Resilient Kid: Therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens

In this episode of the Resilient Kid Podcast, host Ashley Costello, a psychotherapist of over 25 years, interviews pre-teen author Gracie Barry and her mother Lisa. Gracie shares details behind her book 'This is Jeff' which delves into her personal journey with anxiety. Gracie's book is created to help children understand and cope with anxiety, offering tools to communicate feelings more effectively. With special visual cues designed to stimulate conversation, Gracie presents a fresh perspective on managing anxiety for young kids. Tune in to hear about her creative process, her aspirations, and the positive reception of her book.

FULL TRANSCRIPT https://s3.membervaultcdn.com/theresilientpeople/Transcript---S3---Episode-2---Anxiety-With-Gracie-Barry.pdf?v=1707283425

In this episode of The Resilient Kid Podcast, psychotherapist Ashley Costello discusses anxiety in children. She highlights recognizing the signs of anxiety, underlining the difference of how it presents in teens and pre-teens. Ashley emphasises not to label children as 'anxious' or 'shy', instead listening to their concerns and helping them understand it's normal to worry. She suggests approaches for managing anxiety such as maintaining communication with child's teachers, encouraging a healthy diet and physical activities, and exposing them gradually to their anxieties to build resilience. Moreover, she advises parents to seek professional help if the child's worry continues for more than two weeks. Ashley also mentions several resources available on her academy's website to assist parents and children in dealing with anxiety.

FULL TRANSCRIPT https://s3.membervaultcdn.com/theresilientpeople/1.-Transcript---S3---Episode-1---Anxiety-In-Our-Kids.pdf?v=1706601219

FULL TRANSCIPT

Understanding Triggers:

We all have triggers, those moments when our kids' behavior mirrors our own childhood struggles. It might resonate with experiences of not being heard or understood. Understanding these triggers is the first step in helping both ourselves and our kids manage emotions effectively.

The Long-Haul of Emotional Regulation:

Contrary to popular belief, emotional support doesn't end with the teenage years. The prefrontal cortex, our emotional control center, continues developing into our early 20s. Hence, our role as guides in emotional regulation extends well beyond adolescence.

Tips for Parents:

Stages of Emotional Regulation:

Top Tips for Kids' Emotional Regulation:

Conclusion: Emotional regulation is a lifelong journey. By understanding, supporting, and teaching our kids to navigate their emotions, we equip them with essential life skills. Remember, it's not just about the present but also future-proofing their mental and physical well-being.

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FULL TRANSCTIPT - https://s3.membervaultcdn.com/theresilientpeople/Transcript---Regulating-Our-Own-Emotions.pdf?v=1701942991

Hello, and welcome back to the Resilient Kid podcast

with me, Ashley Costello, psychotherapist of over 25 years. Today, we're going to talk about emotional regulation, but focusing on our emotional regulation as parents.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation involves controlling the intensity of an emotional experience, dialing it down to ensure it's within our control. Building these skills not only positively impacts our mental health but also the relationships around us. As parents, our role is to regulate our kids' emotions by guiding them through what's happening, given that we have fully developed brains. But first, we need to regulate ourselves.

Reasons for Triggers

Childhood Triggers: Sometimes, triggers stem from our own childhood experiences, bringing up old feelings that may not be directly related to our kids' behavior.

Parenting Reflection: Feeling triggered can also be a reflection of our own parenting skills, often influenced by the judgment we perceive from others during challenging situations.

Addressing Triggers

Identify Triggers: Take time to identify triggers by reflecting on situations that cause stress or loss of temper. Write them down for clarity.

Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to physical signs of stress, such as clenched fists, sweating, or overthinking, as they can help identify when you feel under threat.

Name Your Emotions: Naming the emotions you're experiencing helps develop emotional literacy and facilitates communication.

Take Time Out: Communicate with your kids about needing time to calm down. Acknowledge your emotions and give yourself the space to respond thoughtfully.

Deep Breathing: Engage in deep breathing exercises, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth, to quickly calm the fight-and-flight response.

Additional Tips

- Be kind to yourself and make amends if needed.

- Consider taking up exercise to move stress hormones out of the body.

- Water and nature are powerful stress relievers; spend time outdoors and use cool water on your wrists to regulate emotions.

- Fill up your own cup by connecting with friends and family, ensuring you have resources and capacity to support your children.

Conclusion

Regulating our own emotions is crucial for effective parenting. Focusing on identifying triggers, listening to our bodies, and implementing strategies like deep breathing and self-care can make a significant impact. Remember to fill up your own cup so you can better support your kids emotionally.

Closing Remarks

I hope you found these insights valuable. In the next episode, we'll delve into kids' emotional regulation. As we approach the holiday season, take care and fill up your cup. Best of luck and lots of love from my family to yours. Until next time, take care!

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Introduction:

Greetings and welcome back to the Resilient Kid podcast with Ashley Costello, a psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience.

Recap of the previous episode, highlighting the importance of last week's discussion on a campaign related to teenagers and paracetamol.

Main Content: Motivating Kids Without Rewards and Punishments

Campaign Update:

Emphasis on the ongoing campaign regarding paracetamol availability and its impact on teenagers.

Quick summary of the campaign's goals and the reduction in suicides related to paracetamol.

Behavioral Motivation:

Introduction to the central theme: motivating kids without relying on traditional reward and punishment methods.

Discussion on the limitations of the carrot-and-stick approach, referencing an experiment by Skinner with rats.

Insight into the outdated nature of certain parenting and educational techniques derived from this approach.

Understanding Kids' Behavior:

Highlighting the need to understand and manage kids' behavior during challenging situations.

Explanation of the impact of meltdowns on children's brain functions and their inability to access certain cognitive areas.

Importance of parental reactions in guiding children through difficult moments.

Connecting with Kids:

Emphasizing the significance of connection over punishment when addressing children's misbehavior.

Advocating for a focus on how parents handle situations when things go wrong rather than when everything is going right.

Anecdotes and examples illustrating the power of genuine connection in shaping children's behavior.

Natural Consequences and Internal Motivation:

Introducing the concept of natural consequences as an alternative to punishment.

Providing examples of setting up internal motivation using the "When and Then" strategy.

Encouraging language that fosters a sense of responsibility and internal drive in children.

Conclusion:

Recap of key points: connecting with kids, guiding them through challenging moments, and promoting internal motivation.

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Get the full transcript - https://s3.membervaultcdn.com/theresilientpeople/Transcript---Taking-Responsibility-for-Our-Young-People.pdf?v=1700665843

Welcome to the Resilient Kid Podcast

Join Ashley Costello, a psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience, as she reflects on her 50th birthday celebrations and the love received, motivating her to continue her impactful work.

Positive Feedback

Supporting Students with Anxiety

Main Topic: Taking Responsibility

Conclusion

Petition Link: Sign the Petition

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Can you spare a minute to help this campaign?

FULL TRANSCRIPT

School can evoke various emotions and memories for all of us. It's essential to recognize the associations we have with school and understand our role in advocating for our children.

Despite the expertise of teachers and school staff in education, you are the true expert when it comes to your child.

Top Tips for Advocating for Your Child

Prioritize Issues: Focus on one main issue at a time to ensure effective communication. You can address other concerns later.

Clearly Express Expectations: Clearly communicate what you expect from the school. Whether it's extra reading support, addressing bullying, or specific accommodations, make it known.

Provide Evidence: Schools operate on evidence-based approaches. Back up your concerns with examples and evidence to facilitate understanding and action.

Speak to Someone You Trust: Choose the right person to speak to, whether it's the form teacher, head of year, or another trusted figure in the school.

Ask Questions Liberally: Don't hesitate to ask as many questions as needed. This ensures you have a comprehensive understanding of the situation and potential solutions.

Show Emotion Respectfully: It's okay to show emotion, but maintain professionalism. Expressing your concerns emotionally can often create a stronger connection.

Ask for Extra Help: Inquire about additional support services such as Emotional Literacy Support Assistant (ELSA) training or Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO) assistance.

Keep Speaking Up: Regularly communicate with the school, ask for accountability, and follow up on requested actions. Establish an ongoing dialogue.

Advocating for Neurodiverse Children

Contact the Teacher and SENCO: Initiate a conversation with the teacher and Special Educational Needs Coordinator to discuss your observations.

Write Down Observations: Clearly articulate what you're seeing and experiencing. This provides a solid foundation for discussions and potential interventions.

Gather Evidence: Encourage the school to observe your child's behavior and report back. Evidence is crucial, especially if you're considering an official assessment.

SEN Pathway: Understand the Special Educational Needs (SEN) pathway at the school. This includes a banding document that outlines the support available.

Pediatric Referral: If needed, the evidence gathered can contribute to a pediatric referral for an official diagnosis and further support.

Unseen Support Staff: Explore the support of unseen heroes like family support workers and school nurses. They can provide valuable insights and assistance.

Closing Thoughts

Don't forget about the unsung heroes in the school, like family support workers and school nurses.

Reach out if you need support or have questions. You're doing an amazing job advocating for your kid!

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Resilient Kid podcast. If you have any questions or need support, feel free to drop me a message at [email protected].

Take care, and remember, you're making a significant impact in your child's life by being their advocate.

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Host: Ashley Costello, psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience.

Guest: Helen Davis, Founder of Practical Wisdom, an organization supporting neurodivergent adults and neurodivergent-friendly organizations.

Episode Overview:

In this episode, Ashley and Helen discuss neurodiversity, its recognition, and the impact on parents who recognize traits in themselves as well as in their children. They share insights on managing neurodivergent traits, offering strategies, tips, and the importance of self-care. They also touch on managing family expectations and creating a home environment that suits your neurodiversity.

Recognizing Neurodivergent Traits

Discussion on parents recognizing neurodivergent traits in their children and themselves.

The impact of increased awareness of neurodiversity.

Transition Points and Coping with Change

Helen discusses transition points in life, how they can highlight struggles, and provides examples like starting a new job or receiving a neurodivergent diagnosis.

The challenge of adjusting to a different life perspective and supporting both children and parents.

Self-Care and Coping

The importance of self-care for parents and understanding that self-care is not selfish.

Helen emphasizes the value of fun and laughter in parenting, breaking free from unrealistic expectations, and giving children permission to be themselves.

Practical Strategies

Helen discusses various practical strategies for managing neurodivergent traits, such as routines, managing memory issues, and finding ways to be kind to yourself.

The importance of exploring and implementing strategies that suit your specific needs and challenges.

Recognizing the role of the whole family in neurodiversity and finding ways to live in harmony together.

Dealing with Clutter and Home Organization

Addressing the psychological aspects of clutter and tidiness, including how it can relate to neurodivergent traits.

Strategies for tidiness and organizing your home, such as the "may as well" approach.

Advice to Insecure Parents

Encouragement for parents feeling insecure or overwhelmed, emphasizing that they are good enough.

The importance of seeking help and asking for support when needed.

Conclusion

A message to parents to remember that they are good enough and it's okay not to know everything.

The need for honest conversations about parenting and the support systems necessary for parents and children.

Resources and Contact Information:

To learn more about Practical Wisdom and Helen's work, visit the Practical Wisdom website.

Keep an eye out for upcoming programs and courses from Practical Wisdom to support neurodivergent adults and their families.

Website https://practicalwisdom.uk/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/practicalwisdomuk

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/helenatpracticalwisdom

Closing:

Thank you for tuning in to The Resilient Kid Podcast. Be sure to check the show notes for all the resources mentioned in this episode. If you have questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below, and we'll get back to you soon. Stay resilient, and we'll catch you in the next episode.

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The conversation is focused on ADHD and parenting, offering a unique perspective from Michelle, a mother of a child with ADHD.

Michelle's Background:

Michelle shares her background, growing up in Cyprus, and her journey as a mother of five children, including a son with ADHD.

The Inspiration for Her Book:

Michelle talks about her book, "Poppy's Miracle," and how it's based on her family's experience during their time in Greece.

They fostered two children while dealing with ADHD and rescued a dog named Poppy.

Creating "Poppy's Miracle":

Michelle explains how she created the book as a fictional story that relates to children dealing with ADHD.

The story combines ADHD experiences, the rescue of a dog, and the challenges her family faced.

Journaling Prompts:

Michelle includes journaling prompts in the book to help readers process their feelings and experiences.

Prompts include discussing their feelings, identifying favorite characters, and contemplating how they would rewrite the story.

ADHD and Gifts:

Michelle discusses how children with ADHD have unique gifts, such as creativity and spontaneity.

The book helps children identify their own gifts.

Dyslexia-Friendly Font:

Michelle made sure the book is accessible by using a dyslexia-friendly font.

A dyslexic reader praised the book for being the first she could read cover to cover.

Simplified Illustrations:

The book uses traditional, hand-drawn illustrations that are easy on the eyes and less overstimulating.

Conclusion:

The podcast wraps up, thanking Michelle for her valuable insights and unique perspective.

A quote from Michelle, "A gift waiting to be unwrapped," encapsulates the essence of ADHD.

Links and Contact Information:

Poppy’s Miracle https://wordsforhealing.org/product/poppys-miracle/

Website https://wordsforhealing.org/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/michelle_foulia

Email [email protected]

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Host: Ashley Costello, a psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience.

This episode is a continuation of the discussion about archetypes of children with low resilience and how to support them.

Perfectionist Archetype:

Description: Children who fear failure and set high expectations for themselves.

Tips for Support:

Encourage effort, not just the outcome.

Teach self-compassion and acceptance of mistakes.

Promote a balance of interests to reduce pressure to excel in one area.

Comfort Zoner Archetype:

Description: Children who fear success and are concerned about others' perceptions.

Tips for Support:

Boost self-esteem and build their confidence.

Encourage open conversations and discuss their fears and anxieties.

Celebrate small wins and encourage them to take small steps out of their comfort zone.

Critic Archetype:

Description: Children who constantly speak negatively about themselves.

Tips for Support:

Provide positive reinforcement by acknowledging their strengths and achievements.

Help them recognize and reframe negative self-talk.

Consider seeking therapy or counseling if self-esteem issues become destructive.

Projector Archetype:

Description: Children who tend to blame others for their problems.

Tips for Support:

Foster accountability and teach the importance of taking responsibility.

Teach conflict resolution skills for resolving issues constructively.

Encourage empathy to reduce the inclination to blame.

Conservative Archetype:

Description: Children who resist change.

Tips for Support:

Introduce change gradually in small, manageable steps.

Model adaptability with a positive attitude towards trying new things.

Find common ground by discovering interests aligned with their preferences.

Worrier Archetype:

Description: Children who struggle with excessive anxiety.

Tips for Support:

Practice mindfulness techniques, relaxation, and meditation.

Teach breathing techniques to manage anxiety.

Encourage writing down concerns and worries, discuss worries, and consider seeking professional support if needed.

Sensitive Archetype:

Description: Children who get easily overwhelmed.

Tips for Support:

Validate their emotions and provide a safe space to express themselves.

Teach emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing and getting outside.

Seek therapeutic support if necessary.

Conclusion:

Emphasize the importance of supporting children in building resilience to help them thrive.

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