In this episode, Lilly breaks down the repair process that actually works using Terry Real’s Feedback Wheel. She explains the two biggest mistakes we make when trying to repair after conflict.

This episode is for you if you feel like you’re always apologizing but nothing ever gets resolved, if conflicts drag on for days instead of clearing in minutes, or if you’re tired of walking on eggshells in your own relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* The 4-step Feedback Wheel for clearing conflict fast

* Why adding your own grievance during her repair attempt backfires

* How defending your intentions makes your partner feel invalidated

* How to own your part without losing yourself in the process

* Why dealing with one problem at a time clears conflict faster

* How to end repair conversations without making them worse

This episode is for you if:

* You feel like you’re always apologizing but nothing changes

* Conflicts drag on for days instead of getting resolved

* You want to clear fights faster so you can get back to enjoying each other

* You’re tired of walking on eggshells at home

Connect with Lilly:

* Join UNDEFEATED (FREE 3 Day Intensive for Men, Dec 8 to 10, 6pm CT): Learn how to lead your relationship and handle conflict without losing yourself. https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated

* Work 1 on 1 with Lilly: [email protected]

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly explains why your body reacts before your brain can catch up in arguments, why traditional talk therapy wasn’t built for how men process and heal, and how nervous system work helps you lead your relationship without endless therapy sessions. This is for men who want real results, not more talking.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why small critiques feel like massive attacks (and how to change that)

* Why traditional therapy doesn’t work for most men (and what actually does)

* How your past is hijacking your present relationship

* Why 60% of men who died by suicide had been in therapy the year before

* How men and women bond differently (and why talk therapy works better for women)

* Why you don’t need to talk about your trauma to heal from it

* The nervous system approach that creates real change fast

This episode is for you if:

* You feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her

* She’s pulling away, and you don’t know how to get her back

* You’re tired of the same fights on repeat

* You want practical solutions, not another year of therapy

Connect with Lilly:

* Join UNDEFEATED (FREE 3 Day Intensive, Dec 8 to 10, 6pm CT): Learn how to lead your relationship and create the connection you want. https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated

* Work 1 on 1 with Lilly: [email protected]

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly uncovers a pattern that’s quietly destroying connection in high-achieving relationships: high-functioning survival.

You’re checking all the boxes at work and home, you’re dependable and productive, but emotionally you feel numb, disconnected, and unable to relax even when you’re safe. Lilly explains why your nervous system might be stuck in survival mode and how that constant activation erodes intimacy, presence, and peace in your relationship.

Lilly breaks down what high-functioning survival looks like in your body and your relationship. From hyper vigilance and controlling behaviors to withdrawing and withholding affection, you’ll learn to recognize the signs that your nervous system is running the show instead of you. She shares the story of a firefighter client who was a hero at work but completely shut down at home, and how his body’s inability to shift out of survival mode created distance in his marriage. You’ll discover why you can’t think your way out of this state and what it takes to bring your body back online so connection becomes possible again.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right but your relationship still feels wrong, if you struggle to relax around your partner even when nothing’s wrong, or if closeness feels unsafe and you don’t know why, this episode will give you the tools to start shifting. Lilly walks you through a simple orienting exercise you can do right now to help your nervous system move from high alert back into safety and connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What high functioning survival is and how to recognize it in your body and relationship

* The signs your nervous system is stuck in activation (hyper vigilance, controlling behaviors, emotional numbness, difficulty with intimacy)

* Why you can’t access deep connection when your body is braced for danger

* How chronic nervous system activation shows up physically (tension, GI issues, inflammation, chronic pain)

* A simple orienting exercise to bring your body out of survival mode and back into presence

* Why connection begins with safety in your body, not your mind

* How to start rebuilding intimacy and closeness when you’ve been operating in survival mode

Connect with Lilly:

Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels

Subscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.com

Email [email protected] for deeper nervous system work

Feeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts.

Feeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free.

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly explores one of the most subtle but powerful shifts you can make in your relationships: the difference between being detached and being disconnected. Acting like you don’t care might seem like protection, but it actually blocks love and safety from landing.

Lilly explains how emotional maturity means holding your desires with peace instead of fear, learning to trust instead of chase, and creating space for love to flow without gripping or withdrawing. You’ll learn what healthy detachment really looks like and how to move from survival energy to self-trust and connection.

If you’ve ever been told to “just stop caring so much” and it left you confused or shut down, this episode will help you understand how to care deeply without losing your power.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The energetic difference between not caring and healthy detachment

• How flippancy and indifference are forms of self-protection rooted in fear

• What healthy detachment feels like in your body and nervous system

• Why emotional maturity and self-trust create real attraction and safety

• How to hold your desires without gripping, chasing, or avoiding

• Why long-term relationships require short-term discomfort and emotional resilience

• How leading with love instead of fear transforms your connection

Connect with Lilly:

Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels

Subscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.com

Feeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free.

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly breaks down the three silent killers that quietly destroy communication in relationships: unverbalized expectations, misunderstandings, and assumptions. These hidden patterns create resentment, disconnection, and distance between partners, but they are completely fixable when you know what to look for.

Lilly teaches how to replace fantasy thinking with clear requests, how to stop fighting the wrong fight by asking for clarity, and how curiosity can bring new life to your connection. If you’ve ever felt like roommates instead of lovers, this episode will show you how to rebuild trust, connection, and understanding through real communication.

In this episode, you’ll learn:• What the three silent killers of communication are and how they show up in your relationship• Why unverbalized expectations create resentment• How to stop misunderstandings before they turn into conflict• The power of asking clarifying questions instead of assuming• How curiosity keeps your relationship alive and growing

Connect with Lilly: Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels

Subscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.com

Feeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free.

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly walks you through the exact framework she uses with her clients to help them create deeper, healthier relationships. She breaks down each phase of her signature method, the Relational Blueprint Method, and shows how it helps you identify your patterns, expand your capacity to receive love, and learn to communicate from a grounded and loving place.

You’ll learn how to move from reaction to regulation, from confusion to clarity, and from disconnection to lasting connection. Whether you’re single, dating, or partnered, this episode gives you a roadmap for how to start doing the real work of relational growth.

In this episode, you’ll learn:• What the Relational Blueprint Method is and how it works• Why setting clear intentions at the beginning of your growth journey matters• How to identify your nervous system’s primary survival response• The importance of emotional experiencing and building resilience• How to recognize and interrupt your relationship patterns• The role of your inner child and the wise adult in healing• What it means to “say the real thing” and lead with love in communication

Connect with Lilly:Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.com

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a review. Share it with a friend who’s ready to grow in love and learn how to communicate the real thing.

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly shares the mission behind the podcast and the personal story that shaped her passion for helping others build healthy, lasting relationships. She opens up about getting married young, struggling with conflict, and how unhealed childhood patterns influenced her ability to receive love. Through her own healing journey, she discovered that relationships are one of the most powerful vehicles for growth, serving as mirrors that reveal where we still have room to heal, expand, and love more deeply.

Lilly reminds us that the goal is not perfection but growth. Healthy relationships are not free from conflict; they are built by two people who are willing to stay, repair, and continue choosing each other.

If you’ve ever wondered why relationships can feel both beautiful and hard, this episode will give you clarity, hope, and inspiration to keep growing through love.

In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why Lilly started Relationship Growth and what it stands for• How childhood patterns shape how we show up in relationships• The difference between earning love and receiving it• Why nervous system regulation is key to connection• How conflict can become an opportunity for growth instead of disconnection

Connect with Lilly: Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels

Subscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.com

If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review. Share it with someone who’s ready to grow in love.

Welcome to Relationship Growth, the podcast that teaches you the skills to not just find love but keep it alive. In this opening episode, host Lilly Rachels shares the heart behind the rebrand and why this show exists: to help you grow a relationship you don’t just stay in but thrive in.

Lilly explains that healthy relationships don’t happen by luck. They are cultivated through consistent care, communication, and curiosity. Using the metaphor of a houseplant, she reminds listeners that love withers without nourishment, but when tended to with attention and patience, it flourishes for years.

This episode explores the deeper purpose of relational growth. How our childhood wounds and learned protection patterns quietly shape the way we connect, communicate, and handle conflict. Lilly invites listeners to bring awareness, self-responsibility, and practical action to their relationships, one small daily choice at a time.

If you have ever felt your relationship slipping into the roommate rut, or you are single but longing to understand how to create long term love, this is where your transformation begins.

Connect with Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels and on Substack at www.lillyrachels.com.

If your relationship feels harder than it should, you might be playing two different games without realizing it. In this episode, I share how mismatched expectations, childhood blueprints, and unspoken needs create friction and how my Me → You → We process helps couples get on the same page. You’ll learn how to rediscover yourself, relearn your partner, and recreate a relationship built on trust, respect, and growth.

What You’ll Learn:

* Why you and your partner might be playing by different rules

* The Me → You → We method for deeper connection

* How to move from conflict to collaboration

Links & Resources:

* Instagram: @lillyrachels

* Free guide: Clear the Air: How to Say What’s Bothering You (Without a Blow-Up)

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking a reel I saw recently that really bothered me.

It suggested that you should strive not to care if your partner cheats — that detachment will somehow make you more desirable.

Here’s the thing: that’s not detachment. That’s avoidance.

I get it, protecting yourself can feel safer than risking being hurt again.

But building walls to avoid pain doesn’t make you stronger. It just keeps you disconnected. I talk about what real emotional strength looks like, how avoidance masquerades as power, and why vulnerability is the key to healthy love.

I also share one of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis that captures this beautifully.

If you’ve been hurt before and find yourself pulling away from intimacy to stay “safe,” this episode is for you.

📩 Want support?If you’re ready to break down the walls and start creating real, secure connections — DM me the word sessions on Instagram @lillyrachels to learn about working together.

Thanks for listening — and as always, I hope you choose growth. 🤍