Rethinking Communication

This conversation is perhaps the most profound exploration I've ever done on the power of asking questions to understand the meaning behind words.

Robin Reames is an Associate Professor of English at the University of Illinois Chicago and the author of the book, "The Ancient Art of Thinking for Yourself: The Power of Rhetoric in Polarized Times."

As Robin points out in this conversation, over the past century, we've lost sight of rhetoric's power to provoke us to think more deeply about the areas in which we disagree.

Examining the power behind the words we choose to state our beliefs and opinions gives us a chance to communicate better and more clearly with each other. By getting to the roots of how and why we disagree, we can have helpful and constructive problem-solving dialogue.

You can learn more about Robin's work at https://engl.uic.edu/profiles/reames-robin/. 

Welcome to Rethinking Communication!

Over the past four years, I've uncovered some aspects of communication that have largely gone untaught in our traditional educational settings.

So, I'm pivoting this podcast to focus on how we can bridge these gaps in our collective communication skill set.

In this first episode under the new banner, I introduce you to six things school didn't teach you about communication that I'll strive to explore and understand better as this show progresses.

They are:

• How to acknowledge emotions rather than letting them take over
• How to ask curious questions
• How to navigate conflict
• How to build support and drive change
• How listening is as important as speaking
• How to challenge your assumptions

If you'd like to contact me, you can email me at [email protected] or go to michaelashford.com. 

My guest in this episode is Patrick Williams, a public speaker, writer, artist, independent scholar, and educator. Patrick is the founder and CEO of Satori Innovation and the Creative Director of The Satori Institute, an arts, education, and research non-profit.

For more than four decades, Patrick has developed what he calls the Philosophy of Creativity, which is an approach to education and creative thinking to gain back what Patrick believes was "colonized" as children: creativity.

In this discussion, Patrick details the difference between specialized creativity and general creativity, and how it is approaching issues, problems, and challenges with a general creativity that unlocks new and exciting ways of connecting with ourselves and each other.

Check out Patrick's work at https://patrickwilliamsstaycreative.com/. 

This is an interview I did with David Bryan on his Curiosity Invited podcast. In this conversation, David and I get into the deeper reasons why I started this exploration of change, common ground, and curiosity.

To order a copy of my book, go to https://michaelashford.com/caniaskaquestion to get signed copy or order it on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Can-Ask-Question-Following-communication/dp/1312245492/ref=sr_1_1. 

In episode 99 of this show, Manu Meel offered up my favorite definition of empathy when he said it was the act of "making someone feel like they belong in that space with you."

Then, in episode 110, I explored the topic of listening and how to do it better with several guests, and we uncovered that asking questions was critical to true, real listening.

My guest in this episode takes both of those ideas — empathy and listening — and puts them into practice in one of the coolest ways I've seen.

Orly Israel began setting up Listening Tables in early 2022 as a way to hone his own listening skills while giving complete strangers the opportunity to sit down and be fully heard.

What he has learned from the conversations he's had since his first Listening Table is a wealth of lessons about how we can communicate well with each other, guided by respect and by setting aside the need to respond.

Check out Orly's work at https://thelisteningtable.com/ and follow him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/orlyslisteningtable/

Listen to episode 99 with Manu Meel at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-99-manu-meel-battling-political-apathy-through-building-conversational-bridges

Listen to episode 110, The Misunderstanding of Active Listening, at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-110-the-misunderstanding-of-active-listening

What do you think you might learn about communication if you held thousands of conversations with strangers over the course of a decade?

Well, you don't have to wonder. My guest in this episode can tell you.

Back in 2015, while working as a sales rep tasked with cold-calling people who didn't want to talk to him, Rob Lawless started a side project to see if he could have conversations with complete strangers.

Rob set a goal: to have an hour-long chat with 10,000 people about whatever topic was most important to them that day.

This episode features Rob's 6,140th conversation on his way to 10,000, and it's with me.

We discuss many things, but perhaps most importantly, we dive into the lessons Rob has learned about communication and nuance along the way.

Check out Rob's work at https://www.robs10kfriends.com/ and at https://www.roblawless.com/, and follow Rob's journey on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/robs10kfriends/.

If you were to track how many times per day someone tried to convince you to change in some way, chances are you'd fill up pages worth of tally marks.

We often get sucked into thinking that the way to change people's minds to get them to do what we want them to do is to present them with enough evidence, data, and proof that our way is the "right" way.

But deep down, you know that's not how it works, don't you?

If you're not sure, allow my guest, Michael McQueen, to lay it out for you.

Michael is the author of the book "Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds," and in this conversation, Michael outlines why so often, our approach to change fails to take into account two of the most important factors in human belief and behavior: identity and dignity.

Check out Michael's work at https://michaelmcqueen.net/ and connect with Michael on Linkedin at https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelmcqueen1/. 

This episode is taken from my recent appearance on Kwame Christian's "Negotiate Anything" podcast. In this discussion, Kwame and I take a deep dive into my book, "Can I Ask A Question?" and explore how the book came to be and the lessons about communication and change that I learned along the way.

To order a signed copy of my book, go to https://michaelashford.com/caniaskaquestion

To order Can I Ask A Question? from Amazon, go to https://www.amazon.com/Can-Ask-Question-Following-communication/dp/1312245492/ref=sr_1_5

My guest in this episode is Steve Leskovek, a retired nurse who has created a resource to teach teens and young adults valuable life skills that Steve realized were not being taught in schools.

The word resource might be underselling it a bit — Steve created an entire curriculum, complete with video tutorials and study guides for everything from financial literacy to basic home care to employment and workplace skills. Thus, he called it the Life Skills Curriculum.

As you’ll hear, Steve still has the heart of a nurse and an overwhelming drive to reduce strife and suffering for others, which is how Life Skills Curriculum came to be. Steve’s work is born out of the same place as our desire to keep loved ones safe.

Steve and I discuss in depth a few critical themes central to this show that also flow through much of his course material — communication and understanding how and why people change, and just how often progress in those areas starts from within.

Check out Steve's work at https://www.thelifeskillscurriculum.com/. 

Connect with me on my website at https://michaelashford.com. 

If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed over the past decade or so the emergence — or at least the increased use of — the word neurodivergent.

And if you’re anything like me, you heard the term and made some assumptions about what it meant, what and who it described, and why it started showing up in more places and in more conversations…perhaps without really understanding or knowing much of the backstory or origins.

My guest in this episode is Meghan Bonde, a neurodiversity specialist and a former educator, and even she acknowledges the recent increase in usage of the phrase neurodivergent, despite the fact that it’s been around longer than perhaps you and certainly I realized.

But Meghan brings a perspective beyond just the usage of the word, as well as some terms and descriptions that might be new to you, as they were to me.

As you’ll hear Meghan explain, neurodivergent individuals have a different way of perceiving the world, and she emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences from a strength-based perspective, rather than how she believes they’ve been treated for so long — as dividing labels.

Check out Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted at https://www.sengifted.org/ or Meghan's work at https://www.teamneurodivergent.com/.

Connect with Meghan at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meghan-bonde-connect/.