Rewine & Recap

“What the BLIP is going onnnn between the kerosenes of this rented homeeeee” Baby they can’t even retreat without MESS. This week the couples gather together one last time for a retreat in Vermont. What should’ve been a peaceful and healing weekend, quickly turned into a tumultuous staycation from hell. From the alcohol infused insults from Lindsey to AnNOIying disregard for Steve’s feelings, Vermont was anything but peaceful. Join us as we discuss this cringeworthy retreat. Grab your glass, you’re going to need it. 

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Wine/Cocktail of the Night 

Princess: Vodka + Cran

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Tweets of the Week 

“Damn Katina is doing the drive to Vermont too?? What does O contribute to this marriage aside from toxic masculinity and misogyny???” - @MoparJade 

“Lindsey’s emotional instability and lack of self awareness is dangerous.” - @Jessica_Tribble 

“Every week, literally EVERY WEEK Olajuwon says something that would get him cursed out in real life by like 97% of women!! WITHOUT FAIL!! Every single week!” - @BeautyNDaBears 

“Olajuwon hairline goes further back every time he disrespects Katina.” - @BrownViolate 

“Not Lindsey telling Mark his life is falling apart! How does she think that makes him feel!? She belittles him to his face and ironically, SHE would go bat shit crazy if he said something like that to her. GET HER OFF MY SCREEN!” - @MAFSMartiniMess 

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Cece:

Princess:

M-E-S-S-Y is how we’d describe this episode. In this recap we breakdown the couples’ 1:1 time with Pastor Cal (who wasn’t really helpful) and Dr. Pepper. Isaac’s controlling ways continue to shine through along with Noi’s stubbornness to compromise and give Steve reciprocity.

We also dive in Jasmina’s possible fear of intimacy as she has YET to open up to Michael and show the same vulnerability he so selflessly has shown. We say all that to say, we dragged these bitches.

Pour your drink friend and join us for the ride!

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Wine/Cocktail of the Night

Princess: Vodka & Cran

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Tweets of the Week

“Why did Lindsay give Mark half  piece of chicken?”

“Wonder if Jasmina uses long distance dating as a mechanism to avoid physical intimacy in relationships, and humor to avoid emotional connections.”

“I hate that Pastor Cal said Katina is what Olajuwon needs. Olajuwon needs a therapist and Katina deserves better.  What about her needs?”

“Noi doesn’t respect Steve. He established a boundary about not talking about the relationship on social media and your rationale is “I’m my own person.” Go be your own person as a single woman and post about that on social media.”

“I feel some type of way that Jasmina wants Michael to open up 100% but yet we know absolutely nothing about her. When is she gonna open up about her mommy issues? Why have all of her relationships been long distance? She's the one who needs to open up!!”

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Cece:

We’re baaaack! Thank you all for being so patient as we took a break to wind down, recharge, and come back with even more mess for y’all!

In this segment, we rant and give our take on episodes 9-11 of Season 14. Somehow we managed to do it under 2 hours lmao.

While we spend most of the recap dragging Jasmina and Isaac to FILTH, we also dive into Noi’s fear of poverty and how it’s affecting her marriage to Steve, Lindsey’s loose lips, Katina losing her voice and not standing up to Isaac, and Michael’s efforts to try to please the insufferable Jasmina.

Grab ya fave drink and chat with us!

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Wine/Cocktail of the Night

Princess: Pinot Grigio x Belvino

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Tweets of the Week

“Steve is everything Olajuwon wants in a wife.”

“Olajuwon is already doing that "testing" stuff. He wants Katina to prove herself to him and no woman should need to prove her value and damn sure not to a man”

“Why is Katina planning everything, what has this man done for you other than cook you an egg & tell you, you aint ish?”

“I don't think Ola can get past Katina being black.”

“Notice how Olajuwon is the only guy not going all out for his wife. I said since the beginning he’s grooming Katina to feel like he’s the prize and that she should always be working to keep him happy. We hate to see it.”

“The only person that can END Olajuwon right here and NOW!”

“You don't even have a hairline. Lower your voice.”

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Princess:

The lies! The lies! One thing last week’s episode taught us is a lie don’t care who tell it. During this segment, we have our very first special guest and MAFS fan ItsNiaMonet! You probably know her from the recent viral story involving the “Twitter Swindler”. (We’ll get into that during “What’s Tea?” 😉)

This week we discuss the couples adjusting to life in their new apartment (sans Alyssa and Chris) and Pastor Cal’s first sit-down with all the couples. We dig into Michael’s lying about having not one, but TWO roommates that are women, Isaac’s infatuation with domesticating a woman, Lindsey’s motherly ways, Noi’s unrealistic outlook on marriage, and Chris knocking all this shit over with his early decision day.

Grab your fave drink and buckle yourselves in!

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Wine/Cocktail of the Night

Princess: Pedialyte lmao

Cece: Cranberry & Vodka

Nia: Mimosa

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Tweet of the Week

“He thinks black lives matter and I won’t have it…”

“Alyssa walked in that apartment ready to lie and buy herself some more time, but Chris said I got something for that ass!”

“So we know where Alyssa was on Jan. 6th”

“Alyssa “good person” Ellman showed her ass for ten days, then showed up for counseling and acted like she wanted to try to work things out, just to end up getting dumped by a man she never wanted on National Television.

That's poetic justice.”

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Princess:

Nia: