Most people wait until their relationship is in flames before asking for help. But what if we treated our relationship like a car? What if we checked the oil before the engine blew? In this episode, I’m breaking down why support isn’t just for crisis moments—and how to recognize the early warning signs that your relationship needs care. Whether you’re feeling distant, building resentment, or just going through the motions… this one’s for you.

🔑 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

✅ Preventative care is relational care.You don’t wait for your car to break down before checking the oil. Relationships need regular check-ins too—intimacy, communication, and intention are part of the maintenance plan.

✅ The “check engine light” may look like:

Withholding your needs

Growing resentment

Lack of intimacy or connection

Constant criticism or nagging

Feeling like roommates, not partners

✅ Avoiding discomfort leads to bigger ruptures.Neglect doesn’t make conflict go away—it compounds it. The longer you drive with that warning light on, the harder the repair.

✅ How to speak up (without creating more chaos):Start with intention. Don't just dump your emotional laundry—set a tone for growth. “I want us to feel more connected. Can we talk about how we’re doing?”

✅ You don’t need to do it alone.Asking for support isn’t a weakness—it's wisdom. And if your partner won’t join you? Go anyway. Your healing can be the ripple that changes everything.

✅ Create rituals that sustain the engine.Weekly check-ins, playful date nights, time for physical intimacy, and space for emotional honesty are not luxuries. They’re how love lasts.

♥️ MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

✨ Free Download: How to Have Uncomfortable Conversations https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/convo

🎧 LISTENERS, ASK YOURSELF:

What check engine lights have I been ignoring in my relationship?

What small step could I take this week to tune back in, instead of tuning out?

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, I share life updates, including an exciting new venture: Relational Somatics, a company focused on trauma training for practitioners. I also dive into recent reflections on relationships, boundaries, and people-pleasing, discussing how setting boundaries has transformed my personal and professional life.

Follow Relational Somatics on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/relationalsomatics

Key Takeaways:

* Big Life Update: Relational Somatics is a company offering trauma training for practitioners. Stay tuned for a free masterclass!

* Boundaries & Self-Worth: You can have boundaries and still be liked. Setting boundaries isn’t mean—it’s necessary for healthy relationships.

* People-Pleasing as Manipulation: People-pleasing often stems from a fear of being disliked, but true connection comes from authenticity, not approval-seeking.

* Growth Through Discomfort: Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but it ultimately leads to deeper, healthier connections.

»COMING SOON!«

THE ENERGETICS OF COMMUNICATION

Unlock Your Voice, Deepen Your Connections, and Transform Your RelationshipsA 5-Module Mini-Course for Those Ready to Speak from Love and Lead with Confidence in Their Relationships

📅 Start Date: Releases April 1!

⏰ Time: On-demand (Self-paced)

📍 Location: Delivered via video and workbook through Stanstore

💰 Investment: $279 EARLY BIRD PRICING

Learn more HERE

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the concept that " how you do anything is how you do everything." We examine how our internal patterns influence all areas of life, especially under pressure. I share a personal story of self-reflection, explaining how to identify the root of negative emotions and choose a more intentional experience in relationships and everyday life.

Key Takeaways

* Core Concept: How you respond to any situation reveals what’s inside you. Under stress or comfort, your true self comes through in all areas of life.

* Choosing Your Experience: You can choose how you respond to tasks or situations, even those you don’t enjoy, by focusing on how they benefit your long-term goals.

* Growth Through Discomfort: Doing uncomfortable things—whether physical or emotional—can lead to long-term growth and healthier relationships.

* Emotional Regulation: Feel the full range of your emotions without letting them control your actions or dictate your behavior.

* Relationship Impact: Small frustrations in relationships often reveal deeper unresolved feelings. It’s essential to address these internally rather than acting out.

Feel to Heal

Feeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?

Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:

* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.

* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore how to navigate overwhelming situations that are out of our control. I share three key strategies that help me shift from rumination and frustration to acceptance and peace

Get my FREE guide and meditation FEEL TO HEAL.

Key Takeaways:

* Prayer – Praying for the person or situation helps shift your energy, release resentment, and bring a sense of peace.

* Meditation – Sitting in stillness allows you to process emotions, quiet your mind, and detach from the need for control.

* Move Your Body – Physical movement, like walking or yoga, helps release pent-up emotions and bring clarity.

Feel to Heal

Feeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?

Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:

* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.

* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.

https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/feeltoheal

In today’s episode of Relearn Relationships, we discuss breakups and how to reframe the idea of "relationship failure." I share a personal story about my own divorce and the mindset shift that helped me see relationships—not through the lens of longevity but through growth.

Key Takeaways:

* A relationship doesn’t have to last forever to be successful.

* Growth, self-discovery, and lessons learned are markers of a meaningful relationship.

* Breakups aren’t a sign of failure—they're an opportunity to reflect, heal, and evolve.

* You are the common denominator in your relationships—self-reflection is key to breaking unhealthy patterns.

Feel to Heal

Feeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?

Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:

* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.

* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.

https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/feeltoheal

Free Guide + 5-Minute Grounding Meditation to Calm Anxiety

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, I share the three practical tools I use to quiet my mind to fully engage with my partner. These techniques have transformed how I show up in my relationships, and they can do the same for you.

Key Takeaways

Overthinking and Listening:

Overthinking doesn’t mean you’re a bad listener, but it can pull you out of the present moment.

Childhood patterns often create overthinking habits—give yourself grace as you learn to break them.

The Power of Body Language:

Open body posture signals receptiveness to others and also to yourself (e.g., uncrossed arms, palms facing up in your lap).

Maintain gentle eye contact to stay focused and help your partner feel heard.

Regulating Breath:

Slow, deep breaths help ground you and calm an anxious or racing mind.

Avoid sighing, which can send the wrong signal to your partner.

Summarizing to Clarify:

Summarizing and sharing what your partner said to ensure understanding and reduce miscommunication.

This method keeps you engaged in the conversation while minimizing assumptions.

Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit HERE

* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.

* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.

Why Making Yourself the Problem Makes You the Solution

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the transformative power of personal responsibility. Instead of blaming others for failed relationships, we discusses how identifying yourself as part of the problem opens the door to growth and lasting change. Through introspection, vulnerability, and actionable steps, you can let go of baggage, reclaim your agency, and become the solution to the challenges in your relationships. This heartfelt conversation is packed with personal insights and strategies for creating the love and connection you truly desire.

Join for FREE: www.relearnrelationships.com

Key Takeaways:

Agency Over Your Life: Taking responsibility for your role in a situation gives you the power to change it, unlike blaming external factors, which leaves you feeling stuck.

Self-Reflection is Key: Examine your fears and patterns to understand how they impact your relationships. You are the common denominator in all your experiences.

Healing is Essential: Childhood trauma or past relationship wounds might not be your fault, but healing them is your responsibility to foster love and connection.

Break the Cycle: Unhealed wounds and defensive behaviors can perpetuate unhealthy patterns. Address them to open yourself to a healthy, thriving relationship.

Prepare for Love: By shedding fear and letting go of pain, you can become more receptive to deep, meaningful relationships. Don’t carry past hurt into your future.

Don't Victimize Yourself: Moving from a victim mindset to a growth-oriented one is the first step toward building the relationships you want.

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the painful and confusing experience of wanting to be close to someone but finding yourself unintentionally pushing them away. This dynamic often stems from unhealed emotional wounds and protective patterns. Learn why grounded and healthy relationships can feel confusing and how to address the barriers preventing deep connection.

Book a walk-and-talk session:

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Join Relearn Relationships for FREE:

https://www.relearnrelationships.com/

3 Silent Killers of Relationships Masterclass:

https://stan.store/lillyrachels

Key Takeaways:

Understand the Push-Pull Dynamic:

A desire to connect paired with self-protective behavior often creates emotional distance. Hypervigilance and fear of rejection contribute to overthinking and relationship sabotage.

Foundation of Emotional Safety:

It is crucial to differentiate between a good-willed partner and one who contributes to insecurity. A relationship built on mutual care and respect is the foundation for growth.

Childhood Trauma: Adverse experiences and disordered attachment in early years shape how we approach relationships.

Unresolved Baggage: Past relationship wounds influence present emotions and behaviors.

Emotional Suppression or Projection: Internalized feelings and unmet needs create inner turmoil.

Healthy Relationships Feel Different:

Stability may feel uncomfortable, even boring if you're wired for instability. Recognizing this as a

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the power of words in shaping your relationship From shifting negative talk to fostering connection through positive communication, this episode highlights how small changes in language can lead to big transformations.

Upcoming Event:Join The Three Silent Killers of Relationships Masterclass on January 9, 2025. Learn how to tackle common communication issues and build a healthier, happier relationship.📅 https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/jan-masterclass

**If it's after 1/9/25 and you still want the masterclass visit www.relearnrelationships.com or email [email protected]

Key Takeaways

Words Carry Energy

Every word you say comes from either fear or love.

Words can build or break relationships, including the one you have with yourself.

Notice Your Relationship Talk

Observe how you talk to and about your partner.

Venting to friends without taking action can harm both your relationship and their view of your partner.

Speak Life Into Your Partner

Compliment your partner daily.

Appreciate and verbalize what you love about them.

Positive words are deposits in your "relationship bank account," strengthening your connection for tough times.

Be Honest, Not Harmful

Avoid toxic positivity. Don’t force yourself to say things you don’t believe.

Instead, notice and appreciate small positive moments in your relationship.

Actionable Steps:

Practice Gratitude: Write one thing you appreciate about your partner daily, and say it out loud.

Replace Complaints with Solutions: Share your feelings with trusted friends but focus on problem-solving, not just venting.

Compliment Often: Look for opportunities to acknowledge your partner’s efforts and qualities.

In this episode, we reflect on 2024 and set relationship goals for the new year. I share how I evaluate what worked and what didn’t in my relationships and how to do this with compassion and curiosity. I talk about three common challenges—unspoken expectations, assumptions, and miscommunication—which we will cover in-depth in a free virtual masterclass in January!

FREE virtual masterclass: The Big 3: Silent Killers of Relationships (and How to Easily Tackle Them)

You’ll learn:

>> The 3 silent killers that ruin your relationships.

>> Simple ways to tackle each one and rebuild connection.

>> Practical tools to improve communication and trust.

*Access to the replay, sent to everyone who signs up.

Save your seat: https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/jan-masterclass

*** IF IT IS PAST JANUARY 9TH 2025 AND YOU WANT THE MASTERCLASS EMAIL [email protected] for info***

Key Takeaways from today's episode:

Reflect on Your Year: What worked well in your relationship this year? What didn’t? Approach this reflection without judgment.

Common Communication Pitfalls: Unspoken expectations, assumptions about your partner, arguing over different issues in the same fight.

Solutions for Growth: Cultivate self-awareness and take responsibility for your actions, lead with love, compassion, and respect in your relationships, and focus on your own growth, which can positively influence your partner.