Revenge of the Show

This week on Revenge of the Show, we're tearing into an older film from the-once-and-future-Batman, Rob Pattinson where he showcases the following all just to show us how prepared he is to play The Batman: his awesome Wolverine hair, his lack of acting skills, his unparalleled ability to look like he's suffering from indigestion, his take on the "silent brooding type" which is the "not silent enough surly type," and finally, how best to "get the girl" by staring, not at her eyes, but rather at the middle of her face all while pretending to look up longingly into her eyes...but again, while looking at the middle of her face.

Rob (Pattinson, just so you don't get confused with our very own Rob McCready) demonstrates that last one a lot through this film, folks, along with his drop-dead-barely-semi-attractive co-star Kristen Stewart. It was calculated by experts - ahem...sorry, clearing my throat - that around 65-70% of the film was actually spent with the two of lead actors staring at each other's noses while attempting to show no emotion and begrudgingly recite their lines as if their thoughts were on the snacks in their, no doubt, ridiculously expensive trailers off set.

This week on Revenge, we take our immature and teenage-like angst out on an old box-office bomb and a more recent cult classic: Dune. Now, if you haven't seen the movie...don't. Seriously, just don't. You'd be doing yourself one heck of a 2 hr & 16-minute favor. If you've read the book and haven't seen the movie, but were curious to know if the movie was as good as said book...It's not. You can move onto the next book movie and try again. If you saw the Syfy miniseries from back in 2000 and were wondering how the two "films" compare...SERIOUSLY...are you not listening? THIS FILM IS TERRIBLE!!! Only watch it along with your friends. You know, your pretend buddies here at Revenge of the Show. That is the only reason anyone should watch this movie...ever.

This movie is messed up...It also happens to be one of our elusive lost/special unreleased episodes. We say "lost" but really we just didn't like how dark it turned out...like I said, the movie is pretty messed up. Now, normally I would put some witty paragraph here relating to the movie, and at one time, there was one. However, that version somehow got waaaay messed up when I rendered it, so I had to re-edit it. I also got so pissed that I just deleted the previously uploaded version instead of copying and pasting what I had written before. So, not only do you get an episode without any captions, you get an episode with a poor description as well...ENJOY!!!

I'm so done with this episode. It's like cursed or something. Well, it is Friday the 13th...normally I enjoy the number 13. After all, I was born on a Friday the 13th, turned 13 on a Friday the 13th. I started wearing size 13 shoes (and still do) when I turned 13. I'm also distantly related to Millard Fillmore (the 13th president of the united states...and no I'm not kidding for effect). But seriously, screw this episode and this day...blech. I'm done ranting.

This week on Revenge of the Show, we get to destroy any fond memories of Jesse's favorite movie as a kid: American Ninja! What's the plot of this fantastic film, you ask? Some white dude with a forgotten past (who happens to be a private in the US Army) suddenly becomes the most ninja-est ninja ever to walk the Earth, and he faces off against the evil "Black Ninja" and his entire army of multi-colored ninjas "Somewhere in the Philippines"...cause you know, ninjas are native to "Somewhere in the Philippines." And why does he face off against these ninjas, you ask? Because everyone else in this movie - and their mother - is corrupt and trying to sell stolen - and completely ridiculous looking - weapons taken from the US Army base "Somewhere in the Philippines..."

So, does the "White Ninja" win against the evil "Black Ninja?" I'm sure he does, but I wasn't paying attention. I was so stuck on the fact that the "White Ninja" was being court-martialed (and being hated by his fellow soldiers) because he stopped a bunch of the bad ninjas and saved the Colonel's daughter, preventing them from kidnapping her as a part of their evil plot. I couldn't tell you why kidnapping her was a part of their evil plot...I really have no idea. Leverage, maybe? If you figure it out, please let me know.

What is Revenge of the Show? Revenge of the show is a weekly internet talk show where we discuss everything from the nerdiest things to the most mundane, and with what we like to call "the analog live tweet" for movies. The idea is for you to put on a movie and put on our videos at the same time. Watch along with us and pretend you have friends! Or just watch/listen in to the videos as we rib and berate the movies or talk through them about completely unrelated subjects. Either way, it's gonna be fun!

This week on Revenge of the Show we get revenge on nostalgia and our childhood memories. That's right folks, we're watching The Neverending Subtext Tales of Molestation, Depression, and Attempted Suicide...Story, I mean "The Neverending Story". Watch along with us as we psychoanalyze the author of this famous German fantasy novel and what he meant when the rockbiter said, "They look like big good strong hands...I failed." And just what Falcor's many obvious winks at our young Atreyu means as well.

***Just to warn you, watching this episode will completely ruin any and all fond childhood memories you had of this movie...Also, we seemed to have been watching the German version of this movie (still in English), and so the intro is a bit different (there's no song at the beginning) which could alter the timing if you watch it along with us.***

This week on Revenge of the Show, we review the ONE movie that made Keanu Reeves ONE of the more popular actors of the late 90's and early 2000's. You know, that ONE flick where he knows Kung Fu. It's ONE great action-packed movie that changed the world of Science-Fiction forever. This film was not just ONE of the first to use practical effects to achieve the bullet-time effect, but it was the first. If you haven't seen it yet, put this ONE on your list for sure. If you have seen it, watch it ONE more time along with us for ONE seriously sarcastic journey into: The Matrix.

This week on Revenge of the Show we're watching a wonderful Sci-Fi classic called Milla Jovovich's Bandage Outfit...I mean...It's called Milla Jovovich Keeps Getting Naked...er, no...That's not it either...Orange Rubber Suspender Suit? Well, I suppose you get the idea. It's actually kinda fitting that our fifth episode would be the Fifth Element. So sit back, relax, and enjoy with us as Ms. Jovovich takes off her clothes a bunch and beats up numerous bad guys.

What is Revenge of the Show? Revenge of the show is a weekly internet talk show where we discuss everything from the nerdiest things to the most mundane, and with what we like to call "the analog live tweet" for movies. The idea is for you to put on a movie and put on our videos at the same time. Watch along with us and pretend you have friends! Or just watch/listen in to the videos as we rib and berate the movies or talk through them about completely unrelated subjects. Either way, it's gonna be fun!

*Be forewarned, the content is definitely rated "R", and spoilers are definitely scattered throughout the episode*

MOVIE - The Fifth Element (1997)

DIRECTED BY - Luc Besson

WRITTEN BY - Robert Mark Kamen, Luc Besson

STUDIO - Columbia Pictures

RUNTIME - 125 Minutes

MPAA RATING - PG-13

Cast (top-billed only) -

- Bruce Willis

- Gary Oldman

- Ian Holm

- Milla Jovovich

- Chris Tucker

- Luke Perry

- Brion James

SYNOPSIS - In 2257, a taxi driver is unintentionally given the task of saving a young girl who is part of the key that will ensure the survival of humanity.

BIG THANKS TO TYLER SUMMERS! He provided the music at the end of the show (and during the intros to previous episodes). You can visit his soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/tsummas or look him up at tylers138. He's pretty much the awesomest hobbit we know...

Audio Clip info:

'TV Static Sound' http://soundbible.com/1611-TV-Static....

License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...

Title: TV Static

Uploaded: 11.14.10

License: Attribution 3.0

Recorded by Mike Koenig

Hey guys! This week on Revenge of the Show, we rip into Ripley! At least no xenomorphs got to her first, you know what I'm saying? Me neither...So, sit back, relax, and watch along with us as we're introduced to our first look at the nightmarish Alien...also the nightmarisher face huggers...gross.

What is Revenge of the Show? Revenge of the show is a weekly internet talk show where we discuss everything from the nerdiest things to the most mundane, and with what we like to call "the analog live tweet" for movies. The idea is for you to put on a movie and put on our videos at the same time. Watch along with us and pretend you have friends! Or just watch/listen in to the videos as we rib and berate the movies or talk through them about completely unrelated subjects. Either way, it's gonna be fun!

*Be forewarned, the content is definitely rated "R", and spoilers are definitely scattered throughout the episode*

MOVIE - Alien (1979) Director's Cut

DIRECTED BY - Ridley Scott

WRITTEN BY - Dan O'Bannon

STUDIO - 20th Century FOx

RUNTIME - 115 minutes

MPAA RATING - R

Cast (top-billed only) -

Tom Skerritt

Sigourney Weaver

Veronica Cartwright

Harry Dean Stanton

John Hurt

Ian Holm

Yaphet Kotto

SYNOPSIS - During its return to the earth, commercial spaceship Nostromo intercepts a distress signal from a distant planet. When a three-member team of the crew discovers a chamber containing thousands of eggs on the planet, a creature inside one of the eggs attacks an explorer. The entire crew is unaware of the impending nightmare set to descend upon them when the alien parasite planted inside its unfortunate host is birthed.

This week, watch us deconstruct a classic video game movie with tons of big-name actors in it...well, no. Not really any big-name actors, aside from Tarzan (Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes) and Highlander veteran, Christopher Lambert. Maybe they were hoping there would be some big names to come out of that movie? There were not. I mean, the chick from Billy Madison and Last Action Hero was in it, but is she really that big? Bet you couldn't tell me her name. Don't feel bad. I just looked it up, and I can't even remember. But be ready for an awesome time with some "awesome" choreographed fights (about 65% of which were done by actual martial artists*), "awesome" special effects (and even some "awesome" animatronics), that "awesome" song that everyone will remember, and even "awesomer" acting!