RESOLVE to Live Forward

They said to me, after my wife died and I was alone with my heartbreak, "It's time to move on." Sounds cruel. It wasn't meant to be cruel, but it felt that way. Grieving isn't something we "move on" from. If it's real grief, you can't moved past it, hude from it, or imagine it away. Beware of the LIE OF MOVING ON.

The experience of devastating loss is not something we asked for. Heartbreak, failure, sorrow, disappointment, fear .... we did not ask for these things to shatter our lives. And yet, here we are. Life is asking us two questions: 1) Are we going to stay right where we are, or 2) are we going to live forward? My TEDx talk, back in February, was entitled, "Living Forward is a Choice", and this is not the first time I have entitled a podcast episode with this moniker. Our lives are defined by choices. Regardless of your journey of grief, where are you currently positioned? Are stuck, or are you moving forward?

The practice of living forward, especially after a life-shattering event, is a choice. For the griever, it is about choices lived one step at a time. It's not about a clear path, but clear step of faith. Are we waiting until we have all the answers? Absolutely not! If we wait until we "think" we have the answers, we'll never start. The comeback about commitment. To commit is hard, but with each step, it increases the momentum. Let's talk about our decisions to begin our comebacks.

Yes, grief leaves us sapped of our stength, lost in hopelessness, and being unable to do even the most mundane of things. The motivation has seemingly left us. I todays episode we look to a "Choice" of intentional discipline. It's not about many steps. it's not about take a long stride. It's about choosing to take one step, the first step, not because we're motivated but because we must. It only take ONE, but we need a RESOLVE mindset to do that which we don't feel like doing. Let's take about the unsuspected killer of our will to Live Forward. The motivation that won't seem to come.

As I have traveled my journey of loss, sorrow, grief, and finding a way to somehow LIVE FORWARD, I have finally begun to realize why I am so tired and so often unmotivated. Sometimes the smallest of chores seems like a ton of bricks have been put in my emotional backpack. If you have or are experiencing this kind of "FATIGUE" you are perfectly normal, in most cases. Moving and living forward while carrying your grief is one of the heaviest loads that life can dump on you. Guess what? It's normal and it's okay. Let's talk about it. 

I only realized how disruptive words can be in our times of grief after I had my devastating grief experience in June 2019. It's not that I had never experienced grief, but that I had never know utter loss and brutal anguish to this degree. People, well-meaning people, would try their best to console me, but most of the time, they didn't understand nor were they comfortable with knowing how to express themselves. I'm now realize that I was the same way until I finally walked (or crawled) in those footsteps of sorrow. Whether you've arrived or not, we all need to learn the compassion of giving grace, even if the words are ackward or misspoken. Let's talk about why good people somehow manage to say the wrong things. 

The first handful of days after a devastating personal loss are strangely chaotic, even frantic. Decisions you don't care to make and a schedule that is less about purpose and more of a destraction. Then, suddenly, it all comes to a complete stop. Even worse, there is a silence that steals your will to live forward. Today, I talk about the emptiness of solitude. The silence is deafening, but there is one voice that can break it and help you choose to live forward. 

If you've already experienced a loss so deep that it has changed how you see everything, then you already know what I will be talking about. But for those of you who haven't experienced great grief or simply don't understand, I want to help you get a little bit of insight into the journey of the grieving. I also want you to understand that grief is far more than just exclusive to death. Life will bring griefs that you never imagined. Having some understanding is a good place to start. 

You heard right! Living forward almost always is very hard work. The experiences of life can leave us badly damaged, not just physically and materially, but emotionally. Those of you who follow my podcast know my story. As much as life has thrown rocks at me, grief has, BY FAR, permenantly crippled me. It's that disfigured scar that will never go away. I have said that LIVING FORWARD is a CHOICE, but I will tell you that it's hard, VERY HARD WORK. Today, we begin the discussion on the application of mindful selections, and what we allow ourselves to mentally dwell upon in our day-to-day thought life. From a mental perspective, Living Forward is Hard Work.

I will start by saying that it took longer than I intended to get this podcast published, and for that, I am sorry. I am a "Boomer" by birth, retired from the world of 9 to 5, and am easily identified as "ELDERLY." However, I'm not helpless or dependent. Even though I have experienced a long life, I am not bullet-proof. No single experience in my current lifetime has left me more damaged than when I watched helplessly as my wife died in June of 2019. This June 2nd, it will be SEVEN years. It hurts more now than it did then. And yet, I LIVE FORWARD. I have things that excite me every day. But (and this is a big BUT) there are days when I don't feel like being enthused. Question; Can we, on purpose, "Will" ourselves to be enthused? I believe the answer is YES! It's not without its limitations, but enthusiasm is a life-giving behavior. Today, we discuss what it might take to be enthused, even when things are very hard.