your "kinky Kamasutra"?
Hanging out with other kinksters.
Attending playspaces or new playspaces.
Explore soft limits.
Readdress hard limits.

What is the importance of continued open communication after you have gotten to know your partner?
The most important thing people can do.
You never really know a person.
Most people start to think they know someone when the New Relationship Energy (N.R.E.)  starts to fade but this is not at all true.

What are the dangers of mindreading or expecting someone to know what you want because you have been together a while?
These two things fall right in line with the saying “strive to understand before being understood”. Also, for most people, they are the two biggest pitfalls of effective communication. Let’s break them up into the two categories of Mindreading and Managing Expectations.
Mindreading:
As humans, this is probably one of the most arrogant and stupid things that we do. Besides this, when we think we know what someone is thinking or feeling we are taking away their freedom to think and feel the way they typically would. This is because you place pressure on them to think, feel, and be just like you. It’s like the only people we want to be in a relationship with is ourselves. When you catch yourself thinking you already know what your partner or anyone else is thinking or feeling that is when you need to communicate the most. Make sure that you are really on the same page. Think about it, if you are right then you have immediate confirmation that you know them as you think you. If you are wrong, chances it will lead to a bonding conversation. Either way, you are showing them respect by asking, not telling them how they think and feel, thus strengthening your relationship. We want to take communication and relationship shortcuts but humans are to complex for that and we are not built to take those shortcuts. We need to be heard and understood.
Managing Expectations:
How often you do become upset, angry, or depressed because someone didn’t react to something the way you thought they would. Maybe they weren’t as excited about something as you were and it bummed you out because you expected them to be over the moon or you had what seemed like the worst day ever and they pretty much gave you a pat on the ass and told you to “shake it off” but you expected them to become enraged with them at the idiot boss they have to deal with on their job? How did this make you feel, how did you react and how did this immediately affect the relationship?...