Relationship Transformers

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a common point of view that most people in a relationship have that negatively affects their relationships without their knowing. And that is the view that they have something figured out more than their partner and so they have to get their partner to subscribe to it too so their relationship can become better. 

That’s a common thing that Paul and Stacey hear from their program participants all the time. One particular relationship transformer who was doing the 14-Day Boost Program posted on the relationship transformers Facebook group about how she loved the program module on alignment, especially where they were learning about how to get to the win-win, instead of staying stuck in the win-lose. She felt that it was a great module for her husband to learn from, but she needed advice on how to make him listen to it. That’s a great example of that detrimental point of view and Paul and Stacey will seek to deal with it in this episode.

It’s part of our natural wiring to think that way because it comes from the demand relationship wiring that is just so deep in our blueprint, and we must learn to shift away from it by first realizing that there is no “me and you” in a relationship. Partners in a relationship are one, and if one partner loses in any way, then the other one loses too. Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey lay out all the steps you will need to take to build a win-win relationship with your partner.

Key Points Discussed: 

• How to get to the win-win instead of staying stuck in the win-lose (01:02)
• There’s no “You and Me” in a relationship, it can only be “Us” (02:53)
• It’s always win-win or lose-lose in a relationship (03:46)
• Extending the end of our skill set so we can learn how to wrap up something in a way that our partner can receive it (04:41)
• Building a rock solid relationship and focusing on the tools and strategies that can help us take our families to the next level (06:54)
• Stop telling yourself that you’re not the one in the relationship who needs to do that thing (10:51)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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You can find this episode and more at:

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In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a dynamic where someone in a relationship gets stuck in the false belief that their way is the right way and that their partner’s way is all wrong. The issue between a couple could be just about anything, but with this dynamic, one partner feels that their way of solving the issue or their perspective on the issue is the correct one while their partner’s is not, and so they feel that they must make their partner see their way and agree to it. Paul and Stacey see this dynamic all the time among couples, and it sucks the energy out of people, causes kerfuffles, doesn’t solve anything, and in the end completely breaks down a relationship.

A great example of that dynamic is with Susan, one of Paul and Stacey’s students. Susan and her husband Daniel were at loggerheads with each other over their parenting styles. Daniel preferred a disciplinary approach with their kids while Susan was trying to implement a relationship development parenting kind of approach. This made them go head to head all the time, with each being frustrated with the other because they were both trying to convince each other to go with each other's approach.

This dynamic is very destructive, but it’s not anyone’s fault because it’s deeply wired into our blueprints. Most people have been conditioned to think that they must always convince others to see things from their perspective, and this is what Paul and Stacey will seek to help us break away from before they can give us the relationship development tools we need to move forward in the best way possible. If you’re familiar with that dynamic and you wanna learn how to make it a thing of the past in your relationship or marriage, then listen in to this episode.

Key Points Discussed: 

• Missing everything by holding on to the “my way” belief (00:59)
• Breaking the pattern first before learning the relationship development parenting tools (04:42)
• Being raised in the conformity mindset and how it affects us (05:20)
• Everybody has a reason for why they believe what they believe (07:14)
• Understanding that we can’t just have our way because we live within a family setting (13:10)
• Solving your own trigger so you can start collaborating with your partner (17:02)
• Would you rather have some fears and emotional worries, or the real collaboration that you're looking for? (19:44)
• Catch yourself, listen with curiosity, and up-level your skill set (23:55)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

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You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a very common complaint that they get from women about how their husbands are too blunt and mean in their conversations, and how that triggers or embarrasses them. Stacey will share the story of one of their relationship transformers who asked them what she should have done when she asked her husband if she could take a certification class for her work, but he responded in a rude way. The lady felt her husband was an ass and treated her like crap, which she didn’t deserve.

The root cause of such an issue is the fact that masculine and feminine perspectives are worlds apart. For the feminine, when a man speaks in very blunt and direct language, a woman feels like the man has made his decision, and she either has to go by it or against it. But in reality, what happens in such a situation is all a misunderstanding of how the masculine is wired. If the woman in that situation gets a similar response from another woman, she wouldn’t find it mean or rude. 

The same applies when men talk to other men. When a man asks another man for his opinion on a subject, he gets a very blunt and direct response because it’s in men’s nature not to sugarcoat things, and they understand each other in that regard. They are wired to be logical and assertive when tackling issues. So really, the best way to deal with such situations is to understand how other people are wired, and interact with them in a way that brings out the best in them, instead of assuming everybody's wired like us and interacting blindly, which then triggers the other person. Paul and Stacey will talk about that farther, and tell us where we can start in implementing that solution, so we can start experiencing kerfuffle free interactions with our loved ones.

Key Points Discussed: 

• The common misunderstanding that takes place of how the masculine is wired, and how the masculine communicates (02:11)
• The huge difference between masculine to masculine versus masculine to feminine (05:54)
• The relationship dynamics that are happening to everyone (10:50)
• Stopping when you're in the win-lose is what makes it a win-lose, not what he says (13:00)
• The importance of understanding the other side so that whatever you say back comes out in a way that it can be received well (14:31)
• Being nothing but who we really are in order to be successful in our relationships (18:45)
• It’s all about getting a relationship education instead of becoming a different person (20:03)
• Stop applying your meanings to what your partner is saying, it's your meanings that are causing you pain (24:15)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

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You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about the invisible expectations that women have of their partners and the harm they cause their relationships. They will start off by sharing a story from a long time ago of how Stacey ruined their Valentine’s Day. Paul had told Stacey that he would take her out to dinner for Valentine’s when he got back from work, and she was so excited about it. She got a nice new outfit and was expecting Paul to send her a large bouquet of flowers to her office. So every time a truck drove down the street, she would think it was her delivery. As time went by, and she hadn’t gotten any deliveries, she started thinking that maybe Paul was planning to bring the flowers himself, but when he finally got there, all he had for her was a single red rose. 

Stacey didn’t express any disappointment to his face, but deep down she couldn’t believe that Paul had just given her a single red rose for Valentine’s. She then started thinking to herself that maybe Paul would make up for that by taking her to some really magical place for dinner, but to her shock, Paul took her to a restaurant they were both familiar with, and he had not made any reservations. It was Valentine’s so the place was packed, and thus they didn’t get a table. They went to two more places and still couldn’t get a table, so they just got take out (Chinese food) and went home.

At that point, Stacey was so grumbly and unhappy with the way the night had turned out, and at some point Paul asked her why she was so upset when all he was doing all night was trying to make things nice for her. To him, everything was alright, and he was just doing his best to show Stacey that he loved her, and give her a great Valentine’s experience. This story highlights the root cause of the problems brought about by women’s invisible expectations, and it all boils down to the differences in the feminine and the masculine. Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey dive deeper into that and share the best action steps to take to ensure that the problems caused by invisible expectations will be a thing of the past in your relationship. 

Key Points Discussed: 

• The time when Stacey used to ruin all the holidays (01:13)
• Masculine energy is usually a single focus so men don’t really plan ahead far enough (07:46)
• The harm carrying invisible expectations causes relationships (14:03)
• Ladies should give their men the answers to the test (17:03)
• He wants nothing more than to light her up (21:22)
• Taking personal responsibility and committing to not getting triggered (26:22)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

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You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will cover part three of busting the myths series, and talk about the “But my partner is …” myths, which are all about how one partner thinks that their partner is keeping them from having their desired relationship because they behave a certain way.

Key Points Discussed:

• Depressed spouses and the dangers of labeling (00:52)
• Everyone changes at different points in life for various reasons (02:53)
• Whatever comes after the statement “I am” is super powerful (06:31)
• Showing up differently in your relationship for your partner (09:05)
• Anxiety is just a pattern (12:03)
• The masculine dynamic wired into a man’s blueprint (15:19)
• The widespread misuse of the word abusive (18:27)
• Physical abuse is not a relationship issue (20:04)
• Everyone has a unique brilliance (24:49)

Additional Resources:

• Daily Inspiration for Relationship Transformers

You can find this episode and more at:
RelationshipDevelopment.org/listen

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a topic that is literally fundamental to what we think of when we think of relationship struggles. And that is the tendency of taking sides when we re-tell stories or people re-tell stories to us, mostly about terrible situations, either with their partners, or their parents, or somebody at their workplace. And when they tell us, we immediately go right into it with them either to console them or to hopefully give them some advice.

In the process, we end up taking sides because we have the best of intentions with that person. Even in life in general, when we're looking for advice, or we're giving advice, we always get into that pattern of taking sides. That whole pattern is fundamental to relationship situations, and we can literally hear it everywhere we go. You could just be walking through the grocery store, and you will hear people telling stories about how horrible somebody else was to them, or whatever the situation was.

That tendency has insidious and destructive effects, and if we don't awaken to it, it's can destroy things for us as we know them. Paul and Stacey will turn that pattern on its head, show us how destructive it is, and what we can do instead to not only learn to take personal responsibility in all our relationship situations but also strengthen those relationships for the long haul. Take out your pen and paper because you won’t wanna miss the lessons from this. Enjoy!

Key Points Discussed:

• The only answer we should give when we’re asked if we have a question (02:02)
• Learning to ask questions in the form of personal responsibility (03:05)
• How blaming or bad-mouthing others triggers other people to take sides (05:57)
• Building up our relationships rather than protecting our triggers for a lifetime (07:02)
• Navigating situations from relationship development and not demand relationship (08:52)
• Putting on our relationship transformer goggles, being compassionate, kind, and awake (10:48)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

-

You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a persistent and repetitive kerfuffle that they used to have often in the car when Paul was driving, and it’s a kerfuffle that a lot of couples can relate to. They’re going to share a clip from their previous three day live immersion event, the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat, where they ended up sharing the story of that kerfuffle in great detail.

It all revolved around how Paul drives, and to give a little context to that, Paul is a very confident driver and can drive pretty fast. He spent more than a decade of his youth as a professional driver and so he’s always keen when he’s driving. But with the fast driving, Stacey, who is not a fan of intensity, used to constantly have issues when they were on the road. She actually used to be terrified, and that would in turn distract Paul.

He used to get pissed off about it because he felt like Stacey didn’t trust him and her reactions would endanger them on the road. That became a trigger for Paul and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Stacey tried to sort it out by shifting her reactions from yelling and making all sorts of sudden movements, to tapping her hand, which meant that she was still terrified. That was until one night when they were driving and Stacey realized there was a huge difference in their eyesight.

Paul could see really far ahead, and that’s what made his driving so good despite going fast. Stacey on the other hand couldn’t see as far, and so to her, Paul always seemed to be driving fast somewhat in darkness which is what made her feel scared. From then on, she started leaning on that skill that Paul had that she didn’t, and that was the breakthrough for both of them that put an end to the kerfuffle. Stay tuned for more on that and how you can apply the lessons from it into profoundly changing your marriage.

Key Points Discussed:

• The job Paul had for 14 years and the valuable lessons he learned from it (01:26)
• The lions coming at you on the road (02:57)
• The high insurance rates in Philadelphia because of crazy drivers (06:59)
• Paul’s disdain for her Stacey’s overreaction and her not trusting him (08:34)
• How redirecting all his focus inside the car caused him to loose focus outside the car (11:03)
• Seeing far and speeding through the darkness (14:09)
• Raising your standard for yourself and lowering your expectations of others (17:42)
• The shift in perspective that changed everything (19:13)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

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Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

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You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

This week we are replaying one of our most popular episodes! 

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about the invisible force that stops people from living with a relationship development mindset and instead continues to enslave them in a demand relationship mindset. That force blocks people from getting the results that they desire in their relationships and keeps leading them in the wrong direction.

Paul and Stacey will expose it and teach you how to overcome it.

Key Points Discussed:

• The Truth: It’s all about blame (01:47)
• Blaming someone else renders you powerless (02:33)
• The act of willingly handing all your power to the other person (04:02)
• Personal responsibility is not a dirty word (06:11)
• Fault and responsibility do not go together (09:09)
• Everyone lives in the results of the decisions that they make (12:42)

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Additional Resources:

• YouTube Video: Fault Vs Responsibility by Will Smith
• The Relationship Breakthrough Retreat 2019

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You can find this episode and more at:
RelationshipDevelopment.org/listen

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

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If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will do part two of the two-part series on relationship development parenting. They will share the second clip from behind scenes of their filming for the Relationship Development Parenting Program that they will be releasing this year. In this particular clip, they addressed the issue of misery in parenting. This is a topic that might ruffle some feathers with a lot of people, but it’s a not so open secret that it affects a lot of parents in our society today. 

Most, if not all parents, have moments when they struggle with their parenting, and it’s an issue that they don’t like to talk about or admit because they fear that it may make them sound like bad parents, but this issue has to be discussed openly for it to be solved, and Paul and Stacey will do just that. When a parent finds themselves being miserable in their parenting, they usually think it’s because they hate their kids, but the reality is that it all comes from the fact that they hate demand parenting because it never works.

Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey dive deeper into that, and share how you can solve it today so you can stop demand parenting, break its chains on your family's legacy, create a new foundation for your kids based on relationship development parenting, build up your relationship with them instead of watching it deteriorate over time, and prepare them for a future where they will be able to navigate life. 

Key Points Discussed: 

• It’s the demand parenting you hate not the kids (02:18)
• The detriment of never accepting the invisible assumptions that we operate from as parents (03:56)
• We must stop beating ourselves up for our actions as parents (07:29)
• The boomerang effect of being stuck in demand parenting (10:06)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

-

Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

-

You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will do part one of a two part series on relationship development parenting. They teach a lot of tools on how people can stop doing demand parenting with their kids, and start doing relationship development parenting so they can create peaceful harmonious households, build up their relationships with their kids over time, and reduce the kerfuffles that they have of parenting. They are actually building a relationship development parenting program which will hopefully be released in 2020. It's going to be a substantial program with lots of tools and strategies, and they've so far been recording and filming content for it. 

They will share a couple of pieces from that filming that are so key to helping parents in their relationships with their children. Parents always have the absolute best of intentions, but parenting kerfuffles keep happening because they don’t realize that they’re applying demand parenting by using their leverage as the power players to try to get the results that they want from their kids.

It's a really predictable pattern, and it's only so easy to fall into demand parenting because nothing can ever prepare us for being parents. To help us out on that, Paul and Stacey will break down how to apply relationship development parenting, so that we can learn from that and create shifts in our households that will help us build phenomenal relationships with our children. Listen in and enjoy!

Key Points Discussed: 

• The difference between demand parenting and relationship development parenting (02:19)
• The ramifications of demand parenting and how to create a safe place where our kids can grow to become the people they’re supposed to be (06:07)
• Why demand parenting no longer works (10:30)
• How parents teach their kids how to lie and manipulate them (14:00)
• Building up a real relationship with your child with rapport and trust (15:30)

Additional Resources:

• The 14-Day Boost Program
• www.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com
• www.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com

-

Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?

Click here to get your ticket now!

-

You can find this episode and more at:

MartinoPodcast.com

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Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.

If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!